Eternal Sunshine
by Hades'Queen
Summary: Severus is reunited with the love of his life, however, she can't remember what they shared and she's engaged! But can even amnesia make you forget the love of your life? And what secrets are hidden in her lost memories? Sequel to Gumby, set in OOtP.
1. Cruel Fate

**Disclaimer: **I own my plot and OC, other than that everything you recognize belongs to Miss JK Rowling, the best thing to ever happen to readers everywhere.

**Authors Note: **This is the sequel of Gumby, and considering how long Gumby was, there might be some info there that would make reading this more simple. But I suppose it really isn't that necessary though you might feel like you are missing something. Story begins in OoTP and continued on through DH. This story will be mildly AU but not terribly. All the main events and everything of importance is mainly Canon.

**Summary: **Severus is reunited with the love of his life, however, she can't remember what they shared and she's engaged! But can even 'amnesia' make you forget the love of your life? And what secrets are hidden in her lost memories? Sequel to Gumby.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 1: Cruel Fate**_

Fate was cruel, that much was certain to Severus on the first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. He sat back as member after member of the Order arrived, impassively watching as they took up their seats. He didn't particularly care to see who was in the Order and he took particular pains to ignore those that he already knew. However, all this rendered him even further unprepared to see the witch in lime green robes and straight black hair that reached just past her shoulders, currently held in a ponytail, two shorter strands of hair framing like always each side of her face.

Samara Green had not aged very much in the eight years that had passed since he had last seen her. In fact, it seemed that time had not at all touched her impeccably smooth, creamy skin. Her face was as beautiful as he remembered, her eyes shining with all the same emotions that they always seemed to sparkle with. Her smile was as sweet as he remembered it. In fact, it seemed that the only thing that had changed since her teenage days was the length of her silky hair. While once it had reached down to the small of her back, it now hardly seemed like it would reach past her shoulders. It was a bit hard to tell considering the fact that she had it held up in a pony-tail, but Severus remembered her hair to have been a lot longer.

Severus felt his heart clench as she came in, talking to Nymphadora Tonks. Pain ripped through him to see her once again. When he... well there was no other way to say this, had broken her heart, he'd thought that after she left Hogwarts that he would never see her again. Over the past eight years, he had learned to live with the pain of not having Samara. He had learned to live with all the memories of her that haunted him, in particular every moment in which he had hurt her. Somehow, and he attributed it to the excitement of the past five years and channeling his pain to pure hatred, he had managed to pull though and survive.

However, to see Samara once more, and looking quite so well, felt like every fiber of his being was subjected to _Crucio_. His entire body tensed and he had to grip his robes to keep from reaching up to touch his pounding heart. Severus watched her face as her eyes seemed to roam the room and felt his breath get caught in his throat when her hazel eyes fell on him.

Time seemed to freeze in that moment. Her face looked splendid and when it first turned to him had a tiny, polite smile and an unguarded and light expression. The moment seemed to go heart-wrenching slowly, as he awaited for her face to twist in horror, disgust, hatred, anger of any mix of all these emotions, but was confused to see her blink innocently in surprise. She then smiled politely and nodded towards him in recognition, much the same as any student might regard an old Professor they once had. Then she turned away and sat down, as though the whole thing had not affected her in the least. Like he was not the man she's sworn to love for the rest of her days and beyond human understanding.

It absolutely befuddled him and strangely enough it was excruciatingly painful. He'd once thought that Samara hating him would be one of the most painful things to live through. However, that didn't seem as painful as what had just happened, for the way that she looked at him, as though what he and what they had gone through had never happened, as though he had no significance in her life, deeply pained him. It twisted and warped his mind, making every memory of Samara come up in his mind and question if she was that good at acting or lying to be able to fool him that she really loved him so much as anyone could possibly love someone.

When the meeting at last started, Severus tried his best to focus on what was going on, but as it was the first meeting everyone was really just being introduced to one another, or rather, Dumbledore was introducing everyone and speaking shortly about what they would be doing for the Order. Severus wasn't too surprised to hear that Samara was in fact really a Healer, for he'd understood that from the robes that she was wearing as they were Healer robes. However, he was mildly impressed that at the age of 25 she was the youngest witch to become head of a floor, which happened to be the fourth floor for Spell Damage.

He didn't find it greatly surprising considering the fact that Samara had been in his House when she had been a student and that she certainly had Slytherin determination and ambition. However, he was very proud of Samara and hoped that she really did enjoy what she was doing with her life. He found that despite the fact that he dearly missed her and still loved her with everything that he was, that he had indeed made the best for her by letting her go. He could see that it was indeed for the best to have ended things in her seventh year. Really, they should have never started in the first place.

"Severus Snape, many of you know as the Potions Master of Hogwarts and Head of Slytherin, is the Order spy in Voldemort's inner circle," Dumbledore suddenly said causing Severus to turn his impassive gaze over to the Headmaster. Many people who did not know that he was a former Death Eater gasped and Severus found his eyes looking over at Samara, wondering if she was disgusted by him as he always imagined she would be or if she now understood why he always pushed her away. However, as he caught her gaze, he could see that she had her head cocked slightly to the left and was staring at him curiously. However, there was no hate, or judgement in her gaze, neither the deep understanding he hoped that she would have obtained by the information.

Turning away from her hazel eyes he turned his gaze back to Dumbledore as he continued on with the meeting and found himself thinking that at least she didn't seem to hate him. It wasn't that great of a comforting thought as he started to think about it once more. Instead, he found himself wondering why she seemed so blank in emotion when it came to him. Had she moved on and was at peace with the past and everything that had happened? Or... well he couldn't think of any other reason why she did not react in any real way towards him.

When the conclusion of the meeting came, Severus found that it couldn't have come any sooner. Rising to his feet, Severus tried desperately to escape the room, however, before he reached the door of the kitchen, he found someone grasping onto his elbow and gently tugging him towards them. Turning around, Severus found himself being pulled away from his destination by Dumbledore, who was standing there with Samara. "Severus, you remember Samara Green."

Severus felt his heart thumping in his throat as he nodded curtly and tried to keep his face from showing his discomfort. "How could I forget, she spent a month in my home over summer," Snape said curtly, looking at Samara for a reaction. He didn't get the one that he expected. Like always, Samara never did what he would have expected her to. He thought that by saying that he would have a strong reaction, or perhaps even a cloud of darkness wash over her mild smile and sparkling eyes. However, she seemed shocked by this.

"I spent a summer at your house. When? Why?" Samara asked as she looked over at Dumbledore. Severus furrowed his brow as he stared at Samara wondering if she had lost her mind.

"Yes Samara, it was the summer before your seventh year. You spent about a month living with Professor Snape due to some... unpleasantness in your family as I understood it," Dumbledore responded, causing Samara to turn a light shade of pink. Nodding her head, she downcast her eyes as she looked around uncomfortably. Samara had never been open about how dysfunctional her family was. As far as Severus knew, he and Dumbledore were the only ones that knew and Severus was sure that he was the only one she had ever talked about it with. "Shortly after her seventh year, Samara had an accident that caused her to lose most of her memories of her sixth and seventh year," Dumbledore said as he looked over at Severus.

"Most?" Severus murmurred as he turned to look at Samara. He didn't know how to describe what he felt inside to know about that. His heart clenched as he wondered if she didn't remembered any of the wonderful moments that they had shared together. However, as Samara looked up and met his gaze with her beautiful hazel eyes and shrugged nonchalantly, he knew that she couldn't remember any of it. The last time that he had seen her he thought that he would never see the light that he'd loved so much in her eyes again. But there it was, almost as if he hadn't ever snuffed it out.

"All," Samara said as she looked at him. "It made it far more difficult for me to complete my Healer training," Samara said with a small shrug.

"But you still finished a year and a half ahead of schedule didn't you," Dumbledore said as he looked at Samara who merely blushed lightly and nodded. A part of Severus was amazed by this and immensely proud of her, but a larger part of him was having trouble adjust to the fact that she didn't have any recollection of what they had and wondering how he was supposed to deal with this. As his eyes roamed over her beautiful face, he wondered if this was for the best, considering the situation. In a way, he felt that it would have been much better if she remembered what they had so that she would perhaps understand how hard this was on him. However, he supposed that at least one of them should be at peace.

"Professor Dumbledore, is there a reason that you have detained me?" Severus asked curtly, turning to look at Dumbledore.

"Yes, actually. I want you to be checking in with Samara, Severus, whenever you are injured when in Voldemort's service," Dumbledore said sternly, anticipating Severus' objection and using a tone that clearly was not meant to be argued with. Severus for his part felt all the blood draining from him as he grimaced at the prospect. "Samara, I understand that you work a lot, but this is very important and I would like you be to be available to Severus at any point," Albus said as he stared down at her.

"Of course Professor Dumbledore," Samara said as she looked up at Professor Dumbledore and nodded seriously.

"Sending messages to each other with the use of your Patronous should be sufficient enough, but I would like for Severus to know where you live and for you to give him access through your apparating wards," Dumbledore instructed as he looked at her. "Excuse me," Dumbledore suddenly said, moving away, leaving them there alone.

Severus suddenly felt very uncomfortable as Samara turned her gaze to him and smiled at him. In just one meeting, his world had been turned upside down. He had not only run into the love of his life, but the love of his life could not remember what they had together and to make matters worse he would have to be around her more than he'd originally thought. He'd thought that at the most, he would only have to abide her presence in the meetings and that perhaps he'd be able to stay away from her and avoid dealing with their past. However, having her thrust upon him like this left him completely disoriented. And what was he supposed to do about the fact that he knew what they had together? He was sure that if they were in close proximity, uncomfortable questions would arise about that time gap in her memory.

Furrowing her brow slightly at the way that Snape had visibly paled, Samara wondered if he was doubting her skills at Healing. Remembering their somewhat disastrous Career Advice meeting, where Snape had practically laughed at the thought of her wanting to become a Healer, reminded her of the way that he had thought her far too incapable of such a serious occupation. "Don't worry Professor Snape, I'll take very good care of you," Samara said gently, smiling up at him causing his heart to clench once more as his deeply buried love for her throbbed painfully in his chest. If Severus had been a weaker man, he'd broken down into tears by all the feelings overwhelming him.

Being the man that he was, Severus merely stared at her impassively as he nodded stiffly in response. Before either one thought to break the akward silence they stood in as they started to look around, wondering whether Dumbledore would com back or not, a certain red-head intruded politely into their silence.

"Excuse me," Bill said, smiling apologetically at the Potions Master that was now glowering at him and turning his gave over to Samara who was blinking politely at him with a small smile. Severus felt the familiar waves of jealousy rolling over him as he stared at the eldest Weasley, however, as he looked at Samara, he wondered whether or not she remembered him. However, after a moment he realized that she must, seeing as she had dated him when she was a fourth year and then for a short period in her fifth year. "Tonks just told me the news and I wanted to congratulate you," Bill said as he enveloped her in a small hug. Severus narrowed his eyes at him, however, said nothing as he continued to stand there.

"Thank you so much Bill," Samara replied kindly as Bill and she pulled apart.

"When's the wedding?" Bill asked with a broad smile as he stared at her. Severus felt like the battlements of Hogwarts had just fallen on him as he stared with a furrowed brow between the two people standing before him.

"Eric seems to be in quite the rush so its set for the end of January," Samara replied with a small polite smile, to both Professor Snape and Bill, feeling a little guilty by the way that she felt that she and Bill were shutting out the professor. As she caught his gaze, she felt a little startled by the strange way that he was gazing her and felt her heart thump harder as she caught the fleeting look of what almost looked to be pain. However, she pushed both her fast-beating heart and that foolish thought aside, telling her that both were absurd.

"Well I wish you the both the best of luck. Give Eric my regards," Bill said as he threw his arms around her and walked away. Samara had merely nodded in response as she hugged her ex beau and turning to look at Professor Snape who was eyeing the engagement ring on her finger.

"It's not much, but it was his great grandmother's," Samara said with a small shrug as she looked down at the single, small, circular diamond that was set on a white-gold band. She supposed that its sentimental-value was worth more than anything, however, as she looked at the ring, she couldn't help but feel slightly discontented. It wasn't the ring. She felt as though there was something wrong with her. Ever since she had gotten engaged the previous week, she felt all wrong. She didn't feel the giddiness that was typical for those who got engaged. Not even when he first proposed has she been excited and even now, she didn't know why she had said yes.

Pushing these troubling thoughts aside, Samara told herself that she was simply being silly. She told herself that it was only the anxiety of the Dark Lord's return that had dulled her gidyness about her upcoming nuptuals and that she had sad yet to Eric, because she loved him. Smiling up at her ex Head of House, Samara felt her heart thundering once more at the dark way that he was looking down at her.

"Who are you engaged to?" Severus asked, his tone low and murderous. He felt his world shattering to millions of pieces simply by knowing that another man would be her husband. To know that she was in fact living her life, apart from him. He had always hoped for her to have moved on with her life and to be happy with someone, even if it couldn't be with him, but he had never intended to be a witness to it. It hurt him beyond anything imaginable to see her, love her and know that not only she now belonged to another, but know that he was practically nothing more but a stranger to her.

"Eric Williamson. I'm not sure if you'll remember him, he was in my year, but in Gryffindor," Samara replied gently as she looked at him. Severus felt his stomach churn. Oh he knew all too well what Gryffindor she was referring to, how could he forget. She had fought against him twice in a Dueling Competition that had been held during her last year at Hogwarts, and she's beaten him both time. Severus nodded in response. "He's an Auror now. We often ran into each other in London when we were both doing our training for our careers. We became friends..."

"Spare me the details of your life Miss Green, I really could not care," Severus said coldly, cutting her off. He couldn't bare to hear anything more. It pained him far too much. Just as it pained him to speak to her so formally. He couldn't remember the last time he had called her by her last name. It sounded quite foreign on his tongue and he missed saying her name. He couldn't recall the last time he had said it aloud or even really allowed himself to think it.

"Right. I'm sorry Professor Snape," Samara said, smiling apologetically as she down cast her gaze feeling her heart clenching painfully. She didn't know why his curtness has suddenly felt like she's been stabbed in the heart with an icicle as when she was his student she remembered often brushing off his insults and ignoring them. She even remembered retaliating. However, something felt strange about this situation.

Severus felt his heart clench to have treated her in such a manner. "Perhaps you can tell me where you live Miss Green," Severus said, keeping his voice devoid of any emotions and quite monotone. Samara looked up at him and smiled lightly at him as she looked around the room, which was still buzzing with many Order Members who were all trying to get to know each other. However, she could not spot Professor Dumbledore anywhere she looked and guessed that he had quite finished speaking to them.

"Perhaps I can take you there now and we can sort out the Apparating wards. I live a mere ten minutes away if we take the Knight Bus," Samara suggested as she looked up at him and tried to smile at him. However, her smile than fadded slightly. "That is of course if you are free right now. I perfectly understand if you are not."

"Now is fine Miss Green," Severus replied simply, motioning for her to lead the way. Samara smiled up at him as she walked past him and headed towards the door. Severus followed silently along behind her as they climbed up the stairs and silently crossed the entrance hall to the door and exited. As they stepped out they both silently made their way towards the sidewalk and started to briskly make their way together down the block. For his part, Severus tried not to think about the girl walking along beside him as he focused his attention on the weather.

The sun had already set beyond the surrounding buildings and the sky was turning a slightly darker shade of blue, while still clinging to the remaining light. Seeing as it was early July, the air was not as stifling hot, and a light cool breeze was picking its way through the branches and lightly brushed his hair as he walked briskly. It wasn't too long before they reached the end of the block and Severus raised his wand in the air, flagging down the knight Bus. Motioning for her to step up, he felt his heart flutter at the smile she gave him as she walked onto the bus. Following along behind her, they both paid to as Samara muttered the address of their destination.

Following along behind her, Severus was amazed to see that she still mantained that unnatural sense of balance as she walked to the back of the bus. Severus found his mind flashing and for a moment, he saw her walking in red pumps, with a knee-lenght whit skirt with red polka-dots and a red shirt as the warm summers sun filtered in through the windows and lit her magnificently. Shaking his head of this memory, he stared at the lime green robes she wore as she picked a seat and he sat opposite of her.

"Professor Snape, how did I end up... living with you?" Samara asked as she looked at him with a small smile. Severus blinked at her and wondered what he should say.

"I found you sleeping in a park swing near my home. Your father kicked you out and you were making your way to London for your upcoming apparating test," he replied as he looked at her, studying her face intently for any sign of recognition. However, she merely seemed mortified in her embarrassment as he cheeks slowly became red. "I took you to my home and I contacted Professor Dumbledore asking what should be done with you. He said that you should stay with me while he found Sinistra."

Samara smiled at this. "I suppose that due to the fact that she travels around the world during the summer she was a bit hard to find," Samara said with a fond smile slipping onto her face. Severus raised a brow as he stared at her, wondering at the fact that she could remember _that_ but not what they had. But he supposed that since she's known Sinistra long before her sixth year, she may have already known that. "Let me guess... you found her in Antarctica."

"Yes," Severus said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Could she remember that, or did she know simply based on what she knew of Sinistra. "How did you..."

"Aurora Australis," Samara merely replied with a small smile on her delightful features. "I remember Professor Sinistra once told me that she loved to travel the world, because the sky is always bluer on the other side. The Aurora Australis is only visible during the summer and I imagine she would have very much liked to see that."

Severus merely nodded at this as Samara turned away and looked out the window. He was so careless while watching her, that he forgot to hold on to his seat and was therefore jolted out of it when the bus took a very sharp turn. Samara turned to look at him, startled as he was thrown in her direction and she felt her heart begin to race to have him so near as she saw a flash of sunlight. Shaking her head, she had a strange sense of Deja Vu as Severus took his seat once more, cursing the Knight Bus and pointedly avoiding her gaze.

Turning away, Samara looked out the window and tried to shake of the strange feeling that had come over her. She felt like something inside her brain was desperately trying to tell her something, like it wanted her to remember, but she couldn't. When she'd first came to from her accident and realized she couldn't remember anything after the end of her fifth year, the Healer had told her that she might recover her memories slowly. Since then, she remembered very little and what she did recover was very insignificant. However, it was times like these when she knew that something that had occurred was most likely triggering a memory of an event in those missing years.

Feeling somewhat sad, Samara frowned at the whizzing city streets. She wished that she remembered what was missing. However, sometimes she wondered if she really wanted to know what she had lost in those two years. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn't remember. However, she often felt so confused, especially in moments like these were she could not remember something that seemed to be so strong. She sometimes wondered if she retrieved those lost memories if she would feel less lost than she felt, because outside of her career, she felt like she didn't know what she was doing. She supposed that was why she devoted so much time to her job.

Sighing, she pushed these thoughts away and stood up. "We're here," she said, turning to Professor Snape with a smile. She felt a little startled to see that he had been watching her and wondered how long he had been staring at her. She smiled a little uneasily, hoping that he had not caught on to that particular moment of internal, miserably reflection. However, she'd always had the sense that Professor Snape saw more with his eyes than most people and she guessed that he'd probably seen everything and was now turning it over in his head.

Stepping off the bus, Samara quietly led the way down the block until they reached a building and she led him up the stairs to her flat. Opening the door with a single key she pulled form her robes she opened the door and flipped on a light switch. Severus wasn't surprised that Samara lived in a muggle London, considering that she was a half-blood and had always had a particular connection to her muggle blood, despite hating her father who happened to be the muggle in her family.

Severus stepped inside as Samara motioned for him to enter with a welcoming smile and found himself looking around the living room of her flat. It was simply furnished with an old leather black couch, and dark ebony coffee table. The kitchen adjoined the living room and was separated by a long white counter. Severus wasn't surprised, though, that the room flat appeared to be so neat but for the books that, if they were not on the shelves near the fireplace, seemed to be either on the coffee table, or counter.

"I'll be right back Professor Snape, you may sit down if you wish," Samara said with a kind smile before turning away and disappearing through another door, which he assumed led to her bedroom. She emerged a few minutes later, having shed her Healer robes and set her now short, black hair lose and carrying her wand in hand. She waved it a few times, before looking at him and smiling. "Well that should be all set. Would you like to try it?"

"No I'm sure that that was adequate enough," Severus replied simply as he looked at her and cast a look around her living room to make sure that he was well acquainted with his surroundings so he'd know where to apparate too. He noticed that there was nothing very personal about her living quarters and wondered why she still had to remind him so much of himself as he turned to look at her. "Well Miss Green, I should go," Severus said, turning around and heading towards the door.

"Professor Snape," Samara called out, causing him to turn around. Samara smiled as she stepped up to him and looked up into his eyes, her hazel eyes sparkling mischievously. "I'm not your student anymore. If we are sticking to proper titles, its Healer Green," she said, causing him to raise a brow as he looked down at her. A cheeky smile broke onto her face then and she felt her heart pounding strangely against her ribs, for reasons she could not fathom. "Of course, considering the fact that I imagine I'll be getting to know you well, we might drop the titles and just call each other by our first names?" she asked slowly.

Severus stared down at her and blinked as his heart thundered in his chest for her, all his longing and yearning swelling up inside him as he stared down at her. He wished that he could tell her no, make his existence simpler by trying to maintain a barrier between them, however he had never stopped loving her. Despite the passage of years and despite the fact that she could no longer love him him, he still loved her as much as he ever had and could not deny her anything that she desired. He knew that in acquiescing to this small thing would only lead down a slippery slope and that before long he would find himself in a difficult position, because he could not imagine Samara falling in love with him again.

However, he found his head nodding of its own accord as he turned around and walked out of the door, dissapearing into the summer's night and leaving Samara at her door, wondering why she felt like she was burning when he looked at her.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Of course, I would love you all to review, especially as I'm not particularly sure whether this turned out that great. And I'm sorry if any mistakes made it past ... I don't have a Beta and I always miss things. So anyway, please review!


	2. Here Comes The Sun

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 2: Here Comes The Sun**_

Samara sat on the windowsill of her office, and despite feeling haggard after the 24 hour shift she had just pulled, she found herself smiling as she stared out her window at the rising sun. There was just something about London at dawn that made peace swell within her breast and cleansed her of all her worries and stress. She loved to stare out from the vantage point of her window on the fourth floor and look out onto the sleeping street bellow as the occupants slowly rose to face a new day. Some rose with hope, others with resignation and most with reluctance, but it was a new day nonetheless, filled with many possibilities.

Getting up from the windowsill Samara walked over to her desk and closed the few files that lay on her desk and straightened them out. "Samara are you still here?" Samara looked up from her desk towards the door of her office and offered a friendly smile to the haggard and tired witch that stood in the doorway, curly blonde tendrils with streaks of silver fell into her blue eyes as she blew them away. "You should go home and get some rest, you've been here since before I got here."

"Yes I was just going home," Samara said with a smile at Healer Marie Wood. "Have new patients been interned into our ward?" Samara asked, motioning towards the files that Marie was carrying in her arms. The older witch merely nodded in response and gave Samara an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry Samara, I had thought that you had gone home hours ago and I was just going to drop them off in your office, there is nothing here that is very pressing. You really should have been home hours ago," Marie said, stepping into the room and closing the door behind herself. She handed over the files in her arms to the Head Healer of the Spell Damage ward. Sighing Samara quickly looked over each of the files before picking up her quil and signing off on the prescriptions for the patients and placing them atop her desk with the other files.

"Well I was needed and I hardly noticed the time pass by," Samara said as she separated the files into two separate piles, labeling one as the discharges and the others with notes from her as to which patients were approved for their prescriptions and signing off that all was well in the previous Healers orders.

"I don't know how you can stand it Samara, I'm already dead on my feet," Marie said with a smile towards Samara. Samara merely smiled at Marie as she handed her all the files.

"Before you get off can you please hand these back to all their Healers, they are organized and piled together according to Healer. And if anyone asks about their schedules, you can tell them that I have both the Healer and Medi-witch schedules posted outside the door and that if they have any questions that they can see me when I get back on duty later," Samara said with a gentle smile to Marie as she nodded and took all the files under her arms. Marie nodded fervently before smiling and marching out of Samara's office, closing the door behind herself. Walking over to the fireplace in her office, Samara grabbed a pinch of floo and threw it in the fireplace before reemerging in her living room.

Sighing, Samara made her way over to her bedroom and threw her Healer robes at the foot of her bed and picked up a short pair of shorts and threw on a spaghetti strap shirt as she climbed onto her bed and pulled her blue blanket with yellow ducks over herself. Her room was simply furnished, with her bed, a vanity and a nightstand. Most of her clothes were either stowed away in her Hogwarts trunk at the bottom of her closet, or hung up inside it. Either that, or stowed away in her bathroom hamper.

Pulling her hair out of its constraints, Samara lay her head on her fluffy pillow and closed her eyes with a contented sigh. She was quite tired and felt relieved to be able to get some sleep. However, before she could do anything, she heard a very loud thump from her living room that caused her to jump out of bed. Hurriedly pulling her wand from her Healer Robes, she rushed out into the living room and felt her heart race as she saw a black lump on her living room floor.

Severus groaned as he tried to raise himself off the floor, but his arms trembled with exhaustion. Samara immediately rushed to the his side and helped him lift himself onto the couch. Severus hardly had time to register the fact that the young witch's warmth was pressed against him as she laid him out on her leathery couch and knelt beside him and started to check his vitals.

Opening his eyes, which were shut tightly against the pain, he looked upon the serious expression on her face as he saw little wisps of lights flying between himself and Samara as she cast diagnostic spells. While the bags under her eyes spoke of the exhaustion she felt, Severus could find no indication of any such thing in her facial expression or the rapid way she was going about her work.

"Your nerves are wrecked from extensive cruciatus damage, but its nothing a few very strong muscle relaxants can't help. Stay here and don't move, I'll be right back," Samara said in her stern Healer voice, one that no one would dare argue against or defy, as she rose on her bare feet and quickly padded her way into the kitchen. Severus could hear what sounded like a cabinet open and and the all too familiar clanking of vials, before he heard her return with a vial of potion which she helped him ingest.

Weeks had passed since their first encounter and more often than anywhere else, he had seen her in the Order meetings. However, he had never spoken to her in the meetings, appearing and departing as soon as he could. He'd noticed that in that time Samara had already become well-liked by most of the Order, however, he tried to not pay too much attention to such things. Just like he tried to ignore the pang in his chest every time that he caught sight of the engagement ring on her ring finger, or the way that he tried to ignore the shivers of pleasure that ran through his body every time she said his name when she greeted him. And she always made sure to greet him at every meeting with a warm smile in the least.

It made his realize that she did not seem at all fazed about the fact that he had once been a Death Eater and it made him wonder if some part of her had expected it of him. Since that meeting, every spare thought turned to her and wondered if she would have taken things the same when they were together. However, he tried to not think of these things too much as he didn't actually know how she actually thought about the fact that he had once been a Death Eater.

"How are you feeling," she asked as she looked him over, making sure that she had not missed anything else in her hasty check up on him. Severus watched her face all the while as she worked. Turning his gaze away he focused on his muscles, which had been in such tortuous pain only a few moments before that he'd felt like they had all turned to jelly and refused to function. However, he felt the numbing effects of the potion pulling through his body, tightening and freezing his muscles.

Stiffly rising with a small grunt Severus sat back on the couch and planted his feet on the floor. His face contorted with the pains that shot through him, however, he merely grit his teeth and shoved it all aside as he sat back. "Better," he grit out in response as he looked down at her and noticed that she was wearing a pair of very short shorts that revealed her long pale legs and a small cotton shirt that left her shoulders and long arms exposed. He could see the deep red strap of her bra, contrast sharply with her pearly-white skin and had to close his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling as the warmth of the potion started to wash over him and relax his muscles. He frowned at this and raised a suspicious brow as he looked down at her. "I thought that Healers weren't allowed to remove Potions from St. Mungo's."

Severus was vaguely aware of how St. Mungo's worked as early on in his career he had worked there himself. St. Mungo's had a large basement full of Potions labs were the best potions Masters created every medical potion imaginable. In the basement, there was also a very large Potions store were clerks consistently took stock of all the Potions and ingredient inside the vast and cavernous rooms, and he knew that it was not exactly easy to remove anything from those St. Mungo's Potions stores.

Samara smiled and cocked her head as she looked at him curiously, steel kneeling on the carpeted floor. "No, no one is allowed to remove Potions from St. Mungo's, unless of course when prescribed to a patient. What makes you think that its a St. Mungo's potion?" Samara said as she looked at him.

Severus rolled the stiffness from his shoulders and stretched his chest as his muscles returned to a more relaxed state. "That was a _very _strong muscle relaxant. The dosage is too powerful for any apothecary to sell legally," he replied in his velvety tone. Samara nodded, wondering how she could have ever thought that her brilliant Potions Master would not catch onto such a trivial thing. Smiling, she got to her feet once more and reached out a hand to grab his.

Immediately, Severus felt shocks run through his fingertips to the rest of his body, becoming stiff as she tugged him to the kitchen. Pulling his hand from hers as he followed her, he watched her curiously as she opened two cabinets full of vials and jars, ignoring the way his heart hurt and raced and how his fingers still tingled with her warmth.

"Since Dumbledore assigned me your health and well-being, I've been using all my spare time to brew these potions. Mostly blood-replenishing potions, muscle relaxants, different type of antidotes, revitalizers, sleeping serums, dittany and some other nastier ditties that hopefully we'll never have to use," Samara said as she looked over at him with a bright smile. "I take very good care of my patients," Samara said as she studied the expression on his usually stoic facade.

He really couldn't help but be impressed by the quantity of Potions she kept stored and that she seemed to have made purely for his benefit. A part of him felt touched as he stared at her, seeing the way that the rising sun started to fall on her pale features and make the green in her eyes wink at him. "How do I know one of them won't poison me?" Severus asked as he took in the bags beneath her eyes and looked over at her cabinets and wondering just how overworked she was. Once more he felt that overwhelming desire to protect her rising inside him as he turned his gaze back to her face.

"Because I learned from the best," she replied as she looked at him with a a crooked smile. Severus felt his heart pang as he saw that beautiful smile that he'd always felt that she reserved especially for him. His heart started to race as he looked at her, wondering if it were possible that somewhere inside her heart that she still loved him. He wondered if something inside her still remembered him and loved him, because she had never smiled in such a way to anyone else. It was only to him that she had revealed that lopsided smile. It was _his_ smile and it blossomed in her when she'd felt her love for him.

"You look very tired Samara. How long has it been since you last slept?" he asked sternly. Her smile slipped slightly and became something bashful. She was starting to feel once more like she had when he had caught her asleep in the common room on her fourteenth birthday.

"I pulled a twenty-four hour shift and I need to go back in 4 hours," Samara replied as she looked at him. She could see the anger clouding over his face and wondered if he was going to yell at her the way he had when she was his student. "I take a vitamin potion and revitalizer almost every day, Severus. Besides, I have a lot of energy as it is," Samara replied with a large smile on her face as she looked at him.

"Go to sleep Samara," Severus said irritatedly as he pulled out his wand and apparated on the spot, once more leaving Samara alone to wonder at his hasty departure.

--

"Very interesting Severus," Dumbledore said as he leaned back in his seat and stared at the exhausted spy, who other than that seemed perfectly fine. "I can see that you have gone to visit Samara," Dumbledore said with a smile as he looked at him. Severus sat stiffly in his chair and grimaced at this.

"Is it really necessary, Headmaster?" Severus said as he looked at Albus Dumbledore.

"Do you doubt the abilities of Samara, Severus?" Albus asked with a surprised look on his face as he looked at his spy. He could tell by the look on Severus' face that he was doubting the young witches capabilities, however, it surprised him a little. He had always thought that Severus had held Samara Green in high regards when she was hist student. After all, the girl was not Head Girl for nothing. She was always quite the capable young witch and in the time she had lived with Severus, Severus had seen how hard-working an devoted that she was in her studies.

"No, but I'm sure there are more... qualified Healers for this kind of work," Severus said as he looked at Albus, though that wasn't at all true. Severus was sure that Samara was qualified enough, however, as he'd gone over the events of that morning on his walk up to the castle, he felt himself pang in a way that he felt that he wouldn't be capable of dealing with. And he found that despite all the years that had passed since he had last seen her, to see her such intimately clothed, arose desired inside him that he thought he'd left long ago in the past.

"I assure you that Samara is more than qualified. She's even studied far enough to specialize in Healing the Dark Arts," Dumbledore said as he watched Severus who merely nodded. He would've sighed, however, he suspected that doing any such thing would make Dumbledore suspect why he didn't want to deal with Samara.

"Very well Headmaster," Severus said as he rose from the seat that he had been sitting in. "I will see you at the next meeting," he said before turning away and Marching out of the headmaster's office and heading down to his private quarters in the basement. While he usually spent his summers in Spinner's end, this summer he had made sure that his rooms in the castle where always ready for him to take residence in the, if he were ever so exhausted that he could no longer apparate.

Having apparated to Samara's flat and than to the castle after being in a Death Eaters meeting from late last night all the way to the early hours of the morning, he was sure he wouldn't manage to apparate once more without splinching. Therefore, as he entered his Private quarters and crawled into bed, Severus was greatful that he was so tired and fell right to sleep. Samara, his pain and everything else slipping away as he was wrapped in the deadly silence and darkness of the dungeons.

**TBC...**

**Authors Note:** Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far. You are all great and I am glad that so far you like the sequel and hope that you liked this chapter as well. Please review!


	3. Eaves Dropping

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 3: Eaves Dropping**_

Weeks seemed to pass before the next time that Severus needed Samara. Of course in the time in between, he would see her in order meetings. However, when he apparated into her living room and crumpled on the floor before her couch, he tried to control his breathing as his ears perked up and he turned his attention to the sound of angry voices coming from her room. "Samara, I'm only suggesting that you take a small break from your work, you've been over working yourself for months and I feel like I hardly ever get to see you anymore," he heard a male voice say.

"Eric, I love my job, it was just one of those days. You of all people should understand. You know that sometimes no matter how hard you try to save someone that life just isn't fair and you fail. I'm sorry I snapped at you," Samara said, he could hear the impatience in her voice. Severus cursed under his breath, wondering whether or not he should have just gone to find Pomfrey as he sat there, his muscles jerking and twitching involuntarily as he held his blood soaked arm. "And I'm sorry that we don't get to see each other, but our schedules simply conflict with each other too much and I can't help that."

"Why can't we just move in together? We are months away from being married. And have you even found any time to look for the dress you plan to wear, or have you invited anyone or done anything for the wedding?" Eric exclaimed as he looked at Samara. Samara ran a hand through her hair in frustration but downcast her look as waves of guilt started to rise inside her.

"Eric, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I really do think that we are rushing things," she said as she dared to look up at his brown eyes as they widened in horror. "Eric its just that our lives are so busy and hectic right now and I can't deal with the added stress of planning out even a small wedding ...and everything."

"Samara, you have enough energy and the determination to do anything that you want. I've known you since we were at Hogwarts. I was there with you through your accident, I saw all the effort that you put into getting your Healer training and despite your handicap you finished ahead of everyone in your program. Why don't you just tell me honestly that you don't want to marry me," Eric said angrily as he looked at her.

Samara sighed as she ran a hand through her hair and sat down on her couch. "Eric its not that," Samara said as she ran her hands through her hair. Looking over at the tall, thin boy with an athletic physique and the angry look that contorted his handsome features, she wondered what was wrong with her. She knew that he had a point, that if she really did want to marry him that she would find the energy and time to get everything they needed for the wedding done. It was a small wedding anyway, it really didn't require that much work. She wondered why wasn't she excited the way every bride should be. "Why won't you believe that the Dark Lord is back?"

"Not this again," Eric groaned as he turned away, his light brown hair flaring behind him. Samara stared at the somewhat long pony-tail and found a part of herself wishing that Dumbledore had approached her with the proposition to join the order before Eric had proposed. Had she known then that the Dark Lord was back, she probably wouldn't have said yes to him. However, as she looked down at the ring on her finger, she wondered if she had told Dmbledore she would join the Order because she was afraid of her upcoming nuptials and would have done anything to get her mind off it.

"The Dark Lord _is _back Eric, I wish that you would just believe Professor Dumbledore," Samara said as she wondered what on earth was wrong with her. She wondered how she could have any doubt about wanting to marry Eric when he was such a good man and had been her constant companion over the course of the past eight years. She loved him deeply, but she didn't understand what was wrong with her. Why did she push him away? Why didn't things feel like they were supposed to? Was it because the only relationship she could actually remember having was with Bill and that hadn't exactly been serious. Was she just afraid of commitment?

"Samara, he's a crack pot old fool..."

"How can you say that!!" Samara suddenly flared up as she stood up, causing Eric to whirl around and look at her. "Professor Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard of his time and he is very sweet and caring person. How could you possibly say that about him? I can't believe you still believe Fudge and all the shit that the Daily Prophet is spewing," Samara shouted angrily as she glared over at Eric.

"Cornelius Fudge isn't as old as Dumbledore and lost his mind, Samara. Dumbledore only says you-know-who's back because Potter says he's back. You don't even know that kid. He was raised by muggles Samara, how can you trust anything the little brat says," Eric said angrily as he stared at her, causing Samara to flinch. Eric stared at the anger in Samara's hurt hazel eyes and realized what he had just said about muggles. "Samara... I didn't mean it like that," Eric started saying, his voice softened and apologetic.

"Get out Eric," Samara grit out between her teeth.

"Samara..."

"GET OUT!" she shouted as she pulled out her wand from beneath her Healer robes. Eric flinched and hastily drew out his wand, apparating on the spot. Samara ran her hands over her face and exhaled heavily, trying to push out all the anger that she felt.

"Now that you are done, perhaps you can provide some assistance," Samara's head snapped up and looked to the doorway as she spotted Professor Snape standing there, clutching his left arm and leaning heavily against the doorway. Severus could feel the way that the argument was going to turn out when he heard what Williamson said about Dumbledore. After all, he knew how much Samara cared about Dumbledore.

Samara stood wordlessly and helped him into the room and sat him on her bed. She felt thoroughly embarrassed as she set to work on casting the usual diagnostic spells. "How much of that did you hear?" she asked she pulled a small vial of dittany that she always carried in her Healer robes and applied it to his bleeding shoulder.

Severus stared at her as she bent over him and applied the salve onto his wound. "Enough," he replied simply as she pulled out her wand and removed the blood from his robes and mended the tear in his sleeve. "Quite the functional relationship," He said sarcastically as she sneered down and inspected the work on his arm. Looking up, he found that her cheeks were tinted a light shade of pink and that she looked very angry still, though there was strange glassiness to her eyes that made his heart break.

"I'm going to give you a small dose of blood-replenishing potion and a muscle relaxant. The bathoom is through there, you can wash the blood from your hands," Samara said after clearing her throat and avoiding his gaze before walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. Severus felt a frown coming over his face as he watched her march out of the room, however, tried to push it away as he headed to the washroom and washed off his hands, completely uninterested in her bathroom, he walked out and looked around her room for a brief moment before walking out into the kitchen.

He spotted Samara standing at the counter with two small vials, and brushing her cheeks softly. "Are you all right?" he asked as he looked at her. Samara looked over at him and tried to smile and pretend that everything was all right, but when she caught sight of the genuinely worried expression on his face she fell into a tall stool set up at the counter and buried her head in her hands.

"I became a Healer because I wanted to save people, but on days like this... I feel like I haven't done anything. Eric should understand, Aurors can't save everyone either," Samara said as she ran a hand over her face. It had been a very long and tiring day. Severus stared at Samara. He'd always felt that she wanted to become a Healer because she'd always wanted to save her mother, heal her, and that she was projecting that desire on other patients. However, as he stared at her, he wondered what he could say that would not demonstrate how close they had once been to one another.

"But he's right you know. For some reason or other I'm pushing him away. It doesn't matter that I work too much, or that I'm part of the Order; if I really wanted to, I would make time for him and the wedding," Samara said as she looked up and shook her head, feeling angry at herself.

"I can see why, he sounds about ready to join the Dark Lord," Severus said darkly, disdain and sarcasm dripping in his tone.

Samara shook her head a she looked at him. "You're wrong about him," she said as she looked at him. "Eric is a good person, he just puts his foot in his mouth," Samara said with a small smile of fondness. Severus felt his heart pang as he stared at her and could see her anger towards Eric melting away and realized that she loved Eric and that it would be impossible for her to still love him. "Eric likes following orders and he's very loyal, unfortunately his loyalties are leading him astray," Samara turned away and looked down at her hands as they pressed down at the top of the white counter. "No, there is just something wrong with me."

Severus shifted his weight from one foot to the other uncomfortably, his muscles still aching and feeling like jelly. However, he was far more focused on his heartache to care. "I'm sorry, I'm sure you dong care. I don't usually tell people these things. Actually I never tell anyone anything about my personal life," Samara said, frowning slightly and wondering why she had just opened up to him like that. She wondered why her usual, automatic resistance to people had faded in the light of his eyes, however, she hadn't been able to help herself and she didn't know why but she had the uncanny feeling that he understood her, better than she even understood herself. "You know about my parents, don't you?" Samara asked, thinking that he had to if he took her in for a month when her father kicked her out.

She had spoken to her mother about it once shortly after her accident. Her mother had explained to her that at the time, her mother had been pregnant with the twins and that her father had kicked her out because he thought that she was a hazard to the babies health. Samara knew based on her relationship with her father, that she probably would have been fighting with him a lot, and caused her pregnant mother undue stress and understood why she had been kicked out. However, she didn't remember anything about it.

"You spoke to me about them," Severus replied curtly, with a small nod of his head. Samara felt a small flash of something in her head, a clip of sitting with the man before her and speaking to him. However, she could hardly recognize the room, but she had a feeling she knew what they were talking about, though she understood little else in the nanosecond. However, she somehow knew that for some reason or other she had confided in him that her father was abusive to her mother, and that he often left them. But he always came back and her mom always took him back.

Samara merely nodded in response to this. "Take your potions, Severus," Samara said as she motioned her head towards the two vials that sat on her counter. Severus took both vials and drank them one at the time, wondering what Samara was thinking as she watched him. "I feel like I've forgotten something very important about you," Samara said as she eyed him.

She had begun to realize it recently. Every time she said his name in the Order meetings, she realized that it rolled off her tongue with too much ease and that she felt a tinge in her heart and a flutter in her stomach. Every time she caught the way that he looked at her, she knew that there was something somewhat softer in his expression, even though every time she witnessed it, it was so brief as to make her wonder if it was there to begin with. And even though this was only the second time that she had been alone with him like this, this was the second time she saw a flash of some past that she had never been able to recall before him. However, she couldn't comprehend how it was possible or why it was just him.

But she thought that it was strange, that she could be so open with him. She didn't know why she felt that he knew her better than she knew herself, but she knew that it wasn't only because he remembered her sixth and seventh year and she couldn't. However, what she found most puzzling was the simple fact that she had told him about her family life at home. It was a topic that she'd never discussed with anyone. She hadn't even ever spoke of it to Eric, much less introduced him to her family.

Severus stared at Samara, unsure how to reply to that as his heart raced. "Strange," he simply said as he stared down into her eyes. "In the future, perhaps it would be more wise to avoid this type of situation," he said. "I doubt Williamson would be dimwitted enough think nothing of the fact that I turn up injured into your living room," Severus said as he pulled out his wand, indicating that it was time for him to go.

"Yes, I will think of something," Samara replied, nodding at him with a small smile. Severus merely nodded curtly, leaving Samara to herself.

**TBC...**

**Authors Note:** So I'm not sure I really like the pace of this story, I feel like its going too fast. However, its a bit hard to know what is a proper pace considering Samara's previous strong feelings for Snape and the fact that they are somewhere still buried in her mind, she just doesn't remember it. Makes this a challenge to write.

So I can't be updating as often as I would like because this story is a bit of a challenge for me, but some good stories I recommend you reading if you need something in the in-between updates of this story are "Peony: A Death Eaters Story" and its sequel "Guitar Boy" and "The Mistake of Benevolence" all of which are SS/OC stories and written by some wonderful authors.

So please Review and I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.


	4. These Small Moments

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 4: These Small Moments**_

It was the beginning of August already and Samara sat in Diagon Alley, wondering how the summer had disappeared quite so quickly. Sitting in Florean Flortescues with a sundae, she stared down at the planner than sat before her. Having patched things up with Eric, she had been spending her free time lately working on their wedding plans, still not exactly thrilled about it. However, she supposed it was because she would much rather be reading her text books and filling her head with more knowledge about her field.

Sighing and snapping the small, leather bound book shut, she leaned back in her chair to enjoy the rest of her sundae. There were rare few occasions in which Samara would take time off work and actually leave St. Mungo's when her shift came to and end. Usually she stayed behind because she knew that they needed them. However, as she sat there, she found that she couldn't enjoy the night breeze or her sundae very much and longed for the walls of St. Mungo's. Was she that dissatisfied and lost in her life that she couldn't stand to be away from her job for _one _evening?

As she looked around Diagon Alley, the shops' glowing windows and the few people that were enjoying the twilight, she wondered for a moment if she wished that Eric were not busy at work. She thought it was a bit unfair of him to expect her to do all the work for the wedding and told her that she worked too much, when he himself worked himself far too hard as it was as well. She had questioned whether or not that would be conducive to their marriage, however, he had promised her that when they were married that it would be different, and that if they had a family he would make sure that nothing came before them.

However, she was unsure as to whether or not she truly desired to have a family, she was afraid of their marriage. It wasn't that she thought that she would be an awful mother, however, she didn't know how she felt about anything. She didn't know what was wrong with her! Every time that she thought of having a child she felt heartache and for some reason or other kept seeing purple Hyacinths covered in blood.

Brushing angrily at her eyes, she tried to brush these horrid sights from her eyes and tried to focus her attention on anything but the way her thoughts tended to turn when she was allowed to think of her life. Looking up, her eyes caught dark eyes as a man froze in his track and she found a small smile slowly starting to grace her features as he started to walk over, as though he were drawn to her and could not go any place but to her side. Samara shook her head of this silly thought and tried to smile at Severus as he walked over and tried to steady her heart, which had started to beat erratically at the sight of him. Something she didn't understand and confused her more than anything.

"Hello Severus," she said pleasantly as he stood before her very rigidly. Severus merely inclined his head as he looked down at her, wondering what where the chances that he would run into her coming into Diagon Alley. Indeed he was quite surprised to see that she wasn't actually working. However, he couldn't deny that some part of him wasn't happy to see her, because though he did not have her in his life, there wasn't a day that passed by that he did not think of her. However, it was quite painful to see her with that little rock on her finger glinting in his eyes, constantly reminding him that she belonged to another. "How have you been?"

"Well," he replied curtly as he looked into he eyes. She was wearing a rather nice set of silver robes, which looked quite light and breezy. "Yourself?"

"Great," she replied with a resplendent smile, however, he could see some contradiction in her gaze. "What brings you to Diagon Alley, if you don't mind me asking?" she said as she looked up at him.

"Apothecary," he replied simply as he stared at her. He supposed that he felt quite rude, however, he couldn't fine anything to say to her. He wished that things were not so complicated as they were. He didn't want to bring up any awkward questions, nor make his pining for her obvious. "And yourself?" he asked, to appear to at least be civil.

"Just enjoying a sundae as I have a bit of free time," she said as she looked up at him. "Would you like to join me?" she asked, smiling brightly and motioning for him to sit. Severus felt his heart begin to thud and how he longed to spend time with her. However, as he stared at her empty bowl and the little book that she had on the table, he found himself shaking his head.

"Its seems you are already done," he said. However, she merely smiled brightly.

"One can never have too much ice cream, especially not if its Flortescue's," Samara said with a grand smile that made him sit down. Florean immediately appeared when Samara waved him over and ordered a chocolate flavored snow cone and Severus asked for a banana-split sundae, which were brought back at once. Samara smiled happily at Severus, glad for the distraction and immediately started licking the side of her ice cream while Severus merely stared at his sundae, picking up the spoon.

"I find it strange that you are not spending your free time with your fiancé," Severus said coldly as he dug his spoon in his ice cream. Samara lifted her gaze and looked at him for a moment, feeling a blush slowly rising in her cheek. She always thought that he was rather upset with the fact that she was engaged and she wondered if it was because he objected to Eric because he was a Gryffindor. However, Samara always pushed these thoughts aside as she thought that he probably couldn't really care.

"Eric is rather busy himself with work," Samara replied with a small shrug. "However, simply because he is absent, does not mean that I should not enjoy these small moments," Samara said as she looked at him with a small smile. "How often is it that you can just get away from everything and enjoy the simple joys of life?" Samara asked with a grand smile as she leaned over and picked the cherry from the top of his Sunday and popped it into her mouth.

Severus felt the corner of his mouth tug upward as she wrenched away the cherry stem from her mouth and grinned at him. "I was going to eat that," he mocked as he looked at her. She smiled as she leaned in close and shook her head.

"No you weren't. I noticed you were picking around the cherries," she said as she leaned over once more and picked the second. Severus raised a brow at this, and found himself recalling the first time in her sixth year that they had gone to eat together at this Italian place hidden in Hogsmead, off the main road and had realized that Samara had to be quite aware of him and wondered if that had not changed at all. However, he pushed these thoughts away.

"They are not my favorite of fruits," Severus said coldly as he started to eat his ice cream, feeling slightly down.

"Mine either, I love-"

"Pomegranates," Severus finished for her before he was aware of what he was doing. He looked up when he realized what he had just given away and looked up to see that there was a strange look on her face as she stared at him. She seemed surprised as she stared at him and was smiling in mild confusion and wonderment. "You told me when you were a sixth year," he said as he stared at her, not mentioning the fact that he knew that was what her skin used to smell like, or the fact that it used to make his mouth water.

"How did you- I've never... no one else knows that," she said as she stared at him in wonderment. She blinked and turned away as she felt her brain rattling, as though it were an eager student jumping up and down, wishing to answer a teacher's question. Putting her fingers to her forehead, she ran them over the lose strands of hair on the side of her face and wondered what it meant as she felt her heart thudding wildly in her chest. She felt like she was so close to remembering the day that she had told him. However, after a moment, the feeling vanished and she shook her head, looking up at him. Unsurprisingly, he was staring at her with a furrowed brow.

"Are you all right?" he asked as he looked at her. Samara smiled at him, though he could see a cloud of uncertainty in her beautiful hazel gaze. However, she merely nodded in response as she continued to eat her ice cream.

"Yes, it's just... sometimes I feel like I remember things," she said as she looked at him. "They are quite stronger when I'm around you," Samara said as she looked into his eyes, feeling a shiver run through her body at the intensity of his gaze. Feeling a light blush creep on her cheeks at the way that he was staring at her, she looked down at her ice cream and tried to finish her snow cone. However, she found her thoughts becoming quite distracted with the fascinating man that sat across the table from her.

She'd always thought that there was something fascinating about her Potions Master, who had always seemed so cold and mysterious. However, she didn't understand why he made her heart race or why she felt so alive when she was around him. She felt like life could one day make sense again, if he would only stay with her long enough. Somehow, she thought that he was the key to her soul, that he was mystery hidden within her that she was trying so hard to figure out. Because every time that she was around him, she felt like she could almost see glimpses of a past and she knew that somehow, he was a whole lot more important than she could remember, though she could not see how.

Looking up from her nearly finished snow cone, Samara smiled lightly and felt the blush creep back onto her cheek to see that he had not batted an eye and that he was still staring at her. "You're a puzzle Severus, and I feel like I need to figure you out or else I'll never feel complete again," Samara said as she looked at him with a teasing smile.

Severus in took his breath sharply as what she said registered inside his head. His heart started to thud painfully against his chest and he could hear every beat like a horses hoof pounding maddeningly against cobble-stones. "Have you ever thought that perhaps... it is for the best that you have forgotten what you cannot recall?" Severus asked, knowing that deep down inside somewhere in her mind, she still remembered him. However, he wondered if things were not better this way.

Samara shrugged as she looked at him. "Sometimes I think that, but I'd rather have those memories and know what I'm doing with my life than to feel so lost in the world," Samara replied as she looked at him. Leaning back, she stared down at her hands. "Something is very wrong with me and I don't know what it is or why. I love Eric, and I know I want to be married and raise a family... but why then do I resist him so much?"

Severus stared at Samara, thinking that the only thing he could really tell her was that maybe Eric wasn't the one. However, Severus couldn't bring himself to tell her that, even though nothing would have made him happier than to break up her engagement. "I take it to understand that many people get cold feet-"

"This is far beyond cold feet, Severus," she said, looking up suddenly at him. "I love Eric, but something feels off, like... I do not love him as much as..." she broke off and looked off into the distance and shook herself. "Love isn't a fairytale," she told herself, as though she had been repeating the mantra to herself for years and years. And the fact was, that she had been repeating it to herself for years. She told herself that she was just trying to destroy a perfectly good relationship that there was nothing wrong with. So she didn't feel any magic, or like she was full. She told herself that love couldn't be perfect and that perhaps she was simply insatiable. She'd read one too many fairytales about love and idealized it. "I suppose there is nothing wrong with marrying a man who adores you; perhaps in love, one person always loves more than the other," she said as she looked up at him.

He couldn't find anything to say in response to this as he stared at her, getting a better picture of what her relationship with Eric must be like. He thought that perhaps she was marrying her best friend, someone that she did care deeply for, but did not truly love. "Love isn't perfect, Samara. It is a lesson everyone learns," Severus said darkly as he finished his sundae and thought about how his heart panged to have her at his side, but how he couldn't because of mistakes in his past.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Samara tilted her head as she looked at him and thought of what he said. She could hear his voice, as if coming from some far distant life, saying that life wasn't fair and how everyone learned it sooner or later. However, she couldn't remember why or when he had said it, but she recalled him saying it to her, telling her that she had learned that lesson already and that one day, her classmates would as well.

Looking up at him, she wondered how much of her time she had spent with Severus in her sixth and seventh year and wondered why they had gotten close. Thinking that perhaps after having spent the summer in his house for about a month, that it had been inevitable for her not to talk to him and supposed that was the reason. Pushing these thoughts out of her mind, she looked up into his eyes and smiled at him. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She didn't want to give herself a headache, thinking about things that she wouldn't be able to remember or stressing her brain by forcing herself to. She had to trust that it would all come back in its own time.

"I should probably go," Severus said, suddenly rising from his chair and depositing a few silver sickles on the table top. Samara rose from her chair and picked up her book as she stared at him, grabbing onto his forearm, hoping for him to stay, for only a a bit longer. She didn't understand why it was that she felt like he was always running away from her, trying to get away from her as fast as he could. However, her hand on his arm seemed to have frozen him quite effectively.

"I'm sorry, its just you always run off," she said with an apologetic smile as she looked up at him and gingerly removed her hand. It made him terribly miss her warmth and his knees to go weak, but he stood tall and gazed down at her. Not trusting himself to speak he merely nodded as he looked at her. "I'll see you around I suppose," Samara said as she impulsively leaned forward on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

Their reactions were instantaneous and they both felt more warm and whole than they had felt in years. Their bodies tingled with the strange sensation caused when she had innocently placed her soft lips to his pale and smooth cheek. However, as they pulled apart, Samara felt a blush creep onto her face as she nodded towards him and disappeared from his sight as quickly as her legs would carry her away.

Reaching up to his cheek, where the innocent little kiss she had given him had ignited a fire, Severus felt disoriented. He found that he didn't understand what was happening anymore than she did. Why had she giving him a kiss on the cheek? Why didn't she mind his company or despise him like most people? She didn't have any recollection of what they had and what she probably did remember of him was nothing more than the same impression millions of other students had of him. Why then didn't she hate him as all his other students did?

Brushing these thoughts away, Severus shook his head and tried not to wonder what was going on. Despite the way that his heart thundered inside his chest, he told himself very firmly that Samara didn't and couldn't possibly love him anymore. He told himself that nothing could or ever would happen with her. More importantly, he reminded himself that should Samara remember what they had in its entirety, she would probably hate him anyway.

Telling himself that Samara was who she was and would never change, he told himself that she wasn't treating him any different than she would treat any other person. She was by nature a very sweet and friendly girl and that there was nothing more to the way that she treated him. And with a heavy heart, Severus apparated home, trying to ignore the fact that in a day or two, Potter would arrive in Grimmauld and that in a months time, he would be back at Hogwarts, and would probably see less and even less of Samara.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I was going to update Monday, but extenuating circumstances arose (briefly explained on my homepage where you can check if you are ever curious why I might not have updated).

Anyway I hope that you have all enjoyed the chapter. Once more I am sorry for the delay. PLEASE REVIEW!


	5. Samara's Little Secret

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 5: Samara's Little Secret**_

August felt like it disappeared far too quickly as September was about to roll in. Laying awake, Samara sighed as she rolled around and stared at Eric and he lightly snored in his sleep. She smiled sadly as she stared at his straight, brown locks flowed on the pillow as he rested one hand over his bare stomach and the other tucked beneath his head. His lips were slightly parted as he slept on his back and she stared at him, she found herself thinking about how great she really had it with him. He was gorgeous and a good man, but Samara somehow felt that he deserved so much better than her.

Rolling up closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his bare torso and pressed her head in the nook of his shoulder and chest. Instinctively, without waking, Eric pulled the hand that was resting on his stomach and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her closer to his side and rolled his head so that his lips pressed on top of her head. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she took in his body's warm scent and pressed closer to him.

He had been there for her when she felt like she was all alone. He filled a hole inside of her... yet, she sometimes wondered if that was the only reason that she was with him. He loved her, and that made her feel slightly less lost. At least she didn't feel like she was alone and wasn't crippled by her loneliness. However, she felt that lately, she really was alone, whether she was with him or not.

Holding on to Eric tightly, Samara wondered what was wrong with her. Lately, she felt as though she couldn't get Severus out of her head. Whenever she had a spare moment to think, he was invading all of her thoughts, his name always popping up to the front of her mind and always resting like an unspoken prayer on the tip of her tongue. She had planted a single, small, friendly kiss on his cheek and since that night she felt like an insatiable fire had been lit within her that refused to leave her alone.

Her eyes were riveted to him at every meeting that they had and she found that she wanted to spend more time with him, though she didn't understand why that was. Lately, she had to keep telling herself that it was only because he held a key to her past. She told herself that she wanted to be around him so that she could remember and be able to get on and be happy with her life. However, something told her that was not the reason her heart raced when she was near him, or why she was burning within. Something told her that there was a reason that she couldn't stop thinking about him and why every time she closed her eyes, she was dreaming about him.

Sighing, Samara sat up in bed, not at all worried that she would awake Eric as he slept like the dead. Running her hands through her hair, Samara thought of all the strange dreams that she had been having of Severus lately. She dreamt of walking through a garden with him, she dreamt of standing with him in the rain, she dreamt of falling asleep, curled up in his lap and more and more often lately, she dreamt of making love with him.

Feeling her face flushing horribly, Samara threw the thin sheet that they were sleeping with off and stood up. Heading towards the washroom she closed the door behind herself and turned on the light. The bulb flickered overhead for a moment and Samara stared at it, wondering why Eric never took care of anything in his apartment.

Bending over the sink, she opened the tap and splashed water on her face and neck, hoping to cool off. However, she was slightly startled when something silvery swirled into the middle of the bathroom, causing her to back into the door. "Where the bloody hell are you?" a silver Doe hissed in what was unmistakeably Severus' voice. Running a hand over her face, Samara turned off the tap, quickly turned off the light and threw open the door. Hurrying over to the bed, she picked up her wand from the nightstand and apparated with a pop to her apartment.

She had thought for a moment of picking up her Healers robes and discarded clothing, however, she figured that she really needed to get to Severus' side as soon as was possible and help him. Besides, she knew that she would be returnng to Eric's afterwards. Not like she wanted to do him the discourtesy of having him wake up in a fews hours time and find that she was no longer there. Especially not after the fact that he was so happy lately with the fact that they wedding plans were well underway and that everything had been so perfect lately.

As soon as she apparated into her apartment, Samara looked around and was surprised to find him sitting on her bed. Rushing over immediately to his side, she tried to avoid his angry glare as he looked down at her and kneeling before him she started to check his vitals and run the usually diagnostic spells. She wasn't surprised that there had been more damage on his muscles typical of the Cruciatus curse. However, she was quite sickened to see the way that one of his arms seemed to be hanging off the socket and lay limply at his side.

"This is going to hurt," Samara said as she stood up and grabbed his arm and shoulder. Severus merely grit his teeth in response to this as Samara roughly popped his shoulder back into place. As she looked at his face and tried to smile, she noted that there was a small cut on the very edge of his hairline. "I'll be right back," Samara said turning around to walk into the kitchen for some dittany and a muscle relaxant.

Severus furrowed his brow as she turned away and noted the tattoo on the small of her back, only visible because the short, shorts that she wore hung low on her slender hips and the shirt that she wore was riding up. Severus remembered the first time that Severus had seen the red X on the small of her back, and remembered quite vividly that she had asked him to turn it into a snake in the shape of an S. However, as he stared at it, he found that someone had embellished upon the tattoo, for now there were two Snakes, intertwined and making two overlapping S'.

Feeling his heart thudding, he wondered when she had gotten that changed and found himself following her into the kitchen. "What is this?" he asked, his index finger poking the small of her back. Turning around, Samara was quite startled to see Severus standing very close behind her and the delicious way shivers ran through her body at his touch.

"Oh, that... I'm not sure. I've had that on my back since before the accident. I thought perhaps one stood for my name and the other for Slytherin," Samara said with a light shrug as a blush crept onto her cheeks. Severus stared at her with a raised brow, thinking that very unlikely, especially if she had it there since before the accident. He wondered for a moment if perhaps Samara had changed the tattoo while they were still together. However, he didn't think of this for too long as he suddenly realized how close he was standing to Samara and realized that not only was she wearing very little, but from his vantage point he could actually look down her light shirt.

"I see," he said, taking a step away from her as he suddenly felt all the heat of his body gathering in a place he'd rather very much it wouldn't. Samara merely smiled lightly at him as she padded across the kitchen towards the Potions cabinet as Severus took a seat where she had indicated. After a moment, she had returned with the potion, instructing him to drink it as she opened the other potion and poured some on her finger.

"Its been a while since you've had to see me," Samara said, trying to fill the awkward silence that had interposed itself between them after they had been standing so close to each other. Severus quickly gulped down the potion as he tried to not to notice how tempting Samara looked. It made Samara wonder if she was just imagining things or if perhaps he felt uncomfortable because he wanted her was much as she wanted him. However, she tried not to think of this as she focused her gaze on the cut on his head and started to lightly apply the salve on the wound.

"Since the start of term will soon begin, the Dark Lord has not wanted to pull me from my duties very often. I assume as the year progresses... we will see less of each other," Severus replied, trying to take his mind off the way her fingertips felt so delicious on his forehead. However, as she lightly held his head in her hands and blew on the now moist wound, he found that he couldn't help the way that his body reacted to her. She was now standing close enough as she leaned over him, healing his wound, so that her smell of Pomegranates was intoxicating him.

Samara merely nodded in response to this as she backed up slightly and examined the wound on his head, while still holding it gently between her hands ignoring the heart-ache that she felt when he mentioned that they would see less of each other. "All better?" Samara asked as she looked down into his eyes, smiling in a way that seemed to make his brain turn into mush. Clenching his mouth closed tight, he nodded in response as he stared at her, unable to think of anything to say and not trusting himself to open his mouth and respond to her without drooling. "Good," she said softly, trying to suppress the gasp that wanted to escape her as she realized how close they were to each other and the fact that the way that he was staring at her made her burn in a way that was completely unfamiliar.

"I should go," he said as he stood up and backed away from Samara. Samara smiled bashfully as she downcast her gaze and rubbed her bare arms. Severus stared at her, his heart panging for her, wishing for the days that he was able to hold her in his arms. However, he shook his head of these thoughts as he pulled out his wand and Disappparated, causing Samara to turn away and walk back to her room and sit on her bed, running a hand thruogh her short black hair.

She didn't understand what was wrong with her. Why had she wanted something to happen with Severus? Why did she feel like she missed him when he had just gone? Not that it made any sense at all for her to miss him. He was nothing more than her teacher, and perhaps at one point she had allowed him to come very close to her, but it didn't matter anymore because she couldn't remember it. And was she just imagining things, or did he want her too?

Standing up from where she sat, Samara walked towards her closet and pulled it open. At the bottom, at the very back of her closet was her old school trunk and sitting atop of it was a small tank. Kneeling down on the floor before it, she leaned close to the glass and peered inside, ignoring the plant-life and searching the insides. Before long, her eyes fell on something small, with eight long, thick legs protruding from it, eight eyes watching her. "Aran, you are going to have to tell me what happened in the past," Samara said sternly as she stared at the small spider that she had since before the accident.

"It's for your own protection," it clicked its pincers at her as it stared at her with the eight eyes that circled the crown of his small head. Samara stared at Aran a bit skeptically, but she'd had Aran for many years already. Apparently she had acquiesced him when had spent part of her summer with Sinistra in their travels. Being as Samara had never been frightened of spiders, she had been fascinated with Aran and had kept him as her familiar, and she had no closer friend or confidant. Therefore, she trusted that he was only trying to protect her.

"All right, but I'm very confused," Samara said unhappily as she sighed.

"All will be revealed in its own time. Any sooner and it may be too much of a shock," Aran said wisely. Samara looked at Aran and nodded. Aran, from what he had told her was in the least fifty years old, and his Spider species, which was magical, was known for living for many years. Usually, the men were killed after mating, which was the reason that they were dying out. The male part of the species simply refused to procreate and be fed to their children.

"Well, I better get back to Eric. Wouldn't want him to wake up and miss me," Samara said as she got ready to rise. Aran merely slipped back into the foliage of his tank, as Samara rose and closed the closet once more. She didn't always keep Aran locked up, but his was a species that preferred the dark. His eyes were better adjusted to see through the darkness and he was typically blinded by light. Samara assumed that in her years had Hogwarts, she had kept his tank beneath the bed. After all, the tank wasn't very large considering the fact that Aran was no bigger than the pad of her thumb (though his exoskeleton was nearly as tough as Dragon hide).

Walking back into the kitchen, she picked up her wand and apparated back to Eric's flat. She was unsurprised that he was still laying in bed, his mouth still open and fast asleep. Samara smiled lightly, however, couldn't shake off the feeling that her life wasn't where it should be and that Aran could make her whole existence a lot easier if he would just tell her everything, after all, she knew all that she had ever told him, and at the moment, that was a whole lot more than she now knew.

As Samara lay down and sleep at long last overcame her troubled thoughts, she found herself falling into the darkness, where moon rays hardly penetrated the deep canopy over her head as she walked over the soft soil, avoiding large tree roots and making sure not to snap a single root. It wasn't long before she found what she had been looking for, and knelt down, opening the jar that she was carrying. "They won't harm you, will they?" Samara asked as she opened the jar and picked Aran from her shoulder and set him inside her jar.

"They are much too young for their venom to cause damage, you know that. And their fangs cannot penetrate my skin," Aran answered as she lowered him.

"I need five, then," Samara said as she set the jar on the ground and watched as Aran crawled out and away towards the tree trunk, hidden by bushes of leaves. She waited and looked around, keeping her ears pricked up to catch any sound from the Forbidden Forest as she pulled her school robes tighter around herself. She didn't know what it was about the Forest, but in the dead of night, it seemed more foreboding than usual.

She didn't know how long she was waiting, but it didn't seem too long when she heard squeals. Fearing that Aran had been injured, she immediately turned to look at the jar, however, as relieved when Aran crawled out of the underbrush, his two back legs tugging along a string, to which she could see were tied another five others. At the end of each of the five strings, she was amazed to see five baby Acromatulas, being dragged across the ground towards the jar on their backs, all eight of their legs tied up and reaching for the sky.

Before long, Aran had dragged them into the jar which she immediately capped off as she straightened up and looked inside. "I will set you free should you agree to each bite the girl in whose bed you will rest in. If you do not agree and do as you are told, I will allow Aran to eat you," Samara said as she smiled at the helpless little acromantulas, all who willingly agreed and were set free in the Slytherin dorm, each assigned to a bed where they awaited their prey.

Samara sat bolt upright as she awakened from her dream. "Good morning," looking up, she smiled as best she could as Eric walked over and placed a kiss on her forehead. She was unsurprised to see that he had already tied up his long brown hair into a ponytail and was already dawning his Auror robes, ready for work. "Are you all right Samara?" he asked as he stared at her. Samara nodded a she looked at him.

"Eric... in our seventh year... was there ever a time when five Slytherin girls were bitten by baby Acromantula's?" Samara asked as she looked at him. She had a feeling that what she had dreamt was more than just a dream. However, she didn't understand why she would do such a thing. Sure she remembered at times, the other Slytheirn girls in her year had done awful things that she wished to punish them for, but she hadn't ever dared to do any such thing. Or at least, she thought that she had never stooped so low.

Eric seemed slightly taken aback by this question, however he tilted his head and looked towards the cieling as he thought about her question. "Yes actually I think there was. I think it was during the Dueling Competiion and I heard it was nothing teribly serious. You even came in late and I think you told Snape about it," Eric said as he turned to look at her and smiled. "Why do you ask, Samara?" he asked as he stared at her.

Samara felt her stomach churn at the thought that she had done such a thing and wondered why on earth she'd done it. However, she merely shook her head and smiled up at him. "No reason," Samara said with a smile at Eric, who in turn smiled brightly back at her.

"Well my sweet, I will hopefully see you later. Hope you have a nice day at work," Eric said as he once more and pressed his lips on her forehead. Samara merely nodded and smiled as he spun and apparated away. Rising from the bed, Samara pushed all the thoughts that were invading her head away and picked up her things as she apparated home for a quick shower before she had to go into work. She wished that she had time to speak to Aran about the dream which she was quite sure was a recovered memory, however, as she dressed, she realized that she hadn't the time to speak to him and needed to head into work.

However, despite how disturbed she was about the memory and her actions, she couldn't help but feel a bounce in her step as she walked towards her office. After all, it wasn't everyday that you recovered a full memory, and out of the few that she had ever recovered, she felt that this one was a bit more significant.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Aran (pronounced like when you say Aranae, which is where it comes from) is good, believe it or not. I know that spiders get a bad rep and you would like to think that they are evil because they are so creepy, but Aran is very loyal to Samara and doesn't ever have ulterior motives when it comes to her.

That being said, I hoped that you all enjoyed this chapter, as it answers one of the questions that I left open in Gumby. So please Review and tell me what you think!


	6. Your Favorite Flower

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 6: Your Favorite Flower**_

Samara made her way in to the Auror office, wearing a visitors badge on her Healer robes as she looked around wondering where Eric was. "Wotcher Sam," Samara looked up and smiled as she looked at Tonks. "What are you doing here?" Tonks asked after Samara gave her a polite hello. Most people wondered how the two very different girls could possibly be friends, however, Samara nor Tonks particularly cared for the differences between them, vast though they were.

"I need to talk to Eric about tonight," Samara replied as she looked around once more, while Tonks nodded at this knowingly. Samara hated looking for Eric in the Auror office, it was impossible as all the cubicles looked alike. She recognized that she could have just sent him a note, telling him that she would be unable to join him for dinner as they had planned with her family, however, considering how much he was looking forward to it, she thought it best to deliver the message in person. "You know we had an important dinner planned tonight and I thought that I should tell him that I can't make it in person," Samara further explained as her hazel eyes scanned the nearest cubicles.

Eric had never met her family before and seeing as they were planning to get married, he needed to meet them. Eric didn't quite understand why Samara was so reluctant about him meeting her family, however, he understood that she had always been very private about her home life. He was consoled by the fact that her mother and siblings were aware that she was in a relationship with him and that they were now engaged. Samara had told Eric that her mother had wanted to meet him for quite some time, however, the time had never seemed quite right as they were always so busy.

"That's a shame," Tonks said, thinking about the Order meeting that had been called for that evening, the reason that Samara was not going to be able to make it to the dinner. "Come on, I'll walk you to his cubicle," Tonks said as she whirled around, tripped on her robes and would have fallen on her face had not Samara snatched up her arm. "Thanks," Tonks muttered, her face turning as pink as her pastel pink curls. Samara merely shook her head and smiled at Tonks as she followed her to the cubicle.

Samara smiled fondly as she watched Eric sitting with his back to them, his feet up on his desk while he dictated something to his quill. "Oy, Williamson, got you a present," Tonks said loudly, causing Eric to nearly fall out of his chair as he wheeled around to see who was there. His face suddenly broke into a broad grin as he stared at Samara and rushing up to her and hugging her tightly. "Get a room," Tonks said as she walked away.

"What are you doing here, love?" Eric said as he pulled away and looked down at Samara's face while beaming. Samara felt an awful twinge of guilt in her stomach to see how happy he was and how she was about to crush that happiness. While it was not her fault that she had an Order meeting to attend, she couldn't say that she was not relieved that Eric would not be able to meet her family that evening. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her family or what it was like growing up with them, because she knew Eric wouldn't ask too many questions and her mother would never reveal what they went through; however, there was just something that did not want the two to mix. Almost as though she thought that if anyone knew of her family, the whole world would. She knew that Eric wasn't indiscreet, however the thought of him telling anyone at all, even people he considered friends like Tonks, or his boss about her family made her feel nauseous.

However, that wasn't the only reason that she felt slightly guilty. The truth was, the thought of seeing Severus for the first time in about a fortnight kept bringing up butterflies in her stomach. She didn't understand or know why, but the thought of seeing him again made her heart thunder and she found that she had actually missed him though she could not comprehend why. She supposed it was simply because she knew that anything that she ever told him would never go beyond that. Severus wasn't exactly the social type and she felt free around him because he already seemed to know more about her than anyone else, including the darkness surrounding her family.

"Its my lunch break and there is something that I need to tell you and I thought it was best I break the news to you in person," Samara said gently as she looked up into his eyes. Eric furrowed his brow at this, a small grimace twisting his mouth as his heart sank into the pit of his stomach telling him he was in for some disappointment.

"What is it?" he asked apprehensively, pulling slightly away from Samara.

"Dinner will have to be called off tonight, Eric. I'm so sorry," she added as she watched the way his shoulders sagged slightly. "Its just that we are understaffed on our floor today and we will be this evening and I need to stay much later... I'm very sorry Eric, but dinner this evening will just be impossible," Samara lied as she stared into his brown eyes. She hated the way that it was so easy to lie to him, how she could do it without giving any signs away that she was lying and doing it without remorse. It made her certain that Eric deserved so much more than her, any man would.

"It's all right Samara, its not your fault," Eric said, running his hands through her hair and placing a kiss on her forehead, though his beaming smile was completely gone and his tone was one of defeated resignation. Samara grimaced as she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly, resting her head in his shoulder. She didn't comprehend she didn't love this man more than she did. She felt that he deserved the world and for some reason, all he wanted was her and she couldn't really give that to him.

"I promise to come home to you as soon as I can," Samara said into his chest.

"I look forward to that," Eric said with a small smile as she pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "We'll see when we set up the dinner once more, hopefully soon," Eric said as he bent his head down and placed a kiss on Samara's lips. Samara nodded into his kiss, while wondering why she didn't see fireworks when they kissed or feel all tingly in her stomach when they did. While she did very much enjoy his kisses, she found that it was much more of just a physical thing than anything sentimental or romantic.

"I will see you later then, my lunch break is almost over and I really need to make it back to the hospital," Samara said as she gave Eric another peck.

"All right, sweetie," Eric said as he bent down and placed another kiss on her lips, relishing in the way that she took his bottom lip between hers and nipped him softly, thinking she should give him a reward for disappointing him.

"Try not to tire yourself too much today," Samara said as she walked away and gave him a teasing smile and a small wink. Eric felt his cheeks flush as he nodded obediently, watching as the dark haired girl spun on her heel and graciously walked out of the Department, her hair fanning out behind her as she turned. Eric groaned as he sat back down at his desk, thinking that it would now be a much longer day as he was looking forward to nightfall much more now.

--

"You know, I thought that Eric would be mightily disappointed about the fact that you were canceling your dinner tonight, but he seemed rather upbeat all day," Tonks said as she watched Samara as the meeting at last came to an end. Samara merely smiled enigmatically, as Remus and Sirius walked over, not allowing her to respond to Tonks. Not that she was planning to either way.

Ignoring the conversation that was ensuing between Tonks, Sirius and Remus about Hogwarts and the way that Dolores Umbridge and the Ministry were trying to undermine Dumbledore's authority at Hogwarts, Samara found her eyes wandering over to Severus where her eyes had constantly strayed, and occasionally clashed with an intense pair of black orbs, throughout the evening. She watched him as he had a heavy discussion with Albus Dumbledore near the Kitchen's door.

"What house were you in Samara?" Samara suddenly turned away from what she was looking at and looked a little startled at Remus. All three of them were staring at her and she wondered what she had missed while they were speaking.

"Slytherin," Tonks answered for her. Samara watched as Remus and Sirius reacted to this. While Remus seemed very surprised, his surprise wasn't marked with what looked like suspicion and mild disapproval like Sirius'. She gazed at them, wondering why it bothered them so. She understood that they had been in Gryffindor and understood the whole House rivalry, however, she didn't think that they should stare at her in such a way.

"But you are so nice and normal," Sirius said as he looked at her. Samara narrowed her eyes on Sirius, feeling insulted. Straightening up her back, she stared at him in such a way that despite the fact that he was taller than Samara, made him suddenly feel so much smaller than her.

"Yes when the sorting hat was placed on my head it had a bit of trouble placing me, however, I thought that Slytherin suited me well," Samara said as she looked at him with a cold smile fixed on her face.

"Samara, a word," Samara turned slightly and was surprised to see Severus had walked up besides her. He hardly seemed to move his mouth when he spoke and he looked very displeased and Samara hoped that it was because of her current company and had nothing to do with her as she nodded in response to him. Excusing herself as politely as she could she turned and followed Severus, who was already walking away and out of the kitchen. Following along in silence, she followed him up the stairs and out of Grimmauld. Once they were out in the cool air, Severus turned to her. "Professor Dumbledore thinks that it may be prudent now that I am teaching at Hogwarts that you are acquainted with my private quarters should an event ever arise were you must reach me there. While I find this pointless and do not see such an occasion ever arising...Headmasters orders," Severus said tersely, speaking in a low and murderous tone.

Samara merely nodded as she stared up at him her heart panging at the cold way that he was speaking to her or the way that he was refusing to look at her. However, Severus was in as much pain as she was. He felt that in the two weeks that had jus passed, he had missed her more terribly than he had missed her before she came back into his life and he couldn't comprehend it. He knew that more than anything he needed that distance, but he craved her more than all else.

"Shall we meet at Hogwarts gates?" Samara asked as she looked up at him. He barely even seemed to nod at her before dissapparating with a pop, leaving Samara to follow suit. As Samara turned around she felt herself inhale sharply to see the gates of Hogwarts. She had not been to the school since she left it, and as she stared at the gates, she felt a rush of memories come to her, one in particularly sticking out that she did not recall. She didn't ever recall wearing a gypsy costume and walking to the castle with Timothy, Nate, Ethan and Bill. However, as the bit of memory rushed past her, she felt very shaky.

Staring at the gates, she felt her eyes go through the process of walking back to the castle, which was they arrived seemed considerably empty. She watched briefly as Severus snapped at her and Bill to get to their dorms and turning to go up the staircase with him as Severus and the three other Slytherins headed down towards the dungeons. She assumed than that it was her seventh year, when she had been Head Girl. It wasn't something she recalled but she remembered Eric telling her of.

"_Are you all right Samara?" _Bill's voice seemed to drift to her from somewhere far away, like some echo inside of her head, bouncing off the insides of her scull. However, she stayed frozen as she heard herself respond that she was all right as she and Bill proceeded to head up the stairs, feeling strangely hollow inside. "_Are you sure Samara? I'm sorry he said such terrible things about you,"_ Bill said as they passed the fourth floor on paused on the fifth.

"_He was drunk Bill, he didn't know what he was saying. He'll feel terrible about it in the morning," _Samara said in defense of Timothy Elias. "G_ood night Bill, and thank you for stranding up for me," _Samara said as she bowed her head and disappeared down the fifth floor corridor.

Samara shook her head and rubbed her eyes as she stared at Severus, who had stopped beyond the gates and turned to look at her. "Are you all right, Samara?" Severus asked as he looked at her. Samara merely nodded as she walked up to where he stood, not looking up at him as she thought about what she has just recovered. She was quite sure that it was in her seventh year, because she had no previous recollection of that, however, she didn't quite understand what that was about.

Severus merely nodded at this as he turned and flicked his wand at the gates, causing them to close behind them with a soft clang. Turning around, he started his trek back to the castle, thinking about the way Samara must have suddenly frozen at the sight of the gates. He had thought that she was followed him through them, however, when he did not hear her walking beside him, he began to wonder as to whether or not she was. When he turned, he was slightly surprised to see that she was still standing there, merely staring at the gates with a look of mild confusion crossing her features.

"Perhaps we should disillusion you," Severus suddenly said as he caught the first glimpse of the castle beyond the trees and turned to look at Samara. However, he was taken aback to see that she was standing still once more, staring at the gates.

This time, it was a completely different memory that had frozen Samara at the gate. Flashes of a carriage ride from Hogwarts down to the gates flashed before her eyes. She could see herself in a carriage with a few other seventh years and she was looking out the window to see the approaching gates, only to turn back and give the castle a last longing look. However, this mundane memory was not at all what pained her. There was something about the memory that made her feel a crippling amount of pain, the likes of which she had never before experienced. The mere shadow of the memory caused tears to sprout in her eyes, and she wondered why she had been in so much pain when she had left the castle that last time. Was it simply because she was leaving behind the castle, her refuge? Or was she leaving behind something else?

Her heart clenched painfully as she caught a last glimpse inside the carriage, looking at another pair of girls laughing and being merry. It felt like their happiness was mocking her and she desired to be alone. She was having a hard time to keep herself from crying, but despite the fact that Samara could remember how she felt, she didn't know why she felt that way.

"Samara." Turning around Samara smiled at Severs before reaching up with her wand and lightly tapping her head. Immediately she felt the slightly unpleasant feeling of the Disillusionment spell washing over her, making her a human chameleon. "Are you sure you are all right Samara?" Severus asked with mild concern as he looked at the bleary patch that moved and shifted.

"Yes, I'm fine," Samara replied, trying to sound bright. Severus merely nodded as he turned, however, before he took another step, he turned around.

"I would like to know that you are following me," he said as he looked at her. He didn't want her to stop following him when she stopped and him not noticing because she was disillusioned. In response to this, she weaved her arm through his and held onto his elbow, putting the slightest of pressure on it.

Severus felt his heart quicken at this, however merely turned away and walked up to the castle, feeling Samara at his side as he walked. While Samara's heart fluttered inside her chest, she thought that there was something extremely familiar and right about this. She wondered at how perfectly her arm seemed to loop through his and how natural it felt, like she was supposed to be there at his side.

Blinking these thoughts away, Samara turned her attention to their walk and stared silently as the castle looked closer and closer. She gasped and smiled as she stared at the castle, its many windows shining like gold against the black velvet of the night sky. She stared up at she walked at the many towers and the impressive side of her beloved school. "It has been such a long time since I have seen Hogwarts," Samara said as she stared up at the castle in amazement.

Severus merely nodded as this as they stepped up into the empty Entrance Hall and he lead her down the dungeons. Samara felt such a rush of memories, many of which she was already familiar with and as she looked around the oh so familiar Hall and as peaked inside the Great Hall, she wondered where all the students where. She supposed that as it was nearly curfew, that they were already in their respective Houses.

However, as they descended into the dungeons and branched away from Slytherin, she found that there was something familiar about the steps that they were tracing. Almost as though she had walked this way many times before, though she didn't remember the passage at all. However, it made her heart thunder much harder against her ribs and she was afraid that it might just break one and pop out through her flesh.

As they stopped before a patch of stone wall, Samara looked over at Severus. She remembered quite well that the entrance to Slytherin was much like this one, however as she stared at the stone before her, she wondered how she had known that this was it. Like she had been there before. "Dahlia," he said, causing the door to slide open and motioning for Samara to step through, which she immediately did and disillusioned herself, turning to look around the room. Her mind immediately flashed to the dreams she was having where she was curled up with her head in Severus' lap and as she stared at the room she wondered how she had dreamed of this room to smallest, exact detail.

"Dahlia?" she asked as she turned to look at him, trying to force away the overwhelming sense of confusion that she felt. She needed a reprieve, however, found herself thinking back to the dream of a beautiful garden and staring at a large, colorful flower and the distant voice of Severus, echoing in her head. "It's your favorite flower," she said before he could answer as she fell heavily on the couch.

Severus stared at Samara, wondering how it was that she knew that and wondering if she was all right. She had been acting strangely from the moment that she had apparated to Hogwarts, and as he stared at her, he felt worried that she wasn't feeling well as she buried her head in her hands and held her head together, as though she was trying to keep it from splitting open. "How did you know?" Severus found himself asking as he steadily approached her where she sat. Samara merely shook her head in response.

It seemed to Severus that perhaps being back to Hogwarts was a little too much for Samara. He could think of no other place that was more impregnated with all their memories than Hogwarts. Staring down at her, he wondered whether or not she was remembering more than she wanted to, or if it was that painfully confusing. However, Severus merely stood stock still, watching her; almost as though he feared to make any sudden movements around her, fearing that she would suddenly remember and lash out against him for what he put her through all those years ago.

"Did we know each other in a past life?" Samara said as she looked up at him with a teasing smile, her eyes sparkling strangely. Severus furrowed his brow as he watched her slowly get to her feet. "I think I know you," Samara said, causing him confusion as she stepped closer. There was something strange about her eyes that almost frightened him as she walked nearer, and he wanted to pull away, but found himself rooted to the spot. "Severus... its almost as though we were close at one point, more than any two people could be," Samara said as her heart thundered in her chest as she looked up into his eyes. She didn't know how she could speak so calmly despite the way her heart thundered, however, the fact that he stood so transfixed gave her courage. "I don't understand how that can be... but I feel like, I can't be anyone else's but yours," Samara said as she slowly and gently reached up to touch his face.

Severus inhaled sharply at the contact of her skin on his and felt his eyes close and his head lean into her touch. He didn't know why he could not control himself, or why he could do nothing to resist her. It was almost as though once more whatever magical hold she had over him all those years ago was suddenly trapping him once more in its grasp, bending him to her will no matter how much he wished to resist. "Samara you are free," Severus said as he opened his eyes and slowly turned away from her touch which tortured him with memories of their past.

Samara shook her head. "My heart doesn't thunder like this for Eric," Samara said as she took Severus hand with her free one and placed it on the puling artery on her neck. "I don't feel like I'm burning inside when he looks at me, my insides don't feel warm and fuzzy when I'm around him," Samara said as she looked into his eyes. "Only with you and I don't care if I don't know why, but I feel more at peace with you."

"Samara you are just confused," Severus said, pulling his hand away from her soft neck and stepping away from her touch. "You will be happy when you get married and your life becomes more normal," Severus said as he looked at Samara, who suddenly looked like she had been struck and was snapping out of a spell.

"Even your rejection is familiar in a way I don't understand," Samara said, stepping away from him and looking at the ground. Her head was screaming at her, like she was on a precipice and telling her to take the final plunge, but she didn't know how. She wanted to, but she couldn't move. She was frozen, unable to step forward, dash into the unknown and reemerge enlightened and maybe broken. "I'm sorry, I have to go," Samara said, looking up and feeling like she needed to get away.

Severus didn't say anything as Samara headed towards the door and disappeared into the castle. Sighing heavily, he sat down on the couch and wondered what on earth was going on as he buried his head in his hands. However, as he closed his eyes, he found that he wasn't thinking about the strange scene that had just occurred. Instead, he was thinking about Samara and where she in all probability was heading. She was going to _him_. She was going back to _his _arms.

--

"I'm sorry I'm so late," Samara sighed unhappily when she walked into Eric's bedroom. She had left Severus, but she hadn't been able to leave Hogwarts. Instead, she found herself wandering around it for hours, stealthily avoiding any awoken inhabitants and trying to jog her memory. However, it didn't matter if she was wandering around for one hour, two, three or four, nothing came and nothing would.

Eric looked up from the documents he was working on in bed and grimaced slightly to see how tired Samara looked. "Its all right. Long day huh?" he said as he set aside the papers on the nightstand and motioned for her to come closer. Samara merely nodded in response as she sat down on the edge of the bed as Eric started to knead her shoulder muscles. "Its okay, you're home now," Eric said as he set Samara's shoulder length hair-lose of its pony-tail.

Turning around slowly, Samara stared into Eric's handsome face and into his beautiful brown eyes. "Eric... you're too good to me. More than I deserve," Samara said as she downcast her gaze in the shame of that evening. She knew she had always been impulsive, but to hit on her ex-head of house simply because she was loosing her mind seemed like a line she should have never crossed. In her opinion, it was the stupidest, most brash, impulsive thing she could ever remember doing and she hated herself for it.

"Samara, you know I forgive you for being a Slytherin," Eric teased as he looked at Samara. Samara smiled and shook her head.

"How do you always know the right thing to say to make me smile?" Samara asked as she looked back up into his wonderful brown eyes and ran a hair through his straight brown hair.

"Because I love you and I want nothing more than your resplendent happiness," he replied as he leaned in and placed a kiss on Samara's lips. Tugging on his hair, Samara pulled Eric away and smiled at him, ignoring the sharp pain in her heart that she did not feel as much love for him as he felt for her. However, she ignored this as she stared at his handsome face, which reserved the most gorgeous of smiles for her and smiled in return at him.

"You know, I saw Bill Weasley and your hair is much longer than his now. Does that mean you won the bet?" Samara asked. However, at the exact time the confused and excited look came into Eric's eyes, Samara frowned. She wasn't exactly sure she knew what she was talking about. Turning way, she furrowed her brow and found herself standing in that gypsy costume before Bill and teasing him about how long his hair was getting.

"Bill told me he told you about that bet, but I thought that was one of the many things you didn't remember," Eric said as he looked at Samara. Samara shook her head as she looked at him and smiled in a confused way.

"I didn't until now," Samara replied as she looked at him.

"That's excellent love," Eric said as he placed another kiss on Samara's lips. Samara smiled into his kiss, however, her stomach churned in unpleasantness. It seemed that since her memory started to return, every one she recovered, seemed to pull her farther and farther away from Eric.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Well I hope that everyone enjoyed this chapter. There is more excitement to come in the next chapter, however, you'll have to wait for it. Sorry. But as always please review.


	7. Black Magic Woman

**Disclaimer: **Song that Samara sings is by Peggy Lee called "You Give Me Fever".

**A/n:** This chapter was inspired by Carlos Santana's Black Magic Woman (not actually featured here) and I just wanted to remind everyone before they start to read this chapter that the rating for this story was changed to rated M and that this chapter will have some adult content. Enjoy!

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 7: Black Magic Woman**_

"So you are fine with the wedding being on January eleventh?" Samara asked Eric as they made their way through Diagon Alley as she walked him towards the Ministry. It was one of the very few moments that they had together in weeks. It seemed that lately there was simply no time for anything at all since they were both so busy with work. As it was, the only reason she had time was because she had the night off and Eric was just going into work at that moment.

"Yes, that's perfect. I mean since its closer to the New Year we will both have a bit more free time than usual and its earlier than we originally planned which I am all for. Have you started to work on the invitations?" Eric asked as they walked quickly down the street.

"Your mother wants us to have a big wedding so I've got the guest list all worked out, but I need to find the Hall were the reception will be, and have it decorated and... I asked Professor Dumbledore to perform the marriage bond," Samara said tentatively as she looked up at Eric. Eric's face darkened momentarily but he didn't stop his gait or turn to look at Samara.

"That's fine Samara, I mean I know you would have perferred a small quiet wedding so whoever you want to marry us will be fine," Eric said as they continued to walk, making their way through the crowds of children running around in their costumes. Samara smiled at Eric, knowing that for him this was a greater sacrifice than her having to arrange a big wedding. "So have you found a dress yet?"

"Tonks and I are going to go pick it out tonight," Samara replied as she walked with Eric, it was the whole reason that they were taking the visitors route to the Ministry. Tonks had said that she would wait for her outside her booth when her shift was over.

Eric merely nodded in response at this as they at least approached the visitors booth for the ministry and came to a stop, just as Tonks popped out of the booth. "Well good luck with that love," Eric said as he placed a kiss on Samara's nose. "Take good care of her Tonks," Eric said as he patted Tonks on the back and stepped into the Booth picking up the phone. Tonks merely grinned in response and saluted Eric before bouncing after Samara as they made their way down the street.

"So you're not planning on taking too long with this buying your dress thing are you?" Tonks asked as she raised her want into the air, causing the Knight Bus to stop before them "Wotcher Stan, the Leaky Cauldron," she said, dropping a few coins into Stan's hand. Samara turned and gazed at Tonks who had decided to don her hair in a pixie cut while in a toxic green color with hot pink tips.

"Why?" Samara asked.

"I'm supposed to meet Snape in half an hour," Tonks replied as she checked her wrist watch. Samara felt her heart thunder in her chest. In the past month, Snape had only shown up to one Order meeting and he had very thoroughly avoided her that day. Samara felt her heart clench at this. She didn't know why, but she really missed him and she couldn't help but feel ashamed about what happened when they last saw each other.

"What for?" Samara asked curiously as they sat at the back of the bus. Tonks looked at Samara and shrugged.

"Nothing very interesting or important. Just giving him some information and Dumbledore would like him to relay to the other side," Tonks replied with a nonchalant shrug. Samara raised a brow at this but said nothing as she turned to look out the window where London's scene was very quickly changing. Before long they were both climbing off the bus and approaching the Leaky Cauldron and heading towards Diagon Alley.

"Why do you just tell him to meet you in Madam Malkin's?" Samara said as they made their way towards the Robes shop. Tonks seemed to be taking this into consideration as Samara looked over at Tonks. "You can send him your Patronous," Samara said.

"All right. I suppose that way I won't have to worry about turning up late. We were going to just meet up in the Leaky Cauldron anyway," Tonks said as she shrugged her shoulders and pulled out her wand. Samara watched in interest as Tonks conjured her Partronous. She had never before seen Tonks Patronous and she couldn't help the smile that spread on her face to see that Tonks' Patronous was a very large Chameleon, which immediately scampered off, its tail wagging in its wake.

"Impressive," Samara said with a smile as she watched the Chameleon disappear and turned back to Tonks. Tonks merely smiled as they once more headed towards Madam Malkin's. Diagon Alley was mainly empty as twilight had long passed and many of the shops were already closing. However, Samara had made an appointment to see Madam Malkin's, who was going to stay open until Samara picked out her wedding dress.

"What's the shape of yours?" Tonks asked as they walked down Diagon Alley, admiring the night sky and the light October breeze. It wasn't as cold tonight as she imagined that it could have been, considering it was Halloween and November would soon be starting.

Samara looked over at Tonks as they finally stopped at Madam Malkin's, right next to Flourish and Blotts where Samara much rather have spent her evening. "A big spider," Samara replied as she opened the door and motioned for Tonks to walk in before her before casting one last longing glance at the bookshop. Tonks smiled at this.

"Ron Weasley would probably be terrified of it," Tonks said as they walked into the shop, a little bell announcing them as they stood in the entrance.

"You know I never got the chance to meet any of the children. They never seemed to be around," Samara said as they waited for Madam Malkins to attend them while they looked around the shop with very little interest.

"That would be because Molly kept them well away from the Order Meetings and because you never joined us for dinner," Tonks said as she fingered a set of pink robes with white lace hanging from the sleeves. The robes were very 1800s for her taste, however, she thought there was something very quaint and lovely about them.

However, before she could eye them any more closely, a short, squat witch came bustling into the room carrying several different white robes in her arms. "You must be Samara Green," Madam Malkin said as she gazed over at Samara with a friendly smile on her round face. Samara turned around and smiled at Madam Malkin as she nodded and shook hands with her. "Yes, I have pulled out the best of my robes, all white of course, for prototypes of what you may like for your big day. They can all be embellished upon with whatever you like," Madam Malkin said as she cast a glance at Tonks. A momentarily startled expression crossed her face as she took in Tonk's hair, however, it quickly vanished as she turned back to Samara and tried to smile.

"Thank you Madam Malkin. May I see the robes then?" Samara said politely. Madam Malkin nodded in response as she motioned for Tonks and Samara to have a seat on an antique love seat at the back of the shop before two black footstools where full length mirror hung opposite from them. madam Malkin then proceeded to show them robe after white robe as Tonks scrunched up her face and shook her head at Samara when she didn't like something and nodding in approval at something she did like.

It seemed to take an eternity before they found anything that they both agree upon as suitable as they both had very different taste in fashion it seemed. While Tonks seemed to like something gaudy and modern, Samara much rather before something plain, and simple. "Well dear, would you like to try it on?" Samara merely nodded as she stood up and stepped onto one of the footstools while Madam Malkin rolled a white curtain so that Samara could remove her clothes and change behind it.

"Why do you need to try it on, you look good in everything Sam," Tonks called out as she leaned against the back of the love-seat and slouched. She always hated shopping for robes when she was younger. It was something about having to be still for so long that made her absolutely restless. However, she didn't have much time to think on this when she heard the little bell of the shop toll and she sat up to watch and angry looking Snape walk over.

"Its imparative to try it on because I may not in fact like it once on," Samara replied from behind the curtain, to where Severus' eyes immediately snapped, the look of anger melting away from his face as his stomach tied itself into knots. He froze as he stared at the curtain, unable to move any closer to Tonks and wondering what kind of nightmare he had stepped into. "All right, I'm coming out," Samara called out, making Severus' heart race as the curtain was wheeled away and Samara came into view.

His eyes were immediately glued to the slender form standing atop the black footstool and there was no force in the world that could tear his eyes away from her. Her sleek black hair was loose and contrasted sharply against her bare shoulders and the white robes she was wearing, which were off the shoulder and had a modest v-neckline. The bodice seemed to cling to her slender form and the skirt fell like a slender bell, stretching towards the floor. A delicate design of beads were embroidered along the necklines and descended down the middle before splitting at the waist and coiling down along the skirt, like silver swirls of light snowflakes, only visible when hit in a certain way by the light.

Samara felt her breath get caught in her throat as Severus looked at her, a look of longing and pain so evident in his eyes that they made her heart stop and clench painfully. However, she was thrilled to be able to see him once more. "I think that one is a keeper," Tonks said, whistling as Samara before getting up and walking around her, not at all noticing the way that Samara and Severus' were gazing into each others eyes.

"I... I don't want to wear white," Samara said, tearing her gaze away from Severus and turning to look at Tonks, who looked slightly taken aback.

"What do you mean you don't want to wear white? But its traditional for the bride to wear white. Besides, you look beautiful in this gown my dear... the skirt makes you seem longer, the neckline and sleeves accentuate your elegant neck and sleek back, "Madam Malkin sputtered, looking slightly alarmed.

"I will not wear white," Samara said defiantly interrupting Madam Malkin and pulling out her wand, touching the tip of her wand on the skirt. From the tip, like spreading ripples, the skirt turned blood red and contaminated the whole dress. As the dress changed color, the swirls of beads vanished and another layer of cloth sprouted over the skirt which slowly started to grow slight larger, the back trailing. The fabric was see through and shimmered in the light and was wrinkly, but added a very nice affect to the now shimmering silk beneath. The bodice as well grew another layer of deep red lace in patterns of roses through which showed through the silk beneath the corset.

"Well that will definitely make the wedding more interesting," Tonks said as she stared at the dress with approval, wondering what had made Samara change her mind. The dress she had picked out seemed more to her liking now that it was transformed and completely different than the previously pure-white gown she had picked.

"This is what I want," Samara said as she looked at Madam Malkin who sighed but nodded as she drew the curtains around Samara once more for her to change back into the clothes she was previously wearing.

"So Sam, do you want to come with me to this club? The Weird Sisters are going to play there tonight," Tonks called out as she appeared from around the curtain, not wanting to see Samara undress. Considering Samara's work schedule and the way that she tried to spend most of her free time with Eric and considering how busy Tonk's life was as well, she wanted to take advantage of the fact that Samara could spend time with her tonight. She knew that she would probably run into people that she knew at the club, however, she thought that Samara probably needed to have some fun more than she did.

Severus was called back from his thoughts at the sound of Tonks' voice; for his part was completely at a loss for what had just happened. "Tonks," Severus said, stepping over to Tonks who was now resuming her seat. She merely looked back up at him and handed him a slip of paper which he immediately pocketed.

"Umm... sure," Samara replied uncertainly before emerging from behind the curtain with a somewhat put-off Madam Malkin, who merely walked away to write her order. She cast a brief glance at Severus before looking down at herself and tugging her black robes closer to her, hiding the small black shirt she wore beneath and the long black skirt that reached just past her knees. She didn't know why she had decided to wear that this evening, and felt herself blushing at the way he caught sight of her bare midriff before she closed her robes.

"Great, I'll drag Remus along," Tonks said, a large smile spreading across her face as she produced her second Patronous that evening. "Uh, you should come too since you're out of the castle and all," Tonks said as a bit of an after thought to Snape, who merely scuffed at the invitation.

"As tantalizing as that sounds, I'm afraid I have better things to do," he said dryly as he was about to turn on his heel and walk away.

"You should come, Severus," he stopped at the sound of Samara's voice. "Its Halloween, you're supposed to come out of the ordinary tonight," Samara said, trying to smile at him as her heart pounded as she stared at him. Her heart was begging for him to join them, however, she didn't want to embarrass herself any worse than she had previously. Severus turned around to refuse once more, however, caught the gaze that she was giving him that reminded him so much of his own longing that he could do nothing but nod. However, he hoped that this Halloween would not be as disastrous as those of his past.

--

"Where are Tonks and Lupin?" Snape asked over the loud and blaring music as he watched Samara who was sitting opposite. Samara merely shrugged in response as she downed her fifth cup of firewhisky and looked around the club. They were sitting at one of the circular booths along the wall that was covered with a light, see-through veil. They were watching the ambiance that seemed to pulse through the room, forcing bodies all along the dance floor to sway to the music like drones under hypnosis. Blue and green fairies hung in the air, dancing and flying overhead, lighting the club, the sparkling dust of their wings falling in light sprinkled showers over the swaying masses.

"Relax Severus, have another drink!" Samara called out with a smile as she pushed another glass of firewhisky at him as her own magically filled up. Severus didn't say anything as he grabbed the glass and took a sip. He'd thus far had only two drinks and the honest truth was that he was scared to drink around Samara. He didn't trust himself and what he would do if his inhibitions were lowered at all by the drink. As it was, he already could stop staring at her and the way that the golden light, emanating from a fairy in a jar in the center of their table, made Samara glow as she sat swaying to the music. "This is the most fun I think I have EVER had," Samara said as she laughed and finished off her sixth or seventh drink, Severus wasn't quite sure anymore.

"Perhaps you have had enough," he said, reaching over and pulling her glass away from her before it had a chance to magically refill itself again.

"Oh come on Sev, you're not here to babysit, have fun!" Samara said as she looked at him. Severus merely stared at her. As much as he loved her, he found himself very annoyed that she had manged to somehow drag him here. He hated the way the music was making him feel like he was going to go deft and he was annoyed by the faceless, swaying clientele that were having fun. He felt like he was the oldest person there and completely out a place. However, then he recalled that Lupin was there as well... somewhere lost in the sea of dancers, so he wasn't the only old person there.

"Samara, what would make you think that this is fun for me?" Severus suddenly snapped at her, feeling thoroughly annoyed to be reminded that he was ten years older than her. However, Samara hardly seemed to be paying attention as she stood up and walked over to him, causing him immediately to freeze.

Despite the fact that it was the end of October, the club was underground and well insulated unlike the castle dungeons, so the club was very hot. The fact that it was lit by flying fairies and that there were millions of people crowded and moving about seemed to add heat to the room. Therefore, it was quite sometime ago, about Samara's second or third drink, when she decided that she couldn't take the heat and removed her robes. He could see her skin glistening like amber firewhisky in the light amount of perspiration that covered the skin of her bare midriff and somewhat exposed upper chest.

"Come and dance with me," Samara said as she grabbed onto his hand and pulled him onto his feet, turning away and attempting to pull him towards the dance floor. However, Severus firmly planted his feet on the ground and pushed himself back into his seat.

"I don't dance, Samara," Severus said. Samara had an overwhelming sense of Deja Vu at these words, but the gentle buzzing of the liquor in her mind made it all to easy to push away as she turned to look at him and smiled.

"Then you can sit there and watch me then," she said as she gave him a wicked smile that made his insides squirm as she began to move to the slow sounds of the music. She closed her eyes, shutting out the world around her as she listened to the music, moving her arms rhythmically overhead and gently rolling her hips. Severus was astounded to see the way that her body swayed with all the smoothness and sensuality of a slow slithering snake, bending and revolving ways only a boneless creature could accomplish.

As she watched her standing on the edge of the dance floor, dancing before him and for him, lit by the golden light of the table, while her head was bathed in the bluish light of fairies overhead, he couldn't help but feel like she was on a stage and behind her the sea of dancers bathed in blue and green light were just shadows that made her stand out. She was a light of gold in the moonlight, and her skin glistened with the exertion of her dancing as she continued to sway, her eyes still shut tight.

Severus could almost feel the heat that emanated from her as he watched her turning while she reached up to her lose hair and scrunched it up so that she could give her neck room to breath. Severus felt his mouth going dry as his eyes roved down her slim figure the way that the light coat of sweat on her body made her glow and seemed to just add to her sensuality. Her skin was shown and was highlighted in its most resplendent beauty as she continued to dance; the play of shadows and golden light playing across her skin made Severus transfixed as though staring into flames.

Sitting still and watching Samara as she swayed to the music, Severus found his mind reeling to the first time he had shown her his private quarters, and the the poem, Innocence, that she had read to him. He couldn't help but be reminded of the imagery of King Hades, stumbling across the fairy ring in which the Queen of the fairies stood out amongst the throng in her resplendent beauty and the way that she had captured the man's heart.

_"...My eyes befell that sweet face, that has me caught in a feverished state_," Severus recited from the poem as he looked up at Samara's face. Her eyes snapped open as she heard him recite a line from her favorite poem and she cocked her head as she looked at him, wondering how he knew the poem. However, she did not cease dancing to ask him for at the moment she didn't think that she rightly care. She simply loved the way his eyes could look no place else and were riveted on her. She enjoyed the attention that he was lathering on her and felt a fire begin to burn all over her that only he could quench.

As she opened her eyes, it was impossible to not note the fact that he was very attracted by what he saw. He stared at her in a way that no one else did and she found that never before had she felt so attractive before, for she was well aware that her figure was rather boyish and slim. However, these thoughts and concerns didn't bother her at the moment, because Severus was watching her with all the rapt attention in the world.

Stepping lightly closer to him, while still dancing, Samara leaned in close to whisper into his ear as she smiled mischievously. "_Sun lights up the day time, moon lights up the night, I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm going to treat you right_," Samara sang huskily into his ear, so low that she didn't know if he would hear her over the loud music from the club. However, she enjoyed the shivers that ran through him as her lips brushed against his ear. "_You give me fever, when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight. Fever, in the morning, fever all through the night._"

Pulling away, Samara smiled at the way Severus cheeks were glowing pink as she turned and continued to dance, twisting her arms around her and running them gently over the skin on her stomach before reaching down to hips as she rolled them to the music. Closing her eyes, she trailed her hands down her legs and grabbed fistful's of her black skirt and hiked it up slightly, as she continued to move to the music, which had once more slowed down.

"Must you always torture me," Severus groaned near her ear as he moved her hair to one side and placed kisses on her slightly bare shoulder, tasting the mild saltiness of her skin and delighting in it. Samara moaned lightly as she stepped back, and continued to dance against Severus, feeling his manhood pressed against her as it started to make its presence known. Moving so that she rubbed on him in a tantalizing way, Samara closed her eyes to think of what it would be like to be with Severus. However, as he ran his hands down her side and rested them on her hips, she felt her heart thundering as goosebumps rose all over her skin to meet with his light touch. "What do you want Samara?" Severus asked as he grasped onto her hips and spun her around to face him.

Samara didn't respond as she pushed him into the booth and climbed onto his lap, placing a fervent kiss on his lips. Samara was gone from the world and was only aware of one other person inhabiting it and that was Severus. For his part, Severus couldn't resist Samara. While at one point he could not be with her in the most intimate of ways, at this point she already knew what was beneath the sleeve of his shirt and she was an adult enough to decide what she was doing. He spared no thoughts to the man that she was betrothed to and ignored every fiber of his being telling him this was wrong, because it felt too damn right.

"Sev, lets go to my place," Samara begged near his ear in a gasp as she pulled away from their heated kiss. Severus merely nodded and reached out for her discarded robes before pulling out his wand and apparating them to her room without bothering to stand up. Samara smiled as the noise faded and she opened her eyes to see that he apparated them right onto her bed, where they were still seated, with herself still straddling him. "Merlin you are excellent Severus," Samara said as she resumed their passionate kiss as he dropped her robes on the floor while she started to work on his robes.

Severus groaned into her mouth as he held on tightly to her legs and pushed up her skirt. For a moment he was reminded of her school skirt, however, he brushed these thoughts away as he rejoiced in the feel of her tongue lightly flicking against his. He had strangely forgotten just how wonderfully soft her lips were and how skillful her tongue was. Even as her nimble fingers did away with his robes and pushed them off his shoulders he couldn't help but feel that they were not going fast enough.

Breaking away from her kiss, Severus reached up to the bottom of her shirt and started to gently push it up as he pressed kisses to her collarbone. Samara moaned and pulled her fingers away from his shirt, which they where starting to unbutton, and held her arms over her head so he could removed her shirt. Tossing the shirt aside, Severus continued to lay kisses on her collarbone while unhooking her bra. He was just slipping off the garment off her shoulders and down her arms when Samara at last finished unbuttoning his shirt and pushed that off his shoulders as well.

Tugging off the sleeves of his shirt impatiently, Severus watched as Samara leaned back and slipped her black bra off her arms. His eyes were immediately drawn to the small, individual mounds of her chest and the dusty pink nipples that peaked each little hill. Severus moaned at the sight and took a small nipple in his mouth as he rolled them over and gently lay over Samara, running his hands over her soft, moonlight-white skin. Samara gasped and grasped onto his head as he gently sucked on her nipple and arched her back to get closer to his mouth.

However, Severus hands were starting to wander down to her skirt and started pushing it down. Obliging to Severus non-verbal request, Samara lightly lifted herself off the bed so Severus could easily tug off her skirt as he continued to lavish wet kisses down her bare stomach to her sharp hips where they came across the black lace of her underwear. Moaning at the sight Severus moved his body back on top of Samara's and placed a soft kiss on her mouth.

"I want you already Severus," Samara moaned as she rolled them over and leaned over him, pressing kisses down his chest. She felt light headed and she was burning worse than ever. Running her fingers down his stomach, she grinned into his pale skin at the feel of a small trail of black hair just beneath his belly button. However, she moved her hands to his belt buckle and quickly removed his belt before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants.

Severus groaned as he felt Samara's hands brushing against his hardened member while she was opening his pants, but before she could anything more Severus rolled them over once more. Standing up, he hastily removed his pants and kicked off his shoes as Samara's hands trailed down to her knickers and she shimmied out of them before tossing them aside.

Standing for a moment, Severus admired her smooth, long legs and her hips. Climbing back onto the bed, bare and feeling self-concious, Severus looked up into Samara's eyes as she lay back and felt emboldened by the lustful look she was giving him as her eyes raked over his body.

Reaching out for her knees with his hand, he gently spread them apart as he situated himself between them. "I have wanted you for a very long time," Severus whispered into her skin as he trailed kisses back up her body until he reached her mouth. Samara didn't quite compute what he said as she raised her hips off the bed and tried to grind against him. However, she groaned as she felt on of his hands grab her hip and push her back down into the bed. Severus smirked at her impatience as he nipped her neck and shoulder, causing her to moan and grasp onto his shoulders as on of his hands trailed down to the place between her legs. "Are you always so wet?" Severus sneered, as his fingers pressed against her hot, wet flesh and his member twitched.

"Well you must know how long I've wanted you," Samara replied without a thought to what she was really saying. Severus ignored this comment as he buried his finger deep inside her and stroked her insides while Samara writhed beneath him. Sucking gently on her neck Severus focused on his exploring finger while his thumb massaged her clit, until Samara gasped. Grinning, Severus inserted a second finger and repeatedly stroked her sweet spot, causing Samara to writhe worse than ever beneath him and moan quite loudly near his ear. But he delighted in every moment especially when he quickened his pace and she gripped him so that hard that her nails dug into him. "God Severus I'm going to..." Samara gasped but before she could finished he felt her muscles contract around his fingers.

Smiling, Severus brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean, delighting in the taste of her first orgasm. Had there not been any obstacles in his way, he would have delighted in giving Samara everything she wanted when she was first ready for it. However, the long years wait only seemed to have increased his desire for her and as he stared down her nude form and pressed gentle kisses on her neck, shoulder, collarbone and every inch of skin available to him he felt as though every dream had come true in that moment, and it was a miracle to him.

Rising up on his elbows, Severus settled himself over her and looked into Samara's face, just in time to catch her beautiful hazel gaze. "You are very beautiful Samara," he whispered as he looked into her eyes and gently caressed her cheek with his thumb.

Samara stared into his eyes, as her heart seemed to settle for a moment, all the world seeming calmed for a moment. The frenzy of her lust and the mugginess of her intoxication were momentarily cleared away and gave her a brief moment of clarity as she searched his face and tears gathered in her eyes. "Severus, I think I'm in love with you," Samara whispered weakly as a look of confusion crossed her face as she stared into her eyes.

Severus felt his heart pang as he placed a kiss on her forehead. "As much as I love you," Severus whispered as he looked into her eyes. Samara smiled at him and reached up to place a gentle kiss as she reached down and guided Severus inside her. "Samara," Severus gasped, pulling away from their sweet kiss, at the sudden rush of heat and moisture gripping him lightly while Samara simultaneously moaned to feel so full. And for the moment, Samara wondered how she could have ever believed herself to be truly happy with anyone but Severus.

--

When Samara stumbled out of bed the following morning, she wondered how much she had to drink the previous night as she held her head in her hands. She had the worst headache, almost as bad as the ones she would get shortly after her accident. Straightening up her shirt and smoothing out her black skirt, she scrambled to the kitchen for a headache potion. Her head was thundering so hard, that she could think of nothing else.

Reaching up to her Potions cabinet, Samara pulled out a small vial and drank its contents. Leaning heavily on the counter, she lightly drummed her fingernails on the counter top as she waited for the potion to set in. It usually only took about a minute and in the meantime she wanted to try and not think of anything. However, as the potion finally settled, she looked up, her eyes wide as she quickly walked back to her room where she stood on the threshold and stared at her bed.

It was empty.

Staring at the tussled sheets and looking down at herself, she wondered if it had all just been a dream. The truth was, she really couldn't remember anything that happened the previous night. She remembered that she and Tonks had dragged Severus and Remus to a club called the Toxic Fairy but after they had sat and all drank a round of firewhisky, she remembered nothing else.

However, as she walked over to her bed and sat on the edge, she furrowed her brow. If it were a dream, it was the most vivid dream that she had ever had.

Trying not to think of this, as she was highly disappointed, Samara got off her bed and jumped into the bathroom for a quick shower. She started work in just a few minutes and she had a feeling that for the first time since she started working in St. Mungo's, that she was going to be late.

--

Severus sighed as he lay in bed, wondering what on earth he had done. He knew that he should have never slept with Samara in the first place, but he wondered how he could be to blame when his heart ached for enough without her casting her black magic spells on him. How was he supposed to resist having her dancing so beautifully in front of him and close enough to touch? He was only human, and it was far too painful to love Samara and for her to have the blissful peace from such a pain by having her whole memory of him swiped clean.

Rolling over so that he lay on his stomach and buried his face in his pillow he found his mind roving back to the way her skin gleamed in the moonlight that came in from her window. He could still feel her impeccably soft skin beneath his fingertips. He could still smell her pomegranate, scented skin and it drove him wild to think of the way she tasted. Closing his eyes, he could see the look on Samara's face every time he thrust inside her and he felt his heart swell at the thought that she called his name when she climaxed. He felt tortured by these images, and felt his desire to have her mounting once more.

Cursing himself as he sat up in bed, he wondered why he was acting like such a hormonal teenager. He had sex before Samara came into his life. It was hardly like she was his first. While she was certainly the only woman that he had ever made love to, he still didn't see why he should behave like an angsty little teenaged brat that got a taste of something he never should have had in the first place.

Standing up and striding over to the shower, he tried not to think of the previous, marvellous night. However, his mind started to wandering to that morning, when he awoke with Samara next to him. He was unsurprised that she was still such a heavy sleeper, for he was able to get up without her waking. He remembered how she looked so lovely asleep, her hair trailing behind her while her nude body was wrapped in her sheets.

He didn't know what had possessed him to get dressed and dress her magically and leave so hastily. He supposed he was running away from the complication that would come with her waking up nude beside him. However, unless he hoped that Samara had been drunk enough to have blacked out the entire evening, he had made things far more complicated. What would she say to him the next she saw him and accused him of having a meaningless one-night stand with her and abandoning her in the morning?

Severus groaned as he jumped into a cold shower. He didn't want to think about how he had bollocksed up the entire situation. However, despite all the problems that would arise from this situation, he still felt a small smile slip on his face to think that he was able to show his love for Samara and that she had wanted it.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Due to the fact that I updated several hours earlier than I had intended to I didn't give this chapter one last run through edit. So please excuse the errors. Anyway I hope that you all enjoyed the chapter and please review!


	8. Meet The Family

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 8: Meet The Family**_

Samara grinned evilly as she made her way up the stone steps of Eric's sisters' place. She had been very busy of the past three weeks with work and working on the wedding. She had finally found the hall, a caterer and a mailing service that would take care of mailing out the invitations. There had been very little that she could smile about lately due to all of the stress of inviting nearly over a hundred people to the wedding, most of which she didn't know. However, as she daintily grabbed the brass knocker and banged it on the door, she found the smile and mischievously dark twinkle in her eyes hard to resist as she clenched the charm protected robes to herself.

"OH, its you. What brings you by, Samara?" Patricia Williamson said as she tried to recover with a smile from her initial grimace. Samara smiled sweetly at Patricia, one of Eric's older sisters. Samara wasn't quite sure how much older they were than them, considering that by the time they had started at Hogwarts the twins were already finished, but she assumed that they were about six or seven years older than them, considering the fact that they didn't look too much older.

"I brought over your bridesmaid dresses. Is Priscilla home?" Samara asked as she continued to smile Patricia sweetly, the only difference between the twins were their eyes. Patricia had Eric's brown eyes, but Priscilla had blue eyes. Otherwise they were exactly alike, from the length of their pretty, brown curls right down to their exact weight and height. Both were taller than Samara, and quite thin with beautiful faces, however, Samara didn't like the twins. In her opinion they were both arrogant, bossy brats that were vain and thought that they could control Eric simply because they were older.

Samara would have felt guilty for hating Eric's sisters, since for some reason he loved them so much, however, it was a mutual thing. The twins hated her simply for being a Slytherin, unlike most of the Williamson family which seemed to turn out Gryffindors. However, Samara was much better at hiding her hate than the twins were.

"Yes," Patricia said, stepping away from the door and opening it wide for Samara to step into, though Samara could see that she did so rather grudgingly. She smiled all the more sweetly at Patricia as she thought about how outraged the two Gryffindor sisters would be to have a Slytherin in their flat. It amused Samara far too much to resist the small little giggle that escaped from her as she stepped into the entrance hall.

"Patty, who was at the door?" Priscilla called as she came bouncing down the stairs. The look of interest suddenly faded from her face as she frowned at the sight of Samara standing in the entrance hall. "Samara, what are you doing here?" Priscilla asked, trying to recover by smiling at Samara. However, while one corner of her mouth turned up into a smile, the other corner seemed adamant about remaining in a frown, causing her mouth to twist horridly on her handsome face.

"I came to bring you your bridesmaid dresses before I went into work today," Samara said, smiling all the more pleasantly about the two dresses she was carrying under her arms. She had given Tonks her dress at the previous order meeting, at which Remus and Severus were not present. However, Severus had not been too any other during the month of November. It was a bit frustrating to Samara considering Tonks had drunk so much that she had blacked out that night as well. It seemed to Samara that the only people who would know what had occurred were Remus and Severus and both seemed too busy to show up to meetings.

However, Tonks at least had been thrilled by the dress, which was slick and made of white silk. It was a spaghetti strap dress that would fit Tonks' petite form very nicely and make her seem longer than she was. It also came with some very nice red gloves that matched perfectly with Samara's wedding dress. Something she had yet to discuss to Eric about. However, for Priscilla and Patricia's dresses, Samara had something else in mind.

"And we don't get a say in it?" Priscilla asked, her brows furrowing together angrily over her blue eyes as she exchanged glances with Patricia who was standing with Samara in the Entrance Hall. Samara gave them an innocent look of surprise.

"I'm sorry girls, but there was simply not enough time for me to find free time to schedule with you in order for us to shop for you dresses together. I imagine that you are both very busy with your Ministry jobs, so I thought that this was the most suitable solution. Besides, the dresses will look so lovely on you. You are both gorgeous, everything will look stunning on you," Samara said as she looked at both sisters, handing them each their dresses. Her eyes glinted as they snatched them up, unzipped the protective bags they were in and looked in on the white, frilly, puffy, lace-dresses that she picked out for them and watched them gasp.

"Samara, these dresses are-" Samara was quite sure Priscilla was going to say hideous but she interrupted her before she could go on.

"Lovely, don't you think? I fell in love with them the moment I saw them that I couldn't wait to show Eric and he said he couldn't wait to see you wearing them," Samara lied, knowing that they would be incapable of saying anything to Eric about this. While they bossed him around, when it came to the person he loved, they couldn't say anything terrible, despite how much the desired to do so. Samara supposed it had a lot to do with the fact that they didn't want to hurt their little brother's feelings or for him to hate them. It was the only reason they tried to pretend to like Samara. It was something she knew how to exploit. "He thinks you will both look quite adorable."

"Yes, adorable," Patricia said distractedly as she continued to stare at the dress with a look of obvious abhorrence and disgust.

"I'm so glad you agree!" Samara said delightedly as she beamed at them happily. "Well I must be off girls," Samara said as she walked towards the door and opened it. She then turned and she looked at the girls with a slightly colder smile on her face. "Oh yes, and the dresses are charmed and protected against any disaster," Samara said triumphantly, before leaving and closing the door shut with a snap. She knew that she was being quite evil, however, sometimes it paid to be bad.

--

Samara sighed as she ran her hands through her hair, wondering whether Eric busying himself at work was her fault. While she was once again relieved that she Eric meeting her family was once more delayed, she was upset that he had decided to work overtime to not go. It made her wonder if she had made him that angry that he didn't even want to meet her family anymore. Any other time, she was quite sure he would have even taken off early in order to meet her family, however, he had decided he rather work than meet them. Sighing, she snapped the book that she was reading shut and ran her hands through her hair, wondering how this was going to work if his sisters mattered so much more to him than she did.

Putting the book down on the table, she buried her head in her hands and ran them through her hair in frustration. It was almost time for her to go see her family, who had been so looking forward to meeting Eric. It made her wonder what she was going to tell them. Her mother was already getting suspicious about the fact that she had yet to meet Eric and kept pointing out that there had something very wrong with them if they put everything else ahead of their relationship. And Samara hated to think of it, but her mother was right. Were they both really going to put their relationship above everything else when they got married? She didn't think that they could and she didn't think that a relationship could survive if you didn't put your partner above your career.

_POP!_

Samara looked up surprise and stared at Severus, her heart thundering quite hard, as he sat down on her coffee table and placed his head in his hands. It had been the first time that she had seen him in all of November and she couldn't help but flush at the dream that kept playing over and over in her head. "I had an accident, I just need a blood replenishing potion and I'll be fine," Severus said, his voice muffled by his voice. He sounded quite tired and drained.

Biting on her lower lip, Samara continued to stare at him for a moment, causing him to look up when he did not hear her moving. He didn't think that he was capable of looking at her and he wondered whether or not she hated him for having a one-night stand with him or if she even remembered it. However, as he looked at her startled expression and how she seemed to be frozen, he wondered if she didn't remember it at all. It gave him a slight sinking feeling, almost as though he did wish she would remember so that... well he wasn't sure why he would want her to remember it.

"Umm... Severus I don't have any replenishing potions," Samara said as she looked at him. Severus blinked as he stared at her and cast a look towards the kitchen where the cabinet full of potions was supposed to be, but was odly missing. Scratching her neck, Samara felt the heat rise in her face and neck as she thought about what happened. "I got into an argument with Eric a couple days ago, my temper got the better of me and I aimed the Reductor Curse at his head without thinking about what I was doing. The entire cabinet and its contents turned into a slushy dust," Samara said in a small voice as she averted her gaze from him in embarrassment.

Severus, for his part, was deeply amused by this on some level. However, he ignored this and thought of more pressing matters. He wondered what could have happened for her to become so angry and she would aim such a curse at him. Even though it was mean to blast away objects and not people, it could still be quite painful for a human to go through it. Especially considering how much force she had placed behind it to reduce the entire cabinet and its contents to nothing. "Were you that unconcerned about his well-being?" Severus asked as he raised a brow and sneered, though his heart hurt. Now that he got a good look at her, he found that he could not stop thinking of the night that they had slept together. Lately it was all that he could think about, despite how much it hurt him.

"Well I knew that he would duck, Eric really has amazing reflexes," Samara said as Severus suddenly felt dizzy and braced himself on the table. His hands clenched on tightly to the table, trying to keep from swaying as he sat there, trying to ignore how tired and sick he really felt. However, Samara seemed to notice this and immediately got to her feet and stood up. "I'll be right back Severus, I have an idea," Samara said as she stoop up.

When she came back into the room, Severus saw that she was carrying two thin packages, neatly wrapped up and put them away in a small satchel she had hung from her shoulder. Severus blinked as she walked over, and pulled her wand from one of her long sleeves. Blinking at her wand, he wondered what she was up to. However, before he could ask her anything she had walked over to him, hauled him to his feet and he felt the slightly unpleasant feeling of side-along apparation.

When Severus opened his eyes, he'd shut them to keep from seeing his surroundings and vomited, he noticed that he was in a somewhat small room being pushed on a single bed. Looking around the room curiously, he found that there was a window just over the bed and that there were posters of Quidditch teams on the wall. Severus furrowed his brow as he looked over at a small desk that was strewn with sheets of parchment with drawings on them and stared at the clothes covered floor. Whoever's room this was, it had to be a very messy boy.

"Samara where are we?" Severus asked as he looked up at her. Samara merely smiled nervously as she placed the to presents on the bed besides him.

"I'll be right back," Samara said as she walked towards the door. Severus watched her as she cracked the door open and peered out into the hall before stepping out and closing the door tightly behind herself. Severus furrowed his brow at this and wondered what she was doing, however, he didn't have to think of it for too long as she walked back into the room with a small vial in her hand. "This isn't very much, it it should help some. You will probably still need to eat something though," Samara said as she walked over and handed him the small vial.

"Where are we?" Severus asked as he stared up at Samara and drained the contents of the vial. Samara opened her mouth to respond, however, before she could say anything the door of the bedroom opened and a thin boy, who seemed to be no older than eight as he stared right back into Severus' eyes. There was a very serious expression on his small face and as Severus stared at him, he could help but feel certain strong characteristics between the boy and Samara's father.

"Nana!" Severus was slightly startled by the little girl, much smaller in stature than the boy, roughly pushed him aside and ran over to Samara, throwing her arms wide open. Severus looked at Samara as she smiled widely and ducked down to pick up the small girl, who looked like she was two or three years younger than the boy, and had long, straight black hair just like Samara's and the exact same amber gaze. However, her face looked quite different. Still very pretty but not at all like Samara's.

"Hi you guys," Samara said with a smile as she placed a kiss on the nose of the little girl she was carrying. Severus looked up at Samara and stared at her, the way she was beaming and seemed so happy though her eyes looked a little sad as she stared at the female child in her arms. However, he found that he couldn't look at her for very long as he felt like something was trying to tear a hole into him. Turning back to the threshold, he found his eyes clashing once more with the boy's eyes and wondered how long the boy had been staring at him for. There was a dark intensity about the boy that reminded him much of himself.

"Nana, its our eighth birthday today," the little girl said excitedly, her face flushing as her eyes sparkled with excitement. Severus turned away from the boy that was staring at him and stared at the little girl in Samara's arms. There was something very pale and sickly about her and he wondered if he thought so just because she was so small. However, he didn't think much on this as he realized that they two kids had to be Samara's younger siblings, the twins.

"I know! That's why I brought you a present," Samara said as she sat down on the bed and handed one of the small parcels to the little girl and held out the other to the boy. While the little girl took hers excitedly her brother merely stared at the present that she held in her hands, but refused to move from where he was standing. Samara furrowed her brows at this. "Cliff, where are your manners? Come and get your present," Samara said as she stared at her brother who would not remove his gaze from Severus.

"Who is he?" he said, nodding his head towards Severus.

Samara furrowed her brows as she stared at her younger brother. "This is Severus Snape and he's a good friend so it would behoove you to be polite," Samara said very sternly. However, the boy still refused to budge from where he stood. "Heathcliff Green!" Samara said, her voice sounding angry, causing him to walk over and take the present that she had in her hand and extend the free one to Severus.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Snape," Severus shook hands with the small child and was surprised when the boy held on firmly to his hand. Severus raised a brow at this, however, merely nodded in response. Severus looked over at Samara as the little girl got off her lap and joined her brother to open their presents. Samara merely shrugged at Severus' questioning look and gave him an apologetic smile. "You got us a mirror?" Heathcliff asked, seemingly unimpressed.

"Its not just any mirror, its a two-way mirror!"

"Exactly Evelyn. Its for when you both get to Hogwarts, so you can both talk to each other whenever you want," Samara said as she beamed at her siblings. Heathcliff raised a brow at this, now more impressed with the present.

"Let's test them out," Heathcliff said as he smiled at his sister and grabbed her by the hand and led her out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"I'm sorry about Heathcliff, he just doesn't trust men," Samara said as she looked away from Severus' questioning look as she looked down at her hands. "He tried to hide the fact that he was magical from my father because he understood at a young age that my father didn't accept magic. But two years ago my father dumped him here when he realized that Cliff was a wizard. Cliff very quiet and serious and it took us quite sometime to coax him out of his shell and trust us, and I think that would have been harder if Evelyn were not so sweet and friendly. However, now he kind of sees himself as the protector of us all as he is the man of the house," Samara said with a fond smile as she looked over at Severus.

"Evelyn... looks quite small for her age," Severus said delicately as he looked at Samara. Samara's eyes glistened sadly as she looked down at her hands and nodded at this.

"She's always been very sickly, her immune system is very weak and seems to refuse to build antibodies. It's why she always calls me Nana, I've always taken care of her when she's sick. But, ever since Heathcliff has been back with us, she seems to get sick less often and has more energy," Samara said with a fond smile as she looked towards the bedroom door. "Those two have become inseparable, and they really complete each other."

Severus merely nodded at this as he stood up. However, he felt slightly dizzy and had to sit back down causing Samara to look at him worriedly as she stood up. "I don't think that was anywhere near enough," Severus said as he held his head in his hands.

"I told you, you have to eat something," Samara said as she stood up. "Come on Severus, we're celebrating the twins birthday, you should join us. I'm sure my mum has everything ready to eat already," Samara said, standing up and helping Severus get to his feet. Severus looked at Samara with his brow furrowed and grimaced, however, as he caught sight of the determined look on her face, he found that he did not have the strength to argue. Besides, even if he did, it would end with the same result. He sighed and decided to save himself the energy and allowed Samara to lead him to the hall, her arm looped through his to support him in case that he needed it.

As they made their way through the small hall, Severus wondered if she could at all remember the day that he had brought her to see her mother when her mother was pregnant with the twins. He looked around the hall as they walked and stared at all the pictures of the twins that hung on the walls, most of them recent and wondered at the change. The last time he'd been there, there hadn't been anything particularly homey about the place. It seemed rather cold and bare.

It wasn't long before they had stepped into the kitchen and Severus' eyes were riveted to the woman standing at the sink, who's back was turned to him. Her hair was long and reached the small of her back just like Samara's used to, but Severus could see a rare few amount of strands of silver hair already tainting the black masses. Mrs. Green seemed to be much taller than her daughter and seemed a little more filled in than her daughter, however, still quite a thin woman for someone who had birthed three children. As Severus stared at the back of her, he wondered if Samara really looked like her mother.

"Hello mum," Samara said as she stepped away from Severus. Mrs. Green turned slightly and placed a slight kiss on her daughters cheek. With her profile alone, Severus could see that Samara had her mother's brows, eye shape, mouth and chin. However, her mother's cheeks seemed slightly rounder, which implied that her face had a more circular shape than Samara's which was thin and long. "Eric couldn't come but I invited a friend, I hope that you don't mind," Samara said with a smile at her mother as Mrs. Green turned around.

Severus found his mind reeling as he stared at Mrs. Green's eyes which were emerald green and not hazle how he had always assumed they would be. Her face was indeed rounder in shape than her daughters which gave them more than enough distinction, however, their resemblance was still quite close. Even the sad glint in their eyes was identical. "Oh no, that's fine. It's very nice to meet you. My name is Marilyn Green."

"Severus Snape," Severus muttered as he shook hands with her, his gaze turning from Mrs. Green to Samara and back again. Now that he thought about it, neither of the twins resembled Samara or Mrs. Green in facial appearances. Severus guessed that they were both a lot more like the father in facial bone-structure.

Mrs. Green smiled and nodded at him before turning to look at her daughter who seemed more happy than she was used to seeing her. "Why isn't Eric joining us?" Mrs. Green asked as she looked at her daughter, her tone being nothing more than mild, gentle curiosity. Samara looked at her mother and merely shrugged her bony shoulders as she led Severus to the dining table across the hall, sat him down, and started to set the table.

"He was busy with work," Samara replied as she grabbed five plates and walked over to the rectangular table and started to set it. Severus watched Samara as she walked around the table and looked over at Mrs. Green who was also watching her daughter. Severus studied the woman that had given Samara birth closely and found that she seemed much stronger than he had always pictures her. He'd always thought that she would seem like a rather frail woman. However, even her eyes seemed to be piercing and strong, like steel as she followed her daughter around.

"That's strange. Usually _you_ are the one that is too busy," Mrs. Green said as she watched Samara place the last dish. Samara gave Severus an apologetic look before crossing the hall and walking back into the kitchen to grab the cutlery.

"Well you know I never miss the twins birthday and Eric was just busy, all right," Samara replied as she walked back into the dining room and continued to set the table. Mrs. Green walked over to the threshold of the kitchen and watched he daughter who in Severus' opinion was becoming increasingly vexed.

"What did you do to him Samara?" Mrs. Green said as she watched her daughter through narrowed eyes. Samara stopped what she was doing and glared at her mother.

"Why do you always assume that I did something. I didn't do anything to him!" Samara said angrily before turning to continue to set the table. Severus raised a brow at this and wondered if this is what they were always what they were like when they got together. Suddenly, he was starting to get very uncomfortable with the idea of being there with them.

"Samara stop setting the table," Mrs. Green said in annoyance as she waved her hand and glasses flew out of cabinets and set themselves on the table, napkins following suit along with the dishes of food. Samara straightened up and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked at her mother.

"If you really want to know he's angry with me because I decided I wanted to wear a red dress to the wedding and because his precious sisters have to wear horrid dresses to the wedding. But I told him, its tradition to dress the bridesmaids in terrible dresses and if they don't like it they don't have to be bridesmaids. It was his idea for them to be the bridesmaids anyway," Samara stated in a rush as her face flushed and she started breathing heavily.

"Samara, you are too hard on that boy. He adores you, why do you have to be so defiant?" Mrs. Green sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest as well. However, there was something much less menacing and a lot more calming about the way she stood and looked at her daughter.

Samara looked at her mother incredulously for a moment before turning away from her. "Just because you lay down and take a beating doesn't mean I will," Samara muttered. However, judging by the immensely hurt look that crossed her mother's face, she guessed that it was not muttered low enough. Turning to look at her mother she sighed as all the anger she felt slipped away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, but I have given Eric more than enough. I didn't want to have a wedding, much less this great big one, but we're having it anyway and I'm the one doing ALL the planning. I HATE his sisters and he insisted that I allow them to be my bridesmaids and I let them. I have taken care of everything and he hasn't had to do a damn thing but work. I have a life too you know, but I have to make time to do all of this crap and its ALL just for him. I'm sorry if I don't want my life to be dictated by having to serve all of _his_ needs."

"Samara your marriage is a partnership. You both can't just take," Mrs. Green said.

"Mum are you even listening to me? I haven't taken anything from this relationship, he's the one that keeps taking and doesn't put his part. The only thing that I have picked for myself in this whole wedding was the dress and he won't even let me have that," Samara said as she sighed and sat down heavily in the seat across from Severus. From where he sat, he could see that Samara was more than angry about this.

"Honestly Samara if you are so unhappy I don't even know why you are marrying each other," Mrs. Green said, causing Samara to look up at her. However, Samara couldn't think of anything to say to that in decided that it was better not to. Sometimes she felt, like she didn't know why she was marrying Eric either. Was the fact that he was her best friend, really enough, especially when she kept so many secrets from him?

--

Severus and Samara walked along behind the twins as they silently walked over to the park. Dinner hadn't been a very long affair considering that no one seemed particularly hungry and the twins seemed far too excited to sit still for very long. Severus didn't really know what he was still doing there, considering that after eating something he now felt so much better. However, he was far too fascinated by Samara's family to leave.

When Samara was still at Hogwarts, he'd always imagined her relationship with her mother to be much more docile and peaceful. However, after tonight it seemed that it was nothing of the sort. It was something that deeply confused him considering the fact that she had always said that she never did anything to upset her mother because she understood that on the inside, her mother was always hurting. It was something else which deeply confused him. Mrs. Green was not at all the frail woman that he had always thought that she would be. She was so much stronger than what Samara had ever made her seem.

As for the twins, he wasn't too surprised that Evelyn had turned out to be such a weak child. He remembered the very first time that he had ever seen her, when she was a baby, and how she had been very sickly since than. However, he was delighted to see that despite it, she was a very happy child and quite so affectionate. Though of course, he did worry about what life was going to be like for her, as she seemed to be quite sensitive.

But he supposed that was what Heathcliff was there for. He took very good care of his sister, and despite how serious he was, Severus could see that he loved his little sister a lot. He could easily see that Heathcliff was going to protect Evelyn with everything that he was, and it was apparent that even at this young age he was quite the impressive and intimidating figure. Severus could only imagine into what kind of man he would grow up to be and could already see that he would be quite the formidable man.

"I'm sorry about me and my mum. A couple of years ago she finally found her backbone and since then... I suppose we've been making up for all the arguments we didn't have while I was growing up," Samara said as she suddenly looked over at him with a teasing, apologetic smile that didn't quite reach her sad eyes. Down casting her gaze, she smiled a little more tragically. "I'm very happy that she has finally become strong... but, I wish she weren't quite so demanding about my life being perfect. I suppose she just doesn't want me to make any of the mistakes she made," Samara said with a shrug as they arrived at the park and she watched as her brother and sister ran to the empty swings.

"Push me Cliffy, please," Evelyn said as she jumped onto a swing and held onto the chains. Severus looked over and watched as Heathclif obediently walked behind his sister and started to gently push her.

"Its all right Samara. You're family seems much more normal now," Severus said as he looked down at the floor. Samara merely nodded at this as she walked over to a nearby bench and sat down, watching her brother and sister. Severus turned and looked at her, watching her curiously as he approached her. "Samara, why did you suddenly decide to wear a red dress for your wedding?" Severus said, his heart as always clenching at the thought that she was going to marry another man.

Samara smiled lightly at this as she shrugged and turned to look at him. "It as just a whim," she replied as she smiled at him. "Although I do think I was also trying to show a streak of defiance towards tradition. It will give Eric's mother a heart-attack," Samara replied as she smiled wickedly at Severus. Severus merely sneered at this as he shook his head. It made him wonder what on earth Eric's family was like for Samara to dislike them so much, considering the fact that she got along with everyone so easily. However, as he thought about it, he supposed that was just the Slytherin in her. After all, there were many people whom she had never liked who she treated in a way contrary to that.

Sitting down next to her, Severus and Samara watched the twins as Heathcliff pushed his sister on the swing. As he watched Evelyn laughing as she swung higher and higher and watched the look of delight on Heathcliff's face as he watched his sister soaring higher and higher. For a moment, he was reminded of Lily when she would jump of the swing, however, that memory quickly faded and was replaced to the day that he found Samara in the park, asleep on Lily's swing.

His heart clenched at the memory, and all the ones that followed that summer that she lived with him. Strange as it seemed, despite how tortured he was because of his love for her at the time, he missed living with her in such close company. Despite all his longing and pain, he missed those days. "Severus?"

Severus looked up at Samara questioningly and wondered why she was staring at him. "Yes?" he asked as he turned to look in her eyes. Considering the fact that it was quite late and the park was only lit by the lampposts, he could barely make out her soft features. But despite the darkness of the park, he could see her eyes sparkling as she stared at him and he could see that despite the fact that she was now seated on the edge of the bench, facing him, that she had downcast her gaze.

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" Samara asked as she turned slightly away and stared over at the kids, as Evelyn swung ever higher, her shadow contrasting against the light of the moon. "I mean about getting married. I'm never really sure I'm doing the right thing," Samara said as she stared at the sky. "I feel like everything is wrong with my personal life and I don't know why. The only thing I've been sure about for the past several years was that I wanted to become a Healer, and that's only because I remember everything before my sixth year."

"I don't know what to tell you Samara," Severus replied as he turned away from her and gritted his teeth. He knew what he wanted to tell her, but he simply didn't think that he had the heart to. After all, all he wanted was for her to be happy and he somehow didn't think that revealing their past to her was the greatest idea considering that for some reason her subconscious has specifically deleted it. Besides, he wasn't sure that he wanted her to know. After all, hadn't this been what he wanted for her? For her to fall for someone else and live her life like someone normal?

"I'm sorry for asking... its just sometimes I feel like you're the only one with all the answers," Samara said, trying to replace her frown of confusion with a smile. Severus turned away from Samara and watched the kids as the continued to swing and sighed as he at last stood up. He didn't want to part, considering he felt quite at peace despite all the pain that he felt, but he didn't think it would last. It was why he thought it was best to leave before things got more complicated as they always seemed to become.

"I feel a lot better and I really should be returning to the castle," Severus said as he turned to look at Samara. Samara looked up at his dark silhouette and felt very disappointed that he was leaving, so much so that she didn't think that she could hide it. She thanked the heavens that it was so dark that she guessed that he probably couldn't see her disappointment as she merely nodded to him in response. "I... enjoyed this evening," Severus said with a curt nod to Samara before disapparating.

Samara sighed as she stared at the nothingness left behind and felt her heart clench. Turning away Samara stared at the twins and wondered at their happiness. She felt a strange longing for days and memories that were never really hers. There was a slight pang of envy that she felt that the twins had each other, that they could laugh as they played in the park while most of her childhood had been spent in gymnasiums training or in a library reading. As she watched the twins, she wondered how life would have been different if she'd really been a happy child, and not just a little girl who was much more mature than she had to be and only pretended to be happy for the sake of her mother.

Standing up and walking over to the swings, she guessed that she would be in a much better place now if her childhood had been better. However, she was at least proud that she hadn't turned out as bad as she could have. In the end, she knew that she was a good person. Perhaps at times she was rotten, but she supposed that really wasn't anything that could have been helped. In the end she made the choice to become a Healer, not a Death Eater. It made her wonder about Severus and how he had made such a mistake.

"You guys ready to go home?" Samara asked as she leaned against a pole and watched the twins with a small smile that didn't quite reach her heart.

"Not yet, can we please stay for a while longer?" Evelyn begged. Samara merely nodded in response as she thought about Severus and wondered what had made him become a Death Eater and why he switched sides. She trusted him with all her being for a reason she didn't understand, but she didn't question it. She knew that something in her past knew things about Severus that were cause enough for her to be able to trust him. However, she wondered at what it was about the mysterious Potions Master that she knew and how she came to know it.

"Samara, where is your friend?" Heatchliff asked curiously as he stared up at his big sister. Samara snapped out of her thoughts and looked over at her brother as he pushed Evelyn once more.

"He had to go home already, he has work tomorrow," Samara said as she stared at her brother and smiled at him.

"Did he make you sad?" Heathcliff asked as he stared at her. Samara looked at her brother, thoroughly taken aback by his question.

"No Cliff, what makes you think I'm sad?" Samara asked as she looked down at her brother who merely shrugged his small shoulders in response as he continued to push Evelyn who was oblivious to the discussion of her siblings as she swung high into the air and enjoyed the way the breeze brushed her hair.

"He looks sad too," Cliff said, ignoring his sisters question. Samara looked at her brother and stared at him for moment. Leaning her head against the pole, she wondered if she had stopped seeing so clearly as she had several years ago when she felt that she could see more than most. As she thought about what Cliff said and thought back over the evening, she wondered how she didn't note the sad glint in his gaze that always seemed to linger in his gaze. However, as she thought back over her years at Hogwarts, she thought about how it was always had been there. While in her first two or three years at Hogwarts that pain seemed to have slowly started to recede, she thought that now it was as evident as ever before.

"He does," Samara agreed as she watched Evelyn swing and found a flash of light. She could see herself sitting on the swing, seemingly asleep before seeing Severus and talking to him. She felt her stomach flip as her mind replayed the conversation, returning to what she knew was his home, waiting for him in the kitchen making breakfast, his return from talking to the Headmaster and wondering what he was doing at the past in the first place.

"SAMARA!"

"Yes Cliff?" Samara said, snapping out of her thoughts and looking at her brother.

"I said that you are kindred spirits," he responded. Samara merely nodded as she looked down at smiled at the fact that she had remembered something.

Thinking about what her brother said, she thought that she and Severus were alike in many ways and she guessed that his past had to be much like hers. She was almost certain that he came from a broken home as well and that it was the reason that she knew that he understood what she went through at home. She wondered if he chose his path as a Death Eater because of it. However all the more, she wondered what made him turn from it.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Sorry about any grammatical or spelling errors that I didn't catch. But I hope that you enjoyed the content of the chapter and will review!


	9. Purple Hyacinth

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 9: Purple Hyacinth**_

_"She has your mother's eyes," Severus said in astonishment as he stared at the small bundle of blankets and pink flesh that he had in his arms. Severus smiled as he watched as the little pink bundle looked around the room with its great, big, green eyes, before he turned his gaze over to Samara who held another bundle of blankets while Dahlia and Junior knelt on either side of her staring anxiously at the child she carried. _

_"I don't care who they look like so long as they are perfectly healthy," Samara said with a great smile on her face as a tear leaked from her eye and ran down her cheek. _

_"Don't cry mummy," Junior said tenderly as he wiped the tear from his mother's eye. Severus watched as the little black haired boy reached out his still small hand and wiped his mother's cheek dry. Looking over at at Samara, he watched as she smiled gently at her son and gently caressed the side of his face. _

_"You are all so perfect," Samara said with a smile before turning to look at Dahlia and caressed her cheek. "Dahlia, you're not jealous of the babies anymore are you?" Samara asked gently, ducking her head slightly to try and catch her eldest daughter's gaze. Dahlia merely shook her head but refused to look at her mother. _

_"Dahlia, whats wrong?" Severus asked as he stared at her daughter. Dahlia turned around and looked at her father. _

_"Why does she get to have green eyes? Mummy, Junior, Marius and I have hazel eyes and yours are black," Dahlia whined. Severus raised a brow at this, wondering if Dahlia was going to think of EVERYONE as rivals. She already didn't get along with Junior, was she going to be the same with the twins. He was unsure if he would be able to handle it if Dahlia was going to be constantly at odds with her siblings. _

_"Her eye color doesn't matter Dahlia," Severus said through gritted teeth, feelings slightly annoyed with his nearly-four year old. _

_"Yes it does, you like green eyes better!" Dahlia said as she rubbed her eyes, as though she were trying to keep the tears away. _

_"I don't care what color your eyes are, so long as its your soul staring out from behind them," Severus said gently as he sat down next to Dahlia and placed a kiss on her head, understanding her need for reassurance as she reminded him so much of himself. At least in attitude. _

Severus groaned as he sat up in bed. It had been years since he had last dreamt about the imaginary children that he had with Samara, however, ever since the night in the park back in November, he couldn't stop dreaming about the little girl with green eyes. It was always the same dream. It was quite puzzling to him the first time that he dreamed of his daughter Iris and the fact that his daughter had green eyes, however, ever since he had seen Marilyn Green he was even more puzzled. It was eery, just as it was when he found out that the Iris was Samara's favorite flower after he had dreamt that she had picked that name for her second daughter.

Pushing these thoughts away, Severus stood up and readied himself for yet another day of school. While December was passing relatively fast, he found that at the same time it seemed like an eternity was passing by without anything changing. He longed to see Samara again, especially as he knew that she didn't hate him. However, he wondered just how long that would last. Was it possible for her to remain oblivious for too long about the fact that they had slept together?

--

Samara smiled down at Mr. Weasley as she turned away towards the door of the ward, pulling out we wand to clean the blood off her robes. "He is going to be fine," Samara beamed at Mrs. Weasley and Bill as she stepped out of the Emergency Ward on the first floor and stepped into the hall where they were waiting. The smile and look of relief spreading on the Weasley's faces made her long hours of tending to Arthur worth it and any tiredness she felt was evaporating.

"Thank you so much," Mrs. Weasley said as she shook Samara's hand, tears of gratitude and happiness welling up in her eyes. Samara merely smiled and shook her head and told them that it was her job and more than that, she could simply not allow anything to happen to Mr. Weasley. A part of her couldn't bare the thought of telling them that it was really a miracle that he was alive at all. However, from the corner of her eyes she could see a prominent figure glaring at her, causing her smile to slip slightly.

"You may see him now, he is quite stable," Samara said, waving to the door behind her as she moved aside. She held the door open for them as they looked at her anxiously and thanked her before hurrying inside. Samara merely nodded and turned around with a heavy sigh, looking at the man standing at the far end of the hallway, still glaring at her with his arms crossed over his chest.

Looking at him apprehensively and pressing her mouth closed in a tight line, she made her way towards the tall, sleek figure in navy blue robes. The man had silver hair and beard both cropped short and very neatly trimmed. "Healer Green, surely you can not be at a loss as to why I am not at all pleased with you," Mark Hale said as he stared at Samara, his heavy, drawling voice dripping with disdain as he looked her over with his silver-grey eyes. Samara stared at her boss, the director of St. Mungo's and frowned.

"Sir I was the most competent Healer around," Samara said as she stared at her boss as he continued to look at her coldly. The fact of the matter was Dily's had found her and told her what happened and Samara had made sure that she was the first Healer on the scene when Arthur arrived seconds later. She made sure that not many questions were asked about the work.

"I heard that prior to your internment of Mr. Weasley, that you were just coming off a 16 hour shift. So not only are you not equipped to deal with the injuries of the patient as you are Head of the Spell damage floor, _not_ the creature-induced incidents floor, but you are physically exhausted and could have severely risked your patients life," he said as he glared at her. Samara opened her mouth in disbelief as she stared at him. However, the director did not give her room to speak as he continued. "You were sloppy in your paperwork and you are lucky that the man is still alive. You have severely broken rules that have been set up for the protection of the hospital, our patients and yourself. You are hereby suspended for two weeks."

"But Sir, I've read more books on healing creature-induced injuries than most of the Healers on the entire first floor. Sir you know that I am very well trained in all areas! You cannot suspend me," Samara said as she stared at him.

"OH I can and I am. Be thankful that I am not firing you Green. Don't think that I am not aware of the previous occasions that you have broken several rules. If it were for me you wouldn't have ever been made Head of anything, however, it seems the Hospitals board views your ambition favorably," Director Mark Hale went on. Samara merely nodded as she downcast her gaze, too tired to argue. She was already aware that the director did not like her and she understood that she was really lucky that he did allow her to continue working there. However, the hospital board was where the money came from and he would not be able to do anything to displease them, and as so many members of the board were former Slytherins and had heard great things of her, they favored her.

"I understand sir," Samara said as she looked at Mr. Hale straight in the eyes, trying to be polite and understanding. However, when he nodded and told her to go home, that he would take care of all of her works reassignment, she wondered what she was going to do as she turned to go. No work for two weeks? She was going to go mad! For two weeks life was going to cease to make sense to her and she would have no work to give her mind a reprieve.

Nausea started to rear its ugly head the more she thought about her predicament. It wasn't really that she was concerned about the fact that she was suspended, but she was concerned about all the free time that she would suddenly have. Somehow a few Order meetings, planing the wedding were not enough to occupy her mind at all hours of the day so that she could not think about how empty her existence was. And it wasn't like she wanted to spend all her free time with her mother. Her mother only made her think more and more about the predicament that she was in. As for the twins, for the most part of the day, they went to a muggle school so that they would learn to read and write.

Leaning against the wall as she made her way down the hallway, Samara held a hand up to her mouth and closed her eyes. She tried to blank her mind and will away the nausea, which after a moment seemed to lessen. Opening her eyes and looking up samara was quite startled when she felt someone wrap their arms around her, hugging her from behind. "Thank you so much Samara," she heard Bill's familiar voice from behind her.

"It's all right," Samara said as she pulled away and turned to look at him, feeling her heart breaking at the sight of the tears that had welled up in the red-heads eyes. "Oh Bill, everything will be fine soon," Samara said with a light smile as she wiped away the single tear that slid down his face. He merely nodded, however, he suddenly threw his arms around her as more tears continued to build in his eyes.

Samara frowned as she held onto Bill and ran her hands over his back, thinking about how devastating losing Mr. Weasley would have been. He had seven children and eight mouths to feed. He had four kids that still attended Hogwarts and they all needed him so much. Samara couldn't imagine the kind of weight that would have fallen on Bill and Charlie's shoulders, considering that they were the oldest and would have to be the strong ones for all their younger siblings. It made Samara more relieved that Mr. Weasley had pulled through, because she didn't think that Bill and Charlie would be able to cope with something that hard. She didn't think that they could pretend to be strong, it would kill them.

Feelings tears of compassion in her eyes, Samara smiled as she thought about the fact that Mr. Weasley was miraculously alive. She didn't know a more loving father and she didn't know that father's like him existed. She had never had a good father, hers was an abusive jerk who after nearly three decades was finally gone out of her life for good. In a way, Mr. Weasley was her whole hope that there was good in the world, because he was everything that her father was not. Mr. Weasley seemed to be a beacon of light while her father seemed the creator of all the pain in her life.

"Feeling better?" Samara asked gently when she felt Bill's breathing return to normal. She felt bill wiping at his eyes and nodding before her finally pulled away from her and offered her a smile. He looked very pale. "Are you giving your mum and dad some time to themselves?" Samara asked as she looke at him and watched him nod. "Come on then, we'll get you something to eat to put some color back in you," Samara said as she looked at him. He nodded and together they made their way up to the fifth floor where the Visitors tea room and hospital shop were.

"Aren't you getting anything?" Bill asked as he looked at Samara after grabbing himself a Ginger Newt and some tea. Samara merely shook her head in response, not thinking that her stomach could handle eating something as she still felt slight nauseous at the prospect of having so much free time coming up. However, she tried not to think about it as she and Bill sat at a round table.

"So I suppose you will be going into Gringotts late today?" Samara asked as she looked at Bill.

"Yes, I've asked Fleur to tell my supervisor that there has been a family emergency and that I will be going into work late," Bill replied as he drank some tea. Samara nodded in response. She didn't hear too much about the members of the Order, however, she was aware that Bill was getting very close to a french girl that he was working with at Gringotts to help her with her English. "Do you remember how Professor McGonagall would practically force these down your throats?" Bill asked with a small smile as he picked up the Ginger Newt.

Samara smiled in turn and nodded as she folded her arms on the table top and looked down at the floor. "Professor McGonagall made me wish I were a Gryffindor sometimes. She's a great woman," Samara said, looking up with a fond smile on her face. "Sometimes I think that Professor McGonagall was upset that I was in Slytherin."

"She wasn't the only one, Samara," Bill said with a smile. Samara furrowed her brow, wondering what exactly he meant by that. "I think that everyone in school wondered why you were in Slytherin. Even the Slytherins and Snape himself," Bill said as he ate his biscuit and finished his tea. Samara nodded at this, knowing that he was right. However, she supposed that it didn't matter because it really wasn't like anyone knew her and she knew that Snape was probably proud to have her in his house. "We should get back," Bill said as he stood up. Samara merely nodded and made her way back down the stairs with him. "Once again, thank you for everything," Bill said as he gave Samara one last hug.

Merely nodding in response. Samara sighed as she continued walking away. However, she hadn't gotten too far away when she felt nausea return. Running down the hall, she made her way to the nearest washroom and found herself doubling over. Considering the fact that her stomach had been empty for many hours, there wasn't anything but the acids of her stomach burning their way up her throat and sprouting out of her mouth. Samara trembled as she stared at the toilet with the clearish, yellow juices of her stomach were, before wiping her mouth on her sleeves.

Stepping out of the stall, Samara walked over to one of the many sinks and rinsed out her mouth before straightening up and looking herself in the mirror. As she stared at her eyes, she could see deep bags beneath it, indicating her extreme lack of sleep lately. She didn't know what happened, but now it seemed that every little noise woke her from her slumber. It was something that she found rather strange as she was as heavy a sleeper as Eirc, usually.

Furrowing her brow, Samara wondered why she was suddenly scared and getting an alarming sense of Deja Vu as she stared at her tired reflection. Something was draining her energy lately and she didn't quite know what the cause of it. Turning her back on her reflection and leaning against the sink, she stared at the toilet and wondered at the fact that lately she was eaten a lot less than usual and she kept getting sick. At first she thought that perhaps she had food poisoning, but this was the third time in the past week that she had gotten sick.

Feeling her stomach tighten, Samara turned around once more and leaned over the sink and splashed some water in her face. It was impossible for her to be frightened of something that couldn't be happening. However, an overwhelming sense of Deja Vu was telling her that her ailment was something that she experiences before. It wasn't something that Samara quite understood, but she pushed those thoughts away as her mind went over the things she thought were now symptoms...

She wasn't eating well, she was throwing up, she was loosing weight, and sleep... she felt exhausted almost constantly and her chest felt rather sensitive lately. Suddenly looking up as she grimaced... she was a Healer, she knewwhat all this could possible mean, however, she was unwilling to admit that something like this could happen to her. She was always careful, wasn't she?

Mulling it over in her head, Samara wondered when she had last gotten her period and felt her stomach churning. She couldn't quite remember, it was early on in October that she had last gotten her period. Which meant that she had just missed her second period. Feeling panic slowly sinking into her stomach, Samara tried to rationalize that nothing was for certain until she took a pregnancy test. After all, this wouldn't be the first time that she had missed her period two months in a row. Ever since she had started getting her period when she was in her first year, she had always had an irregular cycle. And all the stress lately could have definitely caused a back-up in her system.

Taking a deep breath and composing herself, Samara exited the woman's washroom and made her way towards her office. Keeping her breath steady in order to remain calm, she quickly made her way through the hospital until she reached her office. Shutting the door and locking it behind herself, Samara walked over to her desk and sat behind it, before bending to pull open one of her drawers and pulling out a small vial of potion that she had stored in there months ago on accident.

Uncorking the clear and scentless potion, Samara plucked a hair from her head and winced at the pain. Groaning as she stared at the root of her hair, Samara tossed it aside and plucked another. She had to pull six hairs from her head before she got one with the follicle still attached to it, which she immersed in the potion and waited a thirty seconds until the potion turned a deep green causing Samara to groan as she leaned back in her seat. She would have given anything for the potion to stay clear.

"Merlin... what am I going to do?" Samara wondered to herself as she banged her head on the desk. Already a million reasons to not have a child were running through her head, the most prominent being that now was not a time to raise a child in, considering the Dark Lord's return. She couldn't bring a child into the world directly in the middle of the world. Besides, she hadn't planned on having a child for... well actually she hadn't ever very much thought of having a child as it confused her so much. She wasn't sure she really knew whether she wanted to bring a child into the world. However, as she thought about an abortion, she found tears prickling her eyes and something sharp stabbing at her chest as though she knew what a pain of loss that would be by just thinking about it. She didn't think that she could deal with losing a child. But she was scared, scared of bringing a child into such a horrible world, where no one knew when the sun might come out again.

Leaning back, she supposed that she didn't have to shoulder all this responsibility by herself. Rising from her chair and leaving her office, Samara supposed that she shouldn't worry too much about it until after she had discussed it with Eric. It wasn't something that she was exactly looking forward to, as she thought that while he might bewildered about how that may have occurred considering that they usually were very careful, she knew that he would be quite excited about the prospect of having a child.

His happiness wasn't a prospect that Samara found very appealing. He probably wouldn't care abbot the fact that this was going to interrupt her carreer more than his, or that these were not the best of times to bring up a child, though that was because he refused to believe the return of the Dark Lord. Making her way out of the Hospital, Samara wondered what she was going to do until Eric got off of work. She was going to think of this all day and it was going to drive her man.

Running a hand through her hair as she apparated to Grimmauld, she supposed that she could stop off a Headquarters before going home, to inform someone that she had been suspended from work. She supposed to Dumbledore it wasn't that greatly important, but she thought that it was best that he knew that his one operative in St. Mungo's was currently out of a job. Besides, stopping by at Grimmauld would give her time away from her recent discovery and from any thoughts and feelings that surrounded it.

Quietly crossing the entrance hall, Samara made her way over to the kitchen door and made her way down the stairs. "Samara, what are you doing here?" Sirius asked as he narrowed his eyes on her suspiciously. Samara ignored this as she smiled lightly at him. Sirius didn't trust her very much, and it was simply because she was a Slytherin. It was something that slightly bothered Samara, but she tried not to pay him too much mind. After all, he could be quite the arrogant git and she didn't particularly care for his opinion, seeing as how he treated Kreacher.

"If you would please tell Albus that I have been suspended for the following two weeks from St. Mungo's I will greatly appreciated it," Samara merely replied coldly as she turned and nodded to Remus who was sitting next to him.

"You were suspended. Why?" Remus asked, furrowing his brow in concern. Samara merely shrugged, it wasn't something she really wanted to talk about. However, as she turned and looked at Remus, she realized that this was really the first time that she had seen him since Halloween.

"Remus. may I speak to you in private for a moment?" Samara asked, not wanting to discuss that night in font of Sirius. Remus nodded at her as Sirius scowled.

"I'll go check on Molly and all the kids," Sirius said as he stood up and left the room, causing Samara to furrow her brow. Hadn't Mrs. Weasley still been at the hospital?

"The kids are here? Mrs. Weasley is here? I thought that she was still at St. Mungos," Samara said as she walked over and sat across from Remus, who strangely looked less haggard than Sirius did at the moment. That was something quite strange considering Remus usually was the one that looked most haggard.

"Yes, all the Weasley's and Harry arrived last night when Arthur was attacked. Harry was the reason that they realized Arthur was attacked. Molly just came to inform her children hat their father is fine and to get them all to go to sleep. As you can imagine, no one slept a wink last night," Remus replied, causing Samara to nod only to knowingly considering she was the one up all night trying to heal him. It wasn't a simple job trying to remove all the poison while at the same time keeping Mr. Weasley from bleeding out as the bites would simply not heal. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well it might seem strange, since so long has past, but do you know what happened on Halloween. I'm afraid I had too much to drink and I don't remember very much," Samara said as she smiled at him bashfully. She supposed that the only reason that she was bringing it up was because something was nagging her about that night. After all, if she was black-out drunk, how had she made it home in just one piece?

"You and Tonks both then," Remus said with a smile of amusement. "However, I'm not sure how much I can tell you. After the first round of drinks, Tonks dragged me onto the dance floor. By the time we had gotten back to the table, you and Severus were both gone," Remus said with a shrug as he stared at her. "Though I suppose that Severus must has helped you home as I helped Tonks, because neither of you were in a fit enough state to make your way home by yourselves," Remus said as he stared at her. "Why do you ask?"

"Was just curious," Samara responded as she furrowed her brow and thought back to that night. She could of course imagine that Severus would have helped her home, if she couldn't make it there on her own. After all, Severus already knew where she lived. However, she wondered how all the could remember about that night was a very vivid dream of them having sex. Though, as she started to think about it, she wondered at the fact that she had awoken in her clothes. She had taken that as evidence that it was nothing more than a sleep, but back at the time, she could sleep through anything, even someone dressing her. However, she wondered at what would made him... "Excuse me Remus, I have to go," Samara said as she suddenly stood up.

Running up the stairs and out of Grimmauld, she immediately apparated to Hogwarts gates and made her way up the grounds and down towards the dungeons. Tracing her steps down a path she knew to well thought she knew not how other then the fact that Severus had shown her the way once before, she soon found herself standing before a stretch of wall that led to his private quarters. "Dahlia," she said angrily as she stood before the stretch of wall. It had hardly made much room before she passed through and pushed his front door open roughly.

"Samara, what are you doing here?" Severus asked, standing up apprehensively as he watched the very angry look on her face.

"YOU SLEPT WITH ME AND YOU DRESSED ME SO THAT I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Samara shouted angrily as she glared at him. "HOW LONG DID YOU THINK THAT I WOULD NOT KNOW?"

Severus stared at Samara at a loss for words. "You have every right to be mad at me, I will not try to to justify myself and I left without a word and trying to make you believe that nothing happened because I thought it would be easier, not only on me but you as well. But are you really angry at me, or at yourself?" Severus asked smoothly as he looked over herself. Samara groaned, feeling all the anger slipping away as she sunk into the nearest seat and stuck her head in her hands as guilt flooded over her.

"Myself. You may have been sober and more to blame as I was drunk, but it is still a lame excuse for cheating on the man that you are about to marry. What was I thinking?" Samara muttered as she buried her head in her hands. Despite all the confusing feelings that she felt for Severus, she still felt terrible about the fact that she had committed adultery before even getting married. She was sick of herself. Where was her morality? Clearly lost in some gutter if she was such a tramp. "But you are still an idiot Severus. All you did was delay the inevitable and quite possibly-" Samara stopped herself as her eyes bulged as the thought suddenly crossed her. "OH Merlin," Samara said as she felt nausea once more and placed a hand over her mouth.

Severus watched Samara intently, not caring about the fact that she had just insulted him, considering the fact that she was being far more rational and less harsh than he thought she should have been. However, he didn't pay this too much mind as he watched her. She looked rather sick. "Samara, are you all right?" Severus asked as he cautiously approached her, thinking that perhaps she had just pulled a particularly long shift, considering the fact that she was wearing her Healer robes still and that her hair was tied up in a ponytail.

Samara didn't look up as she closed her eyes and waited for the nausea to pass. Instead however, she watched scene after scene pass by her eyes. Xavier, losing her virginity to him, being dumped by him, being depressed, running into a door, Severus carrying her to the Hospital Wing, finding out she was pregnant, crying her eyes out as she decided to keep the child, feeling tired, falling behind in her classes, asking Severus to tutor her, giving him her fairytale book, telling him about her family, allowing him to feel the child, eating at him at the Italian place in Hogsmead, losing the baby, purple hyacinths, and being consoled by Severus in the rain. Samara closed her eyes as ever moment of despair in her sixth year seemed to flood her heart and felt tears welling in her eyes.

"Severus, I have to go," Samara said as she left the room without looking back at him or an explanation of anything. She hurried ran away from him and made her way towards the Hospital wing as tears flooded her eyes.

It was empty when she stepped inside, which suited her. Running over to a very specific bed, Samara pulled curtains around and concealed herself there with spells and wards before throwing herself down in the bed and weeping as she had never wept before. She felt as though her heart were being stretched, tugged and filled far past its capacity and causing an immeasurable amount of pain in her chest. She wanted nothing more than to carve a hole in her chest as her tears burned her damaged throat and washed her face. She wanted to tear out her heart and avoid the pain those recovered memories were making her experience all over again.

She wondered if it was possible for your heart to explode with the shock of so many feelings. She wondered if she could die as she wept for a child that she never knew, a love that she had forgotten long ago who had stolen the only innocence that she had left and tossed her to the sharks. She felt the guilt of causing a child its life, she felt the guilt of being relieved that she hadn't had to go through motherhood at such a young age, and she felt guilt that she had allowed herself to forget. The least she could have done was remember the unborn child, let it live in her memories. But she hadn't. She had forgotten and allowed herself to live in a bliss she didn't deserve.

Laying there, she wept for hours for all the wrongs of her past, and the wrongs that she had committed. She grieved once more the child that she had lost, the little girl who had committed no wrong, but had died just because Samara wasn't ready. Samara wept until her eyes were incapable of producing any more tears, but the pain continued with every beat of her heart and Samara felt that she didn't deserve to leave.

She lay there for hours, trying to numb the pain and accept the past. She tried to come to terms with what she had discovered about herself. However, the more she thought about it, the more terrible she felt about who she was. She had often thought that Eric deserved more than she could offer him. But now it seemed clear to her that he not only deserved more than she could offer him but that he deserved someone much better than she was. After all, she was nothing more than a cheating, lying and secretive wretch who was unworthy to lick the dirt off his boots let alone have him offer her the world.

Curling up into a ball, Samara felt that it was painfully obvious what she had to do. However, she didn't know whether or not she had the strength to do any such thing at the moment. Laying still, she tried to find the words that she would say, but nothing seemed to come to mind. Before long, she had fallen asleep and when she awoke and at last rose, she found herself staring at a dark and empty ward, cold and barren. Somehow Samara felt that she deserved that emptiness. She wasn't worthy of being a holy vessel to life.

Leaving the hospital wing, she snuck down the mainly empty castle, which she supposed was because the Christmas Holidays had started and because it was quite late. Heading towards the greenhouse to pluck a purple hyacinth, before making the long journey back to the hospital. where she lay the plant next to empty bed where a little girls life had been snuffed out before she ever had a chance. "I'm so sorry," Samara whispered as she lay the flower down and turned to leave.

Once more, she made the long journey to the gates, trying not to think of anything. Once beyond the gates, she raised her wand into the air and jumped onto the Knight Bus. She was far too exhausted to apparate home. She supposed that this would take a while longer than apparating, but she didn't care. She didn't particularly care for being splinched. She had gone through more than enough in one day.

Getting off at home Samara made her way up her flat and walked into the dark and silent apartment. However, she groaned as she heard something stir in her bedroom and walked over to the room. "Hello sweetie, long day at the hospital?" Eric asked from where he sat on her bed.

Samara stared at him for a moment, her heart breaking for him and unable to respond as she sunk into the bed and stared away from him. "Eric, there is something that I have to tell you," she said, her voice cracking and sounding hoarse from the long hours of crying. Immediately, Eric furrowed his brows as concern flooded him. As he watched Samara's slumped figure, sitting at the foot of her bed and not looking at him, he found that she looked far beyond exhausted, she looked defeated.

"What's wrong Samara?" Eric asked as he stood up from where he sat on the bed, putting the reports he was working on on her nightstand. Samara groaned as she felt him sit next to her. She didn't know if she had the courage to be so close to him or look him in the face for what she needed to say, but she had to be honest. She couldn't let him get married to her without at least warning him what he was getting into and she hoped for his sake, that he wasn''t forgiving her what she did to him.

"Eric, I had sex with someone else," Samara said, turning to look at Eric and wincing at how bluntly she put it, but she didn't see the pint in softening the blow. She thought that she if she softened the blow, she was trying to justify what she had done or somehow make it seem like it was a small problem, than what it really was, and that was a HUGE catastrophe. Though she supposed that it was mostly all of her fault. After thinking about, she realized how much she had to have pushed Severus in order for him to abandon his reserves.

"WHAT? WITH WHO? WHEN? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS NOW WHEN WE ARE LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY FROM OUR WEDDING?" Eric yelled as he jumped feet away from her. He tried to push away all the pain that he was feeling and focus in on all the anger that he felt towards her to keep the tears from spilling over. He didn't want her to see him breakdown. But for him it was nearly impossible to ignore his pain, despite all the training he underwent to become an Auror about putting aside one's personal feelings.

"Who isn't important. It happened in Halloween and I was drunk, but I'm not using that as an excuse as there is nothing that can excuse what I have done to you," Samara said, down-casting her gaze in shame that she felt. Her throat still hurt whe she spoke, but she didn't care about that. Eric deserved everything that he wanted at this moment. It was the least that she could do. "I would have told you sooner, because I want to be honest and I don't want you to marry me if you don't know what I am, but I didn't tell you because I thought that it was a dream; I had convinced myself that it had been nothing more than a dream and the fact that there was no evidence to prove otherwise made that rather simple, but... it wasn't just a dream. I confirmed that today."

Digging his fingers into his eyes, Eric felt as though his head was going to explode with all the information that he was receiving. "Samara, I don't think that I can forgive you for this," Eric said as he started to pace, not thinking that he could really stand to look at her at the moment. The idea that she had let someone, some stranger or whoever it was, to use her body and the fact that... she had forgotten about him, even if she was drunk made him feel pain and disgust the likes of which he hadn't known she could rise in him. Running his hands through his long hair, Eric impatiently set it lose and continued to run his hands through it. He felt almost as though he wanted to tear it all out in order to be able to ignore the pain he felt in his head and focus on a different kind of pain, one not quite as painful.

"That's okay Eric, I don't deserve your forgiveness," Samara said as she ran her fingertips lightly over her eyes and rubbed them to take away the dryness be feeling her cool fingertips through her eyelids. Her eyes felt dry from all the crying she had done throughout the day and in a way she felt glad that she could produce tears at the moment. She didn't feel that she deserved that release, especially no in front of him. It would seem far too hypocritical, almost as though she were mocking his pain.

"I need to go," Eric said as he walked away and grabbed his files, he didn't think that he could stay for another moment. Samara turned around at and looked at him, wondering whether the wedding was called off or not and wondering if she should tell him that she was pregnant. The fact of the matter was, she didn't know who the baby's father was and there was still a very strong possibility that Eric was the father. However, the idea of telling him in this moment that she was pregnant with his child... she thought that it would sound too much like a ploy to keep him at her side and that wasn't something that she wanted. But he needed to know. He deserved to know, didn't he?

"Eric wait. There is one more thing that I have to tell you," Samara said as she stared at him.

"What is it?" Eric asked through gritted teeth, not bothering to turn around. He didn't think that he could stand being there for much longer.

"I want to make this clear Eric, there are things in my past that are dark that you don't know about, things that I don't even remember and you deserve to be with someone who is open to you about their past, and someone who loves you more than I have so far. And I don't want what I say to make you feel that you have to stay with me out of some noble Gryffindor feeling, because I'll be fine by myself," Samara said, facing Eric, while her gaze was fixed on her bed. However, she couldn't look over at him. "But I think that you should know that I'm pregnant and I don't know if you or... he is the father."

Eric felt his eyes bulge at this as single tears fell from his brow eyes and splatted the floor and his boots. Despite all the pain, anger and even hate... he felt a small amount of confusion at the idea that he might've fathered a child. Turning around to look at Samara, he wondered whether or not she was lying, but as he saw the look on her face he could see that sh was telling the truth.

"Its not something that I wanted," Samara said as she turned away from him and thought about that morning when she had thought that the child was Eric's without a doubt in her mind and the idea of bringing a child into a normal family. However, she wondered if she would ever belong to a normal family. She supposed that she didn't really deserve one. "But I can't get rid of it," Samara said as she looked up at him and saw a tender look cross his face. Samara fiercely shook her head. "Don't get me wrong Eric, keeping the baby doesn't come out of some noble feeling. It comes out of my own selfishness or not being able to cope with that pain again."

"Again?" Eric asked, feeling any hope that he felt in her sinking once more into the pits of his stomach and swallowed whole back into darkness once more.

Samara turned away from him. She didn't really want to talk about it, but she supposed that she owed Eric at least this much, after all she had crushed all of his dreams. "I fell in love with my gymnast instructor and after he took my virginity he left me... pregnant. It was our sixth year, but in March I had a miscarriage," Samara said as she looked up at him seeing that there was a look of pity on his face as he was staring at her, yet at the same time as though he thought she were a total stranger. "She was a little girl, she only had two months left and I feel guilty that she died."

Eric stared at Samara, realizing that this meant that she had recovered memories. However, he wondered if she hadn't recovered them, if she would have told him anyway. It wasn't as thought Samara was very forthcoming about her past. Eric supposed that she had a point when she said that he didn't really know who he was marrying. Once more running a hand through his hair, Eric turned away wondering what he was supposed to do. The right thing seemed to be to marry her and give the child a father and family, but he couldn't shake off the pain of betrayal and he could see now that he couldn't trust Samara and didn't know if he ever would again. Somehow, that was not the kind of family he wanted to start.

"I think that its best to cancel the wedding. I'm not planning to abandon the kid if its mine... but, I can't deal with this at the moment," Eric said as he looked at her. Samara merely nodded.

"I will tell everyone that the wedding is off and take care of the payments for everything that cannot be refunded," Samara said as she looked down at the floor. Eric nodded and pulled out his wand. "Could you... if you tell anyone what really happened... could you please not tell anyone that I'm pregnant?" Samara asked, pleading with her eyes as she looked into his. Eric merely nodded in response, thinking that he rather not let anyone know that he was betrayed. "Thank you," Samara said as she down cast her gaze. Eric merely nodded before disapparating with a loud pop.

Samara ran her hands as she crawled into bed and curled up beneath the covers, exhausted from her long day and unsure if she and Eric were completely over. However, at the moment, she supposed that it wasn't greatly important.

--

The following days were passing rather slowly. She had told everything that happened to Aran and discussed it all with him, but she still didn't feel much better. Neither had she heard anything from Eric or from anyone for that matter. For the most part, while she was taking care of telling everyone that the wedding was off by owl, she was staying inside, not yet ready to face the world or all of its questions. As it was, there were several nosy people who asked her why the wedding had been called off, however, Samara didn't bother to read any of them and sent them straight to the trash.

After the first few days she headed out. Luckily the location, caterers and such were nice enough to return her money, just as Madam Malkins was nice enough not to charge her for the wedding dress, though the brides-maid dresses was another matter. Samara didn't care about having to pay for the horrid dresses, as she supposed that things really could have been a lot worse. She also guessed that the reason that everyone returned her money to her was because they felt sorry for her, especially as she looked like a glum bride on Christmas' Eve's Eve.

Sighing as she sat down in a dank corner of the Leaky cauldron after she took care of the last matter, which was owling all the money Eric had put down for the wedding to him, she rest her head in her hands. She had changed her hair color to red and made it longer and curly with a charm so that no one would notice her. However, she felt rather annoyed with her life at the moment. More than ever she very much desired to go back to work. Though she supposed being suspended allowed for her to get much needed rest.

Raising her head from her hands, Samara looked around the Leaky Cauldron before ordering something to eat. She had started to take a potion once more to stop her morning sickness and found that her appetite had returned. She was started to once more gain the weight that she had been losing.

After eating, she was about to get up and head back home, when something caught her eye in the corner of the room. She could see the back of someone's greasy head, and judging by how greasy the hair was and the stature of the man, it could only be Severus. Feeling her stomach churn, she realized that she still had to talk to Severus about the fact that she might be having his child. "I need to talk to you," Samara said as she walked over to where he was sitting, causing him to look up at her and raised a brow as he stared at the curls or red hair that framed her face. The color red didn't really suit her, it clashed with her hazel eyes and pale skin. "I need to talk to you, in private would be best."

Severus merely nodded at this as he led the way up to one of the rooms after paying it to Tom. Samara supposed that if anyone knew her, they would think that this was highly inappropriate, however, she hadn't seen anyone she knew in the Leaky Cauldron and assumed that no one had noted so she merely followed Severus up the stairs and to the room they were directed.

Closing the door behind himself, Severus put up muffliato and turned to look at Samara. "Could you remove the charm from you hair, I can't look at you like that," Severus said, mildly exasperated as he looked at her. Samara smiled at this, knowing that the color red didn't suit her and merely complied with his wish. Immediately she could feel her hair straighten out and grow several inches shorter before it started to turn black from the roots to the tips.

"Happy?" Samara asked as she shook out her hair. Severus glared at her, however, felt it melt away as she saw the smile that she gave him. Turning away, Samara sat down on the edge of the bed. "You might want to sit Severus," Samara said as she looked up at him. Severus raised a brow at this, however, sat down in the single armchair in front of the fireplace, wondering what this was about.

"What did you want to talk to me about that is so important that you needed to speak to me in private?" Severus asked as he looked over at her.

"I'm pregnant and there is a chance that the child is yours," Samara said bluntly as she looked over at him. Severus blinked for a moment, unsure whether or not he hard heard her correctly.

"A chance? You don't know conclusively?" Severus asked. He wanted to ask her how she could be so irresponsible to get pregnant at a time like this, however, he figured it it was his, than he was the one to blame. After all he head bee the less intoxicated one and perhaps if he hadn't made her believe that it was a dream she might have been able to prevent this with a morning after potion. However, the fact that she might be having his child made his heart thunder in his chest, despite how terrible it was to raise a child in a time like this.

"Well seeing as the conception occurred around Halloween, and seeing as my relations with Eric hasn't been a celibate one, it could go either way," Samara teased, trying to make things not seem so down. She was tired of being so numb or depressed lately. She wanted to be able to smile again, even if it was just over a stupid and bad joke.

"This is not the time to joke Samara. The Dark Lord is back and... we can't have a child. I could die at any given moment," Severus said severely as he glared at her.

Samara looked down at her hands, her heart hurting at the idea that Severus might not exist in the world. For some reason, that panged her more than anything else in the world. "You can't die Severus, because I think you'd take my will to live," Samara said as tears welled up in her eyes as her heart clenched painfully. Severus stared over at Samara, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

"I saw the hyacinth in the hospital," Severus suddenly said, clearing his throat. Samara looked up at him, wondering why he was bringing this up. "How much did you remember?" Severus asked as he stared at Samara. Samara stared at him, amazed that a simple flower told him that she had remembered a part of her past and confirming the idea that he knew more about her that he did. Something told her that all the time they had spend together in her sixth year due to him tutoring, was not the full extent as to why they had gotten close, or how close they had gotten.

"Everything up to about the miscarriage," Samara replied as she looked at him. Severus nodded at this, feeling his stomach churning as he remembered how close they had gotten when she was in her sixth year. He wondered whether it would really be all that great that she remembered what she had. After all, they had already had sex together and might be having a child, things had gotten complicated enough as it was without her being in love with him. Though he was starting to wonder if in fact she was falling in love with him all over again.

It was something that he was feeling quite unsure about. He didn't know whether or not that was a good or bad thing. If he were to allow himself to be selfish, he found that it was great. He knew that she wasn't getting married, she might be having his child, and if she loved him again or eventually remembered what they had, it meant that she was his. But Severus wasn't selfish. Over EVERYTHING he wanted Samara to be happy, and with the return of the Dark Lord, he didn't think that he would be able to give her that happiness, especially not when the war started.

Running a hand through his hair, Severus wished that he could do the noble thing and giver her everything that she could possibly need, however, he couldn't. He was a spy and he didn't want to endanger the life of Samara or the baby, even if the baby didn't turn out to be his. "Samara, I would like to help, but you know that I can't really be of any help to you," Severus said as he looked up at her. Samara nodded in response to this, she knew as much and that wasn't really what she wanted out of him.

"I know, I wasn't asking for help. I can pretty much handle it all myself. But I thought that you had the right to know," Samara said as she looked up at him. Severus nodded at this, thinking that he really should have known Samara could take care of herself and do everything on her own. After all, she had always been very determined and resourceful. However, he still wished he might have needed him for something. "I should go," Samara said, suddenly standing up from the bed. Severus nodded as he stood up, though he wished she didn't have to go. "Bye," Samara said with a smile before turning and walking towards the door. However, as she reached the door knob she stopped and turned around. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Severus turned around from looking out the window and stared at Samara, wondering at the fact that she was asking and confused by her question. "Nothing," he replied as he stared at her. Samara smiled nervously, not knowing what she was doing, but knowing that she wanted to talk someone that wasn't judging her or asking her question. He had shared her sin and she just wanted to spend more time with him, because he understood her like no one else did.

"Would you like to come with me to my mums house tomorrow, to spend Christmas Eve? You shouldn't be alone and I would really like a buffer from all the questions," Samara replied with a teasing smile as she looked over at him. Severus raised a brow at this as he walked over to her.

"And why would I do that?" Severus asked as he looked at her.

"Well I think its the least you can do for making me sin," Samara replied as she stared at him. Severus raised a brow at this as he held his hands behind his back and walked closer to her. Severus could only suppose that the sing she referred to was preemptive adultery.

"You were a sinner before that night," Severus replied with a sneer as he looked down into her hazel eyes, recalling that it was also considered a sin to have premarital sex, even if it was with your future spouse. Samara bit on her lower lip as she stared at his sneer and her heart began to race.

"But from what I recalled you enjoyed the sin, so how can you deny the sinner?" Samara replied, flushing at the thought of that night as she cocked her head and smiled up at him.

"All right," Severus said, not feeling he could refuse her anything at all as he stared down into her pretty face. Stepping away, feeling foolish for having flirted with a girl he nodded his head as he wondered what he was doing. "What time would you like me to stop by?" Severus asked as he looked up at her.

Samara flushed as she wondered what the hell she had been thinking by flirting with him. He had to think that she was such a tramp considering her wedding had been called off not even a week before. "Ummm... about seven should be fine. We are having a late dinner so... yeah be at my place like around seven and we'll go from there," Samara replied as she looked at him. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow," Samara said with a friendly smile before turning around to go. "Merlin what am I doing?" she wondered as she apparated to her place. One thing seemed clear, she couldn't control herself around Severus.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Well that is it for chapter 9, I was planning on updating on Monday but since I finished this chapter earlier than I had expected I decided to post it. I hope that everyone has enjoyed it. Her becoming pregnant was always part of the plan, deciding at one point in the story was just the problem. But I thought that it fit perfectly for now.

Anyway I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review!


	10. Tell It Like It Is

**A/n: **Reminder, this _is_ rated M.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 10: Tell It Like It Is**_

Samara lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling while she played with her engagement ring. She couldn't recall having taken it off, but she knew that she hadn't been wearing it of late as she had just found it earlier on the floor. Not like she had left it there, she assumed she had pulled it off after Eric had left, left it on her nightstand and at some point it had fallen to the floor without her noticing. She didn't think that she would have found the ring as it had rolled under the bed had she not been looking for her stray shoe.

"You are going to be late," Samara looked down at her stomach and stared at Aran who was laying at the top of her belly. Samara merely nodded, but she didn't budge. It was nearly seven and Severus was going to be there any moment. While for the most part she was ready to go, she had yet to put on her shoes, and put away the presents that she got for her twins. "Have you heard from Eric?" she heard his pincers clicking.

"No," Samara responded, though she supposed that wasn't strange. She guessed that he needed time to think. It wasn't something that she objected to, considering she didn't want him to feel terrible during Christmas. However, now that she thought about it, it seemed unfair to her that she had caused him so much pain and had thus far been able to avoid wizarding society and all their prying questions about why the wedding had been called off. She supposed that Eric's family was going to be there for him in the least, though she wondered if his sisters abusing her would make him resent her more than he probably already did.

"Why don't you conduct a paternity test to see whose child it is?" Aran asked. He had a feeling that things would probably be simpler if Samara knew whose child it was. He supposed that at least if she knew it wasn't Eric she could completely cut ties with Eric, because he knew that she had her were not meant to be together, especially not know that Severus was back in her life. However, he could not say something of the sort to Samara, without having to reveal a good deal about what he knew about her past. She had to come to that conclusion in her own time.

Samara sighed as she stared at the cieling. "I'm scared," Samara replied.

"That its Eric's?"

"That it's _not _his," Samara replied, thoroughly confusing Aran. He had expected that Samara would want the child to be Severus, because despite the fact that she didn't know it yet, he knew that she still loved him. And he knew that Samara was sure that she wasn't _in_ love with Eric. He didn't understand why she would want the child to be his. "I think that if it were Eric's, things would be so much simpler. Eric would be a good father and the baby would have a good family."

"You are already thinking about what is best for the child? What about you, Samara?" Aran asked. Samara didn't say anything in response as she stared at the ceiling. It was strange, but for the first time in years she knew exactly what she wanted, but she didn't have the heart to go after it. It was strange, considering she always took what she wanted, no matter how much energy she had to expend to get it. However, at the moment, it seemed like she couldn't accept what she wanted. Like instinct was telling her to ignore the way her heart beat insanely whenever Severus was around and take a safer route, avoiding the pain of true love and settling for friendship, as unfair as that may have been to Eric. "All _you _had was yourself and you turned out fine. Your child will be just as resilient."

"But why should I make the baby go through that when... there is another option?" Samara asked as she continued to stare at the ceiling. She didn't want yet another child to suffer in a abusive family, or a neglectful one or one that wasn't a family at all. She wanted to break that cycle and she only wanted the best for her child.

Placing a hand on her stomach and careful to avoid Aran, Samara sighed as she furrowed her brow. She wasn't quite attached as she felt she should be about the child that was growing in her womb, however, she did desire the best for it. And despite not being attached, past experiences taught her to at least not call the babe an IT. She felt like that would be dooming the kid to the same fate as her little girl. She really wanted to want this child. She just hoped that desire would kick in sometime soon. Perhaps then she's be able to think more clearly for the lump growing inside her.

"And what makes you so sure there is any other option, Samara?"

"Eric would be easy enough to manipulate into taking me back," Samara said, surprising Aran. He knew that she could be determined ambitious and manipulative as much as any human could be, however, he hadn't ever thought that she would do so at the expense of someone else's pain. He thought that she at least loved Eric enough to want the best for him and not to toy with his affections.

"You would do that to Eric?" Aran asked, his pincers clicking softly. He supposed that if he had morals, he would have judged Samara, however, to Aran thigns were simple enough. There were all his primal instincts and then there was his love for Samara. There wasn't much quandry and whether something was right or wrong in his mind.

Samara rubbed her still flat stomach absentmindedly. "For this baby, I will do everything I didn't do for my baby girl," Samara replied. Aran understood that, motherly instincts. Though he supposed at this point it was much more guilt, as he didn't think that Samara's motherly instincts had kicked in yet. It was easy to tell that she was only just getting used to the idea that she was pregnant. He wasn't sure it had yet really hit her that there was a life growing inside her and that it was a part of her in a way that nothing else was.

Samara suddenly sat upright when she heard a pop and realised that Severus must have arrived. "Samara," Severus called out from the living room. Samara immediately stood up from her bed and reached out for Aran with her hand before traisporting him to her nightstand along with her engagement ring.

"I will be right out Severus," Samara called out as she slipped into her black boots, whose heels were made of metal and were at least four inches high. However, Samara wasn't terribly concerned over this as she quickly zipped up the knee high, leather boots and quickly picked up her twin's presents before heading for the door and peering out at Severus with an embarrassed smile for having wasted her time and making him wait.

Severus looked over at Samara and inhaled sharply. He supposed that she was wearing heels because she seemed much taller, however, that was not what caused him to inhale so sharply. Her face had a delicate amouint of makeup that made her shimmer and glow. She had charmed her hair to be the length it had been when she was in school and had also placed curling charms in it. He was astounded to see the emerald green butterflies that held back the hair on each side of her face and matched with her silk robes.

Clearing his throat Severus nodded at her. "You look... nice," he said curtly, not wanting to blurt out just how beautiful she looked. However, it didn't seem to matter, because it seemed that Samara understood him perfectly and blushed lightly at the compliment that he gave her as his eyes washed over her.

"You look nice as well," Samara smiled as she looked at him. He was of course wearing black robes, however, emerald green cuffs that seemed to match with her dress. Samara blushed at the thought that they probably looked like an oddly matching couple, however, she pushed the thought aside as she stepped up to him. "Are you ready?" Samara asked with a smile as she looked up at him. Severus merely nodded at her as she stepped up to him. "Will you like to apparate together of separately?" Samara asked as she looked at him.

Severus didn't really think that it mattered, however, before he knew what he was doing, he was extending his arm out to her. Severus almost groaned at his instincts, however, he shoved the grown back down his throat before it made its presence known and pulled out his wand as Samara grasped onto his arm.

Almost as though he were making sure that this was not a dream, Severus looked down to make sure that Samara was holding onto his arm and stared down at her pale hands contrasting sharply against his robes, gently grasping onto his arm. Severus couldn't felt the relief he felt to see that once more the dreaded ring was gone from her beautiful, left ring finger and turned away. Trying to ignore how pleasant it was not to have the diamond glaring at him, blinding and mocking him, Severus focused on their destination before they disapparated with a pop.

"So you haven't spoken at all to your mother since your... engagement broke off?" Severus asked as he apparanted a block from her house. He thought it would be much more polite not to apparate straight in the household. Slowly as they made their way down the streets, he turned and watched as Samara stared at the ground, two wrapped parcel dangling from a string wrapped around the crook oer her elbow. Severus felt slightly uncomfortable that she had yet to let go of his arm, however, his heart still thudded erratically because of it. Though, he didn't understand why he also felt nervous about coming face to face with Samara's mother who had spoken to her daughter recently from what he'd gathered the previous day.

"No, I've rather been avoinding speaking to anyone at all, as you can imagine. Works out that I was suspended for two weeks, but I suppose I will have to face the world sometime," Samara said as she walked, feeling a twinge of guilt towards how it must have been like for Eric the past couple of days. However, she tried not to think of things. It was Christmas Eve and she really didn't feel like passing it all depressed. More so, she didn't want to make Severus' Christmas depressing by being down and out when he probably would have been better off on his own. She wanted him to enjoy himself and have company and she wanted to be good company.

Severus merely nodded at this. He'd of course heard of that. It was his belief that not only everyone knew that her engagement had been broken off but that she had also been suspended from work. "Everyone in the Order thinks that he was the one that did something wrong," Severus said monotonously as they approached the house.

Samara turned to look at him sharply, a guilty look on her face. "Oh no! They must think I haven't shown my face because I'm depressed rather than ashamed," Samara said, feeling even more awful about the whole thing. She didn't want people to think that Eric was the bad one, when he was nothing more than an... well no probably not an angel as an angel probably would have been forgiving. But she supposed that he was in the least a very good man.

Sighing, she tried to push these troublesome thoughts away once more, but she supposed as she knocked and the door flung open and she stared at her mothers somewhat angered face that she wasn't going to be able to. "Hello mum, you remember Severus right? I invited him so that he wouldn't be alone," Samara said with a smile, speaking quickly and cutting off her mother before she could speak.

Marilyn Green had opened her mouth to speak but merely closed it and smile as she turned to look at Severus. "Its nice to see you again Severus. So glad that you will be joining us," she said politely a she waved them to come in. As Samara passed she gave her daughter a very meaningful look that she was not to be getting away with anything just because she had brought a guest over. However, she supposed that she could postpone the chat until the niceties were over.

Stepping into the living room, Severus found it vastly different than the last time that he had come into samara's house during christmas. For one thing, there was a brightly lit Christmas tree in the room, with presents beneath it. Turning, he stared at the couch were Heathcliff and Evelyn were sitting next to each other watching a movie on the television. "Say hello to our guest, duckies," Marilyn called to her twins as Samara tuned away to put the presents that she got for the twins beneath the tree.

Heathcliff was the first to get up and helped Evelyn off the couch before walking over and shaking his hand. Severus was still quite impressed by the little eight year old. However, he was more surprised when little Evelyn hugged his about the legs before releasing hims and yelling out to her 'Nana'. Severus turned around and watched as Samara hugged both her younger siblings while giving her mother a kiss on the cheek.

"Well now that everyone is here, Cliff, Evelyn why don't you set the table? Severus, feel free to make yourself at home," Marilyn said with a smile towards Severus before tugging Samara to the kitchen saying that she needed her to help her with someone. Severus raised a brow at this, wondering what he was supposed to do, however Decided to join the kids in the dining room across from the kitchen. "What happened Samara?" he vaguely thought he heard Mrs. Green say.

"Mr. Snape, what is your occupation?" Severus turned and looked at Heathcliff who was staring at him with curiosity that didn't quite show on his face any more than his usual, serious expression. Severus turned to the boy and wondered why he wanted to know. Casting a look over his shoulder where Samara and her mother were standing talking, thought Samara seemed not so willing to talk, he wondered if he should say or if that might seem strange.

"I am the Head of Slytherin and Potions Professor of Hogwarts," Severus replied as he turned to the child who raised a brow at this.

"Samara was in Slytherin. Was she ever your student?" Heathcliff asked as he continued to set the plates while Evelyn was bouncing around setting the silverware. Severus raised a brow as he stared at the young boy, he was quite sharp. Severus wondered if one day he would be a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw.

"Yes," Severus replied curtly. He didn't know why he was so uncomfortable mentioning this. He supposed because it seemed rather unorthodox for a teacher and former student to become quite so close as to be inviting each other for Christmas, however, his relationship with Samara had left the land of Ethics quite long ago. However, he supposed that so long as no one knew about that, he shouldn't be too greatly uncomfortable. After all, there were many professors who later on became friends with their students or at least treated them as colleagues, though he wasn't really one of those people seeing as he did not like to socialize.

Heathcliff merely nodded in response before finishing up the table and sitting down with Evelyn who had finished before him. "So its Professor Snape?" Evelyn suddenly said. Severus slowly turned to look at her and realized that there was a sing-song quality to her voice. Though he supposed it was because it still had a high, child-like pitch and she spoke quite softly.

"Yes," Severus nodded in response.

"Well I suppose that it might have been for the best. To tell you the truth Samara, I didn't think it would have worked well anyway," Marilyn said as she walked into the room carrying food alone with Samara. Samara didn't say anything in response as she merely nodded and motioned Severus to join them at the table after she set the tray down. Severus was relieved as he sat down that that was the end of that.

"What wouldn't have worked well?" Heathcliff asked curiously sitting up so he could lean over closer to the adults speaking.

"I'm not going to get married anymore," Samara replied gently with a small reassuring smile to her younger siblings so that they wouldn't be worried about her. However, Evelyn's little brows furrowed over her hazel eyes and she blinked at her sadly out from beneath her black lashes. "We were just incompatible," Samara said in answer to her little sisters questions and trying to ear her worry with a smile continued, "But its fine. Better this way."

"I agree," Heathcliff said. Everyone turned to look at him, and the serious expression on his face as he suddenly turned to Severus and smiled. "Let's eat!"

--

"Does your mother always go to sleep quite so early?" Severus asked as he and Samara sat on the couch, while the twins lay on the floor on, their heads propped up against the couch. They were all supposed to be watching a movie, though Severus was unsure which Christmas movie this was. He'd never particularly been one for watching tv or any other muggle activities. Even as a child. However, as he stared at the twins drooping heads on their pillows, he wondered if they had perhaps fallen asleep already.

"Yes," Samara nodded, her eylids closing heavily. She had already removed her boots and curled her feet beneath her. Her feet had been killing her already, even though she had only been wearing them for about four hours and even her eyes were starting to get droopy. She supposed it was because she was pregnant and more prone to being tired lately, but she was at least relieved that she wasn't having morning sickness, thanks to the wonderful world of potions. Otherwise it would quite suck to be pregnant. "The twins can be a handful and my mother's never been a very energetic person," Samara said with a shrug as she blinked slowly.

Severus looked over his shoulder to where Samara sat next to him and looked past her to where the twins were laying on the floor. It looked to him like the twins had fallen asleep and like Samara was tired herself. He wondered as he stared at the sleeping twins if they were tuckered out already. Dinner had been a long and entertaining affair, of which most of the time was spent talking about the twins childhood and even hearing a bit about how studious Samara was as opposed to how playful the twins were.

After dinner the twins had been running around while Samara helped her mother clean up. Marilyn had asked Severus plenty of questions, however, she didn't seem very concerned with the fact that he had once been Samara's professor and Head of House and he supposed that was because a ten year age difference wasn't very great and because Samara was not a child. Not to mention the fact that Samara had always been quite mature for her age.

"Well she's not the only person that is tired," Severus said as he turned back to look at Samara. Samara furrowed her brow and sat up, leaning over the couch and staring at the kids who had just fallen asleep. Samara groaned as she wondered if she should carry the kids to their beds of wake them up and make them crawl to bed. Deciding that it was probably best not to wake them, she stood up and scooped up Evelyn's small, thin body in her arms.

"Shh," she cooed as Evelyn started to stirr as she stood up straight. Despite how tired she was, she managed to find the strength to carry the eight-year-old. "Severus, could you carry Cliff to his room? Don't worry, he sleeps like a rock like I do," Samara whispered, flashing him the crooked smile that was his and only his.

Severus merely nodded in response as Samara turned around and walked Evelyn to her room. Leaning over, Severus scooped up the boy in his arms and carried him to his room. Samara, wasn't lying when she said that the boy slept like a rock like she did. From the moment he picked up the boy, to the moment he lay him down, removed his shoes and covered him up, Severus didn't feel the boy so much as change his breathing pattern.

Straightening up, he silently walked out of the room and made his way back to the living room, surprised that Samara was already sitting back down, picking up the television remote and flipping through the channels. "Have you ever seen this movie, Severus? It's called the Shop Around the Corner," Samara asked, motioning to the tv, causing him to shake his head as he sat down next to her. He was starting to get the feeling that he should go home now that they were alone, but the fact of the matter was that this was one of his best Christmases in years, and he didn't mind that Samara's family had been around at all.

"I don't watch films or the television," Severus replied as he watched the colorful tv screen. Despite the fact that this was what they had been the past few hours, he wasn't bored. He supposed that was because he wasn't really paying attention to the movie as he was very aware of Samara's close proximity and trying to keep from staring at her too much around her family. Heathcliff for one seemed to have Samara's, oddly observant way of noticing things that others didn't seem to.

Samara turned around and looked at Severus with a lazy smile that told him just how tired she was as she blinked blearily at him. "It's only begining, I think you should watch it," Samara said with a smile, causing Severus heart to thud. It was almost as though she had heard his precise thoughts and were requesting that he stay.

Settling into the couch Severus turned his attention to the now black and white screen. "How _old_ is this film?" Severus asked, furrowing his brow. He could guess by the wardrobe but he wanted to make sure.

Samara crinkled her brow in thought as she sank into the couch. "It's from 1940, I believe," Samara replied. Severus was astounded by this, but said no more as he noted Samara staring at the television intently, watching the characters interacting in front of a shop. All was silent until Samara suddenly said, "It always vexed me that he called her 'my dear child'."

"What else could he say to the stubborn girl?" Severus asked as he looked over at Samara. She was watching the movie through half-closed eyes, her head turned slightly so that it was resting on the sofa and the butterfly in her hair. Severus didn't think that was too comfortable, however, he instead focused on the lazy smile that spread across her lips once more.

"I assume _you_ would see it that way," Samara said as they once more lapsed into silence, watching the film. Severus didn't understand what exactly she meant by that, however, decided not to comment on it. Though, after a short time he started to wonder at how Samara could understand what they said at all as they seemed to be speaking a mile a minute. Were Americans honestly in such a rush to speak? Or was it just because the man was a salesman and the woman was desperate? Severus decided it didn't matter as he was going to be vexed either way.

However, once getting into the flow of things, Severus found that the film was not half-so-bad, though he started to wonder how it was a Christmas movie at all. "Samara, what exactly do you like about this movie?" Severus suddenly asked as he turned to look at her. She smiled blearily, though he could see that by now her eyes were shut.

"Klara Novak and Alfred Klaric," she replied, yawning. Severus raised a brow at this, wondering why she enjoyed watching two people at each other's throats. In his opinion Klara was simply manipulative and stubborn while Alfred... he supposed that there wasn't very much wrong with him. Klara simply grated his nerves. "You only like him because he's a tyrant like you," Samara smiled up at him. Severus eyes focused on Samara and found that she was staring at him with her startling hazel eyes, studying him closely. Closing her eyes once more, Samara leaned her head, now closer to his arm, but still resting inward towards the back of the couch. "You'll like Klara."

"What makes you think so?" Severus asked as he looked over at her with a raised brow, slightly vexed to hear that knowing tone creeping back into her voice. It was a tone she spoke in many years ago, when she knew him like the back of her hand and could predict him. It wasn't something he was ever comfortable with and found vexing now. How could she begin to know him like that again?

"Because I see you in everything," she whispered sleepily before nodding off into sleep. Severus furrowed his brow at this, not understanding, however, focused on the movie to not watch Samara as she slept. Though, he found that very difficult considering how angelic she always looked in her sleep.

For her part, Samara felt that part of her was quite conscious, despite her closed eyes and the humming of dreams in her head. The light sound of the tv, penetrated through her subconscious and she felt like smiling at the sound of Alfred being kind and over-caring for Klara whom he seemed to so dislike. She felt tenderness within her, despite the sleep and a craving for someone warm. Leaning in slowly, Samara rested her head, at long last on something soft and warm, yet firm, beneath her cheek. She smiled at the warm smell of wormwood as she leaned in and hugged the appendage that she was resting on as she continued to smile in the blissfulness of her dreams.

Severus turned away from Klara, the girl who was sick with love and turned to look at Samara who seemed blissful as her left arm hooked around his right. Furrowing his brow, he stared into her sleeping face and wondered what on earth she was dreaming of as she draped her right arm across his waist and snuggled her face closer to his shoulder, her hair now covering what he could see of her face. It caused him to reach out and gently brush the hair out of her face before forcing himself to watch the movie. However, the more and more he saw of Klara, the less he really saw her and the more he saw Samara.

"Did you understand what I meant?" Samara said in the end, when the shrill of the tune at the end of the movie penetrated through her thoughts sharply and roused her from her sleep. However, she was far too comfortable to move, and she ignored the fact that it was simply because she was resting on Severus.

Blinking slowly, Severus slowly turned to look at Samara, who maintained her eyes closed as she snuggled into his arm and held him a little more tightly than before. "Yes," Severus replied after he remembered what she said, about her seeing him in everything. He understood now that he realized that he also saw her in everything. It was something that made his heart race, he didn't understand why he would be on her mind in the same way. "Samara," Severus suddenly said, feeling highly uncomfortable and sitting up, causing Samara to immediately sit up, suddenly alert.

"Are you going to ruin this moment, Severus?" Samara asked as she looked at him. Severus blinked as he stared at her before looking away.

"Samara, I don't know what you are doing. It's almost like..." Severus didn't finish that sentence, not thinking that he should remind her as she wouldn't know what he was talking about. She had no idea that she had been pushy with him until he finally buckled and acquiesced to being with her and everything had become complicated. It felt like she was doing that all over again, history repeating itself, and he didn't really like it. Especially not after how things had previously ended and how wounded he'd walked away from the whole thing.

"Like what Severus?" Samara asked as she furrowed her brow.

Sighing deeply Severus stood up. "You are complicating everything, Samara. You shouldn't have found out about that night, you shouldn't be pregnant, we should have never..." Severus couldn't finish that sentence because he really didn't regret that bit of it, but everything was so damn complicated. Running his hands through his hair, Severus sighed heavily once more as he turned to look at Samara who was grimacing at her hands.

"You wish I were still with Eric?" Samara asked, raising a brow as she turned to look at him, a hard look in her eyes. Severus turned to look at her, but found that he could not respond. The truth was he couldn't stand to see her with Eric. "Even though you've never actually said it, I know you love me, Severus," Samara said as she stared deeply into his eyes, her heart pounding in her chest making it feel like she was pumping too much oxygen throughout her body. "You are the one that complicates everything," Samara said as she stood up and stepped closer to him, not knowing why Severus was the only thing she was so sure about in her life and realizing that she'd rather struggle with him then pretend with Eric. "I already told you that I don't need anything from you, but would you please be honest. I know that you want me, why can't you just let it be then?"

Severus groaned as he turned away, feeling Deja Vu, only this was an older Samara he found impossible to resist. Before he could say anything, he felt her thin arms slip around his waist and he felt her body pressing in against his back, the top of her head resting on his shoulder as she pleaded, though he wasn't sure what she wanted. In a way, she wanted everything that he found impossible to give her, yet it was also everything that he wanted to be able to give her. "Samara..." Severus simply groaned as his heart thundered beneath her fingertips. "This is insanity."

"What's wrong with that?" Samara asked in a husky whisper that simply melted him. Turning around in her embrace, Severus turned to face her before leaning down and capturing her mouth in a gentle and tender kiss as his hands hooked onto her head and neck, urgently bringing her closer to him. Severus was unsurprised by the way Samara immediately responded, teasing him with her soft lips as though she were pulling away, but each time he chased she pushed sensually back until at long last she let her tongue slither out from her mouth and gently pushed it past his lips to massage his.

Severus moaned in the back of his throat as his hands wandered down her arms, causing her to remove hers from around his waist and loop them around his neck while he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He supposed that he should feel rather embarrassed that his erection was pressing into her abdomen, but it had been two months since they had slept together and all of his illicit, most graphic dreams and fantasies could not compare to the satin feel of her skin or the intoxicating taste of her mouth.

Pulling away Samara smiled up at him, he face flushed with excitement, now more energetic then she had felt in days. "We should go to my flat," Samara said with a smile as she locked eyes with his. She wondered if hers reflected the burning passion in his eyes, however, did not mull over it as she turned away and walked over to pick up her boots before walking over to him and pulling out her wand. Before Severus could say anything she had taken hold of his arm and they were then standing back at her place, in her bedroom.

Pushing him into the bed, Samara smiled as she pulled out the butterflies from her hair and dropped her boots. Proceeding to remove the robes that she had been wearing, Samara stepped lithely out of them before kneeling before Severus, whose eyes widened to see her body in nothing but a black bra and lacey bikini bottoms. "Samara, what are you doing?" He asked as he watched her removing his shoes, his eyes wide with lust as he watched her.

Samara merely smiled at him in a devious way before proceeding to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. Severus inahled sharply as Samara reached into his boxers and released his manhood. "Samara," Severus inhaled as he watched her place a kiss on his head, causing him to become painfully aroused as she gripped his base in her right hand.

Swirling her tongue around his head, Samara smiled as she felt Severus grasp on tightly to her bed-spread as his breathing became a little faster. "You're torturing me," Severus said as he leaned his head back as Samara ran her tongue across the slit at the tip of his penis and licked the precum gathered there greedily. Samara smiled deviously once more before taking his tip in her mouth and lightly sucking on it.

Once more inhaling sharply, Severus closed his eyes tightly to keep from coming right then and there. It was impossible to resist the intense warmth and pressure of her mouth and the way her tongue swirled around his head. However, that didn't prepare him for when Samara took his entire shaft in her mouth and started to work her way up and down on it. Before long, Severus felt his breathing becoming more labored as he looked down at the dark-head in his lap, working wonders on his cock.

Her expertise was astounding and when she reached out to massage his balls, Severus found that he couldn't contain himself. "Samara I'm going to come," he groaned, wishing to warn her in case she wasn't a receptive person. However, she merely took him in her mouth to the hilt and started to swallow around him, the contraction of her throat milking him of all his seed causing him to gasp out her name until his glorious orgasm came to an end. He was still seeing stars when she got off her knees, licking her lips as she sat on his lap.

"I hope you still have more in you," Samara whispered huskily in his ear before licking the shell and nipping at his lobe as her fingers deftly worked on his shirt's buttons before inpatiently pushing it off his shoulders.

"Only for you," Severus whispered as he leaned in his head and bit into her neck causing her to moan as she ground her pelvis into him. He could feel her moisture against him and that alone was enough to make him hard again.

"Merry Christmas Severus," Samara smiled as she placed an ardent kiss on his lips.

--

Severus startled awake at the sound of Samara retching. Raising himself off her bed, he walked into the adjacent washroom and furrowed his brow in concern as he looked at her. "Are you all right Samara?" he asked as he knelt down next to her, ignoring the fact that they were both clothed in nothing but their undergarments.

The night had been quite long and Severus was not quite sure when it had come to its conclusion. All he knew what was that he could not get enough of Samara and it seemed that the same held true for her. It seemed that their desire for each other was unquenchable and despite the soreness that they both felt, they couldn't stop. He was sure that her insides were rubbed as raw as the tip of his member, and yet despite the pain they had continued to press on until at last they both fell exhausted.

"Yes I'm fine," Samara said as she pulled away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand but not able to turn and look at him. "Severus would you mind bringing me the Potion on my bedside table?" she asked gently. Severus acquiesced and walked into her bedroom and retrieved the potion before coming back to see Samara bent over the sink, rinsing out her mouth before turning around to him with a small smile. "Thank you," she said as she took the vial and drank from it, "I forgot to take it at seven."

Severus merely nodded in understanding as he watched her with concern. "Do you feel better?" he asked as he watched her closely. She merely smiled as she nodded and walked back into the bedroom, causing Severus to follow behind her. As she bent over the bed and Severus caught sight of the intwined snakes in a double S just above her lacey, black waistband he felt his desire stir from her once more, despite his soreness.

"See something you like, Severus?" Samara asked with a smile on her face as she looked over at him and continued to crawl onto the bed. Severus blushed and looked away, however, he couldn't deny that she was as tempting to look at from behind as she was from the front.

Samara giggled at the sheepish, bashful look on his face as she rolled onto her back and shimmied out of her underwear, before tossing the scampy little thing over at him. "Come to bed, Severus," Samara smiled as she rolled over once more and presented him with her backside as she looked at him over her shoulder. "You are not allowed in through the back door, but taking me like this is perfectly acceptable," Samara said as she waved her round and well shaped rump at him invitingly. Severus felt himself harden impossibly at the sight of her.

Walking over, Severus pushed his boxers off before climbing onto his knees behind her and grasping onto her slender hips with one of his hands. "Samara, are you sure you don't find this..." Severus didn't quite finish the sentence, afraid that she might just find it undignified as some women seemed to. However, as he grabbed his erection and ran it over her slit, he found the answer he was looking for at his tip became permeated with her wet lips. He supposed that she must like this position as much as he did.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Hope that you enjoyed the chapter and I will try to update soon. Please Review!


	11. Secrets Of Labor

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 11: Secrets Of Labor**_

Severus lay awake beside Samara as the setting sun filtered through her window and set her skin to softly glow. Pushing the wet locks of hair that had yet to dry from when they had bathed together, he gently placed his palm on her flat abdomen as he stared at it tenderly. It was covered by so light a sheet of black cotton, but there was still nothing much to see. Yet despite the fact, Severus knew what lay beneath his palm.

Just beneath his palm, there was a creature of perfection being slowly created in the womb of the woman he most loved in the world. There was a strong desire stemming from him to know if it was indeed his, yet at the same time he was scared of it. The black-haired children could be nothing more than his dreams, they couldn't become a reality. However, whatever uncertainties he felt about the child belonging to Eric Williamson seemed nothing compared to the uncertainties he felt about the kind of father he would be. Whether or not it was his, he didn't think he'd be able to be there for them.

He'd never been a particularly lucky person. The fact that he desired to be with Samara and raise the family of his dreams with her, with all his heart, told him of the certainty of how impossible that was. If the child turned out to be his... it would only mean that his death was a certainty. If he was to face his own mortality, he would much rather it be without knowing that he was leaving behind a fatherless child in the world. He'd rather not feel that there was a reason that he should remain behind. The life of a ghost had never very much appealed to him. The fact that you exist long after your loved one's were dead was not an appealing idea, it was something he already knew fairly enough about as the only person he had ever really loved before had been Lily and she had perished. He had been forced to live with that anguish for years and he knew it was not something he wanted to deal with for all eternity.

Sighing, Severus removed his hand and moved away from Samara, sitting up in bed, causing her to become startles and awaken. "Are you leaving Severus?" Samara asked as she looked over at Severus from beneath furrowed brows as he sat on the edge of the bed, his body turned away from her. Severus closed his eyes. He hadn't planned on leaving while she slept, however, he hadn't meant to wake her either. Closing his eyes, he tried to ignore the mild sound of panic that had crept into her voice when she asked the question and pushed away the pain he felt in his heart about what it meant. Was she that aware of the pain he was always bound to cause her even when she had no memories of their past relationship?

"I can't stay here forever, Samara," he replied in a low voice as he slowly rose from the bed. Samara flushed lightly at this.

"Well yes I know that, but what is your rush Severus? It's the Christmas. You cant still a little longer and your Holidays don't end for quite some days still," Samara said as she stared at him. Severus closed his eyes once more as he paused in adjusting his robes. Her offer to stay with her just a little longer was far too tempting. But Severus couldn't allow himself the luxury of her company. He feared that he would not be able to part with it later.

"Samara, I have to get back to my students," Severus said through gritted teeth, trying to strengthened his resolve to leave. It was rather difficult, even without turning around and staring into her large hazel eyes. He could already feel their penetrating, pleading gaze on the back of his head. He simply couldn't bare to turn around and seeing her beautiful eyes, or her slightly parted, rosy lips. He wasn't strong enough to see her one last time before walking away without crumbling and staying put.

"I'm sure they'll be fine without you," Samara said as she stared at the back of his head. She didn't know if it was the hormones or if there was something more deep rooted to the fear and pain that she was feeling, but she could feel tears building her eyes as she stared at the back of his head. Breathing hard as she knelt on the bed, staring at his back, she hoped deeply that he would stay. She couldn't deal with parting with his just yet. She felt an odd addiction towards him and for one wild moment she felt that if he left, not only would she never see him again, but she wouldn't be able to live.

"Samara... I don't want to see you again," Severus suddenly said frankly as he opened his eyes and straightened up before turning around and looking into her shell shocked eyes. "I don't want to know if that child is mine... I can not distance myself from it if it is. I need to distance myself from you and the child or I will fail in my duties. Do you understand what I'm saying, Samara?" Severus asked as he walked over and grabbed her arms, pulling her towards the edge of the bed and staring deep into her gaze. He could already see the tears sparkling in the gems that were her hazel gaze and could see the pain it was causing her. However, he felt that this was vital to his survival and the fact that he was hurting as much as she was kept the guilt at bay.

Samara nodded dumbly as she stared at him, thinking that there was little else she could say in argument to that. She didn't want him to risk his life for anything, but the idea of not seeing him again was absolute torture. Closing her eyes and relishing in a bitter-sweet and painful way, she delighted in the kiss that he placed on her forehead before parting.

"I know that you will be fine," Severus said as he stared down into her face as he continued to hold her by her arms. He feared that if he let go, she would crumble into a boneless heap the bed. However, upon hearing his words he felt her straighten up in his grasp, relieving some of the pressure he had to holder her with. She looked up into his eyes and nodded after a moment, the resolve of her child coming before anything evident on her features as she stared at them and he could see that infamous fire burning behind her gaze.

Severus nodded one last time before letting Samara go and picking up his wand to apparate. However, he was almost sure that his heart stayed behind with Samara as the following months would prove to be a great trial on his nerves.

.

The winter was one of the coldest Samara had experienced as work started. To avoid the pain of having to avoid Severus, which was paradoxical considering she was in the Order for the sole reason of Healing him, she had spent the rest of her suspension with her mother. Returning to work was a great relief for Samara, until she recalled the fact that she would have to deal with a million questions concerning her canceled wedding. For the most part, she smiled mildly and stated that it simply wasn't meant to be, before walking away and settling on her work. Burying herself in it really. Most seemed to think that it was in a result to dealing broken hearted about her broken relationship.

When her birthday rolled in, the idea that somewhere, Severus was spending another year alone and miserable cast a cloud over her day. Not that she had any great expectations for it. It was really a rather miserable day and as she walked down the street, she grimaced as she realized how much worse it was about to get. "Eric, what are you doing here?" she asked as she stared at him and ignored the looks of complete hatred his sisters were giving her.

"I... wanted to talk to you, alone," Eric said hesitantly, looking everywhere but at her. Samara stared at him, understanding why he couldn't bare to look at her.

"If you wanted to speak to me alone why have you brought your sisters?" Samara asked as she cast a glance at the odious Williamson twins. However, she tried not to react in any way to seeing the vicious gorgons and remain civil as she spoke of them. She wanted to give Eric everything he wanted and if that meant being nicer to his sisters when they least deserved it, she supposed that she would just have to deal with it.

"To make sure that you don't worm your way back into his life, you little viper," Samara ignored this rude comment, not even caring to see which of the twins had stated it and instead turned to Eric who for once had nothing to say in defense of her. She supposed that she hadn't expected him to after what she had done to him and merely tried to keep her emotions in check. It was something that was becoming a little harder to do as her pregnancy progressed.

"Let's talk then," Samara said, walking away and crossing the street. She had only wanted to go home and now she had to deal with this... not something that she particularly wanted to think about.

"I only want to know if its mine," Eric said just as they reached the side of the street straight across from his sisters. Samara turned around and looked at him in a somewhat pained look. She didn't want to know the answer to that, however, she couldn't in all good conscious deny him anything that he wanted. And after all, this was not something unethical or that he did not deserve to know. He was quite possibly the child's father and had every right to know.

"All right but we cant in public..." Samara was saying.

"I need to go into work Samara. We can do it in my cubicle, that is private enough," Eric said as he turned away. Samara sighed as she crossed the street and walked along behind the Williamson siblings, listening to the two females berated her while Eric said nothing. After a rather long walk to the nearest alley and apparating into the Ministry, Samara was only too happy to part with the twins, however she wasn't pleased about walking behind Eric like some punished pup.

"How have you been?" Samara asked as she stepped up beside him as they entered the nearest elevator. She gently brushed away the interdepartmental memos that were flying far too close near her head and watched Eric closely. She really hoped that she hadn't hurt him as much as she thought. However, she could see by the way that he set his eyes and the way his warm brown eyes were hardened that he was hiding his pain behind anger. Anger she knew was perhaps well aimed and deserved.

"Fine," he responded a little sharply as the elevators suddenly pulled into action closely. Being pregnant undermined her sense of balance a lot lately and she fond herself thrust onto Eric who looked at her in an appealed, pained and longing way before he gently straightened her out as his eyes once more hardened. Blushing, Samara apologized profusely to which Eric merely shrugged her apologies off and muttered that it was fine.

Deciding that perhaps it was best to not say anything, Samara remained silent and merely followed along behind Eric as they made their way to the Aurors' office. Walking through, she suddenly realized just how many Aurors Eric was friend's with and who clearly thought that she had broken his heart and was evil. Trying her best to ignore the way that everyone was staring at her, Samara followed Eric to his cubicle and stepped inside with him while he ignored many of the Aurors that asked him what was going on. Clearly, he was not too keen on answering questions about their break-up either and she imagined why that could be. She supposed it would be too much of a blow to his pride. But it was obvious that Eric was not fine if his colleagues thought him to be brokenhearted.

"So how does it work?" Eric said as soon as they were in their cubicle. Samara stood in the corner of his cubicle, where she was hidden by the only bit of wall that could shield her from anyone just walking by as Eric was blocking the entrance for the most part.

"It's a simple spell. All you have to do is place your hand on my bare stomach. If it glows gold and feels very warm to your touch, the child is yours," Samara said as she stared at him. Eric merely nodded at this, though she noted the way he grimaced when she mentioned the part of him having to touch her bare stomach. She was sure that he thought that the very thought of touching her seemed repugnant to him seeing as she was no longer the "pure" Samara that he thought that he knew.

Samara sighed as she turned away from him and removed her gloves and scarf and setting them on his desk top. She then proceeded to removed the muggle coat she had been wearing before turning around with her wand out. Not being able to look at him and see the disgust on his face, Samara focused on her stomach as she rolled the bottom of her shirt up to reveal her flat, marble white, stomach and performing the spell under her breath. "Do it now Eric," Samara said, turning to look away and closing her eyes.

She felt his hand on her stomach, warm and soft as she remembered, respite the actual roughness of his hands. However, she ignored the sensation of his hand on her skin or the strange shivers that ran through her. She instead wondered what she would hope would occur. The truth was that she really didn't know. Her deepest desire was for it to be Severus' child. However, she realized how much easier, and in all probability, better it would be for the child if Eric were the father. However, her formless thoughts were soon disrupted when Eric asked, "How long is this supposed to take?"

Opening her eyes, Samara realized that she had been so caught up that she hadn't noticed that the result should have presented itself already. Turning around she turned around and looked down at her stomach before looking up at Eric and merely shaking her head at him with a somewhat regretful look. Eric inhaled a little sharply, and she could see the vague disappointment in his eyes as he turned to look at his hand.

Despite all the anger and betrayal he felt, Eric didn't find it so easy to hate Samara in a mere couple days. He had really hoped that the child growing inside him were a part of him and her, not the proof of her infidelity. He had wished that the child would be the hope or sign that he needed that told him that Samara was meant to be his and his alone. However, as he stared at his hand and realized that the creature growing inside Samara was not his, he felt any hope he had fade away. It was gone and he felt emptier and more hurt than before. How could he possibly be with Samara now? Had the child been his, he would have not choice but to forgive her. He was sure he would have found it only to easy to forget that she had ever admitted to the fact that she had cheated on him. In a way, he realized he would have been much happier if she hadn't told him that she had cheated on him. He would have lived in happy ignorance thinking that the child was his.

"Hey Eric I heard that..." Eric and Samara both jumped apart from each other as Tonks came bursting into his little cubicle, knocking him into Samara who flinched into the wall behind her, almost curling herself around her stomach to protect it from getting squashed.

Tonks blushed as she picked herself off the floor and apologized profusely, while wondering why Eric had been touching Samara's stomach. She didn't understand what was going on! One moment they were happily engaged; next moment they were calling off the wedding for unknown reasons; and the next moment rumors are flying around the office that pair was seen walking unhappily to his cubicle where she caught them in a very strange position. She didn't see why someone would touch someone's stomach in public unless that person were...

"Are you all right?" Eric asked, his eyes and voice softening with deep concern for Samara as he helped her stand up. Tonks eyes widened as she stared at the pair. Eric was touching her stomach... Eric went from being neurotic all week to incredibly gentle over her health in zero to sixty and now he was gently straightening her clothes out and studying her carefully to make sure she was perfect? The conclusion seemed very evident. Samara was pregnant!

"Yes I'm fine," Samara was saying when she was suddenly interrupted by Tonks yelling out "Congratulations on the baby! Do you know what its going to be yet?"

Samara and Eric both looked at Tonks with wide eyes and startles expressions as suddenly people were peeking out of their cubicles and muttering the question "what" a million times. Samara felt her heart thunder as utter dismay washed over her as the questions and whispers spread like waves throughout the entire Auror office. Staring at their startled and horrified looks, it was evident that neither one wanted this to be public knowledge and Tonks wondered why that was.

"Tonks, Samara and I need a little private time," Eric said as he grabbed her and shoved her out of his cubicle and away before casting muffliato. "I'm sorry about that, I know you didn't want anyone to know," he said, grimacing as he thought about the fact that now he either had to admit to everyone that Samara was carrying someone else's child or to claim it as his.

"It's all right. Its not your fault," Samara said as she sat on the edge of his desk, looking a little green. The idea that she was going to be labeled a whore by all of society if they found out that she was carrying a child that wasn't Eric's bothered her slightly. She was a very private person as it was and she wasn't sure if she'd even have wanted the whole of society that she was pregnant even if she was having his child. The whole idea of her child being labeled a bastard because he was born out of a wedlock did not appeal to her at all.

"It is, I shouldn't have dragged you here," Eric said as he realized that perhaps it would have been better in either her office or her flat. However, he had been in a hurry to know and get to work. Work simply seemed like the logical location. He hadn't put much thought into what everyone would think or that Tonks would come barging in at an importune moment and realize what was happening. "So what are you doing to do? Are you going to tell the father?"

"He doesn't want to know," Samara replied before she really thought of what she was saying. While it was true, she realized how it sounded a little too late and looked up to see another hard look on Eric's face.

"I will be her father if you would like," Eric suddenly offered, turning to look at her with a serious but warm expression that made her smile at the mere kindness and selflessness of the gesture.

"Eric, that is very kind of you but... I can't possibly ask that of you," Samara said as she looked up at him. Eric stared at Samara for a moment before walking up to her and standing before her. Placing a hand gently on her cheek, he tilted her head so that she was staring at him. The idea that some man had abandoned her with child, two by now, seemed more abuse that Samara deserved.

"Samara I would give you the world, because I still love you," Eric said as he stared at her before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on her lips. Samara blinked the tears in her eye away as she gently pushed him off feeling incredibly confused. She wanted to be selfish and concede to this offer but she didn't fell that that would be right. She didn't love him as much as she loved Severus, she could see that now. And she wasn't so heartless as to lead him along. He deserved someone who truly loved him.

"Eric I can't do that to you..." she whispered shaking her head, her voice cracking with tears she wanted to shed.

"But I love you Samara and I will do anything for you," Eric pleaded as he grabbed her face in both hands and trying to gaze into her eyes. But he regretted it, as he could see it plainly. "You love him..." he said, his voice trailing away as he dropped his hands and backed away. He couldn't see anything beyond the film of tears building in his eyes.

Samara felt the tears rushing now as she merely nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes and and stifled her cries with her hand. "I'm so sorry, I really wish it were you," Samara said as she looked up at him and hugging him. However, it seemed as useless as hugging a tree. "Eric I love you but..."

"He doesn't want to be with you, Samara," Eric said as he suddenly snapped out of it. He really didn't want to lose her when he was the best thing that could happen to her. It had been clear to him when she told him about the gymnast that she often fell for men who would only hurt her. He didn't want that for her. He wanted her to know his healthy love, where he only wanted her to ever feel happiness and never pain.

However, Samara shook her head. She knew that if there were no war or Voldemort, Severus would have wanted her. He wanted her despite those things, he simply denying himself for the sake of everyone else and his life's mission. However, things weren't different and Severus would be sure to not be with her. And she didn't want to push him into anything if it mean endangering his life.

"Samara, why can't you love men who don't hurt you?" Eric asked as he tried to sooth her crying by holding her more closely, thinking it was simply denial that she was in.

"Eric, its time to work," Kingsley said as he passed by and knocked on one of his walls. Eric merely nodded as he pulled Samara gently from him.

"Well whether you want me or not I'm telling people that's my kid and I don't care if you don't want me to. I don't want you to suffer," Eric said impulsively before running after Kingsley leaving Samara behind stunned.

"But Eric!" she called out after him as she stepped out of the cubicle, but he was already gone.

**TBC...**

**A/N:** Sorry about the long wait for an update. Been busy with school and all lately. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter and please review! Again am really sorry but I will keep writing this.


	12. Compounded Mistakes

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 12: Compounded Mistakes**_

It didn't take very long for the news to spread that Samara was "having Eric's child". Before long the news had spread throughout the Auror office and soon she was getting congratulations at St. Mungo's. Samara supposed that at least this way she was free of the suspicious of contemptuous and judgmental looks of having a bastard child. However, she knew the child was really Severus'. And everyone was now asking questions about her relationship with Eric that she didn't know the answer to herself.

Where did this put her now? What did this mean for them? She didn't want to use him. She hadn't really wanted him to do this for her. However, he had done it impulsively and she didn't know what she was supposed to do now. She owed him so much, but she still felt that he could do so much better than her. He deserved better.

"I don't understand Samara. I thought that you were no longer together. Now you are having a child together? Are you back together and getting married then? Did you leave him because you were pregnant, because that just doesn't make any sense," Marilyn said as she stared at her daughter who as leaning against the counter with her arms crossed over her lime-green robes.

Samara ran her hands through her hair. She hadn't yet figured out how to answer any of those questions. For the most part she was able to avoid giving answers at work, however, this was her mother. However, she had never spoken freely to her mother about anything going on in her personal life and now it wasn't any easier. It wasn't that she kept things from her mother, but her mother had never really asked many questions. It was like when she was in love with her father, he ruled her whole world that she couldn't even fathom the worlds of anyone else. Samara sometimes wondered if her mother cared a little more about her when she was growing up if she would have carried on a relationship with Xavier.

"We weren't together, but that was before we knew I was pregnant," Samara said, trying to be as vague as possible. She didn't think that she could tell her mother about her infidelity with Severus or the fact that she was, for whatever reason, in love with him. That was far too private and she didn't think that it was a good idea to tell anyone about it.

"So are you together now simply because of the child?" Marilyn asked as she looked over at her daughter. Samara shrugged.

"I don't know what's happening. We've been seeing each other and talking about what we should do," Samara said with a shrug, which for the most past was true. Over the past two weeks they had seen each other on several occasions, often meeting for lunch or dinner and always in a somewhat public place. Thus far it had become evident to Samara that Eric still wanted to be with her and seemed to have forgotten all about her infidelity. However, Samara kept refusing his entreaties.

The fact was that she knew she loved Severus more than she would ever love Eric and she didn't think that it was fair to Eric to be with him. She didn't even think that it was fair of her to ask for his friendship as that would make it hard for him to move on. However, she also had her doubts about him. The idea of simply marrying him and getting it all over with was appealing to her. But she had a feeling that somewhere down the line, Eric's anger about her infidelity would resurface and have dire consequences. She also worried how Eric would treat a child, that was not his.

"Well Samara, I have to say that I am rather surprised that you haven't simply just jumped back into that relationship. You were always so impulsive as a child," Marilyn said as she turned away from her daughter and proceeded to clean. Samara merely nodded in response, knowing this to be true. However, as this decision did not simply concern her but the child growing in her womb, she wanted to think everything through very carefully.

"I know," Samara said with a nod as she turned away. "Well I should be going..."

"Aren't you going to wait for the twins to get home from school?" Marilyn asked as her daughter started to put on her cloak, scarf and gloves. Samara merely shook her head as she started to pull out her wand.

"I can't... I have to go back to work," Samara said.

"Samara, should you really be overworking yourself? I mean... you're pregnant," Marilyn said as she stared at her. Samara looked down at her belly, and places her hands over it. There was still no sign that she was pregnant, other than the morning sickness. However, she was soon going to be moving into her second trimester.

"It's fine mother," Samara said a little impatiently. She didn't very appreciate being told what was or was not healthy for her child considering she was the Healer. "I will come by again soon," Samara said as she apparated away. However, she didn't start work for another hour. She supposed that she could have simply told her mother that she had to meet with Eric in the Leaky Cauldron, but the fact was that she really didn't want to answer any more questions about it.

Sighing as she made her way through the Leaky Cauldron, she stopped when she heard someone call out her name and walked over to the table. "How are you?" Looking over at Eric as she sat down she merely smiled and nodded that she was fine. "Samara, I've been thinking and ... I still want us to get married. I want us to be a proper family. I want her to be raised by the both of us and I want her to feel like we are a normal couple," Eric said as he stared at her. Samara bit on her lip as she stared at him.

"Eric, I can't-"

"Samara, I will do anything. I will even let you have your small wedding. Whatever you want. We could just go to the ministry and have to witnesses if you want, I just want to do this right for you," Eric said as he stared earnestly into her eyes. His warm chocolate eyes melted her spirit and she found that she was speechless as his generosity. She wasn't sure how she could fathom that Eric would ever neglect a child because it wasn't his when he had only ever shown her what a good man he was. Despite his horrible sisters, Eric was raised to be a fine young man.

"But Eric, you deserve so much better then me," Samara said as she looked away, her eyes building with tears at how sweet he was. She really hated being pregnant. It made her emotional. The fact that everything made her come to the brink of tears made her feel so angry. However, February would soon begin, bringing with it her second trimester and she could begin to feel the bump forming.

"Samara, you made mistakes. That only makes you human. It's not your fault that you can't help who you love," Eric said. Samara looked up and could see the mild sadness in his eyes as he looked down. Biting her lip, she reached over and tucked his hair behind his ears. For once, he hadn't bothered with putting it up in his usual ponytail and she could see the soft, straight strands of chocolate that fell down to nearly his waist.

"I love you Eric, but it would be selfish of me to marry you and take away your chances of ever being loved completely and fully as you deserve," Samara said as she stared at him.

"Samara you love me, that is enough for me," Eric said as he stared at her. "For as long as I can remember, you are all that I ever wanted."

Samara looked away and felt sadder at this. She remembered Eric from when they were in school and while she had always known that he had a crush on her, she always imagined that it would go away. "Eric..."

"Please Samara," Samara looked up and stared into his pleading eyes and could see the heartbreak in them. Closing her eyes, a tear finally coming lose she found her resolve crumble as she merely nodded in response and whispered an okay. "I will make you very happy, I promise," Eric said excitedly as he got up and stood before her, getting her to her feet before engulfing her in a hug. Samara sighed as she hugged him back and felt his warmth washing over her, that familiar comfort she had known for years and for a moment, it almost felt like the right decision. But it had been a long, cold, lonely winter so far.

XX

Severus sighed unhappily as he sat back and rubbed his temples. It was impossible to concentrate on anything lately. It felt terribly like his world was crumbling and falling to pieces around him. The fact that Valentines Day was coon coming around made things worse. However, he was more disturbed by the fact that he was disappointed, rather than relieved, that Samara's child was Eric's as well.

Running his hands over his face and then through his hair, he felt like he wanted to pull it out. He wondered if the mistake he made in becoming a Death Eater was really enough of a reason to why he never deserved to be happy. He was making an amends for it and he knew that ultimately it would have to cause his life. While once that had been a comforting thought, now it seemed like a damnation. He couldn't stop dreaming lately of Samara and the black-haired children that were theirs. It was torture that he couldn't bare. Wasn't it bad enough that he had to give Potter Occlumency lessons?

But, Severus knew that wasn't the worst of it. The fact that Tonks had recently told Remus, while he was standing behind them and exiting Grimmauld, that Samara was getting married to Eric at the beginning of August (because she apparently wanted to get married after giving birth) and Eric had asked her to be a witness, made him feel as though someone was stabbing him in the heart with a jagged piece of ice in the heart and twisting it around.

Severus couldn't comprehend Samara. He thought that she was so sure that she was in love with Severus and yet she was getting married to Williamson? He didn't understand how she could marry someone that she claimed she wasn't in love with. That she didn't feel right with. However, he supposed that this was simply his despair of feeling how alone he was really meant to be. Because he only wanted her to be happy and he knew that being with her was simply not an option. He had a mission in life.

Hearing a knock on the door of his office, Severus gritted his teeth as he composed himself, pushing aside all thoughts of his miserable personal life. He had almost forgotten that he had a lesson with Potter. Standing up and turning to the pensieve once more, he called for Potter to come in as he stored away all his memories of Samara and Lily into the pensieve.

**TBC...**

**A/N: **So I am getting more ideas for Eternal Sunshine, which makes me happy as my brain felt like it was going on strike or something. So I hope that writing will become easier. So you all know what to do. Please Review!


	13. Spotless Mind

**Disclaimer:** I do not own "Eloisa to Abelard". I'm not really sure who is. Its an old poem though, I'm not really sure if it was really written by Eloisa or from her perspective, but the point is that it is not mine and you will recognize it by the italics. Its a VERY long poem so I of course have only included little snippets of it.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 13: Spotless Mind**_

Samara sighed exhaustedly as she walked home with Eric after a long visit to his horrid sisters. She had to stand the angry hisses, nasty comments and abusive vocabulary that the twins could throw at her every time that Eric when away and their angry glared whenever he was around. However, she didn't complain about them to Eric, she didn't see how that would help the situation. Of course, that did not stop her from making it quite clear to the twins that if they ruined her child's childhood that she would come after them with a wrath worst than Voldemort's.

"So I have Valentines Day off. Would you like to do something?" Samara asked as she suddenly turned to look up at Eric's warm brown eyes. She didn't know if he was just oblivious, or if he just chose to ignore the things in his life that upset him. Clearly, he was in denial about the state of unrest between the most important women in his life.

"I'm sorry Sam... but I have to work. You see I'm getting a new auror I'm supposed to mentor," Eric said, looking really sorry as he stared down at her. "But if you really want to-"

"NO, Eric, its fine. I was just wondering. I don't want to take you away from your work and having your own mentee, that is a big deal," Samara said, smiling sincerely as she looked at him. "I'm very proud of you," she smiled as she briefly hugged him as they continued to walk. Eric mere nodded as he returned her hug as they walked and refused to let her go.

"Thank you for understanding. You are really an amazing woman, any other would have had a fit"

XX

Samara sighed as she stepped into Flourish and Blott's. She had the night off, however, Eric did not. She was slightly relieved thought, that Eric was not able to get Valentines off. The idea of spending the "most romantic night of the year" with him made her feel slightly uneasy. While they were back together, it was a little hard for them to get back to where they used to be. It was like they were starting all over again and they didn't want to rush things. However, there was something slightly less warmer and natural about their relationship now.

"Samara, what are you doing here?" Samara paused, startled as she looked up and spotted Remus and Tonks standing together in the poetry section.

"I... had the night off. What are you two doing here?" she asked, wondering why Remus and Tonks were out together on Valentines Day and in the poetry section, of all places, together.

"Tonks had the night off and neither of us where doing anything tonight. We thought it best not to be alone. Would you like to join us Samara?" Remus said mildly, his tone being evident that they were only there as friends. "Unless you are doing something with your fiancé."

"No, he's working tonight," Samara said with a shrug as she turned to the bookcase and pulled out a book that she wanted to read. She wondered if it seemed pitiful of her to be alone on Valentines Day when she had a fiancé. Thinking that most people would probably think so, and not wanting to look at Remus and Tonks who were probably giving her sympathetic looks, she perused through whatever book she had picked out.

"Yeah, he had a junior auror to mentor assigned to him this week. Means he's a good auror," Tonks said as she looked at the books as well. Samara merely nodded as Eric had mentioned something to her about that recently. She hadn't exactly been paying the greatest of attention at the time as she was trying to figure out what was wrong with a patient in her ward who could not tell anyone the spell that had malfunctioned and caused him to head to the hospital. "Have you ever heard this poem Remus?" Tonks suddenly said. They were playing a game where she would read to him a muggle poem and he had to guess which one it was and/or who it was by as he had spent most of his childhood being read muggle poems to by his mother.

"_In these deep solitudes and awful cells  
Where heavenly-pensive contemplation dwells,  
And ever-musing melancholy reigns;  
What means this tumult in vestal's veins?  
Why rove my thoughts beyond this last retreat?  
Why feels my heart its long-forgotten heat?  
Yet, yet I love!- From Abelard it came,  
And Eloisa yet must kiss the name."_

Samara blinked dazedly as she heard these words coming from Tonk's lips. Her hand froze on the shelf as she stared at the books before her and wondered what it was about the poem that made her entire body tense and her heart begin to pound in her chest. Her eyes refused to shift from where they were staring, frozen wide and becoming teary, thought she could not understand why. The poem was almost familiar, yet she did not ever recall hearing it before.

"Easy, Eloisa to Abelard. I believe its about Eloisa's love for Abelard, who had been her tutor and whom she had fallen in love with and had an affair with. When her father found them out he had Abelard castrated and she and Abelard both retreated to separate convents and spent the rest of their lives devoted to religion," she heard Remus say. Even the background to the poem caused her heart to ache and all the hairs on her skin to stand on end as her heart continued to race.

Turning around, Samara walked over to Tonks and gently pried the book from her hands and looked down at the poem, skimming through it while her frown increased and her mind raced. She felt like she was gong to have a panic attack if she continued, but she couldn't stop. Trying to stop herself from reading the poem and finding out its mysterious connection to her was like trying to stop the universe from spinning. It was impossible.

_Dear fatal name! Rest ever unrevealed..._

"Samara are you all right?" Tonks asked as she and Remus watched her worriedly. However, Samara was far away, unable to respond.

_That well-known name awakens all my woes.  
Oh name for ever said! For ever dear!  
Still breathed in sighs, still ushered with a tear..._

Samara breathed heavily as her mind flashed her sitting in Flortescue's reading a book with tears falling from her eyes. Shaking her head of this apparition she had no recollection of, she wondered when she had ever spent her time reading at Flortescue's She didn't remember ever having time for such a thing, even if it were summer.

_Canst thou forget what tears that moment fell,  
When, warm in youth, I bade the world farewell?_

Samara felt her mind once more flash to the memory of leaving Hogwarts and that terrible ache of leaving something behind. Like her world had somehow came to and end. Like she was leaving her heart behind in that place. Closing her eyes, she blinked the tears away, still not understanding why they came and how this poem tied into her past. Why did it have such a strong hold over her past, over her being, over things that she had forgotten?

_How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense,  
And love the offender, yet detest the offense?_

Shaking her head of the new thought this formed, she wondered when she had ever gotten in such a heated argument with Severus when she was a seventh year. She didn't ever recall fighting with him, with tears running down her face. However, there seemed to be a strange intimacy between them, in that quick flash, that did not seem completely innocent. There was more to see there than a student and her professor, but she didn't understand it.

The tears continued to form and she could feel a cold sweat in her palms brow and neck. A cold shiver ran through her as she felt her knees going week beneath her. She knew that she had to stop, but she couldn't. Her eyes were compelled to continued to read the poem, trying to understand what simply didn't make any sense. How could a poem have such power over her?

"_How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!  
The world forgetting by the world forgot.  
Eternal sun-shine of the spotless mind!  
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned."_

Samara could hear the whisper in her own voice at the back of her head before she felt her hands go lax and drop the book from her grasp. It was like the floodgates had been opened and anything that she had forgotten suddenly came pouring back into her head. Shaking her head, she tried to push all these things away as she stepped back, trying to get away from the flood, however, she bumped into the bookcase and slid to the floor as she covered face with her hands.

The world was gone and all she could see before her eyes were things she had forgotten. Things that she had forced herself to forget with a spell. She had done it to herself. She had given herself this "amnesia". She had boxed all her memories of a painful past to escape from it. She had made herself forget Severus. She had made herself forget what a torture it was to try and get on with her life when he no longer wanted her in his. She had performed a spell to make herself forget the most powerful kind of love she had ever known.

Grimacing as the tears poured, she reached up to where her heart continued to thunder and suddenly expanded within her. She felt like she was going to be torn on the inside. She couldn't breath, and had a surplus of air all the same time. She felt like she was having a heart-attack and drowning all at once.

"_Thy oaths I quit, thy memory I resign..."_

Holding her head in her hands as she shook it, she wondered how she could have ever thought that boxing away his memories would give her peace? How could she do something so impulsive as alter her own memory?

She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't take it. "Samara, Samara..." she heard people calling out her voice in mild panic, but she was too far away. She was gone. All was black in the world.

XX

"So are you going to do anything today?" Eric looked over at the junior auror that was assigned to him. There was something sweetly naive about her and he wondered for a moment if it was because in her twenty-one years of life she had yet to see what the world was really like. Shaking his head at the short, petite little blond with blue eyes, he told her that he didn't have anything planned as he thought that their mission would have taken longer than it had. "Do you want to go out and get some coffee or something?"

"At nine o'clock at night?" he asked with an amused smile as he looked down at her. She blushed lightly as she nodded. Eric thought about it for a moment. However, before he could give any sort of response he looked up at the sound of crashing. Alarmed, he rushed past Lydia and wandered over to the source of the crash. He was soon lowering his wand as he realized that it was only Tonks. "Tonks, what are you doing here?"

"Samara is in St. Mungo's," she said as she stood up and straightened up.

"That's strange, I thought she said she wasn't working tonight," Eric said with a concerned frown as he thought about the child. Sometimes he wondered if Samara were overworking herself and hurting the baby. However, as Tonks finally managed to disentangle herself from the floor and straighten up, he saw the panic look in her eyes he started to worry more.

"No," Tonks said, shaking her head furiously. "We had to take her to the hospital. She had some weird kind of meltdown when we were in Flourish and Blott's."

"What happened?" Eric asked, suddenly becoming alert. Tonks turned away and started leading him towards the lifts so that they could get up to the atrium and apparate. You couldn't apparate directly into the Auror's offices.

"I don't really know. We were there, and I read a poem and suddenly she got weird. She took the poem away from me and as she started to read the poem it was like she was having a panic attack. She started to breath heavily and before we knew it she had fallen to the ground and then fainted. My friend Remus took her straight to St. Mungo's and I came here to look for you," Tonks explained rapidly as they reached the atrium and quickly apparated to St. Mungo's.

As soon as they were there, they rushed to the Magical Maladies ward where they had placed her as they didn't know what else could be wrong with her. "How is she?" Eric asked as he rushed to Samara's side, taking no notice of Remus who stood at the foot of her bed, and looked down at her form. She looked like she was sleeping rather peacefully.

"Well, her vitals are all normal and she is stable... however, she won't wake up," Eric looked up at the Healer, panic showing up all over his face. "I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with her. I am going to have her moved to the spell damage floor and I think that they will be better able to say what is wrong with her." Eric rubbed his face in frustration that they didn't actually know what was wrong with her or if she was going to wake up. "All we are waiting for is one of the Healers from the Spell Damage ward to evaluate her and see if she really belongs up there. Usually the Head of the floor would do this as they are most qualified but..."

Eric blinked angrily at this as he nodded. Looking at the grieving boyfriend sadly, the young Healer turned away and walked out. He hadn't personally known Samara, however, he had heard wonderful things about her. "Umm, thanks for staying with her," Eric suddenly said as he turned to the man that he did not know.

Remus merely nodded at this, not knowing what he should say. "Hey Eric, would you like us to stay with you or leave you alone?" Tonks asked as she looked at him. She couldn't shake the sadness away. She didn't understand what had happened and couldn't shake the feeling that somehow it had been her felt. Maybe if she hadn't picked that poem and read it. However, that didn't make a lot of sense to her. How could a simple poem do this to her?

"She's your friend too. I wouldn't dream of sending you away if you wanted to be here," Eric merely whispered in response as he continued to stare at Samara. He could feel his heat breaking at the thought that she might never wake up. However, he tried not to think of this as he stared at her.

They weren't waiting very long before another Healer walked into the room and started to check on Samara. However, Eric couldn't bare to look at anyone but at Samara. He could hardly even blink, fearing that her condition may somehow worsen if he stopped watching her for if only just one second. As he stood with his arms crossed over his chest, he felt utterly useless as he stared at her. The fact that there was nothing that he could do to help her.

"I think that it is safe to say that Samara is suffering from Memory Recovery," she said, her voice hoarse with the tears that she wanted to shed. "Its in Samara's file that there is a gap in her memory and sometimes... when you recover those memories... if it is a lot to handle at once or was something particularly traumatic, they have negative reactions. Her mind is still trying to protect her... its why she sleeps and can't wake up. I'm afraid that there is really nothing that we could do for her, just wait until she decides to wake up."

"What if she never wakes up?" Eric asked, wondering how it could be up to Samara or what she could have remembered to make her go into a coma-like state.

"Then... I'm afraid there is nothing we can do but make sure the child is delivered safely," Marie said, her voice cracking with emotion as she pushed the blond tendrils with streaks of silver away from her blue eyes which sparkled with unshed tears. Eric's face snapped up at this, horror showing up on his face as his brow eyes looked at her searchingly, wondering if her not waking up was a real possibility. "You should talk to her. I'm sure she can hear you on some conscious level," Marie said. "We will move her to the Spell Damage ward in the morning. I'm very sorry."

Eric merely nodded as he stared down at Samara. "We'll leave you alone," Tonks said as she looked at Eric and thnking that he should be alone. Eric merely nodded as he continued to stare imploringly at Samara, as though he could beg her with his eyes to wake up. He hardly noticed as Tonks walked around and placed a kiss on her sleeping forehead. "Please wake up Samara, we all love you," Tonks whispered lowly, so that only Eric was able to hear her. Samara remained immobile. "I promise to come see you everyday," Tonks promised as she leaned in and placed another kiss on Samara before turning to leave.

"Samara," Eric said softly as he sat on the edge of the bed once they were alone. Leaning forwards so his head lay against Samara's, he closed his eyes as tears threatened to come out. "Please wake up... I'm not sure I can live without you," he said as his voice cracked, but still, Samara remained as still as death. There didn't even seem to be movement behind her closed lids to suggest life. Only the soft rhythm of her chest rising and falling and the slow beat of her peaceful heart.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** Sorry for any mistakes that I may have overkooked. Please review!


	14. SNow White

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 14: Snow White**_

"Is Eric all right?" Lydia asked as she ran into Tonks She had been working with Eric for three weeks already and while in the first week he seemed so easy to get along with and so very bright, now he was very depressed and sullen. He hardly ever spoke to her when they were on a mission together and he seemed rather distracted lately. Like he wasn't really seeing the world around him.

Tonks frowned slightly as she stared down into Lydia's blue eyes. She could see the worry in them and Tonks guessed that as she was Eric's partner as of late, that she was very concerned about his well-being. "Yeah, I think he'll be all right. Its just that his fiancé is in a coma-like state and he's very worried about her and the baby," Tonks said as she pulled on her cloak. She was off of work already and she needed to attend the Order meeting. Times were getting rougher as it seemed like Voldemort was getting closer and closer to what he wanted and the connection in his mind with Harry's was something that everyone was quite worried about.

Lydia's eyes widened a little in shock. Eric had never mentioned the fact that he was engaged, much less that his girl was pregnant. However, she felt pity about the fact that she was in a coma. Her heart panged at how he must feel that she was alive, but could not awaken. "Oh my... that explains a lot," Lydia said as she looked over her shoulder as if searching for Eric. However, she knew that he was long gone already. Lately he rushed out of there like his life depended on it, and she guessed it was to see his fiancé. She could only imagine how worried he must be. "Is there any chance that she will wake up?"

Tonks frowned slightly as she shrugged. She herself wondered whether Samara would wake up, but after two weeks she was starting to get disheartened and... well she could see that as hard as Eric was fighting it, he was becoming disheartened as well. However, Tonks had a feeling that he was pulling through it all much better because of the baby. There was still a life that would depend on him, should Samara never wake up.

It really made Tonks wonder what it was about her past that was so bad that she had repressed during her accident. She wondered what was so bad in Samara's past, that it would cause her to be so afflicted by retrieving her memories. It was odd, but it made her realize how very little she really knew about Samara. Something that she had never thought about too much before.

"The Healer wasn't sure. It all depends on Samara," Tonks replied. Lydia merely nodded, her little blond bob bouncing as her eyes sparkled sadly. "I have to go see her," Tonks said as she suddenly turned to go. She didn't have much time before her order meeting and she wanted to see Samara before she had to attend. "I'll see you later Lydia and could you not mention it to Eric. I don't want him to be upset. "

"Of course."

XX

Severus wondered at the fact that it took him an entire two weeks to find out what had happened to Samara. However, he wasn't concerned with that as he marched through the Spell Damage ward at nearly midnight. He didn't care if visitor hours were long over with, he knew ways to avoid being detected and he couldn't imagine that anyone would be there. However, he couldn't stay away from Samara. He had to see her.

As he stopped at Samara's closed ward, he opened the door easily enough and locked it behind himself. He assumed because Samara was Head of the entire floor, she had been given the privilege of privacy and therefore had a room all to herself. This was of great convenience to Severus as he quietly approached her still figure as it lay in peaceful sleep on the bed,

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Severus leaned over her and pushed away the hair in her face. He ignored the way that her stomach was a s lightly visible lump and merely stared into her face. "Please tell me that you are here because of me," Severus whispered as he stared lovingly into her face, which was mere inches away from him. She didn't stir, which Severus had to admit, he expected. However, he couldn't imagine this life for Samara. He wanted her to be happy and being confined to be a bed, never conscious, was not what he called living. "I know you are here because of me. You must have remembered what we had," Severus said.

He frowned as he stared at her peaceful face. Not two hours ago he had overheard Remus and Tonks talking. Remus asking Tonks if Samara showed any signs of improvements, Tonks responding that neither she nor Eric, who apparently visited her everyday, had been able to rouse her from her sleep. "She reminds me of the fairytale, Sleeping Beauty. She just lays there, still and unmoving. Doesn't seem like she even knows what is going on around her," Tonks said sadly as she wiped a tear that feel from her eye.

Dumbledore had of course asked for Samara and Tonks had told him everything that the Healer said. It was the reason Severus knew that she was there because of him. He didn't know what had triggered the memories to return to her, but he knew that it was his fault. He knew that what he did to her, that pain that he had caused her all those years ago, where the reason that she was in St. Mungo's now. It was simply too much for her. After everything that had occurred then and everything that had occurred since their recent acquaintance with him again.

"I never meant for any of this to happen," Severus said as he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. He was so close he could breathe in the pomegranate scent of her skin. Opening his eyes, he stared at her snow-white skin which was glowing in the moonlight. The contrast against her pitch black hair still entranced him and as he stared at her milky eyelids and the way her sooty eyelashes stood out against her cheek made him feel sorrow that he would never see her hazel eyes again. "But you can't leave me here, Samara. I can't stand the idea of this world without you. I don't care if you are not with me, just as long as you're still here."

Samara frowned as something penetrated her mind. Something calling to her that she didn't want to answer. "Please, Samara," Samara heard the voice, ring her head very distinctly and felt her breathing and heart rate both increase slightly. She didn't want to return, she didn't want to go to the pain of not having him in her life. She didn't want to deal with the pain of their past, or the pain of their recent involvement. She didn't want to remember that her baby was really his, and that she had committed herself to a road where he could no longer be part of the picture. But she was compelled forward and could feel consciousness seeping in.

"No," she whispered as she shut her eyes tight. She wanted to hold onto the fog. She wanted to keep the vague formation of thoughts and the unconsciousness of them. All she wanted were the dreams of a future that she couldn't have. She wanted to sleep eternal, be afforded the real possibility of eternal sunshine.

Severus eyes snapped open as he stared down into Samara's eyes, which were shut tight, causing her face to scrunch up as she continued to frown. "Samara, please wake up. I never meant to hurt you and you can't continue to run away from it."

Samara's eyes snapped open as she and she found herself staring into Severus' eyes. Weakly trying to push him away she stared at him angrily as tears of fury burned in her eyes. "You were the one always running away! You broke up with me when I was too tired to fight back. You broke my spirit when you claimed to love me. And then, when I finally gave myself some peace by erasing you from my memory, you came back and you did it all over again. You made me fall for you only to push me away!" she croaked out as she started to cry. Her voice was slightly hoarse due to its lack of use in the past two weeks, but the passion with which she spoke struck Severus and made him feel like he was going to bleed out.

However, before Severus could focus on the pain he was undoubtedly causing her, his focus zeroed in on the fact that she said she'd erased him. "You obliviated your own memory so that you could forget me?" he asked as he suddenly stood up and stepped away, feeling angry at her. He had never erased her! He had forced himself to live through the pain, and he knew he had suffered as much as she had at her parting. "You made yourself forget met?" he asked, pain coming into his eyes as he stared at her incredulously.

Samara opened her mouth to speak, but realized how awful that was in and of itself. Severus had lived with the pain of loving her, she should have done the same. However, instead, she had erased him and all the wonderful times that they had with each other for a little piece of mind. She realized that in many ways, this was more her fault than anyone else's. She would have been more aware what she was getting into by sleeping with Severus had she been able to recall what they had before. Now, it seemed to make more sense than ever that Severus couldn't resist her, and it seemed that he was becoming less and less to blame as the seconds passed. He had all those years of loneliness, torture and pain to increase his longing. What excuse did she have for not containing herself other than confusion which she herself had caused?

"Severus... I-"

Severus shook his head as he glared at her. "I wish you every happiness with Williamson," he nearly spat out as he turned on his heel to leave. Samara ran her hands through her hair miserably as her heart pounded in her throat not allowing her to cry. She deserved this personal hell.

XX

"Oh thank god you are awake," Marilyn said as she and the twins bounced over to her the following afternoon. Samara groaned as she sat up in bed. Marie refused to discharge her for the following week until she was sure that Samara was well rested before allowing her to go back to work. She didn't want Samara to have another break and she assured her that she would take care of everything until she was better. However, Samara almost wished that Severus hadn't awoken her from her slumber. She couldn't deal with all the guilt or pretending to be happy that she was back. Already she had to pull off the farce with Eric and Tonks early that morning and she couldn't take this anymore.

"Hello my darlings," Samara said, pushing away the misery and smiling at her twins as they jumped on the bed on either side of her and hugged her. Marilyn was about to reprimand her children from jumping on her first born, however as Samara merely waved her hand and said, "Leave them alone," she stopped herself and allowed the twins to hug their sister who they had been dearly worried about.

Samara sighed as she settled into a conversation with her family, not really in the mood to deal with anyone. However, she smiled and tried to be attentive as she thought about what a mess her life was. The love of her life, for now she recognized him for who he was, was angry at her, which she couldn't decide whether or not that was a good thing. While on the one hand it made it easier to stay away from him, her heart still ached to be with him. The fact that she couldn't tell him that the baby in her womb was really his made things so much worse.

As for her impending marriage, was a source of stress to her. How could she marry a man she only loved as a friend, when the love of her life was still around? How could she allow someone else to raise his child? How could she conform herself with just any family when she could have the family of her dreams if she simply fought for it? She knew, based on the recovered events of her past that she was really a fighter and she already knew that she was very determined. However, why was it when it came to Severus she could simply give up and let things be? Was it because he had truly broken her spirit that she simply couldn't bare another rejection?

"I'm really tired," Samara suddenly said after a couple hours. Marilyn nodded and after a few goodbyes they were gone, leaving alone in her solitude to curl up and think some more. She really wanted to be alone and think about the past. While she didn't want to think about everything that she and Severus had gone through together because it caused her far too much pain, she thought about the summer after her seventh year.

She was of course living alone. She remembered living alone in the Leaky Cauldron. The summer after her seventh year, in the period before she could begin her Healer training and had been working in Flourish and Blott's as a clerk she had a lot of time to read. Ironically enough, she spent most of her time reading about people with broken hearts and she supposed that it was because it was something that she could relate to.

Sinking back into her pillow and turning on her side, so that her back faced the door, she thought about that summer. It seemed like another lifetime ago, but the wounds felt fresh. They were torn open all over again and she could feel the complete despair of having her heartbroken. She hadn't been able to feel anything in those days, except for the pain. She wasn't sure why her heart continued to beat when all she wanted was for it to stop. She missed Severus terribly and every time she closed her eyes she could see him and she would open them with a fresh batch of tears glistening in them. Sometimes she couldn't recognize herself in the mirror when she looked at it, her face seemed so transformed with her pain.

Closing her eyes, she could remember the day that she had stumbled across the poem of Eloisa's despair for Abelard and it called out to her. She could feel Eloisa's pain and felt that she completely understood it. She wanted to get away from it, by getting into her Healer studies by then, but something always brought Severus to the forefront of her mind and no matter what good she was trying to do, she still felt miserable. When she read about the clutch of death being her only release from what she felt for Severus, she thought of the alternative that Eloisa had spoken about. The idea of how people who had never experienced love were better off.

In that moment, her impulsiveness kicked in. Deciding to erase any experience of love was only too easy to determine. She had never given any thought to the man who deserved to be honored in her memory. She hadn't given any thought to anyone or the consequences of her actions; all she thought about was her immediate release from pain. It wasn't as though she had ever imagined that she would see Severus again. A most painful thought to her to be sure.

However, now, years later, she almost felt as though she was in the same place and she couldn't help wondering what she had done to deserve it? What had she done to deserve being used and discarded by Xavier? What had she done to be so special for Severus to love? And what about them was so terrible that neither one of them deserved any happiness?

**TBC...**

**A/n: **I hadn't been intending to update until I had written a couple more chapters, but I decided that I should update already one day before Halloween (HAPPPY HALLOWEEN!). Anyway, please REVIEW. Otherwise I feel like no one is reading this and I don't feel too motivated to force myself to keep writing when I've hit a block.


	15. Tenderness

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 15: Tenderness**_

The first thing that Samara did when she was allowed to return to her flat was dig into her trunk school trunk. "What are you doing?" Aran asked as he watched her from his tank which she had to set aside in order to open the trunk. Samara ignored him as she dug into the bottom of the trunk and pulled out the small box in which she had buried the heart-shaped, music-box necklace Severus had given her along with the flowers that he had given her and the writing quill that she had charmed for their personal use.

"How could you keep this from me," she said as she grabbed the sheets of paper she had ripped out from the poem book, the sheets which contained the poem, _Eloisa to Abelard_.

"Is that why you have been gone for three weeks?" he asked as he watched her from his eight eyes. He could feel the sadness and anger radiating off of her.

"I ran into Tonks and Remus in Flourish and Blott's and she read the poem. It was like opening the floodgates. Which is why I hid this, I had already known that," Samara said with a sight as she stared at the poem. However, she quickly discarded it as she stared down at the chain Severus had given her. Brushing away any dust that might have been able to collect on it, she opened it, the tune singing to her heart and filling her eyes with tears. "I remember listening to this when I missed him."

Closing her eyes, she relished at the memory. It was strange, but after having recovered everything that she had lost, she wondered at how she could have ever made the decision to part with so many wonderful moments. While even the happy moments were painful to remember, she still had to smile at the bittersweet feelings that they evoked. "Are you still going to marry Eric then?"

Samara's eyes snapped open as she looked at Aran and sighed sadly. "Just because I remember having a relationship with Severus in the past doesn't change the present. We can't be together and the child needs a father," Samara said as she closed the heart and stared at the face of it and remembered why she had thought it ironic that it had a web with a spider perched in the center. Having Aran in her life back then and being given this by Severus, simply seemed far too perfect. It seemed to fit her perfectly.

"Does he know that you remember?"

"Yes... he's angry at me because I let slip that I obliterated him from my memory," Samara said as she started to once more store away all her mementos. She didn't think that she was ever going to have the heart to part with them. "But he has every right for me to be angry with him."

"Are you ever planning to tell Eric?"

Samara merely shook her head at this. It didn't make any sense to tell him about the fact that she had a relationship with Severus when they were his students. Besides, she didn't want anyone to know. She didn't know if it would affect his job now. Many years had passed and she had been an adult at the time, but she still had a feeling that it would be severely frowned upon and she didn't want Severus to get in trouble if that particular bit of information started to float around.

"That's ancient history, Aran, no need for anyone else to know of it other than Severus and I. I think us knowing is devastating enough," Samara said with a mild smile of irony plastered on her face as she carefully tucked away the items once more and arranged Aran's tank on top of her school trunk.

"If you think its for the best..." Aran said as Samara stood up and nodded. Turning away, Samara sighed as she would soon be returning to work once more, happy that she would have something to take her mind off of the mess that was her personal life.

XX

Severus groaned as he apparated to Samara's flat, the first time in nearly three months since he had last been there. While the last time that he had been in her presence had left a rather sour taste in his mouth, he really had no other choice. While he was sure that he didn't need to show up for the muscle soreness caused by the cruciatus curse. However, the several broken bones were not something he'd ever been particularly capable of mending. One of the many downsides of being in the Dark Lord's service, when he punished one, he tended to punish the lot, even if they were blameless.

Pausing to look around the flat, he held his hand gingerly to his side. He wasn't sure how many bones were broken in his left arm alone, however, he was sure he had heard three very loud pops. The flat was for the most part very silent as he expected considering it was quite late at night. However, he paused for a moment as he wondered if Samara would be alone. He knew that she and Eric were back on the path to becoming married, however, he had been unsure as to whether or not she went back to letting him stay over. He was sure that she expected to never see him again. Something Severus had been hoping on but alas... fate was cruel.

Making his way silently through the flat, making sure not to make noise as he gritted his teeth at the pain, he stepped to her open bedroom door and peaked inside. He was relieved to see that she was clearly alone, though the fact that she was sleeping was a bit of an inconvenience to him. He had no desire to wake her, especially when she looked as peaceful and endearing as she did at the moment.

Gritting his teeth, Severus crossed the threshold, his feet creaking on a lose floorboard, causing Samara to sit upright in an instance, her eyes open wide and alert. However, as they fell on him she started to blush lightly. "Severus, what are you doing here?" she asked, clearly surprised to see him. Severus ground his teeth together as he remembered what a light sleeper she had been when she was last pregnant.

"I think my arm is broken," he said as he stared at her. A look of mild surprise crossed her face as she suddenly stood up from her bed, finally causing Severus to notice that she had fallen asleep in her Healer robes. He felt his eyes soften as he realized how tired she was and he guessed that she had a long day at the hospital. Judging by the small bulge of her belly, he guessed that the pregnancy was causing her to be far more tired as well.

"Sit down," Samara said as her face went suddenly serious and she studied his arm. Severus did as he was told and tried not to look at Samara too much as she ran her fingers over his arm and wrist. Before long he could feel his arm aligning itself once more and mending in the same moment. Looking down, he realized that she had pulled out her wand and had healed his broken arm, broken wrist and thumb. However, as she grabbed his arm afterwards, he forced himself to look away. He couldn't stand the sight of the blasted diamond sitting once more on her long, thin finger. "Is that all?"

Severus merely nodded as she continued to grit his teeth, but now out of anger rather instead of pain. "Yes, I'm fine," he said as he stood up. He was about to walk away when she heard him call out his name, effectively freezing him in the doorway. "What?" he asked through his teeth, not bothering to turn around and face her.

"Severus I'm sorry about erasing your memory," Samara said as she stared him, causing him to _hmph_ at her. Staring at him she looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, but you know how impulsive I can be. I didn't really think about it," Samara said as she stared at him.

Severus slowly turned around and stared at her, deeply into her eyes. He couldn't say exactly that he loved Samara's impulsiveness, but he knew that it was a great part of who she was and he loved everything that she was. Even her imperfections. "Samara-" however, he didn't finish what he was about to say as Samara furrowed her brow and clutched her stomach. Immediately every other thought was brushed out of his mind, except worry for her. "Samara are you all right?" Severus asked as he rushed forward and held her arm.

Samara slowly looked up and smiled. "The baby kicked. That's the first time I felt the baby," Samara said with a small smile as her eyes sparkled as she stared at him. Severus felt his heart pang as he stared at her, a part of him wishing that the child was his as well so that he could be as excited about it as she was. However, the baby was not his, it was Eric's. Therefore, he hardly cared about the child.

"How precious," Severus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and causing another batch of fervent kicking from the baby. Samara furrowed her brow as she looked down at it... was the baby responding to Severus' voice? Looking up she thought about testing that theory.

"How have you been?" Samara asked, once the baby had stopped kicking as she looked up at Severus.

"Perfect," he responded as he turned away, causing once more the baby to kick frantically.

"Severus!" Samara gasped, however, as he turned around once more she realized that she couldn't tell him. She frowned as she looked down sadly and stared at the floor, running her hands over her growing belly and thinking about the child there. She found it incredibly painful to not tell Severus that the child was his and that the child clearly liked him. However, she couldn't. She had already committed herself to this lie and Severus made it quite clear that he didn't want to know if the child was his. That he felt that his life depended on it not being his.

"What Samara?" Severus asked, once more worried as she had gasped.

"Nothing... it was just nice to see you," Samara said as she looked up and looked over at him, watching his face closely. She could see a sad look come over his eyes as he merely nodded before apparating away. Samara sighed as she turned away and went back to bed. "I'm sorry baby, but we can't have him. Eric will be good to us," Samara promised the baby as she ran her hands over her stomach before falling asleep once more.

XX

"The Ministry is throwing a ball on the 21st of March? What for?" Lydia asked as she and Eric paroled Diagon Alley.

"They throw one every year. Everyone who works at the ministry and is not on duty is supposed to attend," Eric said with a shrug. He had never cared for the bureaucrats need to socialize, however, it was a great opportunity for people new in the Ministry to rub elbows with people higher up and potentially get ahead. Eric thought that Lydia might be interested in knowing so that she could ask for the day off in anticipation. Eric didn't personally care for rubbing elbows with anyone. He didn't particularly care too much for social gatherings that involved snooty strangers. "You know you can meet very important people. Like my sisters. They attend every year," Eric said as he looked at Lydia.

"Well what would be appropriate to wear?"

"Dress robes," he said with a shrug. "But if you want to go,.. you should reserve the date soon, before you end up on duty."

"Well it sounds like something worth going to. I mean, have to try it at least once right?" she asked with a goofy smile up at him. Eric chuckled as he stared at her. She had a very cute and small face, like the rest of her. She was perhaps a foot shorter than he was and had short, straight, blond hair that often fell in her eyes.

"Right," Eric said as he looked up and a great grin crossed his face. "Samara!" he called out, causing Samara to turn around and smile at him before walking over. Lydia watched the progress and the mostly tall, thin witch walked over to them. Well she wasn't tall, but she was at leas taller than her and had shoulder length black hair that looked very shiny and perfect. Lydia smiled tensely to see how beautiful and youthful Samara's face was and how it really seemed like it was glowing softly. As she looked down she could see that her belly protruded slightly from her robes, however, for being five months pregnant, Lydia thought she was still rather thin. "Samara what are you doing here? OH, Sam this is Lydia Simmons the junior auror I have to mentor, Lydia this is my fiancé Samara Green."

Lydia felt a small pang to be introduced as the 'junior auror he _had_ to mentor', however, she merely shoved it aside as she smiled and shook hands with Samara. "It's very nice to meet you," Samara smiled before turning back to Eric. "I was just shopping for things for the baby. I only just realized last night how unprepared we are for when the baby is born," Samara replied with an excited smile. Ever since she felt the baby first kick she felt a tremendous amount of tenderness suddenly arise out of nowhere for him.

"That's great, what did you get for our little girl?" Eric said, as he was convinced it was going to be a girl. Samara merely smiled, not really caring what it was, though more sure that it was a boy rather than a girl. She opened one of the bags and showed him all the many items that she had purchased.

Lydia frowned slightly as she looked on at the two excited parents-to-be, wondering whether or not they were really in love of just marrying because of the baby. She had only been working with Eric shortly and while she was convinced that he loved her, she couldn't help but wonder why. Not that she could see that there was anything wrong with Samara, but at the auror's office, no one seemed to think very fondly of her, except perhaps Tonks and Kingsley. Lydia was given to think that no one else liked her because she had previously broken off her engagement with Eric for unknown reasons. It worried her as she had grown to think of Eric as one of her friends, as he was for the meantime her partner.

"Well I need to get home and get all these things there. I have to go to work in a little more than half-an -hour," Samara said as she suddenly turned to Lydia. "It was very nice to meet you. Take care of Eric, he can be a bit rash sometimes," Samara said with a wink before looking back up into Eric's eyes. "I'll see you tonight, right?" she asked with a smile as she looked up at him. Eric merely nodded as he reached down and wrapped his arms around Samara as she hugged him in return. "Take care of yourself," she said as they pulled apart slightly and looked into each others eyes. She smiled as she placed a gentle kiss on his lips, being very loving and caring. Ever since the tenderness for the baby set in, she felt like she loved the whole world.

"You too," Eric said a bit dazed from her kiss as she pulled away and turned to walk away. Sighing happily he turned around and saw a slightly sickened look on Lydia's face. "Sorry about that Lydia, but .... that girl is the reason for my existence," he said with a great grin before turning around and walking away.

"Its okay," Lydia said as she pushed aside all her thoughts and followed along behind his partner. However, she couldn't help but wonder about Samara Green.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Thanks for the reviews! I'm too lazy to write a lot right now, but I suggest you check my homepage for like news on this story, its in the latest entry of my LJ. Umm... other than that, please review!**  
**


	16. All Is Fair In Love And War

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 16: All Is Fair In Love And War**_

The day of the ball arrived to quickly and Samara had no desire to go, however, she felt obligated as Eric had to go. She supposed that it wouldn't be right for her to stay home, even if she was pregnant, or had only been out of the hospital for a short time. Therefore, dressed in lose robes of silvery blue with a silver overrode that hid her condition for the most part. She very easily could have covered her condition with a charm, however, she didn't see the point. As for make-up, she didn't bother with it as she already had a natural glow about her. However, she'd pinned her hair out of her face with Sapphire pins that held it up in a somewhat fancy bun.

The Ball, as per usual, took place in an underground ballroom in the Ministry. It was a very vast room, it's ceiling perhaps fifty feet hight and big enough for up to a thousand people. There was a large, whit-marble staircase at the rooms entrance and across the hall there was a stage set up for an orchestra, playing to music to which many colorfully dressed people were already dancing too on the black marble dance floor. All along the walls, there were bars set up and surrounding the dance floor there were small circular tables, covered in black and white linens.

Samara wasn't very impressed as she had come to these often enough with Eric since he'd become an Auror. They always rather bored her and she much rather not attend, considering most people who worked for the ministry she simply could not abide, Eric's sisters for one. However, she supposed that it was nice to be able to spend time with Kingsley and Tonks somewhere outside of work. However, it seemed that this year Tonks would not be providing any entertainment.

Smiling, Samara held onto Eric's arm and allowed him to lead them to a small table where Kingsley, the young girl she had met previously and an Auror she did not recognize, where already seating. Pulling out her seat for her, Eric motioned for her to have a seat between himself and Kingsley.

"Samara, you look very lovely. I don't see what you see in Eric, you should leave him to be with me," Kingsley said in that deep voice of his which admitted made her feel warm. Samara merely smiled as she looked at Kingsley navy blue robes with golden swirls. He was always quite stylish, something that Eric had to acknowledge. There was a lot about Kingsley that he knew was desirable, amongst them his style and therefore he punched him playfully on the arm.

"Hey, I have enough competition, I don't need you giving her anymore ideas," Eric said with a broad grin at Kingsley.

Feeling bad that all the attention had been focused on her, she turned to Lydia who almost seemed like she had been painted into the wall. "You look very lovely, Lydia," she smiled kindly at the younger girl, whose little blond bob was pinned with very pretty, rose-colored pearls. They matched her close fitting, yet conservative robes which were off the shoulder and showed off her pale skin, along with a tiny black beauty mark on her right shoulder.

"Thank you, you look very lovely yourself," Lydia replied softly in response, looking over at Eric and noticing the way that he could not look away from Samara. Samara merely nodded and looked towards the dance floor, wondering if she knew anyone. She hoped that she would not run into either of the twins so early on in the evening so she kept a clear out for them in order to better avoid them and prolong the even as long as she could.

However, her eyes soon met a gray pair that she detested. Every time at the ball, she always had the feeling that Lucius Malfoy was eying her malicious, however, he always had his wife in tow and never bothered to wonder over to her. This year, it seemed though, that he was free of his wife. Samara didn't care for what reason that was, however, she now understood why she had never liked Malfoy and understood the malice in his lustful gaze.

"Do you want to dance, Samara?" Eric asked as he noted that Samara was staring at the dance floor. Turning her gaze to her fiancé, somewhat startled, she smiled.

"No, I'm fine at the moment. But you should ask Lydia, I'm sure she is dying to dance," Samara said as she looked over at Lydia, misconstruing the look that Lydia was giving them and the dance floor. Lydia felt her cheeks burn at this as Eric turned his magnificently warm brown eyes to her. She wondered for a moment, what was wrong with Samara to cast aside her boyfriend like that. However, after a moment she supposed that it was because Samara was so sure about Eric's feelings towards her, that she wasn't threatened by anybody else.

"What do you say, Lydia?" Eric asked with a friendly grin. Lydia felt her cheeks begin to burn. She hadn't thought about them being serious.

"Well... I'm not a very good dancer," she mumbled.

Samara smiled warmly. "Don't worry about it, you can't be any worse than Tonks and besides, Eric is a fabulous dancer, he won't lead you astray or embarrass you," Samara assured her kindly.

Lydia felt a pang of guilt. She was just so nice! "Okay," she mumbled as she stood up uncertainly while Eric bounced to his feet enthusiastically and marched away with Lydia.

"I'm very glad that you are back with us Samara," Kingsley suddenly said, leaning in close to her ear. Samara startled slightly as she turned to look at Kingsley, however, she could see that he was staring at Eric as he got lost with Lydia in the dense crowd of dancers. "You have really raised his spirits. He was a completely different person while you were out," he said as he turned to look at her. "You are the light in his life."

Samara stared at Kingsley and smiled at his slightly. She felt her heart torn at the thought. She really rather wished that she were not anyone's source of light. She didn't want that kind of pressure especially as she didn't think about Eric in the same way. Turning slowly away, she was suddenly startled by the sudden meeting of those gray eyes she so loathed, however, now much closer to her.

"May I have this dance?" Lucius Malfoy asked silkily as he bowed slightly and took her hand in his and placed a kiss on the top of it. Samara glared into his eyes as he smirked at her. However, she could tell distinctly when a boa had prey in its grip, and she knew that he was not just going to let go. Feeling Kingsley tense beside her she turned and looked at him with a small smile.

"I'll be right back," Samara said sweetly before turning back to Malfoy and allowing her to lead her deep into the dance floor. "Miss Green, I believe?" he said as he turned to her and took her in his arms. Samara Despited to have one of his hands on her waist and the other securely holding her hand in his. She could feel his large, expensive rings pressing against her delicate skin and she despised it. She especially despised the way his cold gray eyes kept ravaging her body. "You look quite ravishing this evening, despite the fact that you've filled out like a balloon," he said, not giving her a chance to respond.

Samara smiled sardonically. "Always so charming, Mr. Malfoy," Samara said coldly. "I see that you have progressed from molesting young girls to pregnant ones now." The look that came over his face, like the taste had been slapped out of his mouth, gave Samara a supreme feeling of satisfaction. However, the moment didn't last long as he suddenly pulled her very close, his hands becoming much more like metal clamps around her then human hands.

"Listen very closely, Green. You need to learn to respect your superiors. I will come looking for you when that monstrous thing has been removed from you body," he hissed very closely into her ears. "Don't think that I have forgotten what you did to me all those years ago."

"May I cut in?" Samara gasped as she turned around and saw Severus standing behind her in black dress robes, her heart pounding frantically at the sight of him. Lucius looked up and was slightly surprised to see Severus standing there. However he merely nodded as he released the girl he could not stand, turned on his heel and walked away after handing her over to Severus.

"Thank you for saving me Severus," Samara said as she looked up at Severus adoringly while her heart panged and her cheeks flushed. She didn't care about Lucius threat, as far as she was concerned it was rather empty. Besides, she had little room to care about anything other than Severus now, he was simply all encompassing.

Severus merely nodded stiffly as he took her in his arms and swayed with her to the music, keeping a respectable distance between the two of them. "Umm... so what are you doing here?" Samara asked, completely surprised to see him at the ball. She wondered as she held onto his shoulders how she had not seen him earlier.

Severus lips merely tightened and he motioned with his head. Turning slowly around, Samara spotted Lucius and several other people she was quite sure were Death Eaters talking and drinking merrily. It was a strange sight to her indeed, however, she didn't much care as she turned around and looked up at Severus, who was pointedly looking over her head as best he could. "Where is your _fiancé_?" he asked her coldly. She supposed that he was still angry with her and was the reason for him not wanting to look down at her.

"I'm not exactly sure. I'm afraid I lost him as when Malfoy asked me to dance, he had been dancing with his coworker," Samara said with a shrug. Severus looked around the dance floor, however, he could not spot Eric Williamson anywhere on the dance floor.

"That doesn't bother you? The father of your child disappearing on you?" Severus asked sneeringly as he looked down into her face. However, as he stared into her beautiful face and the way her skin seemed to glow and the blush on her cheeks was far too endearing a sight for him to be able to stay angry with her.

Samara looked away. "Why should it?" Samara asked as she looked up at him. Severus merely raised a brow but rolled his eyes away to look out over the sea of people while Samara continued to stare up at him. Reaching up slowly, she gently pushed his hair out of his face, her fingers tracing over his skin and causing them both to gasp as the contact. "Why are you angry Severus, when I have _always_ been the one to want you and you have always pushed _me_ away?" Samara said as she stared longingly up at him. Resting her hand on his shoulder, she turned and stared at the dance floor. "I know that you didn't deserve to be erased from my memory, it was just an impulsive decision on my part, but its what you wanted. You wanted me to move on, you didn't want me; that was the only way that I could... why are you so angry at me for it?" she asked as she turned to look up at him.

Severus merely squared his jaw and turned away. He knew that she had a point, but the reason that he was angry was because he'd had to deal with his suffering and she hadn't. He supposed it was rather selfish of him, after all, he had been the one to push her away. If he didn't want her to suffer, he shouldn't be angry at her. "I don't know," he responded as he looked fixed his gaze over her head and refused to look down at her as the anger boiled inside of him. It wasn't fair that he'd had to suffer, but he wasn't being fair to Samara either.

"I don't believe you. You're angry because you _wanted_ me to always remember you. You say you want me to be happy, but more than anything you would prefer me to be with you. You don't really want me to be with anyone else. You want me to_ always_ have you at the forefront of all my 're being selfish," Samara said, feeling angry with him for not being honest. She was angry that he always held her at a distance. She was angry that she couldn't tell him that the child growing inside her was his. She was angry at him for pushing her towards Eric. "I know I'm being selfish for staying with Eric when I want _you_ in my life, but at least I can own up to it."

Severus stared into her hazel eyes as she stared at him, that liquid magma like always burning beneath it,. However, she was no longer the child that used to scream and shout. She had grown and learned to put all her anger in her soft intonations and in a way, they cut deeper than her screams ever could. He felt a sharp jab, as though she had forced him to stick a sharp knife into his gut. "I'm sorry, Samara," Severus said as he dropped his hands from her form and turned around and walked away, the words ripping through his mouth painfully. He'd never liked apologizing, and knowing that it was the least he could do, was very painful.

--

"How long have you known, Samara?" Lydia asked as she stared up at Eric. They had only been dancing for a few seconds, most of which they had spent in silence. However, Lydia could see that Eric was in a very happy mood by the large grin on his face. It was a gorgeous sight, however, it made her heart ache deeply to know that only one woman could be the cause for such joy in him.

"Well we were in the same year at Hogwarts. I first noticed her in Potions class in our first year, you see she was brilliant. I liked her since then, she was always so beautiful and sweet. However, throughout our seven years I rarely talked to her. Even when we were in the Dueling Tournament together," Eric said with a shrug as he looked over the top of Lydia's head. It was amazing to him that anyone could be smaller in stature than Samara, however, he supposed Samara was average in height.

"So how did you end up together?" Lydia asked curiously, as she looked up at him. Eric smiled as he looked down at her.

"Ran into her one day in Flourish and Blotts, the summer after our seventh year. She seemed a little down and out so I tried to cheer her up by taking her out during lunch. After she had her accident and started her Healer training, she spent a lot of he free time with me as I was doing my auror training in London as well and it just went from there," Eric replied. Lydia merely nodded as she looked around the dance floor. She soon spotted Samara dancing with a very handsome, tall man with blond hair. She felt a pang of envy, however, and quickly turned back to look at Eric.

There was just something about Samara that she didn't quite understand. She seemed so very nice and sweet, however, she didn't seem very passionate about Eric. "So... did you ever find out what was wrong with her? I mean, why she was depressed, or what her repressed memories were?" Lydia asked curiously as she looked up at Eric, who frowned as he turned away from her inquiring blue eyes. "OH, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry-"

"No its not that its just.... Samara is highly private person. She doesn't share anything with anyone unless it concerns them. Its not that she's dishonest, she's just very.... well she was in Slytherin, she's very used to keeping everything to herself," Eric said with a shrug. It was one of the things he didn't like about Samara. She wasn't very open with her affection or love, the only times she really showed passion was when she was so angry that she was bound to explode.

Lydia was slightly taken aback by this and turned around to see where she had last seen Samara, and saw her dancing with Professor Snape. Her mouth hung slightly open, however, she quickly shut it as she turned her gaze back to Eric, who was looking n the opposite direction. "I see," Lydia said as she looked up at him. She herself had been in Hufflepuff when she had been in school and for the most past, she had always thought that all Slytherins were very fake. However, Samara _seemed_ sincere.

"Eric! Lydia!" Lydia and Eric both suddenly turned and smiled at the person speaking to them.

"Hello Priscilla," Lydia said with a smile as she and Eric stopped dancing and turned to look at Priscilla and her date, who neither Lydia nor Eric really cared to notice. They both assumed if he was anyone worth noting, Priscilla would introduce him, which she wasn't intending to.

"How do you two know each other?" Eric asked furrowing his brow as he placed a kiss on her sisters cheek and looked between the two women. Priscilla merely beamed at the short little girl. In her opinions, Lydia was a far sweeter and far more honest girl than Samara and it was someone that they would rather see their brother with.

"Lydia was Patty's assistant the summer before she started her auror training. We occasionally still see each other for lunch," Priscilla responded.

"I didn't know you were Eric's sisters!" Lydia said with a great smile at the surprise as she looked at Priscilla. Priscilla merely smiled and nodded in response as she looked between the two of them. "Where is Patricia?' Lydia asked as she looked around. She could no longer spot Samara in the crowd of dancers, however, she didn't spot anyone else she recognized either. It amazed her how many people worked for the Ministry.

"Having a drink with her boss," Priscilla said with a shrug of her thin shoulders as she looked around. Her long, brown curls were held up in a half-ponytail. "Where's Samara?" Priscilla said, grimacing slightly at the name, which caused Lydia to furrow her brows. Looking up at Eric, she could see that he was completely oblivious to the grimace that had crossed his sisters face when she mentioned Samara's name.

"I'm not sure, I left her with Kingsley at our table," Eric said with a shrug as he looked around the hall. However, he couldn't see Samara's head in the sea of dancers and he couldn't see anything beyond the dance floor.

"You should have left her home, Eric. A pregnant woman should not be at a ball," Priscilla said with a disapproving look as she looked around the room. Eric nodded, thinking that Priscilla was worried about the babies well-being, however, before he could say anything Patricia had hurriedly walked up to them, her pink brown eyes flashing with excitement as she stood next to her brother. Lydia smiled as the fact that both the twins were wearing ice blue robes. They differed very little in style, however, managed to look completely unique on each of the twins long, slim form, causing them both to look stunningly elegant.

"I was talking to the Minister of Magic and he wants to meet you," Patricia said excitedly as she grabbed Eric by the hand and led him away after waving briefly as Lydia. Lydia merely smiled in bewilderment and giggled at the look of apology that Eric shot her as he allowed his older sister to lead him away through he maze of people.

Priscilla's blue eyes watched Lydia closely as she stared after Eric. A smile formed on her face as she stared at the easily controllable girl with a blond bob. "Well Lydia it was very lovely to see you again. You must come one day to eat dinner with us," Priscilla said with a smile, catching Lydia's attention. Her eyes turned big and sparkly as she smiled at Priscilla's eyes and nodded. "I'll owl you," Priscilla said as she led her date away.

--

Samara stared unseeingly at the tablecloth before her as she leaned back in her chair. Unblinkingly she stared at the table, her arms crossed over her chest, holding a champagne glass in one hand, its contents tilted to one side as Samara held onto it limply. It was of course non-alcoholic, which was perhaps why the glass was nearly full. Samara felt the need for something strong to drink, but was incapable of drinking due to her child's life.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting for, however, she hadn't run into anyone she had known and she had a feeling that Severus had taken off after their dance. It was odd how she was left with such an empty feeling. She didn't know how she could feel so alone in this room with hundreds of people. "Are you all right Samara," startled out of her thoughts, Samara looked up in surprise at Lydia as she sat down along with her.

"Yes I'm fine," Samara lied with a smile as she put the glass down on the table. However, she wasn't fine. She didn't think that she ever really was. She always wanted Severus, but it seemed that she would never be able to have him. She was simply tired of that entire situation and she just wanted it to stop, but that was no going to happen. Not so long as she loved Severus, and she knew that she was never going to stop loving him. She knew that her situation was hopeless. That no matter how much she wanted to stop, she couldn't. She would always be fighting for him, no matter how many times he rejected her and pushed her away.

"Samara?" Lydia asked, furrowing her brow as she looked at Samara. She seemed rather quiet and subdued than she had earlier and Lydia wondered how she could have changed her mood like that. However, she could see that something was bothering the raven-haired girl. While she didn't understand her at all, and was starting to get rather suspicious about her, she still couldn't help but worry about the older girl. It wasn't in her nature to wish anyone ill and if she could do anything to help, she would.

"_Hmmmm?" _Samara asked, not really paying attention. However, before Lydia could offer her any assistance they heard someone clear their throat behind them. Turning around, Samara looked up at the tall thin girl with long brown hair. Realizing that it was Priscilla, her melancholy immediately slipped away and was replaced by a more guarded demeanor. "Hello Priscilla, it's lovely to see you," Samara said with a cold smile as she stared icily up at Priscilla. Lydia shivered slightly at the sudden change in Samara's demeanor.

"I came here to tell you that I think it would be a very good idea for you to take that brat of yours home," Priscilla said nastily. Neither she nor Patricia really believed that the child was Eric's. No matter what anyone said, they rather believed that Eric had finally left Samara and that Samara had made up a fabrication that the baby was his to keep him at her side.

"Priscilla, I am warning you. I don't care what you say now, but when my child is born if I ever here you speak of him like this, I will hex you into another century," Samara said in a cold calm as she glared at Priscilla while simultaneously smiling at her, causing Lydia to shiver once more. Lydia didn't know why Samara and Priscilla clearly did not like each other, however, she was astounded at how they had brought out the worst in each other. She had never heard Priscilla say anything so rude in her life. Neither had she seen Samara be anything but sweet. The change in both of them was astounding.

"Oh Samara, I am sure you will," Priscilla said dismissively. "However, you have changed the subject. Go home! You are an embarrassment to Eric and I simply will not have it. Do you know he's meeting with the Minister? Now I will not have you hurting his chances in rising in the auror department."

Samara raised a sleek brow at this, however, didn't comment on it. "Prissy, move along and leave me alone. I will leave when I feel like it, not when you command. I'm not little Eric for you to push around however you like. And trust me, when we marry, your tyrannical rule over him will be over," Samara said coldly causing Priscilla's mouth to fall open. However, she merely marched away instead.

"Are you both always like that?" Lydia asked stunned, turning to look at Samara with mild horror at both their behavior. Samara merely shrugged.

"The twins and I detest each other. They can't get over the fact that I'm a Slytherin because Merlin forbid some of us being decent and I can't stand the way they boss Eric around," Samara said angrily as she drained her glass and wished it were an alcoholic beverage. After a day like this, she had a feeling that she could really use something strong like firewhisky. "Of course, I'd never say anything like that if Eric were around and for the most part, neither would they."

Lydia looked at Samara and nodded, supposing that she could understand that. However, wondering at the fact that they were going to become family when they don't even get along. Considering the animosity between them, she wondered at how Eric could not notice it. "Why do you put up with it?' Lydia suddenly asked, turning to look at Samara.

Samara smiled sadly as she looked at Lydia. She found her naiveté endearing. "People do anything for love," Samara said with a small shrug of her shoulders as she adoringly ran her hands over her stomach. Suddenly, something seemed to click inside her head and she slowly looked up at Lydia with a furrowed brow, before smiling as she shook her head, not being able to believe she hadn't been able to see it earlier in the evening. "You're in love with Eric," she said simply as she shook her head and smiled in amusement as she looked down at her stomach.

"I do not," Lydia suddenly said, her cheeks burning. However, Samara merely smiled at her, which scared her a bit.

"All is fair in love and war," Samara said with a shrug as she looked at Lydia. Standing up suddenly she smiled warmly down at the younger girl. "You are going to have to put up one heck of a fight if you really want him," Samara said, not so much because she herself wanted to cling to Eric. However, she knew how hard it would for Lydia to make Eric fall in love with her, considering for some reason he was so stuck on Samara. "Good night Lydia, it was nice to see you again," Samara said with a kind smile, her hazel eyes sparkling with hope as she walked away, leaving a bewildered Lydia.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Thanks for all of your continued support, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Don't know when I'm going to update next because the next chapter isn't written yet. But as always, please review!


	17. Breaking Paradise

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 17: Breaking Paradise**_

Eric laughed as he walked alongside Lydia down Diagon Alley, patrolling. It felt good to laugh. Lately, life seemed to be hell. He didn't know what it was, but lately he and Samara couldn't do anything but fight. He supposed a lot of it was due to her hormones and the fact that he was so busy. Their apposing viewpoints on nearly every subject didn't make things any easier. To avoid conflict at home, he was spending more time at work, usually with Lydia, which he supposed wasn't helping anything.

It was odd, conflicting feelings warring inside of him and all he could do was try to smile and go easily with the flow of things. This was a place where he simply had never been before, a place were Samara was no longer his whole world. He wanted to spend time with Lydia because she wasn't making life difficult for him, while a part of him was telling him that it was wrong. He knew what could happen, and yet a part of him couldn't care what he was doing. Something hurt inside of him was telling him that Samara hadn't paid his loyalty very kindly in the past, and yet everything noble inside of him was trying to tell him that he couldn't be thinking those thoughts. That it was wrong and they were not his thoughts.

He was an idiot. He felt it more an more each day, wherever he was, whatever he did, with whoever he was with. He could no longer think straight. Lately all he knew was the blaring realization that Samara was never going to love him as much as she loved the father of her child. He didn't know why he was so stubborn and insisted on settling with someone that was very clear that she was not passionate about him. Why had he promised to stay with Samara, raise the child as his own when she hadn't wanted him to? He loved her, but he wasn't sure that would be enough anymore. Would he one day wake up and realize that he'd made a huge mistake with his life? Would he one day resent the child and Samara for a life that he had stupidly chosen for himself?

And what was he doing with Lydia? It was all her fault that these thoughts had blossomed in his mind and he didn't know why. He didn't know what it was about Lydia that made him forget himself, forget his entire life, and everything that was his world. He didn't want to use her, he didn't want to injure her, he didn't want to hurt Samara, or break any promise he had made to her either. However, he didn't know what to do. He saw in Lydia's eyes something that was strangely powerful and tender that made him know that whatever was to come, someone was going to get hurt. More than anything, he didn't want the person hurt to be Lydia. She hadn't done anything to anyone, and she had no blame in anything.

"Hey are you okay? You got very serious all of a sudden," he heard Lydia suddenly say. Snapping out of his thoughts, Eric turned to the short blond. He hadn't realized that he had gotten lost in his thoughts and as he stared into her sparkling eyes, he wondered why lately when he looked down into them he saw a look that he wished he had even once seen in Samara's eyes. However, he shook his head at this and told himself that it was nothing more than projection.

"Nothing," he replied as he turned away and tried to smile. Lydia stared at him for a moment and wondered what was wrong. However, she supposed if anything was ever wrong with Eric, there could only be one person behind it and that person was Samara. Sighing, Lydia bit on her lip as she felt the desire to say something about them, though, a part of her told her that it was none of her business. But it so pained her to see him so down and out and he hated Samara for being the cause of it.

"Look Eric, I know that we haven't know each other for very long and I know that its none of my business but... I don't think that you and Samara are right for each other. I've never really seen much of you together, but I've gotten the impression that you love her more than she loves you and sometimes I have to wonder if she's only with you because of the baby," Lydia said very slowly as she stopped walking and turned to look at him seriously, worried about how this would go over with him. Eric squared his jaw but said nothing in response, though he stopped alongside her and looked at the horizon.

"Is it _that_ noticeable?" he asked as he looked down at his feet, thinking that it to be for Lydia to have noticed when she had only met Samara twice. Lydia was a bit taken aback by this. He thought this too? Then... why was he still with her?

"You.... why are you with her if you think she's only with you for the baby?" she asked as she stared at him. Eric sighed as he turned away and set his hair loose and ran his hands though it.

"Because I... this is my fault!" he said suddenly as he looked up at her. "I'm an idiot, and I love her, I always have. I did this to myself," Eric said as he stared at Lydia. "I let this happen to me, I made the decision. She told me.... she was honest once and told me the truth and I.... I shoved it aside. I was selfish and didn't want to lose her even if she loved someone else."

Lydia stared up at Eric and wondered how he could blame himself. "_She_ is the one that loves someone else. This isn't your fault Eric," Lydia said as she stared at him. Eric sighed as he turned away from her.

"Lydia... I called off the wedding after she told me that she was," Eric paused. He didn't have the heart to tell anyone that the child that Samara was having was not his. "She confessed to me that she was drunk one night and that she had an affair. She also told me that she was pregnant and I called off the wedding," Eric said as Lydia was taken aback by this as she stared up into his eyes. "Then one day I went for her, I wanted to know if the child was mine and I couldn't stop myself. Even though she told me that she loved the... she loved someone else, I didn't care. I told everyone that we were having a baby and that the wedding was on again, but she hadn't wanted me to."

Lydia stared at him, her mind completely confused. Samara had an affair? She was in love with someone else? The child's paternity was in question? "Is the baby really yours?" Lydia asked as she looked up at him, wondering if perhaps Samara had lied to him to keep him by her side. Lydia watched as Eric looked away and she could see the sadness and pain in his eyes. "It isn't, is it? Eric... why are you doing this to yourself? Samara clearly doesn't deserve you, why do you love her so much that you are throwing away your chance at true happiness?" Lydia asked exasperatedly as she stared up into his eyes. She just didn't understand it!

"You don't know her-"

"And from what you tell me, neither do you. You don't know what happened in her past to make her forget everything, you said you haven't met her family, and it seems to me that she's keeping things from you. Eric you deserve more than that," Lydia said as she stared up at him.

Eric turned away, knowing that she had a point. "But... I know that despite all the secrecy, Samara has a good heart. No matter how she may come off at times, she's kind and sweet and generous. She cares about people and is selfless," Eric said, causing Lydia to look at him sadly. Eric sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. "I know what you're thinking, that I'm just a fool in love and you're right, but I've been the one to rope myself into this, if it were up to Samara she would have let me go."

Lydia sighed as she turned away from him, thinking that this was useless. "All right Eric, you're a big boy, but I just hope you don't get hurt."

Eric merely shrugged. "Those are the risks you run when you are in love. But promise you won't tell anyone what I've told you, I haven't told anyone about it, not even my sisters," Eric said as they walked. Lydia merely nodded in response, when she suddenly recalled the ball.

"I won't, but Eric... you are aware that your sisters and Samara don't like each other, right?" she asked as she looked up at him. "I heard them talking at the ball when I was sitting with Samara and.... it didn't sound nothing friendly. I can't imagine that it will get better when you are married to one another."

"Well the twins just don't trust her because she's in Slytherin and because Samara has grown to be... watchful of herself. They don't trust that and they don't like the fact that our families have yet to have ever gotten together," Eric said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So.... do you have any idea who she does love?" Lydia suddenly asked as she thought about the ball. Eric merely set his mouth to this. He didn't like to think of whoever it was. He didn't know of anyone that it could be other than someone that Samara worked with, considering she didn't have a social life. However, she had never mentioned anyone that she worked with, at least not any that she seemed to think highly of other than Marie and there was no way Marie could impregnate Samara. However, he supposed that it could very well be someone that she worked with. Samara hid things well, but somehow he didn't think that was true. Having an affair with someone you work with would quickly become common knowledge and so he didn't think it too likely.

"No, I have no idea who it could possibly be. She doesn't have a social life, so it must be someone that she used to be with and the only person I know she dated was..." Eric paused as he suddenly thought about who that person was.

"What?" Lydia asked as she looked up at him.

"Well the only person I've ever known her to date was Bill Weasley, remember the chap we ran into at Gringotts.... but he wouldn't.... Bill wouldn't do that to me. Besides, he was with that blond girl," Eric said, trying to tell himself that there was no way that Bill Weasley still wanted Samara. She may have been his first love, but Bill had long ago gotten over that. Besides, he had seen the way that Bill looked at the blond, French girl and.... that girl was so completely different from Samara. He couldn't think that anything still lingered between him and Samara, Bill's tastes seemed to have involved, seeming to prefer flashiness over quality.

Lydia nodded at this. "No I don't think its him, he seemed too interested in his girlfriend," Lydia said. "But you know, I did see her dancing with Professor Snape, which was wild. I didn't think that Professor Snape would ever dance with anyone. Something like that didn't come up even in my wildest dreams," Lydia said as they came to a stop at the apothecary.

Eric laughed at this. "Snape? No I don't think so. He was probably just dancing with her because she was his favorite student and back then, she was everyone's favorite student," he said as he looked around the mainly deserted alley. There were very few people around and he wondered if this was just a waste of time.

"Well I did see her dance with another man before she danced with Snape. It was I believe with Lucius Malfoy," Lydia said as she had become familiar with the man recently, though only by sight and name. She'd never actually come into contact with him. Eric furrowed his brow at this. How did Samara know Lucius Malfoy? She'd never mentioned knowing him and considering the age difference between them, he couldn't see how they would have ever met.

"He's married," Eric said, he'd meant his tone to be doubtful, but it wasn't quite. They were part of the same house and Malfoy was a highly influential man. The fact that he was married worried him, because it would make sense why she would love him and he would not want her or have anything to do with her bastard child. Was it possible that he may have helped her get her promotion? Had that been how she became Head of a floor? Was he the unworthy man that she loved?

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Very sorry about the hideously long wait for this. This chapter has been in the making for quite sometime and been rewritten a couple of times. I was going to add a bit more to this, but decided to just leave it be and post it. But that being said I'm not sure when the next chapter will be posted. I'm still trying to think of things for this and not give up on it. Anyway, please review. Feedback helps and would be much appreciated.


	18. Love Sickens and Decays

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 18: Love Sickens and Decays**_

Samara sat on the windowsill of her office, staring at the rain that beat against the glass. Time was passing so slowly. Though March had come to and end and now April was almost through, Samara wished time would simply leap to the end of July so that she could have her baby already. She didn't want to be pregnant anymore. She didn't like being so hormonal and emotional. Most of all, she hated that it made her lash out at Eric.

Despite the fact that she wasn't allowed by her fellow Healers to work past her shift, she wasn't able to see Eric too often, which she thought perhaps was for the best. Lately, he was working more than ever and Samara had a feeling he was doing it to avoid her. She really couldn't blame him as she would do the same if she could. Ever since the ball, it seemed that all they seemed able to do was argue and it seemed to be getting exceedingly worse. However, Samara couldn't help it. The pregnancy made her so tired. The cravings, back-aches and heightened libido didn't make matters any better. If anything it only increased her frustration and made her easily irritable.

Now, staring out at the wet night, Samara felt a little guilty. Eric had the night off tonight, the first time in three weeks and Samara had switched her shift so that she could avoid him. It wasn't that she didn't want to be around him, but she just didn't want to get into another fight. She felt that she was treating him terribly, and he really didn't deserve that. It wasn't his fault that she was pregnant and couldn't be with the man that she truly loved.

Samara felt tears gathering in her eyes. Closing them, she leaned her head against the cool window pane. She hadn't seen Severus since the night of the ball and the absence of him pained her. She had so much time to think these days that she often found herself going over the past with Severus and the more she thought about it, the angrier she felt. She was frustrated that the same story repeat itself time and time again.

Life was simply such a tangled web. Samara detested it. She didn't know if she could quite take it anymore. She felt like she needed to get away and yet, she didn't see how that would make it better. After all, getting away from the castle all those years ago hadn't made a difference. She was just as miserable and confused in London as she had been in Hogwarts' grounds. The distance hadn't afforded her any peace then and it wasn't going to now.

Running her hands through her hair Samara almost wished she'd committed suicide then. The only reason she couldn't was because her mother and her sister had needed her. However, Samara wished she could have just said to hell with the whole world and just done it anyway, instead of obliviating her memory.

Now, that wasn't even the remotest option. A child was growing inside of her and he needed her. A child that was Severus'. Samara grit her teeth in anger. She was torn at the thought of it. She wasn't sure if she would adore the child for being the only part of Severus she could keep or if she would resent it for chaining her to this plane and for being a constant reminder of the man she loved but could never have.

Samara was sickened by the thought of it. She didn't want to feel that, she didn't want to hurt the innocent child in her womb in any way, as it had done nothing wrong. However, she didn't trust herself, despite the great affection she already felt for it. Samara knew what was inside of her. She could see within and see the darkness that was always there, that had always existed. She knew the monster that lurked in the deepest recesses of her being which on the rare occasion in the past she had loosed willingly to wreak havoc and cause harm. Her dorm-mates, Cross, perhaps even Severus... they had all been victims of her darker passions and even now she couldn't feel remorse for what she had done and she knew that wasn't right. How could she possibly trust herself with the child growing in her womb?

Perhaps that was the real reason that she wanted to keep Eric around. If he was there, her sense of pride would overrule her despair and resentment. If Eric was around to bear witness, she would never allow herself to drop the face of perfect innocence that she wore as a protective mask from the world in general. The mask was so much easier to maintain in the presence of others.

Samara wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively as she realized how important it really was to keep Eric around. She grimaced at this. Eric was slipping out of her grasp. She wasn't an idiot, she could see it happening and knew why. She had to tighten her reign around him before it was too late, and she knew just how to rewrap him around her finger. However, she was hesitant to do so.

Eric was a good man. He deserved to be truly loved; the way Samara loved Severus; the way she knew Lydia loved Eric. Samara could pretend to love Eric that way, she knew that would render him her slave and make him forget all about Lydia. However, she detested the idea of making him another one of her victims. He didn't deserve it, he'd never done her harm and Samara did not like the idea of harming someone who was not a threat to her in any way.

Then, the words she'd said to Aran came back to her. "_For this baby, I will do everything I didn't do for my baby girl"_ and that had not changed. If she had to ruin Eric's life so that the child inside her was perfectly safe and happy, she was going to do it.

And yet, she knew there was another path she could take, one that could lead to even greater happiness and would not wreck the potential happiness of Eric and Lydia. She could fight to have Severus in her life; she could say to hell with his requests and pursue him. After all, he loved her, she had seen that much even though at times she still had doubts. In the long run, would it be what was best for him as well?

For a moment, Samara pondered the reasons why Severus didn't want to know. He was a spy, his future was uncertain. He had mission and a family would get in the way of that. Samara understood the importance of his role in the war and knew all would be lost without him She could see how they would be putting all in jeopardy, and she knew that it was not fair to gamble the hope of the world just so she could be happy with the man she loved and their child.

That settled it all almost definitively in her mind She could not let the world burn for her own joy, that was more than selfish, it would be unconscionable. What kind of person would she be if she allowed that? Besides, she'd fought tooth and nail for this man once before and what had that gotten her? Such a terrible depressions that she wanted to die, but instead obliviated all memory of their love so that she could simply function like a normal human being. Why would she sacrifice the whole world for a man who was so difficult? A man who always ran from her? A man that more often than not caused her such heart ache?

Samara wiped the tears furiously from her face. She loathed her heart for traitorously beating for a man that didn't want her. She hated the monstrous thing within her for not loving Eric truly. Like the man from Beedle's tale, she wished she could cut the thing from her chest and put it in a crystal case to keep it from torturing her. She detested love for the constant attacks of her person. For ruining her life time and time again. For offering only illusions and mirages of happiness before plunging her into the deepest of despairs.

That was over now. Samara got to her feet and balled her hands into fist. She was not going to allow her heart to reign over her anymore. She was going to marry Eric and by doing so she would forever put herself out of the grasp of love; she was going to do it, and she didn't who she crushed in the process.

XX

"You should go home Eric. You look beat," Tonks said with a frown of concern as she eyed the tall brunette. However, Eric wasn't looking at her. His eyes were glued to the petite blond witch who was leaning against the wall. She was ghastly pale as her eyes stared unseeingly at the floor. Her blood spattered robes did nothing to improve her appearance, especially not as the scarlet blood was even spattered on her neck, part of her jaw and cheek on the left side.

"No I think I should take Lydia home and look after her. She looks las though she will slip into shock any minute," Eric replied, not looking away from Lydia. Tonight had been particularly rough, the scene to which they had arrived to was more macabre and gruesome than any she had witnessed before. Eric was really quite worried about her mental state of being and felt that he should not leave the young blonde alone. After all, he was in a way responsible for her, being she was his junior Auror.

Tonks furrowed her brow and frowned a little more at how distracted he seemed. Over the past couple months, she'd noted that Lydia and Eric were spending a lot of time together. Sure it was normal considering that they were practically partners, but there was something Tonks didn't like about it. It was just the way they seemed to look at each other, the way they smiled. Tonks often felt that the way Eric looked at Lydia was the way he used to look at Samara, whom Tonks knew Eric was seeing very little of these days as he was working a lot more than ever before.

"What about Sam? Shouldn't you go see her?" Tonks asked as she eyed Eric warily. She was more concerned by the fact that Eric hardly ever mentioned her anymore. It wasn't like him. He used to talk of her all the time and Tonks had even found him quite aggravating at times.

Eric turned to look at Tonks with a slightly raised brow, wondering since when she was so concerned with what he did and did not do. "Actually Sam's working tonight. I don't think she'll be home until the morning," Eric replied with a shrug of his thin shoulders. Lately, he hadn't seen very much of Samara and in a way he thought it was for the best. Every time he saw her ever expanding belly he could not stop seeing Lucius Malfoy and imagining him having sex with her. It didn't put him in the most pleasant of moods and more often than not it made him less patient with her moods. He was tired of fighting with her. "I'll see you later Tonks."

Tonks bit on her lip as she watched him walk away and towards Lyrida. A deep crease appeared between her brows as she watched him place a hand on the short witches shoulder. She watched the way Lydia turned to look at him slowly with her large eyes and smile weakly at him before taking his proffered arm and apparating away with him. She could feel her stomach churning.

"They've become quite close, haven't they?" she heard a deep voice say beside her, causing her to almost jump. Turning around, she wasn't surprised to see that Kingsley was standing next to her. Though, she was surprised to see that he bore a frown just like her and was staring intently at the spot where Eric and Lydia had just been. "You know with the way that he used to look at Samara and speak of her, I never pictured him to the kind of guy..."

Kingsley didn't finish what he was saying, he was at a loss for words, however, Tonks felt she understood his meaning. She frowned and looked away from the tall Auror beside her. "You don't really think that he and Lydia... I mean, he adores Sam. Besides, Eric isn't that kind of guy. He wouldn't cheat on Sam, specially not when he's about to marry her and she's having his kid."

Kingsley shrugged his shoulder as he turned to look at Tonks. "Love, Tonks, is something that has to be nurtured every day, or else it will sicken and decay. Even the greatest of loves can wane if one is not willing enough to fight for it," Kingsley said while shaking his head. He turned and walked away, leaving Tonks even more concerned than she was before.

XX

Eric sat up and ran a hand over his face as the pale light of dawn washed over him. He closed his eyes against the pain and felt his stomach churning as he recalled the events of the previous night. He turned and looked at the blonde stirring beside him. Immediately, his thoughts flew to Samara and he felt as though he were being gutted. For a moment, he clutched at his hair and wondered what the hell he had done.

They'd been having a hard time of late, but he still loved her. And yes at times when he looked at her he felt sickened by the sight of her as he couldn't stop picturing her with Malfoy, but she was still the girl of his dreams, the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. However, he felt so confused of late... and last night Lydia had needed him. How could he not yield to her when she needed him to comfort her? And had it not been magical and wondrous? Wasn't it more than just sex?

"Eric?" he heard Lydia say softly. Turning slowly, he saw through a bleary gaze that she had sat up and was clutching the sheets to her nude chest. "Eric, please don't cry, I'm so sorry," Lydia said, her own voice cracking as she reached out to wipe the tear that had fallen from his eye.

"Its not your fault Lydia... I shouldn't have-" Eric said, turning away from her, ashamed that he had allowed a tear to slip. He hated himself for what he had done, and for making Lydia feel like it was her fault and like he regretted the previous night. "I took advantage of you last night Lydia, can you ever forgive me?" Eric asked as he turned to look at her pleadingly.

"You didn't take advantage of me, I've wanted you for so long Eric. This isn't your fault. It's mine. I should have made you go home, I know you're engaged," Lydia said as she turned away from him and frowned. She loathed herself for doing this to him, for letting it get so far. However, she knew how much she'd wanted it in her heart, and that made her feel all the more of a wretch.

"What am I supposed to say to Samara?"

Lydia felt her heart sink at this, of course he still loved her. Turning away, she looked out the window where the sun was barely coming in, pale and ghostly. "I suppose if you feel you have to tell her anything, the truth would be fine. She should forgive you, considering she's been in the same position," Lydia replied in deadpan as she tried to numb herself to all feeling. She didn't know how it was possible to reach the heavens in one night and in the harsh glow of morning find yourself crawling through the grime.

Eric turned and looked at Lydia and felt his heart going out to her. "I don't regret it, Lydia. I couldn't ever, last night was... beautiful," Eric said softly as he stared at the blonde. Lydia turned to look at him with her big eyes, those that disarmed him completely, and stared at him in surprise while her heart thumped in her chest.

"Really?" Lydia asked as she bit on her lip while Eric reached out and caressed her cheek. Eric nodded in response, feeling drawn into her as she leaned in as well. It was strange how despite his present turmoil, despite knowing what was to come, that he could allow himself to commit a greater blunder. However, as his lips and Lydia's met, he was amazed how easily pushed aside everything could be. There was something beautiful in falling; he didn't know if it was the darkness, the adrenaline, the timelessness of it, but he lived and died in it so exquisitely.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** I know its been a very long time since I last posted. You won't believe how many times I wrote and rewrote this chapter. It never felt good enough really. Even this version of it, I'm not exactly sure of, but it has some really great lines and couldn't bring myself to rewrite it. So for better or worse, this is chapter 18 and I really hope that you all enjoyed it. I have never given up on this story as I really quite love it and can't bring myself to do it.

So sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this. I'd really appreciate some reviews to tell what you think of the chapter and perhaps suggest what you would like to see as I will definitely keep it in mind and I'm sure should help with me writing more for this story. So please review!


	19. Epiphanies

**Disclaimer: **Quote used in this chapter is from _Wuthering Heights_ by Emily Bronte.

**Authors Note:** The story is really inspired by a poem by Alexander Pope. He's the author of the poem "Eloisa to Abelard", which bits of it were featured in Chapter 13. The reason I forgot who wrote it was because my brain was having one of its moments... you know (not to offend anyone), but what some people may refer to a as "blonde moment". But I know who its by, and I've been meaning to mention it, but always forget to. So I'm telling you all now before I forget again.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 19: Epiphanies**_

Samara was more than a little annoyed when she turned up for the first order meeting a couple of weeks later as she constantly felt Tonks eyes turning to gaze at her with pity. She had a feeling that she knew what that was about and frankly she felt quite embarrassed that whatever was going on between her and Eric was coming to the attention of the people that he worked with. She wondered for a moment if that meant that he was still seeing Lydia.

Of course, she knew what happened with her, the moment that it did. And it wasn't because Eric had told her what happened with Lydia either. She supposed really, all Samara had was suspicions about it, but she was damned sure that she was right. After all, Eric never stiffened when she hugged him and she caught a whiff of peppermint on him, which was odd considering that Eric usually smelled of vanilla. Oh she knew from that moment that it was Lydia's scent all over him and could think of only reason why he would be drenched in her smell.

If that wasn't enough, when he got home late that morning after he'd had a night off, still wearing his auror robes, what else was she supposed to think? It was quite obvious that he didn't come home the previous night after he'd gotten off and that he instead spent the night in someone else's bed. Samara wasn't really quite sure how she felt about the matter or what it meant to Eric. He wasn't really the cheating type and the guilty look he'd given her and the fact that he kept opening and closing his mouth, as though he wanted to tell her what happened, but couldn't find words to, more than convinced her that he still had feelings for Samara.

Without much thought to the matter, Samara had apologized to Eric for her temper of late and made such a lengthy discourse about how she promised to be better, in order to make him feel so guilty so that he would feel too much like shit to tell her about what he did with Lydia. Samara was resolved to go through with the wedding as long as it was up to her and she expected that whatever Eric had done with Lydia would be a one time thing. And if it wasn't, she really just rather not know about it, or for anyone else to know about it.

Honestly, she had dignity and pride. She didn't want people looking at her with pity or sneering at her like she was some stupid stay at home wife who was unaware of her husband having women on the side. That wasn't the case at all. And really, perhaps she would have cared more about the matter if she were really in love with Eric, or in the very least they were having sex. But they hadn't had sex in months, and Samara was really not in any hurry to resume sexual intercourse with Eric when who she really wanted was Severus.

However, she didn't want to think about him either as that only made her angrier and more frustrated, but it was inevitable; there wasn't a way to stop thinking about him... well none, other than previous used methods. It was especially difficult not to think of him on this particular evening as he happened to turn up to this meeting.

For a moment, as her eyes locked with his, she forgot about Tonks staring at her and felt the air get caught in her throat. It had been so long since she had seen him and merlin did she missed him and... well she hated herself for it. Narrowing her eyes at him and glaring, Samara turned her gaze away. If he could be angry with her for something so trivial as her obliviating him from her memory, than she had just as much right to be angry with him considering how things went when they were last together.

Putting aside the fact that he'd cheated on her with Cross, she still remembered the fact that he had ended things with her and broken her heart for no good reason. The more she thought about it, the more she didn't understand why he would do such a thing, considering that all these years later he still seemed to have feelings for her. It almost made her wonder if really... he was more in love with Lily Potter than he'd ever loved her. A thought that really filled her with despair. She didn't like coming in second in his affections. She wanted to be the one and only one, it was only fair being as he was hers.

Trying not to think of this, Samara turned her attention to the people around her and to their mindless chatter, but really she lost all interest. Her only job in the order was really to take care of Severus. She supposed there was more that she could do, but not in her current condition. Being pregnant really confined what she was able to do and not. Especially as she was now in her last trimester, to which she was still counting down the end.

For his part, Severus was very disconcerted with the glare he received from Samara and found it hard to concentrate for the rest of the meeting. He'd been in quite a foul mood in the last month or so since Potter had invaded his private memories. The brat was honestly simply lucky he hadn't gotten to the very important ones which mostly concerned Samara.

Which brought him back to Samara, what the hell was she angry at him for? He hadn't seen her since March at the ministry ball. What on earth could he have possible done to her for her to be angry? The thought really sickened him. A part of him was rather thrilled by the hope that he'd be able to see her at this meeting. Now he felt rather concerned that she appeared to be angry with him. Not to mention he felt irritated as really, he felt that she had no right to be angry with him. She was the one that had obliviated him from her memory, she was the one that was having someone else's child and getting married!

Throughout the meeting, he could not help thinking back to the book that he had once read, because Samara had mentioned reading it when she was younger and after one of whose characters, her father and brother were named after. He kept recalling the words of Heathcliff, "_You teach me how cruel you've been- cruel and false... Why did you betray your heart...?" _As his gaze wandered frequently to Samara and everytime he saw the damn glinting ring on her finger... he was reminded of that quote. Because to him, she had betrayed her heart by erasing him from her memories and by agreeing to marry Williamson. And he thought it was cruelty on her part to continue to do so.

And yet... he loved and adored her. She was the very air that he breathed and he knew that nothing would ever change that. He was consumed by what he felt for her and the loss of her, but he loved her so that he wanted what was best for her. He hated the thought of Williamson touching her, of Williamson loving her and making her his... but that was really what he thought was best for her and he only wanted her to be happy. Even if he could not bare to lose her.

He sunk deep into his anger and sorrow with these thoughts, that he didn't even notice when the meeting came to an end and people started moving about to leave. He was lost to the world, and could not hear or see anything. His thoughts were really a constant wheel that all surrounded Samara. It was quite sickening and he wondered when in the hell he was going to be free of it all. Perhaps the last several years had not been the happiest of his life, but at least he'd numbed himself to it all. Now with her presence back in his life, it almost felt worse than the time leading up to their brief relationship which in the end, ended in disaster.

When Severus at last snapped out of his thoughts and noticed that the meeting was over, the kitchen was very nearly empty except for a couple people lingering about including some of the Weaseleys, Black, Lupin, Kingsley, Tonks and to his misfortune Samara. However, as he gazed over at where she stood, he could see that she was not still there out of her own volition. In fact, he could see that she was trying to get away, but her hand was clasped into that of Tonks who was standing next to Kingsley who was looking on with uncertainty while Tonks face was full of sympathy and pity.

Furrowing his brow, Severus slowly stood up and made his way nearer to the two Aurors and the woman that he'd loved for longer than he really cared to remember. The act did not seem so very suspect seeing as they were actually standing quite near to the only exit of the kitchen. "Sam! This is important!" Tonks was saying softly that he could barely hear it over the chatter of everyone else that had lagged behind. Severus was almost sure that her voice sounded like it was pleading.

"Tonks I don't have time for this," Samara said without turning to look back as she snatched her hand free.

"Tonks maybe its for the best-" Kingsley was saying as Samara reached the door. However, it didn't seem to Severus that Tonks was going to stop in whatever it was that she was trying to do. Even from where he stood, Severus could see the look of determination on Tonks' profile.

"SAM ERIC IS CHEATING ON YOU!" Tonks voice said sharply and probably louder than she intended, cutting off Kingsley and causing Samara to freeze with her hand on the door. Suddenly, the kitchen fell dead silent as everyone turned to look at either Sam or Tonks and Kingsley. However, no one could see the expression on Samara's face due to the fact that her face was now ducked down with her hair, which reached just past her shoulders, created a curtain around her face. Severus felt himself suddenly frowning as his mind became an uproarious whirl. "With Lydia, we've all seen it in the Auror office and it isn't fair to you Sam. I'm your friend and you needed to know."

Samara let out a shaky breath as she stare down at the floor. She could feel the heat raise in the cheeks and for a moment, she had to close her eyes to try to maintain control over all the anger that she felt was flooding her. She felt incredibly annoyed that all her dirty laundry was aired out for everyone in the Order to know and for a moment, she was unsure of what she should do. On the one hand, she didn't want anyone to think that she was stupid enough not to know when someone was cheating on her. But on the other hand, she didn't want them to think that she was like many pureblood women who allowed their husbands to have their mistresses as if it was simply common practice and therefore required to be tolerated with silence and smiles.

Turning around slowly, she lifted her gaze to look at Tonks and narrowed her eyes on her. She really couldn't see anyone else in her anger and she felt that was for the best, or else the shame would have been too great. "Do you think I'm an idiot, Tonks?" Samara hissed in a low voice. She didn't understand how Tonks could do this to her, air out her business for all the world to see when she knew how much of a private person she was! "I know Eric has been cheating on me with Lydia from the moment it started."

Tonks shivered at the way that Samara was looking at her, but now her fear was overtaken with confusion. "You knew? You knew all along and you haven't said anything to him about it?" Tonks asked, speaking the question that everyone in the room had on their minds as they looked at Samara with furrowed brows.

Severus stared at Samara with a furrowed brow as his jaw set and he clenched his fist. However, he could see the magma in Samara's eyes as he had many times before, and knew that she was very close to exploding with the anger that she felt. However, Severus didn't understand what was going through her mind. He could recall the way that she had been so angry about what had occurred between himself and Cross, why wasn't that the case with Williamson? OH and Williamson was another matter, Severus felt that he could tear out the boy's throat with his bare hands for what he had done to Samara.

"We're getting married Tonks. We're having a child. I know what Eric feels for me and I know how he feels about what's going on with Lydia. The fact remains, he wants to marry me and frankly, I don't care what he does with Lydia as long as we're not married. I know you mean well Tonks, but stay out of my business, I know what I'm doing," Samara said in a low tone, her arms trembling at her side with the anger that she was trying desperately to contain. When she was finished speaking, she merely whirled around, banged open the door and made her way up the stairs as fast as was physically possible considering her condition.

However, despite what she said, she had a feeling that the time had come that she and Eric had a very serious talk. She hadn't wanted to bring it up, but she felt that it was no longer an option considering he was not being as discreet as she hoped he'd be considering his co-workers were noticing. Frankly, Samara was annoyed with his behavior. How had he not had the decency to keep his infidelity low key? Frankly she thought he was an idiot and what was worse was that it made her look like the even bigger idiot.

Samara was so caught up in her thoughts, that she hadn't noticed that someone had followed her out of the kitchen and just as she was about to exit Grimmauld, she felt someone grab hold of her arm and pull her into a nearby broom closet. For a moment, she couldn't see who it was as her eyes adjusted to the dark and cramped closet. However, even if she hadn't known he was still at Grimmauld, she could guess who it was. Who else would pull her into a closet to speak to her? He heart thundered as she looked up to where she knew his eyes were and she could see them sparkling down at her through the darkness.

Considering the fact that the closet was so small, she could feel his abdomen just barely centimeters from her own large belly. It made her heart thunder even more rapidly and all she wanted to do was melt into him. However, she reminded herself that she was supposed to be angry with him and could do no such thing, but it was hard to do considering as soon as he whispered angrily to her, their child started to kick frantically. "How could you stay with Williamson when he's cheating on you? Samara, have you lost your mind?"

"That isn't any of your concern, Severus. I can do whatever the hell I want with my life," Samara whispered back angrily as she glared up at him. Though, she was unsure whether he could see it trough the darkness. Samara wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about this. On one hand, she was thrilled to find that he cared. However, she also felt angry at him, considering the entire situation was his fault. She wouldn't have to be with Eric if Severus simply accepted what they had as it was and stopped resisting it so much. He had no right to not want to be with her and yet object to who she was with.

"Do you think I am going to let you commit the mistake of marrying some asshole that takes you for granted? I mean what are you even thinking Samara? Why are you going through with this charade, its obvious you don't care about Williamson. Is this simply because of the brat in your womb is his? Because I can assure you, the child is better off with a single mother than having to put up with a father who is a womanizer and a mother who doesn't give a crap about it's father," Severus hissed angrily. Honestly not knowing for the life of him why Samara was doing this. It wasn't like her!

Samara felt her blood boil at Severus calling their child a brat. However, she pushed that aside as she concentrated on the rest of his words. "Eric isn't an asshole, you don't know anything about him. He's a good man and he loves me with everything he is, something I'm not sure I can say about certain people," Samara snapped as she crossed her arms over her chest, only then just realizing that Severus had still been holding onto her wrist as he had to let go of her in order for her to be able to cross her arms.

Severus snorted in response to what she said about Eric, however, he felt himself get suddenly maddeningly angry at her about what she said at the end, knowing full well that _that_ jab was meant for him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you loved me, you wouldn't care about anything else and just be with me! But you don't love me, Severus. You can be angry with me all you want about the fact that I obliviated you from my memory, but don't forget why I did it! You broke my heart Severus and I can't believe that I allowed myself to forget that for even one second simply because of how you felt about me erasing you. Let me remind you, you left when I was too tired to fight back, and with no reasonable explanation. What am I supposed to believe other than that you really didn't love me?"

"You're being absurd Samara. You know I love you more than anything, even my life," he said darkly as he glared down at her. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, he could vaguely see her upturned face, the anger in it and the way her eyes sparkled.

"Then tell me why you did it, why did you toss me aside like I meant nothing," Samara demanded, her tone defiant and skeptical of what he had just said to her. Through the darkness, she could see the angry expression on his face, but only barely. The closet was too dark, and frankly she was getting annoyed of not being able to see him clearly, but for a moment she thought that perhaps it was for the best. In the darkness, she could more easily cling to her anger and keep herself from throwing herself at him and bending to his will by forgiving him like she did on every other occasion. She wasn't going to do that anymore! She'd promised herself to stop running to him!

For a moment, Severus was silent and all that could be heard in the closet, was the sound of each of their angered breathing. However, as Severus tried to recall the reason, he felt his heart beating hard and making it impossible to hear anything else. Now that he looked back on it, he felt that all the reasons for why he had broken her heart and placed a wedge between them was so weak, but back then, it had been so powerful. He couldn't bare the thought of telling her and hear her mock him for it. But he knew Samara, knew that she would never mock him cruelly and he felt that if he didn't tell her, he risked losing her forever. Taking in a deep breath, Severus tried to focus on the sparkles in the dark that were her hazel eyes.

"I was afraid," Severus said as he furrowed his brow, his cheeks coloring to admit to being such a coward and he was thankful for the darkness covering it. "I was afraid of ruining your life, I only wanted what was best for you. But more than anything, I was afraid that when you knew about my past... that you would loathe and detest me for it. I could live with letting you go and having you live out your days with someone else, but I couldn't survive the thought that you'd hate me once you knew who I really was."

He spoke in such a low tone, filled with so much sadness, that she could barely hear him and yet she heard every word and it fell heavily on her heart. Samara felt mildly confused and her heart swelled with sadness as she realized what he was talking about. She looked up at him with sympathy. "You were afraid of what I would think about you once I realized you'd been a Death Eater?" Samara asked with a furrowed brow as she reached out to caress his cheek. She felt him lean his cheek into her hand before nodding. Samara wanted to stomp her foot impetuously out of frustration. It just seemed so trivial, and for that he had caused them all this agony? "Severus, I told you more times than I can recall, that I didn't care about your past! I knew who you were and I loved you, nothing would have changed that! You should have just told me!"

"I can see that now, but then I couldn't... you don't understand how much I was afraid of losing you."

"But you drove us apart for it!" She said, not at all understanding his logic.

"That's different Samara, I didn't think you'd hate me so much that you wouldn't be able to stand even the sight of me, as I thought you would if you found out I was a Death Eater. I kept imagining that you would see the faint outlining of the Dark Mark on my arm and think that it was who I truly was, and recoil in disgust at me!"

Samara could hear the desperation in his voice and felt tears rising in her eyes as she thought about all the pain that they had both endured for something that seemed so unimportant. However, at the thought of what he just said, she furrowed her brows. Her mind went over every time Severus had pushed her away, something that had always confused her. On many occasions she had felt that he had wanted her, and she was sure he did considering how much sex they'd had on Christmas. It confused her to no end as to why he had so often pushed her away in the past.

"Is that why you pushed me away? You didn't want to have sex with me because you thought I'd see your Dark Mark and run?" Samara asked, feeling her breathing become heavier as her hand slipped away from his cheek. "You let me feel that it was just me. How could you do that to me Severus? How could you let me think that there was something wrong with me?" she asked as she suddenly looked up at him and shot him an accusing glare.

Severus felt his stomach churning. "I told you that it wasn't you Samara. You know very well that I wanted you," Severus said in a tone that was rather defensive yet at the same time soft and tender as he reached out with both hands to hold and caress her cheeks. For a moment, they both wondered how they had gotten so far off topic and they both remained silent as they merely tried to gaze at each other through the darkness.

Samara felt her heart beat hard to feel his hands on her. However, she wasn't sure if knowing these things made anything better. Either way, it didn't really change their current situation. She was sure that even though the reasons why he'd left her then no longer applied, a new set of reasons had interposed themselves between them. To Samara, they didn't matter quite so much, but she knew that to Severus it was important. And so much of their resistance against Voldemort depended on Severus, that Samara couldn't be selfish and put herself in his path and obstruct it, no matter how much she ached to be with him. No matter how much their child seemed to want him in their lives.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore," Samara said pulling her face out of his touch, trying to calm her wildly beating heart. She needed to get out of there. She was starting to become claustrophobic, and felt like she had barely enough room to breath. "I'm done, Severus. I'm not fighting for you anymore," she said in cold resignation which made him shiver as his stomach churned and his blood became ice in his veins. Furrowing his brows, he tried desperately to see the exact expression on her face as she went on. "Because I just can't keep doing this to myself anymore."

Severus felt his heart was shattering as he stared down at her. He felt panic coursing through his being as it seemed so final. But didn't he want the best for her? Severus tried to remind himself to breathe as he tried to search her face. "I'm never going to stop loving you, Samara," Severus said as he stared down at her and touching her cheek, gently caressing the pale skin that was ingrained into every one of his sensory receptors. He wasn't sure why he was telling her this, because he knew it was only going to make things harder for her and he didn't want to make it harder, but he felt that she needed to know.

Samara felt the tears rising in her eyes and something get stuck in her throat. For a moment, she couldn't breath as she longingly look up into his eyes, which seemed to sparkle more intensely now in the darkness. Her heart was beating so hard, that it pained her deeply. "I wish I could stop loving you," she said as she pulled away and exited the closet and Grimmauld, feeling she needed to get out of there before she collapsed.

As she stood outside for a moment, pulling out her wand, she felt the soft drizzle of rain touch her heated skin. She closed her eyes and looked up to the sky, feeling that it was rather refreshing and thinking that for the moment she really needed it, she stashed her wand into her robes and decided that she needed to walk around for a while to clear her mind.

She didn't want to think about Severus and everything that had been exchanged between them. She needed to clear her mind and she was not as of yet ready to confront Eric, not when she felt that she was in such an emotional state. She felt that if she was going to speak to him about Lydia, she needed a clear mind and for her feelings all to be numbed. She couldn't speak to him while she felt so fragile. At this point, she didn't think that she could lose Eric, not after she'd already completely given up on Severus.

For hours, she walked through London's streets, happy that the soft rain hadn't let up. At the moment, it didn't matter that her clothes was getting wet and that her loose hair was now clinging to her skin. She found it refreshing. She wasn't sure what it was about the rain that always felt like it was renewing her. She always felt that it calmed and soothed her nerves when they were all frazzled. It was the only thing that she had left, the only consolation she had in this world, now that she no longer had Severus and being as she had never really had friends.

In the past several weeks, Eric and her relation was slowly, almost much like how it had been before Severus had come back into her life. At times, he became quiet and distracted, and still appeared to her very guilty, but Samara had trusted that with time, that would come to an end. Now... she wasn't sure. The truth was, that she was beginning to dread facing Eric. What if he was falling out of love with her and only with her because he felt guilty? What if he was beginning to fall in love with Lydia? Would he leave her for Lydia?

And if Eric told her that he didn't love her anymore and that he was in love with Lydia? What then? Did Samara have the hardened heart to go through with marrying him and destroying his chances at true happiness? Samara placed her hand over her growing belly and looked down at it. This child meant the world for her, she wanted the best for it... Severus was right when he pointed out that the child would be better off with a single mother. She always had the option of raising her baby on her own, the truth was that she really didn't need a man. However, she wanted more for her child than she'd had. And really... she was afraid of what she could do to the innocent child growing within her. She was afraid of herself.

She felt tears gathering in her heart as she thought back to the child that she had lost. Her baby girl... that child would have represented so many bitter things in her life. Samara had been overwhelmed with her guilt for the initial relief she had felt of having lost the child. Months ago, she was consumed with the guilt of having forgotten the child. But now that she thought back on it, she wondered if perhaps mother nature had simply known better to allow the child to be born.

What would life had been like if her girl had been born? Would Samara's father beaten her for it and left her mother before the twins had been born? Would her mother have accepted the child? Would she have ever gotten closer to Severus? Would she have been able to look at the child without feeling hatred towards her that was really meant for Xavier? Would the child have been like her father?

Samara knew that it was pointless to consider all these things considering that it was in the past now. It was no longer relevant. Especially as the child in her womb was not born under the same circumstances as Xavier's child would have been born. This child was the result of real love, shared by both parents. Not just hers. Perhaps Severus didn't want the child, but not because he simply didn't want it... it was because he couldn't afford to be a father in these trying times.

And their child wasn't what caused the wedge between herself and Severus, nor was it really tying Samara to Eric. If Samara wanted a father for her child, it didn't have to be Eric. Eric was easily replaceable and Samara well knew this and the thought of it made her sight in relief. She paused as she suddenly felt herself smile in relief at the epiphany, not sure why she hadn't thought of this before. Suddenly, she felt like a great weight had been removed from her shoulders. If she needed to let go of Eric, she was now sure that she could do so. She didn't have to ruin his life. If he wanted to be released to pursue his happiness with Lydia, Samara could free him. She still had time. If that was what he wanted.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Hope you all enjoyed the chapter ans please Review! Remember any suggestions will be seriously taken into consideration.


	20. Fray

**Warning: **Some strong language and violence is featured in this chapter. Keep in mind, this story is rated M.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 20: Fray**_

"Tonks, I really don't think Samara would appreciate us getting into her business. She seemed quite angry with what you said tonight," Kingsley said in his deep voice as they returned to the Ministry after the Order meeting. Tonight, they would both be working the night shift and they were cutting it very close. Kingsley loathed being late to anything, therefore, he quickened his pace, causing Tonks to nearly have to jog at his side.

"I know! But its for her own good! Don't tell me that you agree with what she said!" Tonks said angrily. She wasn't very bothered with the fact that Samara was currently pissed with her or that she could be even more furious with what she now wanted to do. Samara was her friend, and Tonks felt that it was her duty to look after her, whether or not Samara approved.

"No, I don't. Frankly I've been wanting to put a hole through Williamson's head lately for what he's doing to Sam, but it isn't really our concern Tonks. Besides, Samara is very bright, and old enough to know what she's doing," Kingsley said as he frowned. Frankly, he was quite confused with the things that Samara said and almost doubted the fact that she was bright. He knew that there were plenty of women, especially pureblood and rich women, who were perfectly fine with their husbands having mistresses, but he'd never pictured Samara to be one of them. He thought that she had too much pride and dignity, despite being such a sweet girl, to tolerate such a thing. It was why he was so very confused about the scene that had just taken place in Grimmauld's kitchen.

"See that's exactly why-" however, she stopped as she looked to the nearest elevator where she spotted a certain longed hair brunette with a certain small, blonde. Immediately, Tonks sprinted towards the elevator before the gates clanged shut and threw herself at Eric, her hands wrapping around his neck. Kingsley who had chased after her as soon as he realized what she was doing, was just as startled as the other two Aurors. "You son of a bitch!"

"Tonks, what the hell are you-" Eric grit out as soon as he got over his shock while trying to remove Tonks' hands from his throat. He was having a hard time of it considering the petite witch had quite the grasp on it and was ringing his neck as though he were a chicken.

"You're a fucking piece of shit, you know that Eric? How can you cheat on Sam when she's pregnant with your kid and you are getting married?" Tonks yelled angrily as she pressed her thumbs into his larynx and shook him for all that he was worth while Lydia watched on in horror while her pale cheeks turned crimson and Kingsley stood back and watched with a bemused look on his face. He felt that he should probably pull Tonks away from Eric who was turning tomato-red, but a part of him felt that the chicken-shit deserved it.

"Get fucking off of me, you psycho!" Eric said as he grabbed Tonks shoulder and and tried to push her away. Considering the doors of the elevator had clanged shut and was now moving, and considering that Tonks was quite the clutz, as the elevator suddenly moved away, she was thrown back and fell on her ass. It almost seemed as though Eric had shoved her roughly away, rather instead of Tonks simply being jarred by the sudden movement of the elevators to which the other occupants had merely swayed, and it pissed Kingsley off. He was simply one of those men that could not abide the sight of a man putting his hands on a woman.

Placing one of his large hands on Eric's chest, he roughly shoved the long-haired Auror back into the elvator's wall and pinned him there. "I suggest you calm down," he threatened as he glared down into his warm brown eyes, before turning to Tonks and helping her to her feet.

Eric merely leaned on the wall, rubbing his throat and staring at Kingsley who was slightly larger in build. He knew better than to mess with Kingsley. However, that didn't keep the outrage that he felt in check. He turned his gaze and looked at Tonks who still looked pissed as hell and completely unfazed with the fact that she had fallen on her ass as that was quite the regular occurrence. She merely bounced gingerly on her feet and turned her glare back to Eric. "What the hell is your problem Tonks. What the fuck are you talking about?" Eric asked.

"Don't play stupid with me, Eric, you're not fucking slick! Everyone in the fucking office knows you and Lydia are fucking around and that shit is going to stop now!" Tonks stated angrily as she poked Eric hard on his chest. His eyes visibly widened slightly, stunned. The whole office knew? How was that possible? He and Lydia were never indiscreet, how was it that Tonks knew with such certainty? However, after a moment he considered, well she is an Auror, and trained by the best Auror known to man, Mad Eye. What was it he always said, constant vigilance? Of course Tonks would notice something was up, she wasn't stupid and despite her clumsiness, she really was a damn good Auror.

Immediately, Eric started to feel a panic rising in his chest. Tonks was friends with Sam, if she'd noticed what was going on between them, Tonks wasn't the type of person to hesitate in telling her friend. Though Eric had intended to tell Samara about what had occurred between himself and Lydia last April, when she'd said all those lovely things to him, he didn't think he could without having his face fall off in the shame of it. And the truth was, he didn't want to lose Samara, he still loved her very much.

Really, he'd had every intention of telling Lydia that it was a mistake that could never be repeated again, but the fact was that when he saw her face, his strength failed him. He didn't want to break her heart. Eric cast a look at Lydia, whose faced was incredibly red, and she seemed not able to meet his eyes or anyone else's at the moment. Looking back at Kingsley and Tonks, Eric wondered what the hell he was supposed to say. He wasn't sure how Kingsley knew Samara, other than through him, but he knew that somehow Kingsley had grown to esteem Samara much more than he esteemed Eric, and he certainly didn't want to say anything that would piss him off either.

"I... I... don't know what you're talking about and frankly its insulting, not only to me, but more so for Lydia. Don't talk about her like she's not here, and show her a little more respect Tonks," Eric said, getting off the wall and trying to stand straight and dignified despite the situation and that the moving elevator had come to a stop on the second level. Soon, the elevator doors opened and Eric was the first to step out, wishing to get away from the extremely awkward situation, but he was immediately followed down the hall by the three others.

"Don't think you can walk away form me Eric and don't act stupid. We all know what you are doing and don't think for a moment that its ok. I don't care what Samara says, its not all right even if you aren't married," she said, this causing Eric to stop in his tracts and whirl around to face Tonks with wide eyes as Lydia too stopped, blanching.

"You fucking told her!" Eric yelled, he looked around ready to jump at Tonks and Kingsley stepped forward, giving Eric a look that told him if he attempted any such thing he wouldn't live to tell it.

"Yeah I did. And you know what she told me? She said that she knew it from the moment that it started and she said that she didn't care because you guys weren't married and because you wanted to marry her and because of the baby. But you know what, Samara doesn't deserve to be treated like this and I'm not going to let you make a fool of her."

Eric was stunned by this news and for a moment, he merely stood frozen before his dignity and anger reemerged. "Tonks, what the fuck do you know about me and Samar? Do you know why we called off the wedding last time? It wasn't because I did something wrong! It was because she fucked someone else! And not just that, but that kid she's carrying, its not fucking mine. OHHH what? Your best friend in the fucking world didn't tell you this?" Eric sneered vindictively. However, almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth and he saw the stunned looks on both Tonks and Kingsleys faces, he regretted saying it. All the anger he felt immediately evaporated.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he was glad that the only people there to hear it were people he knew would not breath a word of it to anyone else. "Look Tonks, Sam and I have made each made our mistakes, but I am trying to be a good man by taking care of her and the child, being as its father wants nothing to do with it," Eric said a little more calmly as he opened his eyes and looked at Tonks. "I'd appreciate if you kept your nose out of our business and more than that, that you don't tell anyone about what I just told you. Not for me, but for Sam's sake," Eric said before turning around and marching away, not caring what anyone thought and just wishing to bury himself in his work considering that what was coming, he didn't think would be easy.

XX

Severus felt that his mind was in a whirl as he made his way back to the castle and made his way to his private quarters. Samara's last statement kept running through his mind. "_I wish that I could stop loving you_," he knew it indicated that she loved him still, but he hated the thought that she felt like she didn't want to be in love with him anymore. And he was afraid that one day, it might just come true. Then, he would have lost her indefinitely, which was really quite absurd a thought when he took into account how many times he'd lost her already and the fact that it was always of his own volition.

But Samara was right in what she had said to him at the Ministry Ball. Deep down inside, he didn't want her to get over him. He wanted to be the only man that ruled over her heart, and he hated how selfish that was, but it was the truth. The thought that one day someone could take his place in her heart made him feel quite sick and made his heart ache. Severus wanted to be able to stop thinking about her, and his heart ache, and the fact that she was slipping further and further away from his grasp.

Growling deep in his throat, Severus grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey from one of his cabinets and didn't bother to grab a glass in order to drink from it. He wanted to numb his feelings and not feel anything, and seeing as his usual cold and austere bearing was failing him, he felt the aid of Firewhiskey was necessary. He'd had enough to deal with lately with the war, and Potter, to top everything off with Samara and everything she brought up in him with her words and her actions.

As he took deep drinks of the bottle, he felt the blood in his veins begin to boil under his skin. Running one of his hands through his hair as he started to pace around like a caged animal. What pissed him off more than anything was that idiot Williamson. Who in the hell did the blasted boy think he was? How could Samara defend his actions? Didn't she see that there was no excuse for what Williamson was doing her?

Cheating on her while she was pregnant with his kid? What kind of asshole did that? And what Severus found most disconcerting about the ordeal was that Samara could be so cavalier about it. How was it that she found this perfectly acceptable? How could she allow herself to be walked over in such a manner? That was not at all like her and it made Severus' head spin. Did she really not care about Williamson that much? Than why in the bloody hell was she marrying him? Just because she was carrying that idiot's child? OH and how Severus longed for that child to have been his!

Severus sank onto the couch and placed his head in his hands. He wasn't sure how much alcohol he had consumed, but all the pacing was making his head spin. Running his free hand once more through his hair, he clenched and tugged at it. He didn't want to give up Samara, and it broke his heart to see that Samara's will had at last broken and that she had given up on him. He supposed that it was for the best and he shouldn't do anything about it, but he loathed having to give up Samara. Made him resent his part in the war and his promise he made to protect the Potter brat.

Severus growled deeply in his throat as he tossed the half empty bottle of Firewhiskey against a wall, feeling remotely satisfied at the loud crash of the glass as it smashed against the stone wall and shattered to bits, much the way he imagined his heart had this evening. With a ferocious fervor he proceeded to destroy the contents of the room he was currently brooding in, which really wasn't much. He upturned the coffee table, tossed around the books, shoved all the materials on his desk to the floor, hearing the clatter of broken inkwells, quills and paper as it littered the floor, shrieking all the while.

He was sick of his existence. He was sick of never being able to have what he wanted. He knew that he had committed mistakes in his past, but he was young and misguided then! Hadn't he already done enough to amend for it? What crime had he committed that he didn't deserve to be happy for any significant amount of time? Why did he have to resign the love of his life for his past mistakes?

Panting for breath, Severus sunk to his knees on the ground as he broke into sobs. It wasn't long before he sunk forward and completely melted, laying face first on the floor while tears leaked from his eyes. It was futile to think that he'd ever be able to stop thinking of Samara. It was futile to attempt t forget her and everything that he felt for her. He knew that was never going to happen. Hadn't the past several years of knowing and hearing nothing of her already shown him that? He hadn't forgotten her or stopped loving her in all that time, how would he now?

His heart yearned for all those wonderful moments that he had spent with her. He thought of every time he'd been able to make love to her and he knew that his desire for her could never be sated and he was almost comforted by the thought that Samara's desire for him was just as unquenchable. Thinking of her smile, her hazels eyes sparkling with love, Severus was finally able to sink into slumber.

However, when he woke it was only to wake into pain. His neck was stiff from the position he slept in and his entire body was sore from sleeping on the stone floor. To make matters worse, he had the headache from hell and as he slowly sat up, placing his head in his hands as if to keep it from bursting, he wondered what the hell had happened. When he opened his eyes and realized he had slept on the floor of his living room, he furrowed his brow as he recalled exactly what happened.

Grimacing, he slowly rose to his feet to see the disaster that he had made of living room. Thanking the high heavens that it was the weekend, he sighed in defeat. He supposed in the very least, cleaning this mess would serve to distract his mind. Before getting to work, Severus bent his neck to one side and then the other in order to crack it in the hopes of relieving some of stiffness. He groaned when the actions reminded him of the occasion in which Samara had given him a massage to relieve the stress that caused his shoulder muscles to coil into tight bundles of tension.

Was there nothing that did not remind him of her?

XX

The following morning, Samara and Eric both knew what was coming. While Eric felt himself fretting their meeting, Samara was oddly calm. "We need to talk," Samara said as she stood outside Eric's door in her Healers robes. Despite the fact that they were lime green, a color which looked hideous on most people, on Samara it was almost flattering. It simply offset her hazel eyes and dark hair so splendidly.

"I know," Eric said, ducking his head and stepping aside and allowing for Samara to enter. The fact that she was using the front door did not seem to bode well for Eric. She never used the front door. They were engaged and on such familiar terms that typically, the simply apparated into one another's apartments. For a moment, Eric felt his heart beating hard as he closed the door and momentarily steeled himself up for what was to come.

Samara raised a brow at this, wondering if he had decided that it was time to tell her about Lydia, being as he'd never been able to before, though she knew that he'd wanted to. "Oh?" Samara asked as she looked at Eric. He couldn't look up.

"Tonks told me that... you knew about Lydia," Eric said, not able to look up. Samara grit her teeth, knowing that she should have known that Tonks would confront Eric despite telling her to stay out of her life. Taking a moment to calm herself, Samara closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind before turning her attention back to Eric. Before Samara could say anything, she heard Eric ask her softly how she had known.

Samara looked over at Eric, and could see the pained look in his eyes. Samara couldn't stand the look on his face as she stared at him. "Because I could feel a difference in you the moment that it started. You became so quiet and stiffened every time I touched you. Besides, the day it started you came in wearing your Auror robes and I knew you hadn't been home, and you smelled of her," Samara replied with a grimace as she turned to look at Eric who had lost all the color in his face and looked like he wanted to die. "Look Eric, I really don't need to know any details. All I really need to know is what it means to you," Samara said. Eric wasn't sure to be relieved or even more worried about the fact that her face was a mask of neutrality.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly as he looked up and made an attempt to look directly into Samara's eyes.

"I mean... do you love her? Do you want to be with her? If you do Eric, I understand, and I'd free you of our commitment. Because I want you to be happy," Samara said softly, furrowing her brow. She really _did_ want him to be happy. Until recently, she was willing to compromise his happiness for her child's, but she was now more sure than ever that perhaps she wouldn't be able to go through with it in the end.

Eric furrowed his brow. "Samara, I'm not with you simply because I made a commitment to... I love you," Eric said sincerely as he strode over to Samara and took her hands in his. Samara immediately pulled her hands out of his. Even though she didn't really blame him for what he had done, she wasn't sure that she wanted him touching her just yet. Eric seemed to understand as he held his hands at his side yet he couldn't keep himself from frowning in concern. "You forgive me? Don't you?"

Samara looked up at him and frowned. "Eric, I don't blame you for it... or Lydia for that matter. It really isn't in my place to condemn you... considering I was in the same place," Samara said... letting the end of her sentence fade out. The real difference here was that while Samara didn't care what Eric really did, he on the other hand had been very hurt by what had occurred. Samara supposed that she could blame it on the alcohol and the fact that without her knowing, she had been in love with Severus for years, but still what she had done still felt much worse.

"You mean you're forgiving me simply because you were in the same place?" Eric asked with a deep frown forming on his face as he furrowed his brow. He didn't want to be forgiven for that reason. Because in a way, it seemed like Samara thought that he was merely trying to get even with her, which Eric felt was ridiculous. When it came to matters of the heart, there was no such thing as getting even. Love didn't work that way.

"No, I mean I understand and its really not my place to judge you or condemn you for it. But I want to know where we stand. I need to know if you still love me and want us to get married, or if you're... in love with Lydia and want to be with her," Samara said, trying not to sound as indifferent was she was about the matter, and trying to put things as gently as she could. She didn't want Eric to take her own feelings into consideration when it came to determining what he wanted to do about his life.

Eric paused, not really sure what to say to Samara. There had been no avoiding Lydia, considering that they had to work together for still sometime to come, unless either one of them requested a change form the Head of the Department. He had been able to explain to Lydia how he felt, despite the fact that he didn't want to hurt her feelings or want her to feel that he had used her for the past several weeks. Though his words seemed to affect her, she took them bravely and managed even a small smile to him in return. She told him that she understood and if he needed to stop what they were doing, that she understood and that she rather have him in her life as a friend, than nothing at all.

However, he wasn't sure if he could tell everything he had told Lydia to Samara. It wasn't so much that he couldn't bring himself to be honest with her... but he felt that in all the years that they had known each other that their relationship had never really been open on everything. Its not what Eric preferred, as he really was more of an open kind of person, but Samara's personality didn't really allow for it. She had never been very open about anything in her life, even her feelings.

Now Eric felt this to be even more confusing. Was this the way things were supposed to be? He didn't think so. Somehow he felt that the person you loved... you should be able to share everything with, because you weren't afraid that what you were would frighten them away. He was sure that the person you loved and wanted to spend the rest of your life with was someone that made you feel comfortable, someone you could learn everything about, someone you need never really fear pushing them away with anything you said. But Samara... Samara wasn't quite like that.

Eric knew that she cared about him, deeply. Yet he also knew that somewhere in the world, there was a man that she really loved, but couldn't be with for whatever reason. Eric didn't so much mind this, as it meant that he could have the girl of his dreams even if she didn't necessarily feel exactly the same for him. However, he was very curious to know if Samara was comfortable enough with the man that she loved that he would know everything about her. He wished he could ask, but somehow he knew that she wouldn't want to answer him, and he felt that she would probably refuse to.

However, despite how imperfect their love was, Eric couldn't deny that he loved Samara deeply enough to want to marry her, even though he was so very confused about what he felt for Samara and what he felt for Lydia. Lydia was a friend, someone he could trust everything with and someone who frankly made him feel comfortable and wanted and desired him above everything. He had feelings for her and found her attractive, but Samara had been the one he wanted for longer than he cared to admit to. He couldn't give her up so easily when she had been everything he had ever wanted. She was the only woman he had loved for the greater part of his life.

"Samara, I love you... you're all that I have ever wanted and dreamed of," Eric started, turning away and walking over to the couch in his living room and sitting down. He felt that he needed to tell her that he was confused and was no longer sure, but wasn't sure how. He didn't want to lose her unless he was sure of how he felt, but he knew it wasn't fair to string her along until his feelings were all clarified. "I don't want us to cancel the wedding, or put if off again, but the truth is... I'm not sure anymore. I love you, but there is so much that I don't know about you. So many things about you that are very unclear to me. You've always said that the past is irrelevant, and that you are who you are and if I love that, then the rest doesn't matter... but to me it does.

"I feel that if two people love each other and wish to spend the rest of their lives with one another... that they should know everything there is to know about one another, that they should be willing to share everything about their pasts. Already, we have made so many mistakes with one another because of this issue and I don't want us to get married and risk it all repeating itself over and over again," Eric replied. As last looking at Samara, signaling he was done with his discourse.

However, Samara wasn't looking at Eric. She was standing very stiffly, staring forward. She knew that he had a point, after all, even if she thought the past was irrelevant, she knew it wasn't so. After all, hadn't Severus' past been an obstacle in her relationship with him? And wasn't her own past with Severus now interposing itself in her current relationship with Eric? However, everything he said sounded so much like an ultimatum and Samara didn't like ultimatums. Ultimatums weren't love. If Eric loved her, why would he do that?

"Are you saying that unless I tell you about my past that you won't marry me?" Samara asked coldly as she slowly turned her gaze to Eric, whose eyes widened as he shook his head.

"No Samara! But I'd rather know of your past than allow it to continue to affect us negatively in the future. You can say the past doesn't matter, but it does. Everything we live through, makes us who we are and affects our decisions. If you hadn't lost your first child... would you have been so determined about keeping the one you are carrying now?" Eric asked as he looked at her, hoping this would help her understand what he meant.

Samara thought for a moment. She felt that considering the fact that it was Severus' child, the man that she loved more than anything in the world, that the question was irrelevant. She'd have never given up the child of Severus. However, she knew what he meant. Had it been any other man's, perhaps she wouldn't have been sure whether to keep it or not. She would have been confused. She would have wondered if perhaps it was for the best to abort it, considering the times that they were living in, and had she done so, she knew now it would have hurt her deep down in her soul, but she'd have already made that decision and simply had to deal with it.

"I... you have a point Eric," Samara conceded, only then realizing that she had walked over to where he was and sat down next to him. She looked down at her hands, which were fiddling with her robes. "But I don't know if I can do what you ask of me," Samara said, looking up at Eric with a pained expression on her face.

Eric felt his stomach churn, not only at her inability to trust him with everything that she was, but at the fact that it pained her. "Why?" he asked, unable to think of anything to say in response as he looked at her. "What are you afraid of? Your past would never push me away Samara," Eric said, thinking about what she had said to him about losing her first child and about the man who had taken advantage of her youth and naivety.

"Its not that, Eric," Samara said as she looked away from his sincere and pleading expression. "My past isn't pleasant... its probably very dysfunctional and hard for most people to understand. You'd never understand it," Samara said as she looked at him. Eric, despite being related to a lot of people she could hardly tolerate, had lived a very typical and normal childhood. He was very wholesome... Samara didn't think someone like him could understand people like her and Severus, people who had dark childhoods. She couldn't stand the idea of Eric looking at her with horror, or pity and make her feel as though she should be ashamed of who she was or who she had for a father and mother. "Besides... my past isn't mine alone. There are people in it I'd hate for you or anyone to judge because you can't understand it. Its the way how some secrets, even if you know them or are part of them, aren't really yours to tell, without the consent of all involved."

Eric frowned, wondering what Samara's past entailed that she was so defensive about. He couldn't fathom anything being so terrible that she felt she couldn't share it with someone she knew she could trust with anything. However, Eric wondered if he could really hold that against her. That was who Samara had always been, he'd always known that. Sure he couldn't help hoping that the more time they spent together that she could get over it and begin to open up to him, but that hadn't happened as of yet and Samara had always been very clear about how private she was. How could he expect her to change that all of a sudden. It wasn't really fair of him to ask her to.

"Then what are we going to do Samara? I love you, and I want to marry you and to take care of you and your child... but... I don't want anymore surprises in the future," Eric said with a frown, feelings his heart aching in his chest as he looked at her. He felt that they were coming to a crossroads in which the road he wished to take was being barricaded against him.

Samara felt that if he loved her, her past shouldn't matter to him. However, she understood where he was coming from. Already her past had hurt their relationship so much, she felt that he had every right to know what he wanted. However, the thought of doing so made Samara feel like vile was coming up in her throat. She wasn't sure how she could have told Severus of her past. Had it simply been because she fell so impossibly hard for him? Had it been because she saw something in his that knew he would understand her because he had lived something similar?

She was unsure of what to say to Eric as she looked at him. It seemed despite his confusion about everything, that he still wanted to marry her and that the only thing really holding him back from saying that he would marry her, was the fact that he wanted to know about her past and ensure that nothing from it would fracture their relationship more in the future. However, Samara knew herself and knew that sharing was just not in her nature. But if Eric had no other objections, she didn't want to sacrifice their marriage for something that she once found the courage to do.

Taking a deep breath, Samara turned to look at Eric. They were running out of time to talk. Soon, she would have to leave to start her shift at St. Mungos and she loathed the idea of leaving things undecided. She knew that it would drive her mad wondering about it while she was working. She loathed the idea of anything distracting her from her work, as the lives of people really did depend on her and needed her full attention.

"Are you still... seeing Lydia?" Samara asked. Before she made a commitment to do anything, she needed to know this first.

Eric felt his cheeks flush as his stomach churned with the shame and guilt of it. He wasn't sure how Samara could keep her calm and serene composure. He shook his head in response. "No, I told her we had to stop... although I still have to work with her," Eric said, his voice quivering with the fear that the last part may upset Samara or make her angry. However, she merely nodded her understanding, though she did momentarily scrunch up her nose, not liking the idea as people would surely keep assuming that Eric and Lydia were still carrying on their tryst.

"I... I can't promise you anything, Eric, but I promise in the future I will try to be more open about what you feel you need to know. The wedding isn't until August, it's still three months away. If you feel that... you're still not sure, we can call it off at a later time," Samara said. Eric merely nodded, feeling that this was a reasonable compromise. Samara then suddenly stood. "I have to go now. My shift is about to start," Samara said as she pulled her wand out of her pocket. Before Eric could do more than nod, she apparated away, leaving him alone to his thoughts. Despite being an optimist, Eric wasn't sure that three months would be enough for Samara to open up enough for him to feel comfortable with marrying her. After all, he had known Samara for nearly fifteen years and he felt that he barely knew her at all in that time. How would three more months allow him to get to know her any better?

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Not sure when the next update will be, but chapter 21 is already underway.Please review and tell me what you think!


	21. Bitter

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 21: Bitter**_

Samara was startled when she arrived to St. Mungos and found Nymphodora Tonks waiting for her just outside her office. Samara could count on one hand the amount of times Tonks had paid her a visit while she was working. She was therefore more surprised that she was there, especially when you considered their last encounter. Samara, despite things being more or less mended between herself and Eric, still felt angry with Tonks for revealing the status of her relationship in front of all of Grimmauld. She could only imagine how the news of that had spread and felt her cheeks coloring at the thought of it. Not just that, but for confronting Eric about it after she had specifically told her to stay out of her personal business.

"What are you doing here, Tonks?" Samara asked as calmly as she could as she walked past Tonks who had looked up and was watching her with a strange expression on her face. It wasn't quite apologetic or bashful as Samara would have imagined. Tonks was vaguely annoyed with Samara as she followed her long-time friend into her office. Not so much about the fact that Samara was still clearly angry about what had happened, though she didn't agree with Samara on many things, she could understand that. However, she felt hurt and annoyed that Samara didn't trust her.

"Well... first of all I came to apologize for blurting aloud that Eric was cheating on you. I wouldn't have done it, but I told you I felt you needed to know and well... I would have done it in private if you let me, but you were being so stubborn and in a rush that you wouldn't let me talk to you... so I did what I thought I had to. Even if it was misguided... It was with the best intentions," Tonks said in a rush of words as she shut Samara's office door behind her. She felt her cheeks turning pink. She hated apologizing, however, she cared about Samara and didn't want any hard feelings between them. She had put a lot of thought into what she would say to Samara, which was perhaps why her apology came out as eloquently as it did. Frankly she'd been saying it over and over in her head, but she was still surprised it came out so well, with only a minimal amount of stumbling.

Samara sighed as she took a seat behind her desk and motioned for Tonks to sit in the lone chair across form her desk. As much as she hated what had occurred and that now probably everyone in the order knew her fiance was cheating on her, she found that she couldn't stay mad at Tonks for it. Really, the girl had done it with the best intentions. Perhaps she should have simply talked to Tonks in private and she would have avoided the entire situation. Had she known that she would have to talk to Tonks about it anyway, she would have done so instead of trying to avoid the little metamorphmagus altogether.

"I know you meant the best Tonks, I'm sorry for snapping at you the way that I did. You don't deserve that, you were just trying to be a good friend," Samara said with a smile as she looked over at Tonks, who she had somehow forged a friendship with over the years. She smiled as she thought back to the days when Tonks was only a first and second year, and nothing more than a small runt she felt some obligation to protect and guide. She knew she really couldn't stay mad at Tonks even if she wanted to. She was really the only friend that she had, and she was glad and felt honored to have such a loyal friend. Samara never thought she'd have that in her life. Especially not when she was still a student at Hogwarts.

Tonks bit on her lip as she looked down. She had also come to talk to Samara about the things that Eric had told her, and why Samara hadn't mentioned anything about it to her, if they were friends she should have told her. However, now she wasn't so sure about bringing it up. She didn't want to upset Samara again. So for the moment, she decided to put it off and ask her about something else that was on her mind. "Samara, why didn't you say anything to me about the fact that Eric was cheating on you?" Tonks asked, wondering if Samara would bring up the fact that she had had her own infidelity, of which Tonks was quite curious of. She had never seen Samara interacting with many men and couldn't think of who it had been.

Samara frowned slightly. She couldn't say that she didn't expect this question. Actually, she rather expected a slew of questions and odd looks now that it was out that she and Eric was having problems. "I didn't think you'd understand why I would stay with Eric or not confront him immediately about it. You'd go with what you felt in your heart, without thinking about it rationally," Samara said, as she turned to look out the window. It was a rather bright and sunny day out, which she supposed shouldn't have been unexpected considering it was nearly the last week of May. "Besides, its embarrassing enough discussing it with the person you are with, to have to discuss it with people who don't know the ins and outs of your relationship."

Tonks frowned at this, she could see Samara's point considering everything that Eric had told her that she had not known before. From the outside, looking into their relationship everyone could see that Eric was absolutely in love with Samara, but if you knew Samara it was impossible to think that she would do anything that would hurt someone or was considered wrong. She was just such a sweet and caring person. Although, Tonks knew that Samara had a streak in her that was quite fierce and could cow anyone. She still remembered the dueling tournament and the fact that Samara at times absolutely slaughtered her opponents.

"Well... have you talked to Eric about it?" Tonks asked blushing. She wasn't sure if Eric would mention to Samara what she had done to him, but she didn't want Samara to be angry with her again.

"Yes, I did," Samara said, not really wanting to talk about it, but thinking that perhaps she should to get Tonks off both of their backs. "He said he ended his relationship with Lydia, but that he still has to work with her. And we agreed neither to postpone or cancel the wedding as its not until some point in August and... we hope to figure out then whether or not we still wish to marry each other," Samara said with a shrug of her shoulders as her eyes became unfocused. She knew she couldn't open up with Eric, and she wondered if Eric would continue to feel as strongly as he did when August came.

Tonks nodded at this, thinking that she had known her for years and knew that Samara tended to act with her head rather than her heart. It was a concept that Tonks really didn't understand. For a moment, she bit on her lip, wanting to ask Samara about the things that Eric had told her. She wasn't sure why she was bursting to know, and really she could help herself any longer. "Did you forgive Eric because you did the same thing?" Tonks blurted out suddenly, causing Samara's eyes to widen for a moment, wondering how she knew about that and if perhaps somehow she and Severus had gotten caught. She felt panic stir in her heart as she stared at Tonks and mentally told herself to remain calm.

"What are you talking about?" Samara asked slowly and cautiously, though she could feel all the blood drain from her face.

"Well.. I don't think Eric meant to, I guess he was just so angry that he blurted out that you had cheated on him and that you weren't having his baby, but that of another man who didn't want it," Tonks said, feeling her face flush. Samara felt as though she had just been hit with a stunning curse.

"He told you about that?" she whispered as her eyes unfocused. Merlin, that seemed like the cherry on top of everything. Soon the whole world would know she had cheated on her fiance and she was having another man's child. "Were you the only one-?"

"No... Kingsley and Lydia where there... but don't worry about it! You know Kingsley and I will have our mouths sealed. As for Lydia... if you ask me she already knew, because she wasn't exactly stunned by the revelation," Tonks said, knowing that Samara would probably worry about that getting around and how people would look at her for it.

Samara felt herself snap out of it and turn to look at Tonks, relieved about it. Yet she felt quite infuriated. How could Eric tell people about that? And she wondered just how long Lydia had known about the fact that she wasn't carrying Eric's child. The thought that the girl had known about it for months frankly infuriated her as it meant that clearly Eric felt more for Lydia then he had let on if he confided in her something so important and frankly something that should embarrass him as... well thinking of it objectively... Samara had made a cuckold of him.

"So?" Tonks said. Samara turned her gaze to look at Tonks. She furrowed her brow, for a moment having forgotten the question. However, when she recalled that she had been asked if she had forgiven Eric because now they were both in the same boat, she merely shook her head. However, she really didn't want to go into details about it. She'd had a hard enough time with Eric about it, besides, now she was thinking on what Eric had blurted and thinking that she had to have yet another damned talk with him.

Samara wanted to simply burry her head in her hands, but knew she couldn't do so with Tonks still there, who she knew had to be dying with more questions about _that_ but she absolutely refused to talk about what happened with Severus to anyone. "Well Tonks, I have to get back to work. My shift started a while ago already and I haven't done anything yet. If the director finds out about this he won't hesitate to suspend me again, and I'm not quite sure how many more things I can get away with before he decides to sack me," Samara said as she stood.

Tonks, though not at all satisfied with this, merely nodded, not wishing to take anymore of Samara's time which she knew was really valuable. Standing up, Tonks allowed Sam to walk her to the door before smiling at Samara. "Wotcher, Sam," She said as she turned and bounced down the hall. Samara sighed as she closed the door, wondering when she would be able to get back to her normal life.

XX

When Samara got off work, she headed towards the Ministry of Magic, sure that Eric should barely be getting in. Though, she loathed the idea of speaking to him in public as she loathed the idea of anyone overhearing their private matters, she figured that she better get the discussion over with as soon as possible. However, as she stepped into the auror department and started walking towards Eric's cubicle, she felt many eyes turning to her and watching her progress.

Samara grit her teeth and continued walking as quickly and with as much dignity as she could muster, a task of some difficulty considering her pregnancy. However, she managed just fine, while simultaneously keeping her chin parallel to the ground and ignoring all the stares sent in her direction. Her mood became increasingly worse as she approached Eric's cubicle. She was only further annoyed when she reached it and found that he was not there, but not just that, saw who happened to be there.

Lydia was just putting on her auror robes, when she turned and found herself looking at Samara. She froze as she was fixing her robes' hood and stared with wide blue eyes at Samara. Samara slightly grimaced as Lydia cast her gaze down while she finished fixing her robes. "Hello Samara. I suppose you're here to see Eric. Well he's not here, he's having a word with the Minister," she said, not managing to make her tone as polite as she wanted it to be. It rather sounded bitter and almost annoyed as she looked up to find that Samara was raising a brow at her.

"Is that so, do you think that it will take long? I really would like to talk to him about something," Samara said cooly as she studied Lydia. She wondered just how close she and Eric had been, whether or not she knew that she and Eric had talked and were trying to work things out. She knew that Eric said he'd put things with her to an end, before they'd had their talk. However, she was mildly curious to know how Lydia felt about the whole thing.

Lydia gazed into Samara's eye and felt a chill run down her spine. She wasn't sure what it was about Samara that disconcerted her so. She didn't see how she could manage to keep her head and be so polite. She knew that Samara knew of the "affair", for lack of a better term, that she and Eric had. Why didn't she appear to be angry about it? How could Samara manage to speak to her without seeming even the least bit annoyed. In fact, if Samara was showing any emotion at all, it seemed nothing more than a benign sort of curiosity. She didn't even seem to be gloating about the fact that in the end, she'd won. Frankly it more than annoyed Lydia that she could be so... cavalier about the whole thing. "I wouldn't know," she replied, a little sharply.

Samara crossed her arms over her chest suddenly. "I'm going to put this very politely, but I'd be very grateful if you could refrain from being rude and try to be, in the very least, civil. I've retaliated against people, who have done far less than you have to me," Samara said in a very clear and crisp voice as she stared directly at Lydia who was beginning to try her patience.

Lydia was slightly taken aback by this and furrowed her brow over her yes as she suddenly crossed her arms over her own chest. "Is that a threat?" she asked as she looked at Samara. She couldn't quite figure out the girl that stood before her. She seemed like such a sweet person, and though Lydia was very much inclined to believe it was nothing more than a facade, Samara just seemed so sincere. However, she did things that didn't quite make any sense to her. She'd cheated on Eric and was having someone else's child, that did not go in accordance with a good person.

She pretty much was lying to the whole world by letting them believe she was having Eric's child, and Lydia supposed that she could understand not wanting everyone to think badly of her, or protecting her child form being called a bastard, but didn't that still mean she was lying? Didn't that make her a bad person? Lydia simply couldn't understand how people could like Samara as much as they did. She couldn't see how Eric could love her so much to forgive her everything that she had done. Was the world so blind? Or was Samara simply that good an enchantress?

Samara shrugged her shoulders and smiled lazily at Lydia. "You can take it as threat. I see it more of a warning. You should be grateful, I usually don't give warnings," Samara replied, her smile becoming a teasing one. She wasn't even sure if she meant it herself. Frankly, she really didn't hold what Lydia had done against her. She knew that the girl was in love with Eric, and couldn't really blame her for what she had done. Though love didn't particularly excuse everything, she understood what it was like to want something so much that she forgot to care for the consequences. She had been there so many times with Severus, and knew that in the face of her longing and love, that she could say to hell with everything as long as she had Severus.

However, she didn't particularly care for Lydia's morally superior attitude. Frankly she found it hypocritical. Samara could at least own up to all the mistakes she had made and acknowledge that she had faults and often could not control her anger, or her desire to take revenge on someone who caused her harm. She loathed it about herself, but she could own up to it and take responsibility for her actions even if she didn't necessarily feel sorry about what she had done. She supposed that it was terrible, that she should feel some remorse and guilt for what she had done, and while a part of her did feel a bit of remorse and guilt, she didn't feel it enough for it to bother her or make her regret her actions.

Momentarily, Lydia was at a loss for words. "I'm an auror, you don't frighten me," Lydia said as she looked at Samara, while straightening up her back so that she stood at her full height. Samara smiled.

"I didn't expect you to be," Samara said. Confusing Lydia all the more than she already was. She couldn't quite read Samara.

"How do you do that?" she asked in a tone that voiced her confusion and slight awe. Samara furrowed her brow and tilted her head to look at Lydia questioningly. "How do you... maintain a sweet tone even when you are threatening someone? It seems no matter what, you are sweet... are you simply that adept at pretending to be a sweet, good person?" Lydia asked, narrowing her eyes and Samara and looking slightly disgusted. Once more, like the time that she had seen Samara interact with Eric's sisters, she felt that Samara was really someone that was two-faced.

The smile Samara bore slipped away and she suddenly narrowed her gaze on Lydia. Lydia furrowed her brow as she saw the anger and fire in Samara's eyes. "I don't pretend to be anything but what I am," Samara said in a very cold tone that raised all the hairs on Lydia's body on end. "But my patience isn't infinite, not even close, and you are beginning to toe the line between my benevolence and my wrath.

"You think you're better than me because of what I've done to Eric? Take a good look in the mirror, Lydia. You had sex with a man who's engaged and you really could care less about me. Why? Because you were in love and that doesn't excuse what you have done. So stop trying to act like you're better than me because you're not, not in the slightest. Because at least I owned up to what I did, I was honest about it, to the only person I had to answer to and I had the decency to be sorry for the pain I caused him. But you? You're not in the slightest bit remorseful for any of it, are you?" Samara ranted in a low tone so only Lydia could hear, feeling absolutely livid. Her patience had just run out and it took all her willpower not to pull out her wand and hex Lydia to oblivion.

Lydia felt all the heat rush into her face in embarrassment. She wasn't sure how someone could verbally strike a person. Lydia almost flinched as though she had been truly slapped across the cheek. She wasn't sure how a pregnant woman could be so intimidating, and for bloody sakes, she was an Auror. Thought Lydia could see a valid point to what Samara said, and felt embarrassed that she was right, she didn't want to admit it, especially not to Samara. Straightening up and gathering her courage, she willed her shame away and looked directly into the girl opposite of her's eyes. "I think there's a huge difference. I'm not the one who's engaged, _you_ are! Besides, if you're so honest, why don't you share with Eric? What are you hiding?"

Samara narrowed her gaze at Lydia. She _knew_ about _that_ too? "Because apparently I can't even trust him to keep his mouth shut about matters that only concern us," Samara said through gritted teeth.

"He had every right to. He's in the relationship too. You're dragging his reputation through the mud, he has a right to explain himself," Lydia snapped back angrily. Their conversation, up to that point, had been relatively quiet, however, people passing by and around couldn't help looking at them and watching intently. Samara doubted that the bystanders could hear what they were saying very well but the situation was beginning to escalate and she was sure that it wasn't a great idea that she remain speaking to Lydia much longer.

"I did no such thing! I gave Eric the option to walk away on various occasions! Us getting back together was entirely his idea and _he_ was the one that led everyone to believe this was his child, not me," Samara hissed in a low tone as she stepped very close to Lydia and leaned over so their faces were only inches apart.

"Oh and what, he twisted your arm? You went along with it, because it was to your convenience, so to all the world you wouldn't look like a harlot!" Lydia hissed back heatedly, also keeping her tone to barely above a whisper. She wasn't about to back down and she didn't care of to all the world she appeared a mouse being bared down by a poisonous snake. She would prove that she wasn't!

"I couldn't care less what the world thinks of me, I just don't think its any of their business. And if I went along with it, it was to give my child a father because I don't want my child to live though what I did. I can't give my child the father I'd want him to have, but Eric is an outstanding man and he'll be a good father," Samara said, some of her anger melting away as her mind drifted somewhere morose.

Lydia furrowed her brow at what Samara said. She felt her own expression soften as she saw the sad look on Samara's face. Momentarily, she wondered what on earth Samara had gone through to want a good father so desperately for her child. "Not having a father isn't the end of the world," Lydia whispered softly.

Samara's gaze focused on the girl before her, staring at her with blue eyes that suddenly showed sincere concern. She stepped back. "Was your father there? Was he good, attentive, loving, and protective? Or was he too busy for you? Did he neglect you? Or did he pass away when you were young, before you had a chance to know him?"

"He was just there," Lydia said, confused. "Like any father."

Samara glared at Lydia in envy. "You had a charmed childhood, that you can take for granted that you had father. Mine abandoned me before I was born. But if only that had been the worst thing he did because every time he came back into my life, it seemed to be torn to pieces... and I'm not going to let that happen to my child," Samara said in a whisper as her eyes filled with tears of resentment as she wondered what she had done to have deserved that... and this girl to have deserved better.

Samara turned away and left, feeling a bitterness that for years she had tried so desperately to be free of... bitterness she tried to quell before it accumulated to the point that it poisoned her soul. She needed fresh air, she needed to get away... it seemed more important than the shame of having spilled some of the darkness that tried to choke her at random throughout her life... it hadn't managed before, and she couldn't allow it to now. She needed to breathe and lay it to rest. She wouldn't allow it to win. She wouldn't allow _him_ to kill all the sweetness she tried to hold on to all her life. She wouldn't let life's disappointment and pain to turn her into her father.

XX

_Severus watched with mild horror as Samara collapsed. Her dark hair, which had been loose, seemed stringy and greasy, almost similar to his. Her pearly white skin was slowly becoming pale as the red tint faded. Her skin was covered with a light sheen of sweat. He could see beads of sweat making thin rivers that traveled down her neck and disappeared beneath the neckline of the robes she wore. Though her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily, her face looked more relaxed than it had previously been as she tried to calm her breathing pattern. _

_He stared at her in concern, however, his attention was called away by the screams of a child. "Would you like to hold him?" a voice asked, floating to him through a fog. Severus could barely tear his gaze away from Samara as a screaming bundle was placed in his arms. Slowly, he tore his gaze away to stare at the child in his arms, who was steadily quieting his screams to whimpers._

_For a moment, his breath caught in his throat as he stared down at the child. It had been cleaned and wrapped up in a white blanket. As his screams and whimpers quieted down to nothing, he could see the child's color going from red to pasty white. A surprisingly large tuft of black hair covered its small little head. For the moment, his brows were hardly visible and his soft features, seemed indistinct. However, as the child cloudy gaze looked right at him, showing off a dark gaze, Severus felt his heart begin to pound. _

_He wasn't sure why he suddenly felt as though he were complete and the world were a marvelous place. He thought he'd never want to see Samara's child, and he thought that if he ever did see it, he would loathe it, just as he had loathed the Potter brat. His heart beat erratically as he stared at the child in his arms. It was so small and fragile, Severus felt his heart expanding with affection the likes he had never felt before for a child. He'd never seen such a perfection and he was astonished that the child merely looked up at him, quiet and docile as a lamb. This had to be what love at first sight was. _

_Slowly, Severus tore his gaze away and looked towards Samara. He was surprised to see that her eyes were open and watching him curiously. The expression on her face was a mixture of hope and fear, but was dead serious. Suddenly, Severus could see everything clearly and he took a deep breath, feeling relief floor through all his being as he gazed back down at the child. He understood why he felt that this child completed him. He understood why this child made him feel like he had done SOMETHING of importance in his life when nothing else had and why he felt so damn protective of it. _

_This was HIS. This child was a part of Samara, but it was also a part of HIM. Eric Williamson was not the father of this child. It was his and Severus knew it deep down in his heart, in his soul. Every drop of blood in him told him that little boy was his. However, he felt he needed to ask but he felt dread to do so and find that it was his hopes that were misleading him. "Samara... is he mine?" Severus exhaled as he looked back to her._

_Samara raised a brow and looked astonished by his question. Tears began gathering in her eyes. "I suppose its true what they say, blood really does call to blood," Samara said. Severus let go of the breath he suddenly realized he'd been holding it. Turning his gaze back to the child in his arms, HIS son, Severus felt tears gathering in his eyes as he lowered his head so he could place it nearer to his sons. As he breathed in deep, he felt at peace as he smelled the baby's sweet scent. If this were a dream, Severus never wanted to awaken. _

Unfortunately, dreams never last long. Slowly, Severus felt his conscious seeping in, despite the darkness that surrounded him. He groaned as he dug his head underneath his pillow and clenched it around his head as though he were trying to keep a firm grasp on the lovely dream he'd been having. However, it didn't work. The ache in his heart told him as much as his head suddenly came alive with a slew of reprimands.

How could he allow himself to foolishly hope for something that was completely out of his grasp? How could he wish the child that Samara carried to be his, when he perfectly well knew that it wasn't and that it could never be? That if it were, life would become so impossibly difficult for him. However, he couldn't control what he dreamt. And every night, since he'd last seen Samara, he'd had the same recurrent dream. He supposed it was because his heart's deepest desire had become to have a family with Samara.

His hearts deepest desire... Severus groaned as he shut his eyes tight. There was no avoiding thoughts of Samara. These words reminded him of finding the mirror or Erised... of seeing Samara inside, holding his hand. Every word of that memory was engrained inside his head and how could they not be? That was the night, that for no reason at all, he couldn't contain himself anymore and he told Samara, however indirectly, that he loved her and wanted her in his life. And she, much to his amazement, admitted to feeling similarly... to seeing him as well.

Severus sighed as he climbed out of bed, thinking it best to not think of by simply getting a start on his day. After showering quickly and dressing, Severus left the dungeons to wander about the castle. It was still very early in the morning, and being as it was about the third week of May, the castle was warm and though it was still early in the morn, the sun had traveled high in the sky, enough to light all the hallways with its warm light.

There was still about an hour before breakfast, and Severus wasn't sure that he would be able to stomach anything as of yet. So he merely took to wandering the halls, trying desperately hard not to think about his dreams or Samara. However, that was near that her wedding, which he knew was pushed back to some day in August, though he didn't know the exact date, came ever closer. The thought tortured him, almost as much as the words that she had said. She had given up on him, on them.

He wasn't exactly sure why that bothered him so much. He knew that it was bound to happen and that it was for the best, for her. However, it made him sick to think of. He had never gotten over her, and he knew he never would. He wanted and desired to be with her from the very bottom of his heart, but he head a mission to complete. His life was not his to live and enjoy until he'd completed it, and he wasn't even sure he would survive to live his life after all was said and done. Besides, he saw no end in sight as of yet. No favorable end at least and even if there was, it was for the wizarding world and not for him. Life thus far had taught him that any happiness to be had, was for him, only fleeting and only led to more pain. He was not meant to be happy. He was not meant to enjoy life.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Sorry about the long wait for this chapter, but anyway please Review and tell me what you think.


	22. The Only Exception

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 22: The Only Exception**_

It took Samara quite some time to cool off after her little chat with Lydia. She supposed that it didn't help that she kept replaying the entire encounter, over and over again in her head. Though the chits attitude and presumption that she knew anything at all about Samara bothered her immensely, that was not what made her feel so angry.

What she was angry about was that it brought back memories she had worked so long to get past, and that she revealed a part of her she never intended for anyone to see. Samara sighed as she stood at her counter, organizing ingredients she would need as she tried not to think about her deep-seeded issues, that Lydia had brought out, and which the only person that knew about was Severus.

Samara sighed as she leaned against the counter and stirred her tea. She didn't want to think about Severus. She wanted to stop thinking about Severus. That was why she obliviated him from her memories. But now that they were back, she couldn't help it. Even before they were back, since she came back into her life... he took over her entire life. He'd always be the one... and Samara was hopelessly sure that he would always be the only one.

Blinking away the tears, she looked around her flat and stared at the clock on the wall. It was getting very late, and Eric hadn't shown up yet. By now his shift should've ended at least a quarter of an hour earlier. Samara sighed once more thinking that Lydia had most likely not even informed Eric about her showing up and requesting to speak to him.

A sudden surge of anger coursed through her as she grabbed the teacup from the counter and threw it into the sink, causing the ceramic cup to smash to pieces that splattered along with tea along the sink. "Why am I such a mess in everything but my work life?" Samara muttered darkly to herself as she glared at the pieces in the sink.

Unbidden, tears sprouted in her eyes, before she leaned against the counter and sank to the floor. Shakily, she raised a hand and ran it through her hair. Try as she might, she could not imagine what a functioning family must look like, or feel like. All that she could remember was pain, and anger and sometimes even fear.

She hated it... never knowing if he was going to be home or not. Always wondering if when she got home, his bags were going to be at the door, while mother and him had disappeared behind a locked door. Or if she was going to wake up and wander into the kitchen and watch her mother try to keep it together because he left, just like he always did. She hated having to wonder why mother was in her room for so long, wondering if she was okay or if this time he'd gone too far and killed her.

Sometimes when she slept, she dreamt of that day she had finally seen her, seen what he did to her. Seen her bruised and bloodied face... it felt like he had balled his hands into fist and punched all the air out of Samara, to see her mother like that. When she awoke, she woke gasping for breath, because the memory left her absolutely breathless, and her lungs burned for badly needed air; it was more painful to have to choke down the sobs, and remain quiet.

Eric never knew. He could never know. Because he'd never understand what it was like.

And how would he look at her if he knew the truth? Would he see just how broken she was? How twisted her father had made her? Would he see just another version of her father? Would he see just the awful spawn of an awful man? Or would she still be the same Samara that he loved?

Samara shook her head as the tears poured down her cheek. Eric wouldn't love her if he knew. But Severus-

Samara shook her head and banged it softly against the cabinets under the counter. "Stop it Samara," she grit out to herself angrily as she wiped the tears away. She shouldn't be thinking about Snape, she knew this. He was not part of her life, he didn't want to be part of her life. Thinking about him would only serve to further hurt her. Severus didn't even want her... he didn't want them.

Placing a hand protectively over her protruding stomach, Samara wished that the nine months were up already. There was nothing she looked forward too more than holding her baby in her arms, to finally see what the fruits that their love gave. She wanted to hold her little boy, be able to look at him, and smell his sweet baby smell, to feel his little hands closing around a finger, or feel his soft skin.

It was a boy. She was having a boy. She knew that in her heart. Her little piece of Severus. Two months seemed too far away to have to wait to hold her little man.

Stroking her stomach, she wiped her tears away with her free hand and took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she did so. Opening them up, she looked back at her large belly and ran her hands over the bump of her stomach. She hadn't thought of any names for him yet, and she wondered what she should name him.

She knew what she would like to name him. In another life, perhaps she would have been able to. However, in the current one, she thought it would hurt too much to name him after his father. Besides, it was impossible. It would raised too many questions. Severus would surely know the truth, and if she was still with Eric when the baby was born, surely he would think it strange.

It was too risky, she decided with a shake of her head. She squelched down the yearning she felt because it was so impossible and considered other names. She wanted him to have a strong name, so he could be a strong little boy.

"Maybe I should name you after the great, Albus Dumbledore. Albus?" Samara said aloud, looking down at her stomach. "What do you think?" she asked, talking to her baby boy. If he was awake, he made no response, so she supposed he didn't think much of that name. "Wulfric? Bryan?" she asked with a smile, amused by the names. However, her baby remained still.

Sighing, Samara wondered what other names there were. "Nothing seems as good as Severus," she murmured and felt a kick very near her ribs, making her gasp a bit in discomfort. "I take it you agree?" Samara asked. Once more, she felt a kick in her side. "Well it's not prudent," Samara commented, putting a hand near her rib and pushing so as to remove the little foot from lodging there. "How about Marius? My mother's father was named Marius. I never met him myself, but mother would have me believe he was the best man in the world. It's latin, like your father's name."

She then moved her hands and continued to stroke her belly. She hoped that he would be like her little brother. Sweet, protective, smart, with a will all his own and courage. Although, little Cliff's personality had a few setbacks, but you had to take the bad with the good and she adored Cliff.

Samara pushed these thoughts aside and wondered how she was going to get off the floor. However, before even moving the front door of her place opened and shut. Looking up, she found herself looking at a bewildered Eric who looked at her a bit amused. "Samara, what are you doing on the floor?" he asked. His gaze than became concerned as he moved over to her. "You didn't fall, did you?"

"No, I just decided to sit. Mind helping me up?" she asked, moving her arms towards him. Eric merely bent down and grabbed her with one hand while the other reached around to help support her back as she hoisted herself to her feet.

"Geez Sam, you weight a ton!" Eric groaned. Samara felt a flush creep up her neck and along her cheeks.

"That's nice!" Samara stated, slapping his arm. Momentarily she wondered if one ever got used to feeling this huge.

"Sorry Samara," Eric said, blushing. He'd forgotten himself when he was helping her up and forgot to be … tactful about the weight she had put on. "You know you're still beautiful. Nothing will ever change that."

Samara looked up into Eric's warm brown eyes and felt her heart clench, forgetting all about being angry with him. He could be so sweet. Unconsciously, she reached out and cupped his cheek and looked into his handsome face. He was such a good guy, wore his heart on his sleeve, honest and noble like a good Gryffindor ought to be.

"I do... love you. You know that, don't you?" Samara asked, looking up at Eric's eyes, her free hand running through the chocolate tresses of his long, straight hair.

Eric furrowed his brow as he looked at Samara's hazel eyes. They looked so sad... but he supposed that they had always been that way. "I don't know, Samara," Eric said, feeling his heart clench. "I thought you did, but I know even if you do, that the greater part of your heart is somewhere else. But I'm okay with that. I think I'm starting to understand what it feels like to be pulled in two different directions."

Samara stared sadly up at Eric, wondering if she ever met anyone quite so selfless. Reaching up, she planted a chaste kiss on his lips. It had been a long time since they had even kissed. Samara wasn't sure when they had stopped. Probably around the time that he started falling for Lydia. Although, even before that any intimacy between them had been scarce.

"Eric," she started slowly as she pulled away from him. He was so different from Severus, and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Eric was open, where Severus was closed. Things with Eric were so simple, while with Severus everything was a fight down to the teeth. She could always count on Eric to be there, and to do the right thing. Severus...

But Severus was the one. He'd always been. Nothing was going to change that. She knew that Eric would be better for her, that he adored her and would try stubbornly to make it work. But she wasn't in love with him. She loved him, that is to say she cared for him a great deal and held a special place for him in her heart, but he wouldn't be what she desired most in the world. The one she could trust with all her secrets.

Severus had been the only one, the only exception. The only man she could let in behind all her walls, the only one she'd ever trusted to see the ugliness beneath. He saw the wreck and thought her still beautiful. He was irreplaceable in her heart, she didn't know how to usurp him and she knew that it was impossible. Severus was irreplaceable in her heart, and that would always be so.

"Eric, I love you. That's why I want you to see if what you feel for Lydia is something real," Samara went on, looking at Eric seriously. Eric looked taken aback and confused. She wasn't sure when she had finally reached this conclusion, but she knew that it was a long time coming.

"You want me to cheat on you?"

"No."

Realization dawned across his face. "Are you breaking up with me?" He asked incredulously.

"I'm setting you free, Eric. I don't want you and me to be a mistake. I know you're feelings for Lydia are strong. If they weren't, or if it were just physical, you wouldn't have cheated on me. That's why I want you to make sure with Lydia," Samara replied. She'd given it some thought, and she felt that Eric needed this. "You say that you've been in love with me and I've been all you ever wanted since we were first years. But... I think you're clinging to us for the wrong reasons. And if you were more willing to let go, you might see that I'm not what you really want. You just think that I am."

"Samara-"

"No Eric, not this time. I won't let you convince me otherwise. You have to try with Lydia. See if it's real love and if it is, I wish you the best. And if not... well maybe our paths will cross again," Samara said gently but firmly. She wondered if he knew the old adage about how if you really loved someone and let them go they would come back to you, but if they didn't it was because they were never really yours to begin with. However, she knew in her heart that she and Eric wouldn't end up together.

"But Sam... I can't leave you alone."

Samara laughed lightly at this and looked up at Eric adoringly. "You're sweet, but I'm a big girl Eric. I've been taking care of myself for a very long time and I think I can manage."

Eric swallowed a lump in his throat. Bending down he wrapped his arms tight around Samara and buried his face in the crook of her neck. It took Samara a while to realize that he was crying as he was doing it so silently and she felt her heart breaking and tears rising to her own eyes. "You're the best friend I've had," Samara whispered into his neck, her own arms barely able to wrap around him due to her baby being between them.

Though he wasn't the one, Samara hated hurting him and was going to miss him. He was in almost every good memory she had of the last seven years, her faithful companion, always patiently waiting for her. Saying goodbye wasn't easy and her heart broke just a little but she knew that it was for the best, and knew it was what she had to do. It was the right thing to do, she just hadn't anticipated it hurting as much as it did.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **It's been a year since I've updated this.** O_o**

For anyone still reading this, I'm sorry. But I've never given up on this story, just hit writers block every now and then with it. Hopefully I'll have more chapters up soon. For all those sticking with the story, it is appreciated along with your support. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and as always, please Review!


	23. The Funeral

**Disclaimer: **Song featured here is 'Dream a little Dream' I believe its by 'the mamas and the papas'.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 23: The Funeral**_

Time moved on.

For a time, Samara wouldn't allow Eric to keep in contact with her. She just thought that allowing him to keep in touch with her would make things more complicated, and that he would never really give Lydia a shot of she was still a heavy presence in his life.

For the following several weeks Samara concentrated on her work, and getting ready for the coming of the baby. She put a smile on her face every time someone reached out to touch her baby bump and asked her when she was due. She was counting down the days for his arrival, but he wasn't due until the end of July or early August and though that was only over a month away, it felt like ages away.

Unfortunately, not every day ran particularly smoothly, and this was one of those. Solemnly, she approached the Burrow at a steady pace. She had grown a bit heavier and trudging up the garden to the country home was not something she could accomplish with the springy lightness she had the previous year.

She wore a set of black robes, which did little slim her down. But she was at least grateful that they hid the fact that her breasts had gotten considerably heavier. She honestly hoped that sooner or later, preferably sooner, they would go back down to a more comfortable size.

"Wow, you've gotten so big Sam," Bill said by way of greeting when he opened the door of the Burrow after she knocked. Samara smiled lightly, but she didn't feel particularly light at the moment. Her large stomach aside, this Order meeting was a rather somber one as she was sure that for the most part it would have to do with the death of Sirius Black only two days or so prior. "You look lovely as ever though. Come on, everyone's out back."

Samara nodded and took Bill's extended arm and followed him around to the garden where the rest of the Order were gathered. She felt rather odd being there. Though she knew many of the members and had been to many Order meetings, she'd never quite felt that she belonged to it. Most of her duties revolved around Severus and for the last several months he'd either not needed her or chosen not to use her services. Besides that, she hadn't even been close to Sirius, only exchanging words with him on a handful of occasions and she rather felt like she was a stranger crashing a family funeral. Although from what she understood, there was no body.

"Dumbledore's put a good deal of protective barriers around the house. For when Harry comes stay for the summer," Bill explained, motioning towards Dumbledore who was having a conversation with Remus and Arthur.

Samara merely nodded and looked around. She spotted Tonks weeping in the arms of Molly Weasley and recalled it being mentioned once that she and Sirius were second-cousins or something. "It's rather sad, isn't it? He spent half his life in a prison paying for a murder he didn't commit and spent his last couple years in hiding and the very last year, in a different sort of prison," Samara stated, and before she knew it, she was weeping into Bill's arms.

A few minutes later, she pulled away from him. "I'm sorry, it's the hormones," Samara stated bashfully as she pulled away and cleaned her face with a handkerchief she'd thought to bring with her for these occasions. Lately almost everything made her cry. It was rather annoying. She'd never been much of crier, but this damn pregnancy had her balling like a baby all the time.

"It's okay. How have you been? How's the baby?" he asked with a gentle smile, putting a hand on her stomach.

"I'm fine. And the baby's great. I've just had him checked. He's perfect," Samara said, smiling. She couldn't contain her happiness or excitement of the prospect of coming soon. Bill smiled in response.

"You know he's a boy? When is he due?" Bill asked. His eyes sparkling as he squatted down in front of Samara, so that he was level with the belly.

"Well I'm ninety percent sure it's a boy, but I haven't wanted to been told the sex, kind of want it to be a surprise. And he's due at the end of July, or beginning of August," Samara replied with a smile as she looked down at Bill he continued to rub her belly and begin talking to it.

"Hey little guy, its your uncle Bill. Can't wait to meet you in person," Bill told the baby.

"I don't know why Albus insisted I come, if I had knows I would be subjected to these spectacles I would have stayed at the castle," they heard a dark sardonic voice mutter. Bill sprang to his feet as Samara turned slowly. Her breath caught in her throat, though her heart was already hammering and the baby kicking incessantly at the sound of his voice.

"Hello Professor Snape," Bill stated, clearing his throat and trying to go for more somber tone. Although, everyone knew that Severus had NOT liked Sirius Black in the least. In fact rather the opposite. He hated the man. Although, to be fair, it was a sentiment that was probably reciprocated. "I'm gonna go see how mom's doing with Tonks," Bill said by way of excusing himself, leaving Samara to deal with her old Head of House. She knew how to deal with him and many experiences with it, probably from her days as Head Girl.

For a moment, Samara and Severus merely stood before each other, but both with their eyes looking around. The Weasley's had set up rows and rows of chairs and raised a small dais. There were people already sitting in the chairs, but the majority were milling about in groups, talking. A few were shedding tears in the arms of others.

"I heard you broke it off with Williamson," Severus stated suddenly, when he simply couldn't take the silence between them anymore. It was so strange, but he felt that things were simpler between them when they were together when she was a student. However, he thought that perhaps that was simply because at least in those days, he'd been able to hold her in his arms. Now, it was like more than years there were miles and miles between them and no way to bridge the gap.

"Really? What else is going through the grapevine these days?" Samara asked, amused. However, she couldn't bring herself to look at him, and merely continued to look over her shoulder at the flowers gathered on the small platform. She felt that all that was missing was the giant wreathe and a picture of Sirius. However, it seemed one hadn't been available.

Samara wondered who they were supposed to pass their condolences to, when Sirius' remaining blood relatives all seemed to be on the wrong side, or hadn't chosen a side. She supposed all that was left was Remus and Harry Potter, his godson, but it seemed that he wouldn't be making it.

"Samara," Severus said in his stern Professor's tone, meaning he wanted her to be serious. Samara sighed and turned look up into Severus' dark, all-seeing eyes.

"What Severus? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to confirm what you heard? Well it's true, I broke up with him," Samara asked exasperatedly, looking up at him.

"Why?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Samara asked, raising a brow at him. However, before he could say anything more she turned and walked away. She couldn't deal with him right now. Only a few minutes with him and she would exhaust all her energy. These days, she didn't have very much of it.

Severus stood back and watched her move away, towards Tonks. Apparently, she managed to pry Tonks away, where no one else had managed. Severus watched Molly Weasley move away and head back into the house. Severus imagined it was to deal with the menagerie of kids she had. Severus shoved the thought aside and moved along the edge of the set up chairs and making his way towards Dumbledore.

When he reached him, Arthur Weasley had moved away. Severus grimaced as the idea of having to see Lupin. He wasn't going to feign that he was sorry that Black was dead. However, that didn't mean that Black's death brought him joy either. However, he supposed dealing with Lupin was easier than having to deal with how he felt at present.

For the last month, it was difficult to squelch down the desire to see Samara. To ask her what she was doing with her life. To ask her what was wrong with her. Why she would sack the father of her child when previously she'd been trying so hard to cling to him? However, he couldn't allow himself to go see her. He had no reason to. The Dark Lord hadn't required any particular service of him before. He couldn't simply show up at her place out of the blue, and she made it quite clear to him the previous meeting that she wanted to distance herself from him and what she felt for him.

"Severus, my boy. Glad that you could make it," Albus said, more cheerily that Severus felt was strictly appropriate considering that they were at a quasi-memorial for one of his puppets. However, he merely raised a brow at the old wizard and looked away with an air that he decidedly did not want to be there.

"Are we starting any time soon?" Severus asked, impatient to leave.

"Soon as everyone is here," Albus replied pleasantly as he looked up and around. "Is that Samara? I haven't seen her in a while. She's very pregnant, isn't she?" Albus asked amused, with his eyes twinkling. "Excused me, I think I'll go say hello to her before the meeting starts," Albus replied, wandering away. If Severus had been drinking something he would've choked on it, not able to believe that Dumbledore would leave him alone with Lupin on this particular occasion.

Grimacing in distaste, he turned his gaze and met Lupin's who was looking at him. "I'm surprised you came."

"It was not by choice," Severus replied, not with his usual coldness in his voice but merely in a matter-of-factly way. He turned away from Remus and looked up at the overcast sky and wondered what the likelihood would be that it would start to rain before this thing even got started.

"Either way, thank you. I know that you and Sirius never got along."

"That's an understatement," Severus stated coldly, now turning back to Lupin. "Before you get the wrong impression, Lupin, I don't feel particularly sorry about what happened. Death is inevitable and just because it happened to Black, doesn't suddenly make him a saint of my devotion."

Remus smiled tiredly. "I know," he stated simply. Severus grimaced and merely chose to walk away. Lupin infuriated him to no end. How could the man always be so mild and non-confrontational. Even in the grips of grief he was calm and serene. It was not human. Even Severus, who had a good control over his feelings and emotions, had a hard time with his temper.

Severus chose to sit down and not talk to anyone else, at least not idle chat. He grimaced when he found that subconsciously he had seated himself a couple seats back from Samara. He groaned to himself as he watched Dumbledore doting, as the eldest Weasley had, over Samara's pregnant stomach, cooing at a child that wasn't even born yet. Severus crossed his arms over his chest, this seemed to be becoming less and less like a funeral and more and more about Samara's baby he thought drily as Mrs. Weasley and her daughter now pushed Dumbledore aside to be able to interact with Samara's stomach. Severus wondered how these people were going to act when the thing was born.

Severus pointedly ignored the familiar ache he felt in his chest and did his best to concentrate on the meeting. "What are you going to name him?" He heard Ginny Weasley ask, as she was not even bothering to keep her excitement at appropriate levels. Unconsciously he found himself leaning in closer to hear what Samara responded.

"I'm not sure yet, I was thinking about naming him after Professor Dumbledore, but I don't think the baby was too fond of the name," he heard Samara respond before giggling lightly. It was at that moment that Severus had a startling epiphany, and he wondered how it had not occurred to him before. Samara had a new love of her life, and he was growing inside her.

"He's gonna be so cute! Promise to bring him when he's born. Please?" he heard the Weaselette plead, causing Samara to giggle.

"Ok, I promise. Soon as he's-" Samara paused and held her side, her brows knitting together in a frown.

"What's wrong dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked, concerned seeing the look of pain that crossed Samara's face. Samara shook her head for a moment.

"Nothing. Must be a false contraction," Samara replied with a wave of her hand. "It's just stronger than normal. I'm sure its nothing," Samara said, offering a smile to the redhead woman and her youngest daughter.

Molly merely nodded, however, before she could say anything, Dumbledore started the meeting. Or memorial. Samara wasn't really sure what this was anymore. She tried her best to pay attention, however, once in a long while she felt a sharp pain in her lower abdomen and she started feeling concerned that they weren't false contractions and were in fact real ones. Samara breathed through the pain easily enough, but she was rather alarmed by the fourth time she felt one.

She made a move to get up and was clutching the back of a chair as she did so, when she felt a very odd sensation, much like water running down between her legs. Her eyes widened as she froze, her heart beginning to pound hard.

Of course, the first to notice something was wrong was Severus. "What's wrong?" He asked, moving chairs and people aside as he made his way to Samara. He'd been watching her the whole time, noticing how every fifteen minutes or so, her hand would touch her side and her body would become slightly tense. When she had made a move to stand, he knew that there was something wrong and immediately started to move towards her.

"My water just broke," she replied, turning to look at Severus, who was now holding onto her arm as Dumbledore stopped speaking and turned to look at the commotion as they had drawn rather a lot of attention to themselves. Severus grimaced at the way Samara's eyes were wide and full of fear. "It's too soon, Severus. The baby still needs seven weeks to be considered full term."

Severus nodded and started maneuvering Samara. "We'll get you to the hospital, every thing will be all right," Severus said, trying to assure Samara as he looped an arm around her back and held onto her arm with the other as he helped her walk to the apparation barrier.

"What's wrong?" Molly asked with a frown of concern as she caught up to them just as a contraction hit and Samara painfully gripped Severus hand as she counted in her head.

"Samara's going into labor," Severus replied. "We have to get her to St. Mungo's."

Molly nodded at this and frowned. "Are you sure its safe to apparate her and the baby in this condition?"

Samara looked at Mrs. Weasley and smiled. "I trust Severus with our lives, I know he'll get us there perfectly safe," she responded, she could feel a light sheen of sweat already started to cover her skin in the effort to stay upright and from doubling over in pain whenever the contractions hit.

Severus felt his chest tighten at that as he looked at Samara in wonder. He didn't think she'd ever stop doing that, surprising him.

XX

Samara lay back exhausted. She watched with heart clenched and her lungs constricting as the Healers cleaned and put the baby in a protective, magically bubble. He would stay there for a several weeks, until he was deemed developed and strong enough to survive outside of it. She barely caught sight of a mass of black hair and pink skin before he disappeared behind a blue, shimmery shield.

Tears sprouted into her eyes and started leaking and running down her cheeks as she stared at her baby. The world dissolved into bleariness and she was hardly aware of the fact that she was still clasping Severus' hand with one of hers. She didn't even feel him when he pulled her into a hug and allowed her to bury her face into his robes and cry, with heart-wrenching sobs that shook her entire body.

He made soft and low cooing sounds and he patted down her somewhat damp hair. "Samara, the baby is going to be fine," he assured her. Though he hadn't gotten much of a look at the baby. He was too focused on holding Samara's hand to see when the baby came out. Before he even turned to look, the Healers had whisked it away.

"It always... goes wrong," Samara cried, clinging to the front of his robes. Severus felt his heart tearing at the sound of her anguish and he felt so useless to do anything to help her. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and awkwardly held her to him, wishing that he could take away all her worries.

"That's not your fault. Both your pregnancies have been stressful, that's all," Severus whispered softly into her ear. He could feel her shaking in his arms. Looking away from her for a moment, he motioned for one of the Healers. "Can you administer a calming draught?" he asked, feeling that Samara really needed it. The Healer nodded and left, while a group of others concentrated on the sphere in which the baby was eerily suspended.

A few moments later, the Healer returned with the potion in hand. "Samara," Severus said, gently prying her out of his grasp, even though it hurt him to do so. "You have to take this. You need your rest," Severus stated, wondering how she was not dropping dead from exhaustion already. The only time he had heard screams worse than Samara's as she tried to push the baby out was when he had to witness people being tortured.

Samara seemed to have cried herself dry and blearily drank the calming draught as Severus gingerly poured it into her mouth and helped her get settled into the bed. However, she reached for his sleeve and seemed unwilling to let go. "Stay, please," Samara whispered as her eyes started to droop. Pushing out the baby, all the worrying and anguish, were making her drop-dead-tired. Severus merely nodded in response. "Watch over him..." Samara was saying as she drifted off to sleep.

Hours later, Severus sat on one side of the bed, one hand clasped between Samara's as she slept, while he looked at the baby in the magical bubble. He too seemed to be asleep, though it was hard to see him clearly. Waves of blue constantly passed over the surface of the bubble and made the sight of the baby a bit blurry. If Severus didn't know better he'd have thought that the baby was blue, though he was sure by now the baby probably had skin as white as snow like Samara.

Severus wasn't sure what it was... why he kept staring at the baby, looking at it. He couldn't see it entirely clearly. Not that it mattered, even if he could see the child more clearly, its features would be pretty indistinct. "Stars..." Severus turned to find that Samara was murmuring in her sleep. "Shining bright... above..."

No, she was singing. Severus felt the corners of his mouth being tugged as he remembered that Samara used to sometimes sing in her sleep. It rather endearing, and he was somewhat pleased to see that she still did it. Reaching over, gently and trying desperately not to wake her because she needed her sleep, he brushed tendrils of dark hair from her face. He felt his heart expanding impossibly when she rolled her head slightly towards his touch.

Severus pulled his hand away and forced himself to look away, from both Samara and her child. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he wondered what in hell he was doing still there. If anyone thought to come and see Samara and see how she was doing, surely they would be alarmed to see him there. However, the thought had only crossed his mind when the door opened and someone walked in. He hadn't managed quite to stand and turn around to see who had come in when he heard a familiar, child-like voice say, "Mr. Snape?" while another said a little more loudly and excitedly, "Professor Snape!"

Turning around, Severus watched as the twins and Samara's mother walked into the room. Little Evelyn got loose of her mother's hand and ran over to Severus, wrapping her thin arms around his legs. Severus stared down at her bewildered, however, he didn't say anything. "Hello Severus, I understand you were with my daughter when it happened, how is she?" Samara's mother asked worriedly as she strode over and let go of her sons hand to peel Evelyn away from him.

"Samara is well, but the boy came too early, they have him in an incubation ward," Severus responded, motioning to the bubble behind him. Mrs. Green cast a brief glance at her daughter before walking around the bed to look at the baby in the magic bubble, with Evelyn. However, Severus noted that Heathcliff stayed away and merely clambered up on his elder sister's bed and sat beside her, taking her hand in his smaller ones. He seemed to have no interest at all in the baby. "I'll leave you with your family," Severus stated walking around the bed and feeling he should give them their privacy.

"Severus," he heard Mrs. Green say as he reached the door. He stopped and turned around to look at her. "Thank you, for taking care of my daughter... always," she said, looking down at her hands, with an expression of shame on her face. Severus furrowed his brow, unsure what she meant, but merely inclined his head and silently exited, his heart thudding hard in his chest.

**TBC...**

**A/n: **Well I hope that everyone enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review!


	24. Tiny Piece of Heaven

**Disclaimer: **The song featured in this chapter is from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, the song is 'Pure Imagination'.

**Eternal Sunshine**

_**Chapter 24: Tiny Piece of Heaven**_

Severus couldn't bring himself to leave the hospital. So he went to the fifth floor to get a bite to eat and din't come back down until it was quite late. He had a lot on his mind.

Sirius' death was unsettling to him. Not because in the last year he had grown any fondness at all towards the man. But... they were the same age, and the man was now dead. He had survived Azkaban and on the first battle of the war, had simply slipped beyond a piece of cloth and died. They were only thirty-six year-olds. They had both survived the first war, not without their scars. But Severus wasn't sure if they would any of them survive this second war.

Thirty-six years. He'd lived thirty-six years and he had nothing to show for it. Neither did Black, or Lupin for that matter.

But Potter, Potter had Lily and his son and even though his life had been even shorter than theirs... he'd seemed happy. The only time Severus had felt happy in the last several decades was when he'd had Samara, and in his dreams.

Running a hand through his hair, Severus wondered just at what his mind was getting at with all these thoughts. However, he supposed it had a lot do with the fact that he had just seen the woman he most loved go through labor and have a son all her own.

Suddenly, Severus felt white hot anger coursing through him, but beneath it all was pain and disappointment. A part of him, buried deep down inside, wanted nothing more than for Samara to be the mother of his children. His dreams, of course, seemed to have only been sent to torture him now.

It was quite some time later when Severus returned to see Samara. By then she was awake and sitting on the side of her bed with her back toward him. Her attention was so devoted to her son, that she didn't even notice when the door opened or shut behind her.

"We'll begin, with a spin, traveling in, a world of my creation. What you'll see, will defy, explanation," she was singing softly, but in a clear and very pretty sounding voice.

"What are you doing," Samara in-took breath sharply at the sound of his voice, however, she did not turn to look.

"I'm singing to him. Sometimes I would talk to him when he was in my stomach. I think he recognizes the sound of my voice," Samara responded, not looking away from her baby. "Do you know, even preterm babies will thrive more with human contact? Just caressing them, talking to them..." Samara could feel the tears tightening her vocal chords and trailed off, forcing herself not to think about the fact that her son was a preterm baby. After a moment, she turned away from the magical incubator and turned to look at Severus. "Have you been here all this time?"

"Yes. I stepped out when your family came," Severus responded as he slowly walked over.

"Thank you Severus, for staying," Samara stated, looking up at him with a small and grateful smile. Severus merely nodded, unable to tell her that there was no way he could possibly leave her at a time like this. Even if he felt terribly conflicted. He watched as she turned away, but not before she patted the bed next to her, motioning for him to sit. Silently, Severus did as he was bid, sitting not far apart from her.

They fell into a not entirely comfortable silence, both of them staring at the luminescent blue bubble. "What were you singing?" Severus asked after a while, as he considered that when he walked in she was singing a rather odd song.

"It's from a muggle film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," Samara responded. "I used to watch it often when I was younger, some of the songs have stayed with me," Samara said with a shrug. Severus than noted that her hands were actually inside the bubble and touching her baby very gently. "There is a ward, it cleanses your hands so that they are absolutely germ free as they penetrate the bubble, so that he won't get sick," Samara explained when she caught him looking at her hands. Severus merely nodded in response. "Would you like to touch him?" Samara asked, turning to look at Severus with large hazel eyes he loved so much.

He shook his head. "I rather not, I don't particularly like children... and that one is so fragile," he said, looking at it as if just by staring at the tiny child that it would grow sickly and wan. It was a sickening thought and Severus forced himself to turn away, silently praying that the child survived, if only for Samara's sake. She was already so greatly invested in this baby, she would fall to pieces if it didn't survive. "Have you thought of what to name him?" Severus asked.

Samara merely shook her head before standing. Severus immediately stood as well and reached out to her when a slightly pained look crossed her face. "What are you doing?" he asked alarmed.

"Going to the loo," she replied, amused.

"Can you-"

"Severus, I need to walk. The soreness will go away on its own in a while. Could you take care of him while I'm gone, please?" she said looking up at him expectantly. Severus groaned, however, merely nodded as he stared after her. When she was gone, he turned sulkily to look at the child, wondering when the hell he had become a baby-sitter.

Sighing, he moved his feet so that he was standing over the incubator and looking down into it. The child was awake, and from what Severus could make out, had very dark eyes. He seemed to have a rather large amount of black hair covering his head. Not knowing what possessed him, Severus rolled up his sleeves before tentatively sliding his hands inside the magic bubble. It rather felt like putting your fingers through a very warm waterfall. And soon, he was in a very warm air around his hands as he reached gently and touched the child.

"So you're the new man in her life?" Severus scoffed lightly, his voice in a low murmur as he tried to get a good look at the tiny baby. "Well if you're going to usurp me, you better get stronger and bigger, and never break her heart," Severus commented, putting one hand gently down on the tiny chest. The baby's whole torso fit in his hand, and as soon as he touched the incredibly soft skin, he felt his heart clench.

Suddenly, he got the feeling like he wanted to sob as he felt a tiny heart beating, like the wings of a hummingbird's wings beneath one of his fingers. It beat so fast, and strong, and yet was so fragile. With his other hand, he reached very tenderly to the tuft of black hair at the top of its head. If it was possible, it was finer and softer than down feathers and Severus felt an alarming urge to curl the small infant gently in his arms and never let anything from this world touch it.

It felt so odd and surreal that this tiny being had come from the woman he most loved in the world and he simply couldn't believe he hadn't been a part of it. Severus took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "You could have been mine," he said, more to himself than to the baby, who in response stretched a bit, his little arm hitting Severus hands as they moved and fell back into place. He was so caught up in the child, he didn't even hear or feel Samara approaching.

"You should go home, get some rest, Severus," Samara said softly. However, it was still enough to startle him. He wrenched his arms out and away from the magical incubator and turned around to look at Samara, who bore an odd expression on her face as she looked at him. He knew that she was right, and that really he had nothing more to do here, but he couldn't leave. He wasn't sure why, but he simply couldn't walk away.

"Where is Williamson?" Severus asked suddenly. Samara furrowed her brow and looked at Severus confused. "Why isn't he here? Being the child's father, he should have been the first notified. By now even your mother knew and came to visit. So where is Williamson?"

"Severus, I broke up-"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that Williamson doesn't have a responsibility to him," Severus said, motioning to the infant. Samara shut her mouth and frantically searched for something to say to Severus. But there was nothing she could think to do, but brush him off.

"Maybe he's busy, I don't know, Severus. That's really none of your concern. I'm grateful to you for everything you've done today-" she was saying as calmly as she could, however she gasped when he suddenly stood before her and held her arms in a very tight and painful grasp and forced her to look up into his eyes, which were hard as steel.

"Tell me the truth, Samara. Forget everything I might have said to you before. Is he... am I... is Williamson really his father?" Severus asked, swallowing a lump in his throat. Samara stared up at Severus with wide eyes, her heart thundering in her chest. She felt her mouth go dry as she wondered what was she supposed to do. Her heart screamed at her to tell him the truth. Yet there was a part of her that was scared. Scared for the life of her baby and scared for Severus. Could he really deal with the truth? Could they protect her son from anyone ever finding out the truth?

Samara hated the lie, she'd always hated it. But so much of her life seemed to hang in the balance of what she would say next. If she told Severus the truth, three lives would be changed and she wished it with every ounce of her being it be for the better, but she wasn't sure it would be. "Samara, I have to know the truth, whatever it is," Severus said, feeling a bit desperate. However, Samara still remained silent, staring at him like he'd lost his mind. "Please!"

Samara couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes. She momentarily licked her lips as she opened them. She'd told him once that she would never lie to him, and he'd made her lie to him for nearly eight months. "He's my little piece of you," she replied, her voice cracking at the end and a tear slipping from her eye, afraid of what would come, but unable to help it.

Severus felt his grip on Samara's arms go lax. For a moment, he dazedly looked towards the magic bubble and saw through its clear-ish walls to look at the tiny little child inside. He felt his heart seize up, and a roaring in his ears. He felt like the bottom of his stomach hard dropped out and felt incredibly out of breath.

It seemed incredible, impossible and yet... Like the world had snapped back into its axis and was properly aligned as it always should've have been. He felt for a moment, delirious happiness and relief.

His son. His first born. A little piece of heaven sent early to them. Turning back to Samara, he blearily realized that there were tears in his own eyes as he stared in Samara in amazement before sinking to his knees and burying his face in her stomach as his hands clenched onto the material of the hospital gown she wore.

Samara blinked away her tears as she stared at Severus. The moment felt oddly surreal and she felt a little detached. It was simply too much to deal with. There were too many emotions and sentiments to feel, that she thought she would explode if she allowed herself to feel them all. Reaching down, she placed her hands on Severus' head and ran her fingers through the greasy raven locks, not caring that the man she loved was currently sobbing into her robes.

She didn't know how long she stood there like that. However, when Severus had quieted, she found herself looking to her baby and thinking about the fact that he didn't yet have a name. Though she didn't know what any of what had just happened would mean, there was only one question she really cared about.

"Do you think I could name him Severus, after you? It's the only name I've ever truly wanted for him. So he could be a miniature you, and all mine," Samara stated softly. "And since you brought us here safely, no one would think anything of the fact I named him for you."

Discreetly, Severus wiped his eyes and cheeks on her gown-clad stomach as he listened to her voice. His heart seemed to stop at the thought that he would have a Junior, and he tried desperately not to allow himself to think that the dreams were anything more than dreams and that this was mere coincidence.

**TBC...**

**A/n:** It's been a while since I've updated. I've been meaning to post this for weeks, but I've kept forgetting to edit it. I'm not sure what will happen in the next chapter, so suggestions would be much appreciated.

Anyway, please review!


End file.
